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MY 



THIETY YEAES 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



BY 



MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



ILLUSTRATED 



WITH SIXTY-FOUR Ol^eiJ^AL AND CHARACTERISTIC 




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lAVINGS ON WOOD. 



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KEW YORK: ^.^ 

OAKSIMITH & COMPANY, ^^ 
,112 AND 114 William Street. 

1859 



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Pita 7 



Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the Clerk's office of the District 
Court of the Southern District of New-York, by Seba Smith. 



OAKSMITH Sc CO. 
Printers and Stereotypors. 



WEEKS & CO. 
Binders. • 



PREFACE 



In January, 1830, the first Downing Letter ever written appeared in the 
Daily Courier, published in Portland, Maine. This paper had just been 
started by the author, and was the first daily paper published in the country 
north or east of Boston. The Courier was started as an independent paper, 
devoted to no political party — a position for a paper in those days likely to 
command but small support. The Maine Legislature met in Portlaud on the 
first of January, and the two political parties were so evenly balanced, and 
partizan feeling ran so high, that it was six weeks before they got fairly or- 
ganized and proceeded with the business of legislation. The political papers 
were hot and furious, and there was no small excitement throughout tlie 
State, which even spread in a considerable degree to other portions of the 
country. 

At this juncture of affairs, the author of these papers, wishing to show the 
ridiculous position of the legislature in its true light, and also, by something 
out of the cdmmon track of newspaper writing, to give increased interest and 
popularity to his little daily paper, bethought himself of the plan to bring a 
green, unsophisticated lad from the country into town with a load of axe- 
handles, hoop poles, and other notions, for sale, and while waiting the move- 
ments of a dull market, let him blunder into the halls of the legislature, and 
after witnessing for some days their strange doings, sit down and write an 
account of them to his friends at home in his own plain language. The plan 
was successful almost beyond parallel. The first letter made so strong a 
mark that others had to follow as a matter of course. The whole town read 
them and laughed ; the politicians themselves read them, and their wrathful, 



6 TREFACE. 

fu-e-eatiug visages volaxed to a broad griu. The Boston papers copied them, 
aud all Boston tittered over them. The series was inaugurated and must go 
on. The letters continued from time to time, and spread over the whole 
country, and were universally read. 

The name of Downing was entirely original with the author, who had never 
heard or seen the name before, and did not then even know that there was a 
Downing street in London, or an oyster dealer by that name in New York. 
In a year or two the letters became national in their character, and young 
Mr. Downing repaired to Washington, where he became the right hand man 
and confidential adviser of President Jackson. The author continued the 
letters in the Portland Courier for seven years, Avhen he sold that paper and 
removed to New York. After an interval of a few years he resumed the 
series again, publishing the letters in the National Intelligencer at Washing- 
ton, and continuing them till near the close of the administration of President 
Pierce. 

Thus these papers, begun and continued partly for emolument, partly for 
amusement, and partly from a desire to exert a salutary influence upon pub- 
lic afiairs and the politics of the country, have grown up to their present con- 
dition. In presenting them in this collected form, with original illustrations, 
to render them more attractive, the author could not let them go out into 
the world to make new acquaintances, and possibly down to posterity to 
help furnish political lessons to " Young America " for generations yet to 
come, without a careful reti-ospection to consider their whole moral and 
poUtical character and influence. For should they contain 

" One line which, dying, he could wish to hlot," 
he would certainly wish to blot it now. But, believing the work will bo 
harmles^, and, he hopes, salutary, he leaves it to his countrymen, praying 
for Heaven's blessing on our whole common country, 

SEBA SMITH. 

New Yokk, February, 1859. 



CONTENTS. 



Publisher's Preface, 

Major Downing's Sketch of his Early Life, 



LETTERS AND "DOCKYMENTS. 



I.ETTOR. 

1. His First Visit to Portland, 

2. He Visits the Legislature 

3. Uncle Joshua goes to Boston, 

4. Cousin Nabby Writes to Mr. Downing, 

5. A Dreadful Snarl in the Maine Legislature, 
G. "Both Legislaters split right in tu," 

7. Affairs take a more favorable turn. 

8. Mrs. Downing urges him to come home, , 

9. The Wheels of Government Trigged, 

10. The Legislature "rippIng up their duins," 

11. "Queer Duins" in the Senate 

12. Setting L^p a Candidate for Office, 

13. The Legislature and Elder Hall go home, . 

14. Mr. Downing talked of for Governor, . 

15. Uncle Joshua's Great Skill in Politics, 
IG. Gives an opinion about Newspapers, . . 

DOCKIYMENT— Grand Caucus at Downingville, . 

17. Portland Town-Meeting— How the Votes stood, 

18. How the Votes stood in Downingville, . 

19. Mr. Downing determines to go to Washington, . 

20. Talks with the Boston Editors on his way, . 

21. Interview with Major Noah at New- York, . 

22. Mr. Downing's Heroic Defense op Mr. Ingham, 

23. Receives a Captain's Commission from the President 

24. Drafting the Militia in Downingville, . 

25. His First Military Report to the President, 
2G. HoAV THE "Legislaters Swallowed the Healing Act 

27. Opposes the sale op Madawaska to the British, 

28. A Confidential Talk with the President, 

29. Runs an Express from Baltimore to Washington. 

30. Receives a Major's Commission to put down the Nullifiers 

31. The President's Proclamation and the Federalists, 

32. The Downingville Militia arrive at Washington, 

33. The effects op Nullification illustrated, . 

34. Politics in Maine — Political Promises, . . 

35. Listening roii Nullification Guns in South Carolina 



Page. 
10 
14 



36 
41 

46 

61 

63 

67 

68 

6 9 

71 

75 

78 

82 

84 

86 

88 

92 

95 

102 

105 

100 

109 

113 

119 

127 

134 

US 

152 

159 

164 

168 

173 

177 

180 

183 

189 

191 



CONTEXTS. 



30. TnE PCiExcE OF Laxd Speculation elucidated, 

.'}?. Mr. Clay puts a stopper on Nullification, 

:J8. Whether Old Hickory should shake hands with the Federal 

:'>;). The President assaulted by Lieut. Randolph, . 

40. The Major shakes hands for the President, . 

41. Narrow Escape at Castle Garden Bridge, .... 

42. The Presidential Party Visit Boston, .... 

43. They turn a short corner at Concord, N. H., . 

44. Great Fuss in Downingville because the President didn't 
UOClivMttiVT — The Major Nominated for President, 

45. Making Old Hickory a Doctor of Laws 

4G. Quarrel betwep:n the Major and Mr. Van Bueen, 

47. How THE OLD Democrats are put over on the Federal side 

48. About me and Daniel Webster, 

49. Daniel and I, and Old Hickory, 

50. The Major prevknts a bobbery in the Senate Chamber, . 
DiiCKYMKRiT— A Gap in History, 

5L President Polk travels with the Major 

i>OCKV*iE\T — From the National Intelligencer, . 

52. The President and the Major in the State of Maine, 

53. Mr. Ritchie's endless fight with the Federalists, 
u«>(JK:Yi»i»«^.^ r — Mr. Ritchie's Counterblast, 

54. The Major pours oil on Mr. Ritchie's wounds, 
56. The Major's First Dispatches from Mexico, . . \ 

56. The Major's Annexation Dream in Mexico, 

57. Private Dispatch and Good Advice to the President, 

58. The Major's Interview with General Scott and Mr. Trist 

59. General Scott Courtmartialed in Mexico, .... 
DOCK.\'9lw!MT — Battle in the Courtmartial, 

GO. Race for the Presidency — Old Zack ahead, 

01. Writing by Telegraph — The Tide turns for Old Zack, 

62. Curious Navigation of Salt River, 

63. Kind Advice to Mr. Ritchie, 

G4. The High Fence on Mason and Dixon's Line, < 

65. A Family Talk about Political Parties, 

66. The new Downingville Political Platform, 

67. Friendly Epistle to Governor Kossuth, .... 

68. Great Convention in Downingville, 

69. Adjourned Meeting — Great Speeches, .... 

70. The Great Presidential TUQ- at Baltimore, 

71. Downingville Ratification— Torchlight Procession, . 

72. Sargent Joel Hurrahs for Gen. Scott, 

73. Pierce Elected— Joel turns his tune, .... 

74. Private Advice to the new President, 

75. The Major's Visit to the Pishing Smacks, 

76. The Major's Mission to Europe, 

77. Congress at Ostend — Soule, Sickles and Saunders, 

78. The Schooner Two Pollies scudding round Cuba, 

79. The Two Pollies Bombarding the Moro, .... 

80. The Two Pollies at Anchor, 

81. A Postscript, 



PUBLISHERS' PREFACE 



It has beeu asserted, upon no less authority than the immortal Sam Patch, 
*' that some things can be done as well as others." The veteran politician, 
Colonel Thomas H. Benton, has given to his countrymen a comprehensive and 
very valuable work entitled : " Thirty Years in the United States 
Senate 5 Or, A History of the Working of the American Government for 
Thirty Years," &c. 

Now, that other veteran politician. Major Jack Downing, who declares pos- 
itively that there is an outside as well as an inside to everything, has prepared 
to lay before his countrymen his comprehensive and valuable work entitled : 
*' Thirty Years ' Out ' op the United States Senate ; Or, A History of 
the Working of American Politicians for Thirty Years," &c. 

Major Downing has been publishing this work for a couple of years in 
Emerson's Magazine and Putnam's Monthly ; because, as he said, the work 
itself being of a strictly national character, he felt bound to select the most 
elevated and respectable channel for communicating it to the public. In 
commencing the preparation of his " Thirty Years" for publication, the 
Major said he would go clear back to his childhood, and give some account 
of his " ancestral posterity;" so far back as his old grandfather, Mr. Zebe- 
dee Downing, one of the early pioneers into the primeval " for-ests of Down 
East." He didn't know as he should make h'S work quite as long as Mr. 
Benton's two great big ** vollums," but he would try to make it quite as in- 
teresting. He said he shouldn't interfere or encroach at all on Colonel Ben- 
ton's ground. The Colonel's work was to show the working of the American 
Government for thirty years, and his work was to show the working of Amer- 
ican politicians for thirty years. And, besides, the Colonel's stand-point was 
insidf. the Senate, and his stand-point was outside the Senate. So he didn't see 
as they ever need to clash, for in the workings of governments and politi- 
cians the last thing in the world to be apprehended was a clash between the 
ins and the oiUs. 

Finally, we have made a satisfactory arrangement with the Major to pro- 
duce his great work, his Thirty Years out of the Senate. It contains the 
whole batch of the Major's Letters and other " dockymeuts," from the year 
1 



10 publishers' preface. 

1830, vftea he first struck out into public life, up to the present time. It 
will show the workings of politicians in the State of Maine in 18S0. when 
** the wheels of Government got trig'd,^' and tbej had " such a tussle to get 
'em agoing.-' It will then show how Mr. Downing went to Washington, and 
became '• Gineral Jaelison's right hand man;" and how he helped the old Gin- 
eral through with his fight against " Biddle's Bank," and how he settled the 
Madawasaa Boundary diflBcultj, and how he put down and crushed ouS 
South Carolina Nullification. These letters and " dockyments" will show the 
workings ot Politicians during the Mexican War, and how the Major helped 
President Polk along through those troublesome times 5 and bow he and Mr. 
Trist went to Mexico, and held General Scott and General Taylor in check, 
and wouldn't let them rtin away with President Polk's thunder. They will 
show, also, how General Scott wasn't elected President, and how General 
Pierce was. They will describe the hard tug there was at Baltimore to gel 
General Pierce nominated, and how at last the nomination was ratified at 
Downingville, and so secured his election. They will show how the Major 
and Mr. Buchanan and Mr. Souley got up that Ostend Convention, and laid 
the plan and made the agreement to " take Cuba if we have the power;" and 
how the Major fitted out a naval expedition in the schooner Two Pollies, and 
cruised about several mouths to effect that object. In short, the letters and 
other " dockyments" will show more things than you can shake a stick at, 
and of course more than can be alluded to here. 

But besides the valuable political and historical information, interesting 
to the old and instructive to the young, that will be found embodied in this 
great work of Major Downing, there is another important reason why it 
should be given to the public, and why the publishers take pride and pleasure 
in presenting the work in a dress and with embellishments worthy of the sub- 
ject — and that is, the universally admitted fact, that the writings of the gen- 
uine original Major Downing present the best and truest exposition of the 
peculiar Yankee dialect of the Anglo-Saxon language that there is extant. 
It may not be amiss to quote a few authorities in support of this opinion. A 
portion of the earlier part of this series of letters was published more than 
twenty years ago in a small volume in Boston, by Lilly, Waite & Co. On 
that occasion the late Major Noah, for many years known as an able and 
leading journalist in New-York, spoke of the book as follows, in bis Evening 
Star : 

" The Letters, which have obtained a circulation and celebrity more ex- 
tended, perhaps, than any production that ever issued from the American 
press, are written with all the quaint simplicity of the style of Fielding, and 
abound in passages of infinite drollery and exquisite humor." 

Eobert Walsh, at that time, and for many years previous, editor of the 



PUBLISHEES^ PREFACE. 



11 



National Gazette, at Philadelphia, certainly one of the ablest journalists our 
country has produced, and the first American writer who compelled the 
English critics to respect American criticism, made the following remarks in 
his Gazette, in which he alludes to imitators who had unjustifiably adopted 
the Major's signature in writing in the newspapers : 

"It has been the fate of all successful authors to have counterfeits, who 
dealwith their originals, as Hamlet says that some players imitate nature. 
The Rabelais, the Swifts, the Voltairs, suffered in their day by the produc- 
tions of interlopers of the sort. Mere bunglers attempted to personate them, 
and confounded the less discriminating or critical part of the readino- public 
Major Jack Downing has paid in like manner the penalty of genius and popu- 
larity ; and he has complained of the hardship and injustice in a character- 
istic vein. We humbly advise him to write over the whole story of President 
Jackson's late expedition. It might confidently be predicted that a full nar- 
rative from his pen, duly authenticated, would obtain as much vogue in these 
United States as did Peter Plymley's Letters in Great Britain." 

The old New York Mirror, March 23, 1839, speaking of some of the 
writings of Major Downing, said : 

" These are the most graphic and really the best Yankee papers we have 
ever seen, or ever expect to see, let who will write them." 

The New York Courier and Enquirer, July 3, 1839, in speaking of the 
writings of the Major, used the following language : 

" There is no doubt that the author is the best painter of Yankee peculiarities 
that ever torote. He is true to nature and never caricatures, but without cari- 
caturing is most amusing." 

The same paper, February 27, 1844, referring to Major Downing's Letters, 



said 



'' Those letters were written in the true and genuine spirit of Yankeedom 
and were clothed in the real vernacular of the land. Some of them deserve 
a much higher and more lasting reputation than seems to have awaited 
them ; though we are very much mistaken if they do not hereafter take 
the place they so eminently merit. They ought to be considered standard 
exhibitions of New Enc-land peculiarities of style, feeling and sentiment at 
the time, and be cherished as authentic mementoes of the pilgrim opinions 
and pilgrim dialects of the generation in which they appeared." 

The same leading New York journal, July 16, 1845, again referring to the 
author of these letters, said : 

" He is, in point of fact, the only writer who has ever been entirely sue- 
cessful in the genuine dialect of Yankee land." 



12 publishers' preface. 

It becomes therefore, a matter of general interest in the history of the 
literature of the country, as well as of its politics and " the workings of 
politicians," that these papers should be preserved in an authentic form and 
attractive dress, corresponding in some degree with their intrinsic merits. To 
accomplish this important object the publishers have determined to spare no 
pains in their power to bestow. The Major's heart is very much given to the 
work, and he will superintend the management of the whole business? 
•* picters" and all. For that purpose he has determined to let the " Two 
Follies" lay off and on, or make short cruises under the command of Captain 
Jumper and Sargent Joel, while he devotes himself to the preparation of his 
" Thirty Years' View " for the press. We should explain what some of our 
readers, perhaps, may not recollect, that Sargent Joel Downing has command 
of the military force on board of the Two Follies, consisting mainly of the 
Downingville militia, who were embarked on board in 1855, for the purpose 
of taking Cuba. The Major will not allow them to be disbanded or return 
to Downingville, for he says there is no knowing but what Mr. Buchanan may 
want their services before he gets through his Administration ; and he never 
did leave a friend in the lurch yet, and, therefore, he shan't turn his back on 
Mr. Buchanan. 

With these preliminary remarks and explanations, we will let the Major go 
straight ahead and tell his own story in his own way. 



^ep o t 



SKETCH OF MY EARLY LIFE. 

IN WHICH I TELL CONSIDERABLE MORE ABOUT MY GRANDFATHER THAN I 
DO ABOUT MYSELF. 

When we read about great men, we always want to know 
something about the place where they live ; therefore I shall 
begin my history with a short account of Downingville, the 
place where I was born and brought up. 

Downingville is a snug, tidy sort of a village, situated in a 
valley about two miles long, and a mile and a half wide, 
scooped out between two large rugged hills that lie to the 
east and west, having a thick forest of trees to the north, and 
a clear pond of water, with a sandy beach, to the south. It 
is about three miles from the main road, as you go back into 
the country, and is jest about in the middle of Down East. It 
contains by this time a pretty considerable number of inhab- 
itants, though my grandfather Downing was the first person 
that settled there, jest after he got back from sogering in the 
Revolutionary war. It has a school-house and a tavern, and 
a minister, and a doctor, and a blacksmith, and a shoe-maker, 
and folks that work at most all sorts of trades. They haven't 
got any meeting house up yet, but the school-house is pretty 
large, and does very well to hold meetins in, and they have 



14 MY THIRTY YEARS 

meetins very regular every Sunday — the men filling up all the 
seats on one side of the school-house and the women on the 
other. 

They haven't got any lawyer in Downing ville. There was 
one come once and sot out to settle there, and hired a room 
and put a sign up over the door with his name on it, and the 
word " office" in great large letters, so big you could read 'em 
clear across the road. A meeting of the inhabitants was 
called at the school-house the next day, and after chawing 
the matter over awhile it was unanimously agreed if the man 
wanted an office he should go somewhere else for it, for as for 
having an office-seeker in Downingville they never would. 
So they voted that he should leave the town in twenty-four 
hours, or they would take him down to the pond and duck 
him, and ride him out of town on a rail. A ccmmittee of 
twenty of the stoutest men in Downingville was appointed to 
carry the message to him, at which he prudently took the 
hint, and packed up and cleared out that afternoon. All the 
quarrels, and disputes and law-cases are always left out to 
Uncle Joshua Downing, and he settles them all, by and large, 
at two shillings a piece, except when they have come to 
blows, and then he charges two and sixpence a piece. 

As I said afore, my grandfather, old Mr. Zebedee Downing^ 
was the first settler in Downingville. Bless his old heart, 
he's living yet [1834], and, although he is eight^^-six years 
old, he attended a public caucus for the good of his country 
about two years ago, and made a speech, when I was nomi- 
nated for Governor of the State of Maine. 

As it is the fashion, in writing the lives of great folks, to 
go back and tell something about their posterity, I spose I 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 15 

ought to give some account of my good old grandfather, for 
he was a true patriot, and as strong a republican as ever 
Uncle Joshua was. He was born somewhere in the old Bay 
State, away back of Boston, and when the Kevolutionary war 
come on he went a sogering. Many and many a time, when I 
was a little boy, I've sot in the corner till most midnight to 
hear him tell over his going through the fatigue of Burgwine. 
If one of the neighbors came in to chat awhile in an evening, 
my grandfather was always sure to go through the fatigue of 
Burgwine ; and if a stranger was traveling through Downiug- 
ville and stopped at my grandfather's in a warm afternoon to 
get a glass of water, it was ten chances to one if he could 
get away till my grandfather had been through the whole 
etory of the fatigue of Burgwine. He used to tell it the best 
to old Mr. Johnson, who used to come in regularly about once 
a week to spend an evening and drink a mug of my grand- 
father's cider. And he would set so patiently and hear my 
grandfather through from beginning to end, that I never 
'could tell which took the most comfort, Mr. Johnson in drink- 
ing the cider, or my grandfather in going through the fatigue 
of Burgwine. After Mr. Johnson had taken abont two or 
three drinks, he would smack his lips and say, '' I guess, Mr. 
Downing, you would have been glad to get such a mug of 
cider as this in the battle of Burgwine." 

" Why, yes," said my grandfather, " or when we was on the 
march from Cambridge to Peekskill either, or from Peekskill 
to Albany, or from Albany to Saratogue, where we went 
through the fatigue of Burgwine. Old Schuyler was our gin- 
eral," said my grandfather, bracing himself back in his chair, 
" and he turned out to be a traitor, and was sent for to go to 



16 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Gineral WaBhington to be court-martialed. Then Gineral 
Gates was sent to us to take command, and he was a most 
capital officer, every inch of him. He had his cocked hat on, 
and his regimentals, and his furbelows on his shoulders, and 
he looked nobly," said my grandfather. " I can see him now, 
as plain as if 'twas yesterday. He wore a plaguey great stub 
cue, as big as my wrist, sticking out at the back of his neck 
as straight as a handspike. Well, when Gates came we were 
all reviewed, and everything was put in complete order, and 
he led us on, ye see, to take Burgwine. By daylight in the 
morning we were called out by the sound of the drum, and 
drawn up in regiments, and the word was, ' on your posts, 
march.' And there we stood, marching on our posts without 
moving forward an inch ; heads up, looking to the rig^ht. We 
didn't dare to move an eye, or hardly to wink. 

"By and by along comes the old Gineral to inspect us, riding 
along so stately, and that old stub cue sticking out behind his 
head so straight, it seems as though I can see him now, right 
here before me. And then he addresued us, like a father talk- 
ing to his children. * Fellow soldiers,' says he, ' this day we 
are going to try the strength of Burgwine's forces. Now let 
every man keep a stiff upper lip, go forward boldly and at- 
tack them with courage, and you've nothing to fear.' 0, he 
addressed us completely; and then we marched off to meet 
the iuemy. By and by we begun to hear the balls whizzing 
over our heads, and the inemy's guns begun to roar like thun- 
der. I felt terribly for a minute or two, but we kept march- 
ing up, marching up," said my grandfather, rising and march- 
ing across the floor, " for we had orders not to fire a gun till 
"we got up so near we could almost reach them with our bag- 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



17 



onuts; and there was a hundred drums all in a bunch, rattling 
enough to craze a nation, and the fifes and the bugles," con- 
tinued my grandfather, still marching across the floor, " went 
tudle, tudle, tudle, tudle. 0, I can hear that very tune ring- 
ing in my ears now as plain as if 'twas yesterday, and I 
never shall forget it to my dying day. When we got up so 
near the inemy that we could fairly see the white of their 
eyes, the word was ' halt,' " said my grandfather, suddenly 




THE FATIGUE OF BURGWINE. 



1* 



18 MY THIRTY YEARS 

halting in the middle of the floor, and sticking his head back 
as straight as a soldier, " ' make ready;' 'twas did in a mo- 
ment," continued my grandfather, throwing his staff up 
against his shoulder; " 'take aim;' 'twas did in a moment," 
fetching his staff down straight before his eyes; " ' firel' then, 

marcy, what a roar!" said my grandfather, striking his staff 
down upon the floor, " and such a smother and smoke you 
couldn't hardly see your hand afore you. Well, in an instant 
the word was, ' prime and load,' and as fast as we fired we 
fell back in the rear to let others come up and take their turn; 
so by the time we were loaded we were in front and ready to 
fire again, for we kept marching all the time," said my grand- 
father, beginning to march again across the floor. " But the 
inemy stood their ground, and kept pouring in upon us tre- 
mendously, and we kept marching up and firing, marching up 
and firing, but didn't gain forward an inch. I felt streaked 
enough, for the balls were whistling over our heads, and 
sometimes a man would drop down on one side ol me, and 
sometimes on 'tother; but it wouldn't do for us to flinch a hair; 
we must march up and fire, and wheel to the right and left, 
and keep it going. By and by the word was, ' advance 
column,' then, heavens and earth, how light I felt," said my 
grandfather, quickening his march across the floor. " I knew 
in a moment the inemy was retreating, and it seemed to me 

1 could have jumped over the moon. Well, we marched for- 
ward, but still kept firing, and presently we begun to come 
on to the inemy's ground; and then, marcy! such a sight I 
never see before and never want to again — stepping over the 
dead bodies, and the poor wounded wretches wallowing in 
their blood, mangled all to pieces, and such screeches and 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 19 

groans, some crying out, ' don't kill me,' ' don't kill me,' and 
others begging us to kill 'em to put 'em out of misery. 0, it 
was enough to melt the very heart of a stonel" said my grand- 
father, wiping the tears from his eyes. 

" But they needn't have been afraid of being hurt, for our 
Oineral was one of the best men that ever lived. He had the 
carts brought up immediately, and all the poor wounded souls 
carried off as fast as possible where they could be taken good 
care of. He wouldn't let one of 'em be hurt any more than he 
would one of his own men. But it was a dreadful hot battle ; 
we fit and skirmished all the afternoon and took a good many 
prisoijers, and some cannon and ammunition. When it came 
night the inemy retreated to their fortifications, and we camped 
all night on the ground with our guns in our hands, ready at 
a moment's warning to pitch battle again. As soon as it was 
daylight we were all mustered and paraded again, and round 
come the old Gineral to see how we looked. He held his head 
«p like a soldier, and the old stub cue stuck out as straight as 
ever. I can see it now as plain as I can see my staff," said my 
grandfather. " And 0, my stars, how he addressed us ; it made 
our hearts jump to hear him. * Fellow-soldiers,' says he, ' this 
day we shall make Burgwine tremble. If you are only as 
brave as you were yesterday we shall have him and all his 
army before night.' But Burgwine had slipped away in the 
night; and got into a place stronger fortified. But he couldn't 
get away ; he was hemmed in all round ; so we got him be- 
fore it was over. We were five or six days skirmishing about 
it ; but I can't tell you all, nor a quarter part on't." 

" But how was it you took Burgwine at last ?" said Mr. 
Johnson, taking another drink of cider. " 0, he had to give 



20 MY THIRTY YEARS 

it up at last," said my grandfather. " After we had skir- 
mished a day or two lougei, Giueial Gates sent word to Bur- 
gwine that if he had a mind to march his army back into 
Canada, and leave everything this bide unmolested, he'd let 
him go peaceably. But Burgwine wouldn't accept it ; he 
sent word back that * he was going to winter with his troops 
in Boston.' Well, after we had skirmished round two or three 
days longer, and Burgwine got into such close quarters that 
he couldn't get away any how, he sent word to Gineral Gates 
that he'd accept the offer and march back to Canada ; but 
Gates sent word back to him again, * You said you meant to 
winter in Boston, and I mean to make you as good as your 
word.' At last Burgwine see it was no use for him to hold 
out any longer, so he give all his men up prisoners of war. 
Then we were all paraded in lines a little ways apart to see 
them surrender. And they marched out, and marched along 
towards us ; and it was a most noble sight to see them all 
dressed out in their regimentals and their bagonuts glisten- 
ing in the sun enough to dazzle anybody's eyes. And they 
marched fclong and stacked their arms, and marched through 
between our lines looking homesick enough. I guess we felt 
as well as they did, if our clothes wan't so good." 

Mr. Johnson handed me the mug and told me to run and get 
another mug of cider ; for before my grandfather could get 
through the fatigue of Burgwine, Mr. Johnson would most 
always get to the bottom of the mug. When I brought in the 
second mug, Mr. Johnson took another sip and smacked his 
lips, and says he : 

" Mr. Downing, I should like to drink a toast with you ; so 
here's health and prosperity to the apple trees of Downing- 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 21 

ville. Mr. Downing-, what will you drink to us !" said he, 
handing the mug to my grandfather. 

" Why I don't keer about any cider," said my grandfather, 
(for he is a very temperate man, and so are all the Downings 
remarkably temperate,) " but I will jest drink a little to the 
memory of the greatest and the bravest Gineral that this 
world ever see yet ; so here's my respects to old Gineral 
Gates' stub cue." 

By this time, my grandfather having poured out of him the 
whole fatigue of Burgwine, and Mr. Johnson having poured 
into him about three pints of cider, they would both of them 
feel pretty considerably relieved, and Mr. Johnson would bid 
us good night and go home. 

I take it that it was hearing these stories of my grand- 
father's bravery told over so often in my younger days, that 
made me such a military character as to induce the President 
to appoint me to the command at Madawaska, and also to go 
to South Carolina to put down the Nullifiers. But I'm getting 
a little before my story, for I haven't got through with my 
grandfather yet, and my father comes before I do, too. As I 
said afore, my grandfather was the first settler in Downiiig- 
ville. When he got through sogering in the Revolutionary 
War, he took a notion he'd go and pick him out a good lot of 
land away Down East to settle on, where there was land 
enough to be had jest for whistling for it, and where his boys 
would have a chance to do something in the world. So he 
took grandmother and the two boys — for father and uncle 
Joshua were all the boys he had then, and packed them into a 
horse waggon, and took an axe, and a hoe, and a shovel, and 
some victuals, and a bed-tick to put some fctraw in, and a gun 



22 MY THIRTY YEARS 

and some blankets and one thing another, and started off 
down East. He drove away into Maine till he got clear to 
the end of the road, and then he picked his way along through 
the woods and round the pond five miles further, till he got to 
the very spot where Downingville now is, and there he stopt 
and baited his horse, and while grandmother and the boys sot 
down and took a bit of a luncheon, grandfather went away up 
top of one of the hills to take a view of the country. And 
when he come down again says he, " I guess we may as well 
ontackle, for I don't believe we shall find a better place if we 
travel all Summer." So he ontackled the old horse, and took 
the waggon and turned it over against a great oak tree, and 
put some bushes up around it, and made a pretty comfortable 
sort of a house for 'em to sleep in a few nights, and then he 
took his axe and slashed away among the trees. But that old 
oak never was cut down ; it's the very same one that stands 
out a little ways in front of grandfather's house now. And 
poor grandmother as long as she lived always made a practice 
once a year, when the day come round that they first camped 
under the old oak, to have the table carried out and set under 
the tree ; and all hands, children and grandchildren, had to 
go and eat supper there, and the good old lady always used 
to tell over the whole story how she slept eight nights under 
the waggon, and how they were the sweetest nights' rest she 
ever had. 

Well, grandfather, he smashed away among the trees, and 
he soon had half a dozen acres of 'em sprawling, and while 
they were drying in the sun he went to work and built him a 
snug little log house, and made two stools to set on, one for 
him and one for grandmother, and a couple of blocks for the 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



23 













grandjiother's annual dinner. 
boys. He made a stone fire-place in one corner of the house, 
and left a hole in one corner of the roof for the smoke to go 
out, and he got it all fixed as nice as a new pin, and then they 
moved into it; and I've heard grandmother say more than a 
hundred times that she believed she took more comfort in that 
log house than ever a queen took in a palace. 

When the leaves and the twigs of the trees that grand- 
father had cut down had got considerable dry in the sun, he 
went out one warm clear afternoon and sot fire to 'em. The 
wind was blowing a considerable of a breeze from the south- 



24 MY THIRTY YEAB3 

ward, and the fire spread almost as fast as a norse could run. 
Grandmother used to say it was the grandest sight she ever 
see, to see them are six acres of trees all in a light flame at 
once, and the fire streaming up as high as the tallest pines, 
sometimes in a broad red sheet, and sometimes in narrow 
strips that went up rolling and bending like ten thousand 
fiery dragons' tongues. After the fire had gone through it, 
grandfather went to work to clear it up. He picked up the 
limbs and bits that were left, and threw 'em in heaps and sot 
fire to 'em again, and he laid sticks across the large logs that 
were too heavy to move, and niggered them off with fire, and 
then rolled them up in piles and sot fire to 'em again and 
burnt 'em all up smack smooth. Then he went to work and 
planted the ground all over to corn, and potatoes, and pun- 
kins, and beans, and squashes — and round near the house he 
planted water-millions and mush-millions, and cowcumbers, 
and beats, and carrots, and turnips; and grandmother carried 
out a whole apron full of seeds of all kinds of 'arbs that ever 
grew in old Massachusetts, and sowed 'em round, and they 
come up as thick as hops. 

After this, the family of old Mr. Zebedee Downing always 
lived like heroes and never knew what it was to be in want. 
They had ten children, and a smart, likely set of boys and 
gals they were too, and they all lived to grow up, and were 
all married and well-to-do in the world. Father, whose name 
was Solomon, was the oldest boy, and as they grew up, the 
hardest of the work naturally fell upon him, and as grand- 
father begun to get along considerable in years, father had to 
take the principal care of the farm. So that he was always 
called a hard-working boy and a hard-working man. He had 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 25 

a quiet, peaceable disposition, and was never known to 
quarrel with anybody, and scarcely ever to speak a lia'sh 
word. 

Uncle Joshua was the next oldest, and he was as different 
from father as a toad wants a tail. He was a clear shirk, 
and never would work if he could help it. But he was 
always good-natared, and full of his pranks, and kept his 
clack agoing the whole day long ; so that the boys used to 
like him, and whenever they wanted to have any frolic or fun 
they always used to go to him to take the lead. As he grew- 
up he took to reading considerable, and after they begun to 
have newspapers at Downingville he was a master-hand to 
read newspapers and talk politics, and by the time he was 
twenty-five years old he knew more about politics than any 
other man in Downingville. When he was thirty years old 
he was chosen Moderator of the town meeting, and has been 
choSen to that office every year since. He's been a Squire a 
good many years, and has held most all the offices in town, 
one after another, and is on the whole considered the foremost 
man in Downingville. He is now Postmaster of the United 
States for Downingville, an office which I was the means of 
helping him to by my acquaintance with the President. But 
it's time to begin to tell about myself. * 

Mother always said I was the smartest baby that she ever 
see. I don't speak of this by way of bragging, but as I am 
writing a history to go before the world, I'm bound to be im- 
partial. She says before I was a week old I showed that I 
was real grit, and could kick and scream two hours upon the 
stretch, and not seem to be the least bit tired ttiat ever was. 
But I don't remember anything about this. The first I 



26 



ilY THIKTY YEARS 



remember, I found myself one cold November day, when I 
was about six years old, bareheaded and barefoot, sliding on 
the ice. It had been a snapping cold night, and all the boys 
in the neighborhood, and most all the gals turned out and had 
a fine frolic that day, sliding and running on the pond. Most 
of the larger boys had shoes, but we little fellers that wan't 
big enough to wear shoes had to tuff it out as well as we 
could. I carried a great pine chip in my hand, and when my 
feet got so cold I couldn't stand it no longer, I'd put the chip 
down and stand on that a little while and warm 'em, and 
then at it to sliding again. 




WARMING HIS FEET. 

cai When I got to oe considerable of a boy I used to have to 
work with father on the farm. But it always seemed to go 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 2*1 

rather against my grain, and father used to say that I didn't 
love work a bit better than Uncle Joshua did, without he'd 
give me my stent, and then he said I would spring to it and 
get it done by noon, and go off round the pond in the afternoon 
fishing or hunting musquash. I think I took the most comfort 
in catching musquash of anything I used to do. There was a 
good deal of pleasure in catching pickerel — to take a long 
fishing pole and line, and go down to the pond in the morn- 
ing, and stand on a log whose top limbs run away off into the 
water, and throw the hook off and bob it about on the top of 
the water, and see a great pickerel jump and catch it, and 
wait a minute or two for him to get it well into his mouth, 
and then pull him ashore, kicking and jumping and flouncing 
— this was most capital fun, but it wan't quite equal to mus- 
quashing. I had a little steel trap, and I used to go down at 
night to the bank of a brook that run into the pond, and set 
the trap on the bank just under water, and fasten it by a line 
to a stake or a tree, and put a bit of a parsnip on a stick and 
place it over the trap a little above the water, and then go 
home and sleep as well as I could for dreaming of musquash- 
es, and as soon as it was cleverly light in the morning, go 
down to the pond and creep along where the trap was sot, 
with my heart in my mouth, wondering if it was sprung or 
no, and come along to the stake and see no trap, but the line 
drawn straight out into the water, then take hold of the line 
and draw up the trap, and see it rising up through the water 
fast hold of a great, plump musquash, as dead as a drowned 
rat, and full of fur as a beaver ; this was fun alive ; it mad(i 
mc feel as nicely as though I was hauling up a bucket of dol- 
lars. The summer I was fourteen years old I catched enough 



28 MY THIRTY YEARS 

to buy me a far hat and a pair of shoes, and a new jacket and 
trousers ; and enough to buy me a pretty good new suit ot 
clothes almost every summer after that till I was twenty. 

We used to have a school in Downingville about three 
months in the Winter season and two months in the Summer, 
and I went to the Winter school three Winters, from the time 
I was twelve till I was fifteen. And I was called about the 
best scholar of my age that there was in school. But to be 
impartial, I must confess the praise didn't always belong to 
me, for I used sometimes to work headwork a little in order 
to get the name of being a smart scholar. One instance of 
it was in reading. I ^ot along in reading so well, that the 
master said I read better than some of the boys that were 
considerable older than I, and that had been to school a dozen 
Winters. But the way I managed it was this. There was 
cousin Obediah was the best reader there was in school, and 
as clever a boy as one in a thousand, only his father hadn't 
got no orchard. So I used to carry a great apple to school in 
my pocket every day und give to him to get him to set behind 
me when I was reading, where he could peak into my book, 
and when I come to a hard word, have him whisper it to me, 
and then I read it out loud. Well, one day I was reading 
along so, pretty glib, and at last I come to a pesky great 
long crooked word, that I couldn't make head nor tail to it. 
So I waited for Obediah. But it proved to be a match for 
Obediah. He peaked, and squinted, and choked, and I was 
catching my breath and waiting for him to speak ; and at 
last he found he could do nothing with it, and says he " skip 
it." The moment I heard the sound I bawled out, skip it. 
" What's that ?" said the master, looking at me as queer afs:^ 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 29 

though he bad catched a weazel asleep. I stopt and looked 
at the word again, and poked my tongue out, and waited for 
Obediah. Well, Obediah give me a hunch, and whispered 
again, " skip it." Then I bawled out again, skip it. At that 
the master and about one-half the scholars yaw-hawed right 
out. I couldn't stand that ; and I dropt the book and 
streaked it out of school, and pulled foot for home as fast as 
I could go, and I never showed my head in school again from 
that day to this. But for all that, I made out to pick up a 
pretty good education. I got so I could read and spell like a 
fox, and could cypher as far as the rule of three. And when 
I got to be about twenty years old, I was strongly talked of 
one Winter for schoolmaster. But as a good many of the 
same boys and gals would go to me, that were in the school 
when I read " skip it,'' I didn't dare to venture it for fear 
there would be a sort of a snickering among 'em whenever 
any of them come to a hard word, y 

So I jogged along with father on the farm. But let me be 
doing what I would, whether it was hoeing potatoes, or pitch- 
ing hay, or making stone wall, or junking and piling logs, 
I never could feel exactly easy. Something seemed to keep 
ringing in my ears all the time, and saying I was made to do 
something in the world besides this. And an old woman that 
come along and told fortunes, when she come to tell mine said 
that wherever I should go and whatever I should undertake 
to do, I should always get to the top of the ladder. Well, 
this made me keep a thinking so much the harder, and won- 
dering what I should be in the world, and although I used to 
stick to my work as steady as any of the boys, yet I used to 
feel as uneasy as a fish out of water. But what made me 



30 



Mr THIRTY YEARS 



think most about it was father. He always used to stand to 
it I was smarter than common boys, and used to tell motlier 
she might depend upon it, if I lived and nothing didn't 
happen to me, I sliould some day or other raise the name of 
the Downings higher than it ever had been yet. 

At last father dreampt a dream, that put the cap-stone upon 
the whole of it He dreampt that I was out in the field hoe- 
ing potatoes, and he stood leaning over his staff, as he very 
often used to do, looking at me. By and by he said I stopped 



.:..k^k^ 




^1 






.j^--^ 




MY FATHEK'S DREAM. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 31 

hoeing", and stood np and leaned my chin on my hoe-bandle, 
and «eeiueri to look np toward the sky ; and he said I looked 
as calm as the moon in a cle r Summer niyht. Presently my 
hat began to rise up gradually and dropped off on the ground, 
but I stood still. Then he said the top of my head began to 
open, and a curious green plant began to sprout up out of it. 
And it grew up about two feet, and sent out ever so many 
young branches with broad green leaves, and then the little 
buds began to open and roll out great clusters of the most 
beautiful bright flow^ers, one above another, that ever he see 
in all his life. He watched 'em till they all got blowed out 
into a great round bunch, as big as a bushel basket, and then 
he waked up, and he felt so he got right out of bed and 
w^alked the floor till morning, And when we all got up he sot 
down and told the dream over to me and mother. Mother sot 
with her pocket-handkerchief wiping the tears out of her eyes 
all the time he was telling of it ; and I felt as though my 
blood was running cold all over me. But from that time I 
always felt sure the time w^ould come when Downingville 
wouldn't be big enough to hold me, and that I should do 
something or other in the world that would be worth telling 
of ; but what it would be I couldn't think. 

Well, I kept jogging along on the farm after the same old 
sort, year after year, so long, and there didn't nothing happen 
to me, that sometimes I almost begun to give it up, and 
think, sure enough, it was all nothing but a dream. Still I 
kept having spells that I felt terribly uneasy, and was 
tempted forty times to pack up and go and seek my fortune. 
I might tell a good deal more about my life, and my uncles 
and aunts and cousins, and the rest of the neighbors, but I 



diS MY THIRTY YEARS 

begin to feel a most tired of writing my life, and I believe I 
shall have to serve it pretty much as I planted my water- 
million seeds ; and that was this : When I was about six or 
seven years old our folks give me a pint of watermillion seeds 
and told me to go out into the field and plant 'em for myself, 
and I might have all I could raise. So off I goes, tickled 
enough. And I went to work and punched little holes down 
in the ground and put in one seed to time along in a row, 
three or four inches apart, till I got about half the seeds 
planted. It was rather a warm afternoon, and I began to 
feel a little tired, so I took and dug a hole and poured the 
rest of the seeds all in together, and covered 'em up, and 
went into the house. Well, mother asked me if I planted my 
seeds. " Yes, mam," says I. " What, all of 'em ?" says she. 
" Yes, mam," says I. " But you've been very spry," says 
she, " how did you get them done so quick ?" " 0," says I, 
" easy enough ; I planted 'em in a kill and a rowP And when 
they begun to come up they found 'em in a hill and a row, 
sure enough. So I believe I shall have to pour the rest of my 
life into a hill and let it go, 

To come, then, right to the pint — I don't mean the pint of 
watermillion seeds, but the pint in my life which seemed to be 
the turning pint. In the Fall of the year 1829, I took it into 
my head I'd go to Portland. So one day I up and told father, 
and says I, " I'm going to Portland, whether or no, and I'll 
see what this world's made of yet." Father stared a little at 
first, and said he was afraid I should get lost ; but when he 
see I was bent upon it he give it up, and he stepped to his 
chist and opened the till, and took out a dollar and give it to 
me, and says he, " Jack, this is all I can do for you ; but go. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



33 



and lead an honest life, and I believe I shall hear good of you 
yet." He turned and walked across the room, but I could see 
the tears start into his eyes, and mother sot down and had a 
hearty crying spell. This made me feel rather bad for a 
minute or two, and I almost had a mind to give it up ; and 
then again father's dream came into my mind, and I mustered 
up courage and declared I'd go. So 1 tackled up the old 
horse, and packed in a load of ax-handles and a few notions, 
and mother fried me some doughnuts and put 'em into a box 
along with some cheese and sassages, and roppcd me up 
another shirt, for I told her I didn't know how long I should 
be gone ; and after I got all rigged out I went round and bid 
all the neighbors good bye, and jumped in and drove off for 
Portland. 




'^^'-^''r^.^ ." 



ON THE ROAD TO PORTLAND.. 

I hadn't been in Portland long before I happened to blunder 

into the Legislator j and I believe that was the beginning of 

2 



34 WY T-HIKTY YEARS 

my good luck. I see such quocr kinds of CMrryiug on there 
that I couldn't help setting down mid writing to cousin 
Ephraim to tell uncle Joshua about it ; lecause he always 
wanted to know everything that's going on in Politics. So I 
went to the editor of the Portland Courier and asked him if he 
would send it. So I let him have it, and fact, he went right 
to work and printed it in the Courier as large as life. He 
said he wouldn't let anybody else see it but cousin Ephraim ; 
but somehow or other it leaked out, and was all over the 
Legislater the next morning, and everybody was inquiring 
for Mr. Downing. Well, this kind of got me right into public 
life at once ; and Pve been in public life ever since, and have 
been writing letters and rising up along gradually, one step 
after another, till Pve got up along side of the President, and 
am talked of now pretty strong for President myself, and 
have been nominated in a good many of the first papers of 
the country. 

My public life will be found in my letters, one after another, 
jest as they come, from the time I first sent that letter in the 
Portland Courier to cousin Ephraim till this time. 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
Portland, Me., 1 8-34. 

/ '• POSTSCRIPT TO MY LIFE. 

It will be seen by the date above that I wrote this little 
history of my life twenty ®dd years ago. It was the time the 
Boston folks published a little voUum of my first Letters, and 
the Life was writ to head the vollum with. But Pve seen a 
great deal more of the world since then, and have writ a 
great many more Letters, and seen a great deal more of the 



( 



OUT OF THK SENATE. 35 

workings of American Politicians. And they'll all have to 
come into my Thirty Years' View. But there'll be a kind of 
gap near the close of Gineral Jackson's time, and for awhile 
after, because a lot of my letters, written at that time, was 
lost in a fire some years afterward, and I don't suppose I can 
now find the papers they was published in. But I will bridge 
over the gap as well as I can, and there'll be a pretty long 
road to travel both sides of it. And this reminds me how 
strange the parallel runs between me and Colonel Benton ; 
for he lost a lot of Ids letters and speeches and dockyments by 
fire, and had a good deal of a hard job to go over the ground 
again in getting up his work. But I and Colonel Benton are 
hard to beat. We generally go ahead, let what will stand in 
the way. 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 

New-York, 1858. 



36 MY THIIITY YEARS 



MY LETTERS AND OTHER DOOKYMENTS. 

LETTER L* 

PoKTLAND, Monday, Jan. 18, 1830. 
To Cousin E'phraim Downing, up in Downingville : 

Dear Cousin Ephraim : — I now take my pen in hand to let 
you know that I am well, hoping- these few lines will find you 
enjoying the same blessing. When I come down to Portland 
I didn't think o' staying more than three or four days, if I 
could sell my load of ax handles, and mother's cheese, and 
cousin Nabby's bundle of footings ; but when I got here I 
found Uncle Nat was gone a freighting down to Quoddy, and 
aunt Sally said as how I shouldn't stir a step home till he come 
back agin, which won't be this month. So here I am, loiter- 
ing about this great town, as lazy as an ox. Ax handles 
don't fetch nothing ; I couldn't hardly give 'em away. Tell 
Cousin Nabby I sold her footings for nine-pence a pair, 
and took it all in cotton cloth. Mother's cheese come to 
scven-and-sixpencc ; I got her half' a pound of shushon, 



* Editorial Note. — The political struggle in the Legislature of Maine in 
the winter of 1830 will long be remembered. The preceding electioneering 
campaign had been carried on wilh^a bitterness and personality unprecedent- 
ed in the State, and so nearly were the parties divided, that before the meet- 
ing of the Legislature to count the votes for Governor, both sides confident. 
ly claimed the victory. Hence the members came together with feelings 
highly excited, prepared to dispute every inch of ground, and ready to take 
Ore at the first spark v.'hich collision might produce. A fierce war commenced 



OUT OF THE SENATE. v 37 

and two ounces of snuff, and the r3st in sugar. When 
Uncle Nat comes homo I shall put my ax handles aboard 
of him, and \6t him take 'em to Boston next time he goes ; 
I saw a feller tother day, that told me they'd fetch a good 
price there. I've been here now a whole fortnight, and 
if I could tell ye one half I've seen, I guess you'd stare worse 
than if you'd seen a catamount. I've been to meeting, and to 
the museum, and to both Legislaters, the one they call the 
House, and the one they call the Sinnet. I spose Uncle 
Joshua is in a great hurry to hear something about these 
Legislaters ; for you know he's always reading newspapers, 
and talking politics, when he can get anybody to talk with 
him. I've seen him when he had five tons of hay in the field 
well made, and a heavy shower coming up, stand two hours 
disputing with Squire W. about Adams and Jackson — one 
calling Adams a tory and a fed, and the other saying Jackson 
was a murderer and a fool ; so they kept it up, till the rain 
began to pour down, and about spoilt all his hay. 

Uncle Joshua may set his heart at rest about the bushel of 
corn that he bet 'long with the postmaster, that Mr. Ruggles 
would be Speaker of that Legislater they call the House ; for 
he's lost it, slick as a whistle. As I hadn't much to do, I've 



at the first moment of the meeting, and continued for about six weeks without 
intermission, before they succeeded in organizing the government. It was dur- 
ing this state of things that ^Ir. Downing fortunately happened to drop into 
the Legislature. In explanation of the first letter, it may be remarked, that 
as soon as the Representatives had assembled, Albert Smith, Esq.. of Noble- 
borough, the then Marshal of Maine, called them to order, and nominated 
Mr. White, of Monmouth, Chairman, who was declared elected without cere- 
mony, and took the chair. After he had occupied it two days Mr. Goodenow 
was elected Speaker. 



38 MY THIRTY YEARS 

been there every day since they've been a setting. A Mr. White, 
of Monmouth, was the Speaker the first two clays ; and I can't 
see why they didn't keep him in all the time ; for he seemed 
to be a very clever, good-natured sort of man, and he had 
such a smooth, pleasant way with him, that I couldn't help 
feeling sorry when they turned him out and put in another. 
But some said he wasn't put in hardly fair ; and I don't know 
as he was, for the first day, when they were all coming in and 
crowding round, there was a large, faA man, with a round, 
full jolly sort of a face, I suppose he was the captain, for he 
got u'ji and commanded them to come to order, and then he told 
this Mr. White to whip into the chair quicker than you could 
say Jack Robinson. Some of 'em scolded about it, and I 
heard some, in a little room they called the lobby, say 'twas a 
mean trick ; but I couldn't see why, for I thought Mr. White 
made a capital Speaker, and when our company turns out, the 
cap'n always has a right to do as he's a mind to. 

They kept disputing most all the time the first two days 
about a poor Mr. Roberts, from Waterborough. Some said 
he should n't have a seat because he adjourned the town meet- 
ing and wasn't fairly elected. ' Others said it was no such 
thing, and that he was elected as fairly as any of 'era. And 
Mr. Roberts himself said he was, and said he could bring men 
that would swear to it, and good men too. But, notwithstand- 
ing all this, when they came to vote, they got three or four 
majority that he should'nt have a seat. And I thought it a 
needless piece of cruelty, for they wan't crowded, and there 
was a number of seats empty. But they would have it so, 
and the poor man had to go and stand up in the lobby. 

Then they disputed awhile about a Mr. Fowler's having a 



OUT OF THE SF-XA-DE. 39 

seat. Some said be shouldn't have a seat, because when he 
was elected some of his votes were given far his father. But 
they were more kind to him than they were to Mr Roberts, 
for they voted that he should have a seat ; and I suppose it 
was because they thought he had a lawful right to inherit 
whatever was his father's. They all declared there was no 
party politics about it, and I don't think there was ; for I no- 
ticed that all who voted that Mr. Roberts should have a seat, 
voted that Mr. Fowler should not ; and all who voted that Mr. 
Roberts should not have a seat, voted that Mr. Fowler should. 
So, as they all voted loth ways, they must have been conscien- 
cious, and I don't see how there could be any party about it. 
It's a pity they couldn't be allowed to have two Speakers, 
for they seemed to be very anxious to choose Mr. Ruggles 
and Mr. Goodenow. They two had every vote except one, 
and if they had had that, I believe they would both have 
been chosen ; as it was, however, they both came within a 
humbird's eye of it. Whether it was Mr. Ruggles voted for 
Mr. Goodenow, or Mr. Goodenow for Mr. Ruggles, I can't ex- 
actly tell ; but I rather guess it was Mr. Ruggles voted for 
Mr. Goodenow, for he appeared to be very glad to see Mr. 
Goodenow in the chair, and shook hands with him as good- 
natured afe could be. I would have given half my load of ax 
bandies, if they could both have been elected and set up there 
together, they would have been so happy. But as they can^t 
have but one Speaker at a time, and as Mr. Goodenow ap- 
pears to understand the business very well, it is not likely 
Mr. Ruggles will be Speaker any this winter. So Uncle 
Joshua will have to shell out his bushel of corn, and I hqpo it 
will learn him better than to bet about politics again. Before 



40 MY THIRTY YEARS 

I came from home, some of the papers said how there was a 
majority of ten or fifteen National Republicans in the Legisla- 
ter, and the other party said there was a pretty clever little 
majority of Democratic Republicans. Well, now everybody 
says it has turned out jest as that queer little paper, called 
the Daily Courier, said 'twould. That paper said it was such 
a close rub it couldn't hardly tell which side would beat. 
And it's jest so, for they've been here now most a fortnight 
acting jest like two boys playin see-saw on a rail. First one 
goes up, and then 'tother ; but I reckon one of the boys is 
rather heaviest, for once in a while he comes down chuck, and 
throws the other up into the air as though he would pitch him 
head over heels. Your loving cousin till death. 

JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE 



41 



T^^r. 




DOWXIXGVILLE TAVERN. 



LETTER II.* 

ABOUT POOR JIR- ROBERTS HAYING TO STAND UP. 

Portland, Jan. 22, 1830, 
To Uncle Joshua Downing, up in Doicmngvilh : 

Bear Uncle Joshua :— I sposc you learnt by my letter 
t'other day to cousin Ephraim, that you had lost the bushel 

♦EditoutalNote.— It was the rule at the meeting of tbc Legislature to 
admit all to a seat who could produce a certificate of their election, which cor- 

2* 



42 MY THIRTY YEARS 

of corn you bet about the Speaker in the Legislater — I mean 
that Legislate!' they call the House — for Mr. White got it 
first, and then Mr. Goodenow got it, and he's kept it ever 
since. And they say he'll be Speaker all winter, although he 
don't speak near so much as some of the rest of 'em. There's 
lawyer Ruggles, of Thomaston, that used to be Speaker, and 
folks say he made a very smart one. And there's lawyer Bou- 
telle, of Waterville, who's got eyes sharp enough to look 
through anybody, and who makes 'em all as still as mice 
when he-speaks. And there's lawyer Smith, of Nobleborough ; 
he looks very much like a man I saw in the museum, that 
they called Daniel Lambert, only he isn't quite so large. 
But my patience! he's a real peeler for speaking, and some- 
times he pours out his voice so as to make me jump right up 
on my feet. If I was going to bet who would be Speaker 
next year, I should bet upon him before anybody else. And 
there's lawyer Bourne, of Kennebunk, and lawyer Kent, of 
Bangor, and lawyer Norton, of Milburn, and Dr. Burnham, of 
Orland, and Dr. Shaw, of Wiscasset, and Dr. Wells, of Free- 
port, and Parson Knowlton, of Montville, and Parson Swett, 
of Prospect, and some others, if I could only think of 'em. 
Now, most any of these speak more than Mr. Goodenow does; 



tificate was considered prima facia evidence that they were duly returned as 
members. The Portland Argus and Advertiser, were the leading papers of 
the two parties ; and as matters began to grow worse and worse in the Legis- 
lature, the Argus constantly aflQrmed that the Democratic Republicans used 
every endeavor in their power to organize the government and proceed in the 
public business, but that the Huntonites would not let them. And the Ad- 
vertiser as constantly affirmed that the National Republicans used their ut- 
most endeavors to proceed in the public business, but the Jacksonites would 
not let them. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 43 

and still Mr. Goodenow is called the Speaker, because they 
voted that he should be. 

They've disputed two days more about that poor Mr. Rob- 
erts having a seat. I can't see why they need to make such 
a fuss about it. As they've got seats enough, why don't they 
let him have one, and not keep him standing up for three 
weeks in the lobby and round the fire. It's a plaguey sight 
worse than being on a standing committee, for they say the 
standing committees have a chance to set most every day. 
But in the dispute about Mr. Roberts last Wednesday and 
Thursday, the difficulty seemed to be something or other about 
a jprhiy facy case. I don't know what sort of a case 'twas, but 
that's what they called it. Some said he hadn't got any jprimy 
facy case, and he mustn't have a seat till he had one. The oth- 
ers stood to it that he had got one, and a very good one. Mr. 
Ruggles said it was full as good a one as the gentleman from 
Portland had. And they read about twenty papers that they 
called depositions, about the town-meeting of Waterborough ; 
but they didn't seem to say anything about the pri??iy facy case. 
About one-half of 'em said the town-meeting was adjourned, 
and t'other half said 'twasn't. And one of the depositions 
said there was some of 'em at the meeting agreed that Mr. 
Roberts shouldn't be elected at any rate ; and if they couldn't 
prevent it any other way they agreed to keep up a row till 
midnight. And when they brought in candles in the evening 
they knocked 'em all over and put 'em out. So they all had 
to clear out ; and some said there was a vote to adjourn the 
meeting, and some said Mr. Roberts adjourned it alone, and 
some said 'twasn't adjourned at all. And one of the deposi- 
tioners said Mr. Roberts offered to give him as much rum as 



44 MY THIRTY YEARS 

he would drink if he would only say the meeting was fairly 
adjourned. But all the depositions didn't convince but sixty- 
nine members of the House that Mr. Roberts had 2i p'imy facy 
case, and there were seventy-five convinced t'other way. So, 
after they had disputed two days, they voted again that Mr. 
Roberts shouldn't have a seat yet. 

Oh dear. Uncle Joshua, these Legislators have got the State 
into a dreadful pickle. I've been reading the Portland Argus 
and the Portland Advertiser, and it's enough to scare a Bun- 
ker Hill soger out of his seven senses to see what we are all 
coming to. According to these papers there are two very 
clever parties in the State that are trying with all their might 
to save us from ruin. They are called Democratic Republikins 
and National Rejpuhlildns — and you'd be perfectly astonished 
to see how hard they've worked, as these papers say, in both 
Legislators, to set things right, and get business a-going on 
well, so that we can have a Governor, and live in peace and 
harmony, and not break out into civil war, and all be ruined 
in a bunch. But it's doubtful if they'll make out to save us 
after all ; for there is such a set of Jacksonites and Hunton- 
ites, that are all the time a-plotting to bring us to destruction, 
that I tell you what 'tis, if something iun't done pretty soon, 
it'll be gone goose with us. 

These Jacksonites and Huntonites seem to have a majority 
in the Legislaters ; and they've been making a proper bother 
for a'most three weeks, so that the Democratic Republikins 
and the National Republikins couldn't do nothing at all. 
And sometimes Pm really afraid they'll have to break up and 
go home without doing anything ; and if they do, they say 
we shall all be afloat, and there's no knowing where we shall 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 45 

land. Tne Republikins appointed a committee to count the 
votes for Governor, and the committee told 'em t'other day 
there was thirty-nine majority for Mr. Hiinton, and he was 
elected. But then these Jacksonites and Huntonites went to 
disputing about the matter, and some say they will dispute it 
this fortnight yet. What a blessing it would be if the Legis- 
laters were all Democratic and National Republikins. The 
people are growing pretty mad at all this botheration, and I 
can't tell what'll be the end on't. But I shall write again to 
you or Cousin Ephraim pretty soon. So I remain your loving 
neffu till death. 

JACK DOWNING. 



46 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER III. 

UNCLE JOSHUA TELLS HOW HE WENT TO BOSTON AND TOOK DINNER 
WITH THE GINERAL COURT. 

Boston, January 25, 1830. 

Dear Nephew : — I left home just after your letter to your 
cousin Ephraim got there, and I didn't get a sight of your 
letter to me that you put into the Courier at Portland until I 
saw it in the Daily Advertiser in Boston, and I guess Mr. 
Hale is the only person in Boston who takes that are little 
Couriei', so you was pretty safe about the letter not being 
seen, as the printer promised you. How I happened to see it 
here you will find out before I have got through with this 
letter. I guess you won't be a little struck up when you find 
out that I'm in Boston. But I had be&t begin at the begin- 
ning, and then I shall get through quicker. 

After seeing your letter to Ephraim, as I said before, I con- 
cluded it wouldn't be a bad scheme to tackle up and take a 
load of turkeys, some apple-sass, and other notions that the 
neighbors wanted to get to market, and as your Uncle Nat 
would be in Boston with the ax-handles, we all thought best 
to try our luck there. Nothing happened worth mentioning 
on the road, nor till next morning after I got here and put up 
in Elm street. I then got ofi" my watch pretty curiously, as 
you shall be informed. I was down in the bar-room, and 
thought it well enough to look pretty considerable smart, and 







UNCLE JOSHUA AND THE FOURTH STALLER. 



(4t 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 49 

now and then compared my watch with the clock in the bar, 
and found it as near right as ever it was, when a feller stept 
up to me and ask'd how I'd trade ? and says I, for what ? and 
says he, for your watch, and says I, any way that will be a 
fair shake ; upon that says he, PIl give you my watch and five 
dollars ; says I, it's done ! He gave me the five dollars, and 
I gave him my watch. Now, says I, give me your watch ; 
and, says he, with a loud laugh, I han't got none, and that 
kind a turned the laugh on me. Thinks I, let them laugh 
that lose. Soon as the laugh was well over the feller thought 
he'd try the watch to his ear ; why, says he, it don't go ; no, 
says I, not without it's carried ; then I began to laugh. He 
tried to open it and couldn't start it a hair, and broke his 
thumb nail into the bargain. Won't she open, says he? 
Not's I know on, says I, and then the laugh seemed to take 
another turn. 

Don't you think I got off the old Brittania pretty well, con- 
siderin ? And then I thought I'd go and see about my load 
of turkeys and other notions. I expected to have gone all 
over town to sell my load, but Mr. Doolittle told me if I'd go 
down to the new market I should find folks enough to buy all 
I had at once. So down I goes, and a likely kind of a feller, 
with an eye like a hawk and quick as a steel trap for a trade, 
(they called him a fourth staller,*) came up to the waggon, 
and before you could say Jack Robinson we struck a bargain 
for the whole cargo; and come to weigh and reckon up I 
found I should get as much as 10s. 6d. more than any of us 
calculated before I left home, and had the apple-sass left be- 

* Fore-staller. 



50 MY THIRTY YEARS 

sides. So I thought I'd jeSt see how this fourth staller 
worked his card to be able to give us so good a price for the 
turkeys, and I went inside the market house, and a grander 
sight I never expect to see ! But it was the third staller, in- 
stead of the fourth, had my turkeys all sorted and hung up, 
and looking so much better that I hardly should known 'era. 
Pretty soon a gentleman asked the third staller what he 
asked for turkeys ? Why, says he, if you want something 
better than you ever saw before, there's some 'twas killed last 
night purpose for you. You maj^ take 'em at 9d., [12 J cents 
Massachusetts currency,] being it's you. I'll give you 12 
cents, said the gentleman, as I've got some of the General 
Court to dine with me, and must treat well. I shan't stand 
for half a cent with an old customer, says he. And so they 
traded ; and in about the space of half an hour or more all 
my turkeys went into baskets at that rate. The fourth staller 
gave me 6d. a pound, and I began to think I'd been a little 
too much in a hurry for trade — but's no use to cry for spilt 
milk. Then I went up to the State House to see what was 
going on there ; but I thought I'd get cff ray apple-sass on 
my way — and seeing a sign of old clothes bartered, I stepped 
in and made a trade, and got a whole suit of superfine black 
broadcloth from top to toe for a firkin of apple-sass (which 
didn't cost much I guess, at home.) 

Accordingly I rigged myself up in the new suit, and you'd 
hardly known me. I didn't like the set of the shoulders, they 
were so dreadful puckery ; but the man said that was all 
right. I guess he'll find the apple-sass full as puckery when 
he get's down into it— -but that's between ourselves. Well, 
when I got up to the State House I found them at work on 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 51 

the railroad, busy enougli I can tell you ; tliey got a part of 
it made already. I found most all the folks kept their hats on 
except the man who was talking out loud and the man he was 
talking to ; all the rest seemed to be busy about their own 
consarns. As I did't see anybody to talk to, I kept my hat on 
and took a seat, and look'd round to see what was going on. 
I hadn't been setting long before I saw a slick-headed, sharp- 
eyed little man, who seemed to have the principal manage- 
ment of the folks, looking at me pretty sharp, as much as to 
say, who are you ? but I said nothing and looked tother way. 
At last he touched me on the shoulder ; I thought he was 
feeling of the puckers. Are you a member ? says he ; sartin, 
says I ; how long have you taken your seat? says he; about 
ten minutes, says I ; are you qualified ? says he ; I guess not, 
says I. And then he left me. I didn't know exactly whnt 
this old gentleman was after, but soon he returned and said 
it was proper for me to be qualified before I took a seat, and 
I must go before the Governor 1 By Jing 1 I never felt so be- 
fore in all my born days. As good luck would have it he 
was beckoned to come to a man at the desk, and as soon as his 
back was turned I give him the slip. Just as I was going off 
the gentleman who bought my turkeys of the fourth staller 
took hold of my arm, and I was afraid at first that he was 
going to cajrry me to the Governor ; but he began to talk as 
sociable as if we had been old acquaintances. How long 
have you been in the house, Mr. Smith ? says he. ^fy name 
is Downing, said I. I beg your pardon, says he, I mean 
Downing. It's no offence, says I, I hav'nt been here long. 
Then, says he, in a very pleasant way, a few of your brother 
members are to take pot-lock with me to-day, and I should be 



52 MY THIRTY YEARS 

happy to have you join them. What's pot-luck ? said I. 0, 
a family dinner, says he — no ceremony. I thought by this 
time I was well qualified for that without going to the Gover- 
nor. So says I, yes, and thank ye too. How long before 
you'll want me, says I. At 3 o'clock, says he, and gave me 
a piece of pasteboard with his name on it, and the name of 
the street and the number of his house, and said that would 
show the way. Well, says I, I don't know of nothing that 
will keep me away. And then we parted. I took consider- 
able liking to him. 

After strolling round and seeing a great many things about 
the State House, and the marble image of Gineral Washing- 
ton, standing on a stump in the porch, I went out into the 
street they call Bacon street, and my stars ! what swarms of 
Tfjomen folks I saw, all drest up as if they were going to 
meeting. You can tell cousin Polly Sandburn, who you know 
is no slimster, that she needn't take on so about being genteel 
in her shapes, for the genteelest ladies here beat her as to 
size all hollow. I don't believe one of 'em could get into our 
fore dore, and as for their arms, I shouldn't want better 
measure for a bushel of meal than one of their sleeves could 
hold. I shan't shell out the bushel of corn you say I've lost 
on Speaker Kuggles at that rate. But this puts me in mind 

of the dinner which Mr. — wanted I should help the 

Gineral Court eat. So I took out the piece of pasteboard and 
began to inquire my wnjjr and got along completely, and 
found the number the first time ; but the door was locked, 
and there was no knocker, and I thumpt with my whip 
■ handle but nobody come. And says I to a man going by, 
don't nobody live here ? and says he, yes. Well, how do you 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



53 



get in ? Why, says lie, ring ; and says I, ring what ? And 
says he, the bell. And says I, where's the rope ? And gays 
he, pull that little brass nub ; and so I gave it a twitch, and 
I'm sure a bell did ring ; and who do j^ou think opened the 
door with a white apron afore him ? You couldn't guess for a 
week a Sundays, so I'll tell you. It was Stephen Furlong^ 




UNCLE JOSHUA AND STEPHEN FURLONG. 



w]»o kept our district school last Winter, for five dollars a 
month, and kept bachelor's hall, and helped tend for Gineral 
CooiAbs a training days, and make out muster rolls. We was 
considerably struck up at first, both of us ; and when he 
found I was i^roino: to eat dinner with Mv and Gineral 



54 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Court, he thought it queer kind of doiugs ; but says he, I 
guess it will be as well for both of us not to know each other 
a bit more than we can help. And says I, with a wink, 
you're half right, and in I went. There was nobody in the 

room but Mr. and his wife, and not a sign of any 

dinner to be seen anywhere, though I thought now and then 

when a side door opened I could smell cupboard, as they say. 

I thought I should be puzzled enough to know what to say, 

but I hadn't my thoughts long to myself. Mr. has about 

as nimble a tongue as you ever heard, and could say ten 
words to my one, and I had nothing to do in the way of 
making talk. Just then I heard a ringing, and Stephen was 
busy opening the door and letting in the Gineral Court, who 
had all their hats off, and looking pretty scrumptious, you may 
depend. I didn't see but I could stand along side of 'em with- 
out disparagement, except to my boots, which had just got a 
lick of beeswax and tallow. Not a mite of dinner ye.t, and I 
began to feel as if 'twas nearer supper-time than dinner-time, 
when all at once two doors flew away from each other right 
into the wall, and what did I see but one of the grandest 
thanksgiving dinners you ever laid 3^our eyes on, and lights 
on the table, and silver candlesticks and gold lamps over 
head — the window shutters closed. I guess more than one of 
us stared at first, but we soon found the way to our mouths. 
I made Stephen tend out for me pretty sharp, and he got my 
plate filled three or four times with soup, which beat all I 
ever tasted. I shan't go through the whole dinner again to 
you ; but I am mistaken if it cost me much for victuals this 
week, if I pay by the meal at Mr. Doolittle's, who comes pret- 
ty near up to a thanksgiving every day. There was consid- 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 55 

crable talk about stock aud manufactories, and Tier bilitios, 
and rimidies, and a great loss on stock. I thought this a 
good chance for me to put in a word, for I calculated I knew 
as much about raising stock and keeping over as any of 'em. 

Says I to Mr. , there's one thing I've always obsarved in 

my experience in stock — ^jest as sure as you try to keep over 
more stock than you have fodder to carry them well into 
Aperil, one half will die on your hands to a sartaint}^ and 
there's no rimidy for it ; I've tried it out and out, and there's 
no law that can make a tun of hay keep over ten cows, unless 
you have more carrots and potatoes than you can throw a 
stick at. This made some of the folks stare who didn't know 
much about 9«tock^ and Steeve give me a jog, as much as to 
say, keep quiet. He thought I was getting into a quagmire, 
and soon after, giving me a wink, opened the door, and got 
me out of the room into the entry. 

After we had got out of hearing, says I to Steve, how are 
you getting on in the world ? — should you like to come back 
to keep our school if I cculd get a vote for you ? Not by 
two chalks, says Steve, I know which side my bread is 
buttered better than that ; I get twelve dollars a month and 
founds and now and then some old clothes, which is better 
than keeping school at five dollars and find myself, aud work 
out my highway tax besides ; then turning up the cape of 
my neio coat, says he, I guess I've dusted that before now. 
Most likely, says I, but not in our district school. And 
this brings to mind to tell you how I got sight of your letter. 
They tell me, here that everybody reads the Boston Daily Ad- 
vertiser, because there is no knowing but what they may find 
out something to their advantage, so I thought I would be as 



56 MY THIRTY YEARS 

wise as the rest of them, aod before I got half way through, 
witli it, what should I find mixed up with the news but your 
letter, that you put into that little paper down in Portland, 
and I knew it was your writing before I had read ten lines 
of it. 

I hope I've answered it to your satisfaction. 

Your respectful uncle, 

JOSHUA DOWNING. 

P. S. — Mr. Toplilf says your Uncle Nat is telegraphed, but 
I'm afraid the ax handles won't come to much. I find the 
Boston folks make a handle of most anything they can lay 
hold of, and jest as like as not they'll make a handle of our 
private letters if they should see them. 

N. B. — You spell dreadful bad, according to my notion ; 
and this proves vv^hat I always said, that our district has 
been going down hill ever since Stephen Furlong left it. 



DOCKYMENTS.* 

Extract from the Portland Courier, January, 1830. 
Saturday forenoon, the house having adjourned at an early 
hour, we repaired to the Senate Chamber with a view of 



* Editokial Note.— In order that the reader may understand the pro- 
gress of the war in the Maine Legislature, it should be remarked that the 
parties in the Senate were equally divided. There were eight llunton- 
ites, or National Px,epublicans, and eight Sniiihites or Democratic Republicans, 
and four vacancies. The battles, therefore, in the Senate, were more serious, 
obstinate and protracted than they were in the House. They balloted regu- 
larly for President every day for about a fortnight. To illustaate the state 
of affairs at that timo, a couple of extracts from the Portland Courier in re- 
lation to the ballotinir in the Senate are subjoined. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 5*1 

standing watch awhile. We arrived just in the height of a 
spirited skirmish, or what might almost be called a bat- 
tle ; but the room was crowded and the doorwa}^ so impene- 
trably thronged that we could gain no entrance. There was 
scarcely room for a man to wedge his nose in, unless it were 
a remarkably thin and sharp one. From the subdued and re- 
gular hum within there was evidently a debate going on, but 
we being somewhat low in stature, and a solid phalanx of 
six-footers standing before us, we were left in the unpleasant 
predicament of stretching up on tip-toe without catching a 
single glimpse of the scene, and holding our hands behind our 
ears without distinguishing a syllable that was uttered. 

The debate, however, soon subsided. We learned after- 
ward, from inquiry, that it related to the subject of forming a 
convention with the House for the purpose of filling vacan- 
cies, before the Senate was organized ; the eight Huntonites 
voting in favor of the proposition, and eight Smithites against 
it. A vote was then passed to proceed to ballot for President 
again, and luckily for us, the ballot-boxes were out in the 
lobby, and out came the messenger, cutting his way like a 
hero, (we like to have said hero of New Orleans, but hap- 
pened to think some would say we were taking sides.) We 
simply say, then, he cut his way through the dense rank of 
spectators like a hero, and we crept in through the breach he 
had made. The committee collected the votes for President 
and retired. In about ten minutes they returned, and de- 
clared the result — seven for Mr. Dunlap, seven for Mr. Kings- 
bury, and two scattering. 

They collected the votes again, and retired as before, and 

returned as before, and declared the same result. Again they 
3 



58 



MY THIETY YEARS 



proceeded in the same round, and came in the third time, and 
stood ready to declare. The spectators had become so accus- 
tomed to the report—for they had been listening to the same 
tune nearly three weeks— that they were whispering it off in 
advance of the committee, like a mischievous and sinful boy 
running ahead of some good old country Deacon, who always 
uses the same words in prayer. Judge then, ye readers of 
the Courier, what unspeakable astonishment prevailed, when 
from the lips of the chairman fell the startling words, eight 
for Sanford Kingsbury, six for Robert P. Dunlap, and two 
scattering. 

The effect was like that of a clap of thunder in the dead of 
winter ; some faces grew longer, and some grew shorter ; in 
Bome eyes there was a look of wildness ; in others a leering 
complacency, that seemed to say, " you're dished at last f 
while some confounded knowing glances from other quarters 
visibly replied, ** not as you know on.'' And to be sure these 
last were in the right ; for round they went the fourth time, 
collected the ballots, counted them, and came in again. Ex- 
pectation was on tiptoe, and speculation was very busy* 
Some thought this ballot would settle the question, but others 
doubted. The committee declared, and the same old tune 
greeted the ears of the audience— seven for Mr. Dunlap, seven 
for Mr. Kingsbury, and two scattering, 

Anoth&r extract from the same, 

A New Tunk.— We have to pitch our pipe to a new tune 
this morning. The second great battle of the session was 
fought, or rather terrainalcd yesterday afternoon. After a 
regular engagement for eight days in succession, during 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 59 

which time the regular armies of Huntonites and Smithites 
in the Senate were drawn up face to face, forenoon and after- 
noon, exchanging some half a dozen shots every day, and 
then retiring by mutual consent, and sleeping upon their 
arms, the conflict was ended yesterday afternoon by a ruse de 
guerre on the part of the Huntonites, which led them to victo- 
ry without bloodshed. The Senate met in the afternoon at 
three o'clock, and proceeded to their usual round of duties. 
The committee received the votes for President, and retired, 
and came in again, and declared in the strains of the old tune, 
seven for Mr. Dunlap, seven for Mr. Kingsbury, and two 
scattering. They proceeded again, and came in as before. 
It was the fiftieth ballot since the commencement of the ses- 
sion ; and had a fifty pounder been unexpectedly discharged 
in the room, it would hardly have produced a stronger sensa- 
tion, than the declaration of the committee, when they piped 
away in the following new tune : whole number of votes, 15 ; 
necessary to a choice, 8 ; Joshua Hall has 8, Robert Dunlap, 
6 ; James Steele, 1 ; blank, 1. We shall not attempt to de- 
scribe the coloring of faces, the wildness of eyes, or the biting 
of lips that ensued ; for, not arriving in season we did not 
see them. But we have no doubt, from the remarks of those 
Avho were present, that the occasion would have furnished a 
scene for painting, fully equal, if not surpassing that in the 
House on the choice of Speaker, After the first consternation 
had subsided, Mr. Hall was declared duly elected President 
of the Senate. Whereupon he rose in his place, and thanked 
the gentlemen of the Board for the confidence they had placed 
in him. He doubted his abilities to discharge properly the 



60 MY THIRTY YEARS 

duties assigned him ; but under present circumstances he 
would accept the trust. He accordingly took the chair.* 



* Editorial Note. — Mr. Hall, or Elder Hall, as he was usually called, was 
a Democratic Republican, but choseu President exclusively by the National 
Republican votes, he throwing a blank vote himself. He was a short, fleshy, 
good-hearted old gentleman, a minister of the Methodist denomination, and 
knew much more about preaching than he did about politics. The Demo- 
cratic Republicans after their first consternation at his election had subsided, 
fearing that he had actually gone over to the enemy, took measures to have 
a private consultation with him immediately after adjournment. This inter- 
view resulted in nailing the old gentleman to his former political faith, and 
he stuck to the party like wax during the remainder of the session. So the 
Senate was still divided, eight to eight, except when the four new Senators, 
elected by the National Republicans to fill the vacancies, attempted to act. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



61 



LETTER IV. 

COUSIN NABBY ADVISES MR. DOWNING TO COME HOME. 



^ vlu^ 




DowNiNGViLLE, January 30, 1830. 
Dear Cousin : If you were only here I 
would break the handle of our old birch 
broom over your back for serving me 
such a caper. Here I have been waiting three weeks for that 
cotton cloth you got for the footings ; and you know the 
meeting-house windows were to have been broke* a fortnight 
ago, if I bad got it. And then I had to tell Sam I was wait- 
ing for some cotton cloth. He tried to keep in with all his 
might, but he burst out a laughing so, I'm a good mind to 
turn him off. But if I do, you and he will he loth in the same 

* Editorial Note. — The law " Down East" required that the intentions of 
marriage between a couple should be posted up at the meeting-house by the 
Town Clerk two or three weeks before the marriage ; and this was called 
breaking the meeting-house windows. 



62 MY THIRTY YEARS 

fickle. You had better let them legislaters alone ; and if you 
can't sell your ax-handles, take 'em and come home and mind 
your business. There is Jemime Parsons romping about with 
the school-master, fair weather and foul. Last Wednesday 
she went a sleigh-riding with him, and to-night she's going 
to the singing-school, and he is going to carry her. Last 
night she came over to our house, and wanted me to go to 
Uncle Zeke's to borrow their swifts, she said, when she knew 
we had some, and had berried them a dozen times. I said 
nothing, but went with her. When we got there who should 
we find but the school-master. I know Jemime knew it, and 
went there purpose to have him go home with her. She 
never askt for the swifts. Coming home the master askt her 
if she had seen your last letter. She said yes, and began to 
laugh and talk about you, just as though I was no relation. 
She said she guessed them legislaters would try to make a 
Governor out of you next, if you staid there much longer. 
One of them steers you sold to Jacob Small that week you 
went to Portland died t'other day ; and he says if we've no 
Governor this year he won't pay you a cent for 'em. So you 
have lost your steers and Jemime Parsons, jest by your dal- 
lying about there among them legislaters. I say you had 
better come home and see to your own business. I s'pose 
father and brother Ephraim would like to have you stay there 
all inter and tell 'em about the Governors and legislaters, 
but aunt wants her tea, and I want my cotton cloth, so I wish 
you'd make haste home and bring 'em. 

Your loving cousin, Nabby. 

To Mr. Jack Downing. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 63 



LETTER V. 

JfR. DOWNING TELLS WHAT A HOBBLE THE LEGISLATURE GOT INTO IN 
TRYING TO MAKE SO MANY GOVERNORS. 

Portland, Feb. 1, 1830. 
To Cousin JSjpkraim Downing, up in Downingville : 

Dear Cousin Ephraim; — I spose you expected me to write to 
you agin long afore now and tell you something more about 
these Legislaters, and I. meant to, but I couldn't very well ; 
for I'll tell you jest how 'twas. Some days, when the Legis- 
later would get into a plaguey hobble, I would think to myself, 
well, soon as they get out of this snarl, I'll write to cousin 
Ephraim and tell him all about it ; but before they got fairly 
out of that, they'd be right into another ; and if I waited till 
next day to see how that ended, my keesers I before night 
they'd all be higgledy piggle, in a worse hobble than they'd 
ever been in afore. So if I wait to tell you how it comes out, 
I believe I shall have to wait till haying time. Another 
thing I've been waiting for, was to tell you who was Gover- 
nor. But, dear, I can't find out half so much about it now, 
here in this great city of Portland, where all the Governors 
live, as I could six months ago among the bear-traps and log 
houses in our town, way back in the woods. Last August, 
you know, according to the papers, we were going to have 
two Governors right off, sure as rates — Mr. Hunton and Mr. 
Smith. Well, now it's got to be the first of February, and we 
haven't got otic yet. And, although the Governor-makers 



64 MY THIRTY YEARS 

have had four or five under way for a month past, some think 
it very doubtful whether they will get one done so as to be fit 
to use this year. There's Mr. Hunton, and Mr. Smith, and 
Mr. Cutler, and Mr. Goodenow, and Mr. Hall, have all been 
partly made into Governors ; but when in all creation any of 
'em will be finished, I guess it would puzzle a Fhiladelphy 
lawyer to tell. I stated in my letter to Uncle Joshua, that 
there were two very clever parties in the Legislater, the 
Democratic Republikans and the National Republikans ; and 
they are so, and very industrious, and try to make things go 
on right ; and I really believe, if the confounded Jacksbnites 
and Huntonites didn't bother 'em so, they'd make us a Gover- 
nor as quick as I could make an ax handle. It is enough to 
do anybody's heart good to see how kind and obliging these 
Democratic Republikans and National Republikans are to 
each other, and how each party tries to help the other along ; 
and it's enough to make anybody's blood boil to see the Jack- 
sonites and the Huntonites, jest like the dog in the manger, 
because they can't eat the hay themselves, snap at these two 
clever parties the moment either of 'em sets out to take a 
mouthful. I'll jest give you an instance of the kindness that 
these two clever parties show to each other. You know the 
Constitution says when we haven't any Governor the Presi- 
dent of the Sinnet must be Governor, and when we haven't 
any President of the Sinnet, the Speaker of the House must be 
Governor. So when Governor Lincoln died Mr. Cutler was 
Governor for awhile, because he was last year President of 
the Sinnet. Mr. Goodenow is a National Republikan, and 
when he was elected Speaker of the House, the Democratic 
Republikans told him as there was no President of the Sinnet 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 65 

elected yet, it belonged to him to be Governor, and tried as 
hard as though he had belonged to their own party, to en- 
courage him to go right into the Council Chamber and do the 
Governor's business. But the National Eepublikans didn't 
dare to let him go, for he was elected Speaker by only one 
majority, and they said if he should leave the chair, it wouldn't 
be five minutes before a Jacksonite would be whisked into it, 
and then the two clever parties would all be up a tree. Well, 
jest so 'twas in the Siunet after Elder Hall was elected Presi- 
dent, only the bread was buttered on t'other side. Elder Hall 
is a Democratic Republikan, and there was a great deal 
tougher scrabble to elect him than there was to choose the 
Speaker of the House. But as soon as he was elected, the 
National Republikans went to him very kindly, and said, 
" Elder Hall, by the provisions of the Constitution you are 
now fairly Governor of the State till another Governor is 
qualified. - Don't be bashful about it, but please to walk right 
into the council chamber, and do the Governor's business." 
But the Democratic Republikans said that would never do, for 
if he should, the Sinnet Board would be capsized in an instant 
and the Huntonites would rule the roast. So there was a pair 
of Governors spoilt when they were more than half made, 
jest by the mischief of the Jacksonites and Huntonites. 
And the consequence is, that Mr. Cutler has to keep doing the 
Governor's business yet, whether he wants to or not, and 
whether it is right for him to or not. They say the poor man 
is a good deal distressed about it, and has sent to the great 
Judges of the Supreme Court to know whether it's right for 
him to be Governor any longer or not. If the Judges should 

say he mus'nt be Governor any longer, we shall be in a dread" 
3* 



66 MY THIRTY YEARS 

ful pickle. Only think, no Governor, and no laws, but every- 
body do jest as they're a mind to. Well, if that should be the 
case, I know one thing, that is. Bill Johnson will get one 
good flogging for calling me a mean puppy and a coward last 
summer; I've longed to give it to him ever since; and if the 
Legislater don't make a Governor this winter, I shall come 
right home, and Bill must look out. What a pity 'tis they 
should waste so much time trying to make so many Gover- 
nors ; for, if they should make a dozen, we shouldn't want to 
use but one this year; and it is thought if they had all clapt 
to and worked upon one instead of working upon so many, 
they might have had him done more than three weeks ago. 
Your lovin cousin, 

JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE," 6t 



LETTER VI. 

MR. DOWNING DESCRIBES A SAD MISHAP THAT BEFELL THE HOUSE OF 
REPRESENTATIVES.* 

Portland, Tuesday, Feb. 2, 1 830. 
Dear Cousin Ephraim: — I have jest time to write you a short 
j>ostscript to a letter that I shall send you in a day or two. 
We have had a dreadful time here to-day. You know the 
wheels of Government have been stopt here for three or four 
weeks, and they all clapt their shoulders under to-day and 
give 'em a lift; and they started so hard, that as true as 
you're alive they split both Legislaters right in tu. Some say 
they are split so bad they can't mend 'em again, but I hope 
they can though; I shall tell you all about how 'twas done, in 
a day or two. I've been expecting a letter from you, or some 
of the folks, sometime. Your hearty cousin, 

JACK DOWNING. 



* Editorial Note. — After a stormy debate ia the House in relation to form- 
ing a Convention of the two branches to fill the vacancies in the Senate, the 
National Republicans finally carried the day; whereupon the Democratic 
Republicans, having remonstrated to the last, took their hats and marched 
out of the House in a body, about sixty in number, headed by Mr. Smith, of 
Nobleborough. The National ReJ)ublicans of the two branches, however, held 
the Convention, and filled the vacancies in the Senate, and the next day the 
Democratic Republicans returned, to their seats. 



58 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER YII. 

AFFAIRS TAKE A MORE FAVORABLE TURN. 

Portland, Feb. 3, 1830. 
Cousin Ephraim: — I thought I would jest write you another 
little postscript to my letter that I was going to send you in a 
day or tu, and let you know that the Legislaters wan't split 
so bad as some folks tho't for. They've got 'em both mended 
agin, so that they set 'em agoing to-day afore noon. But in 
the afternoon, that Legislator they call tbe Sinnet got stuck, 
and in trying to make it go, it rather seemed to crack a little; 
so they stopt short till to-morrow. It's been jostled about so, 
and got so weak an' rickety, some are afraid it will give out 
yet, or split in tu agin. 

JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 69 



LETTER VIII. 

MRS. DOWNING URGES HER SON TO COME HOME. 

DowNiNGViLLE, Feb. 6, 1830. 
My Dear Son : — It's a good while since I writ a letter, and I 
almost forget how ; but you stay down there to Portland so 
long, I kind of want to say something to you. I have been 
churning this morning, and my hand shakes so I can't hardly 
hold my pen still. And then I am afraid the news I've got to 
tell will be such a blow to you, it makes me feel sort of 
narvous. Last Sunday the schoolmaster and Jemime Parsons 
had their names stuck up together in the meeting-house 
porch. Now I hope you won't take on, my dear Jack, for if I 
was you, I should be glad to get rid of her so. I guess she's 
rather slack, if the truth was known ; for I went in there one 
day, and she'd jest done washing the floor ; and I declare, it 
looked as gray as if she'd got the water out of a mud puddle. 
And then she went to making pies without washing her 
hands or shifting her apron. They made me stop to supper, 
but I never touched Jemime's pies. There's Dolly Spaulding, 
I'm sure she's likelier looking than Jemime Parsons, if 'twant 
for that habit she's got of looking two ways at once. If she's 
making a soup, one eye is always in the pot, if t'other does look 
up the chimney. She's as good a cook as ever was born, and 
neat as wax-work. Sally Kean was to our house spinning 
linen t'other day, because I burnt my hand so bad trying out 
lard I couldn't hold the thread, and she said Dolly had more 



to MY THIRTY YEARS 

sheets and pillow-cases than you could count for one while, 
and she is always making blankets and coverlids. She has 
sold footings enough to buy her half a dozen silver spoons 
and a case of knives. When I was young such a gal would 
had a husband long ago. The men didn't use to ask if a gal 
looked one way, or two ways with her eyes, but whether she 
was neat and smart ; only if she had thin lips and peaked 
nose, they were sometimes a little shy of her. 

0, Jack, I'm afraid these Legislators will be the ruination 
of you I 'Twill make you jest like your Uncle Joshua. You 
know he had rather stand and dispute about politiks any 
time, than work on his farm, and talking will never build a 
stone wall or pay our taxes. 

I don't care so much about the shushon as your poor cousin 
Nabby does about the cotton cloth. But your father has got 
the rumatiz dreadfully this winter ; and it's rather hard for 
him to have to cut all the wood and make the fires this cold 
weather. I can't see what good 'twill do for you to stay in 
Portland any longer, and I think you had better come home 
and see a little to the work on the farm. 

Your loving mother, 

MARY DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 11 



LETTER IX. 

MR. DOWNING TELLS ABOUT TRIGGING THE WHEELS OF GOVERNMENT. 

Portland, Thursday, Feb. 11, 1830. 
Dear Cousin Ephraim: — I've wrote you two postscripts since I 
wrote you a letter, and the reason is, these Legislators have 
been carryin on so like all possest, and I've been in looking at 
'em so much, I couldn't get time to write more than three 
lines at once, for fear I should be out of the way, and should 
miss seeing some of the fun. But, thinkin you'd be tired of 
waiting, I tried to get the printer to send my letter yester- 
day; but he told me right up and down he couldn't. I told 
him he must, for I ought to sent before now. But he said he 
couldn't and wouldn't, and that was the upshot of the matter, 
for the paper was chock full, and more tu, of the Governor's 
message. Bless my stars, says I, and have we got a Gover- 
nor done enough so he can speak a message ? Yes, indeed we 
have, says he, thanks he to the two great Repuhlikin parties, who 
have saved the State from the anarkee of the Jacksonites and 
Huntonites; the Governor is done, and is jest a going into the 
Legislator, and if you'll go right up there, you can see him. 
So I pushed in among the crowd, and I got a pretty good 
squeezin tu ; but I got a good place, for I could elbow it as 
well as any on 'em. And I hadn't been there five minutes, 
seemingly, before we had a Governor sure enough; and a good 
stout, genteel looking sort of a man he was tu, as you would 
see in a whole regiment, taking in captains and all. Nobody 



T2 MY THIRTY YEARS 

disputed that he was finished pretty workmanlike ; and he 
ought to be, for they'd been long enough about it. So they 
concluded to swear him in, as they call it, and he took a great 
oath to behave like a Governor a whole year. Some say the 
wheels of Government will go along smooth and easy now, 
as a wheelbarrow across a brick yard ; but some shake their 
heads, and say the wheels will be jolting over rocks and 
stumps all winter yet ; and I don't know but they will, for the 
Governor hadn't hardly turned his back upon 'em and gone 
out, before they went right to disputing agin as hard as ever. 
They took up that everlasting dispute about Mr. Roberts hav- 
ing a seat ; for, if you'll believe me, they've kept that poor 
man standing there till this time. 

I'll tell you how 'tis. Cousin Ephraim, we must contrive 
some way or other to keep these Jacksonites and Huntonites 
out of the Legislater another year, or we shall be ruin'd ; for 
they make pesky bad work, trigging the wheels of Govern- 
ment. They've trigged 'em so much that they say it has cost 
the State about fifty thousand dollars a'ready, more than 
'twould if they'd gone along straight without stopping. So 
you may tell Uncle Joshua that besides that bushel of corn he 
lost in betting about the Speaker, he'll have to shell out as 
much as two bushels more to pay the cost of trigging the wheels. 
Jingoe I sometimes when I've seen the wheels chocked with 
a little trig not bigger then a cat's head, and the whole Le- 
gislater trying with all their might two or three days, and 
couldn't start it a hair, how I've longed to hitch on my little 
speckled four-years-old, and give 'em a pull ; if they wouldn't 
make the wheels fly over the trigs in a jiffy, I won't guess 
agin. T'other day, in the great convention, when both Legis- 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 13 

laters met together to cliiise some Counsellors, Mr. Boutelle 
and Mr. Smith, of Nobleborough, tried to explain how 'twas 
that the wheels of Government were trig'd so much. Mr. 
Boutelle, as I have told you afore, is a National Republikan, 
and Mr. Smith is a Democratic Republikan. They differed a 
little in their opinion. Mr. Boutelle seemed to think the trigs 
were all put under by one class of politicians, and from what he 
said, I took it he meant the Jacksonites. He said ever since 
the Legislater began, the moment they started the wheels, 
that class of politicians would throw under a chock and stop 
'em ; and which ever way they turned, that class of politi- 
cians would meet 'em at every corner and bring 'em up all 
standin. Mr. Smith seemed to think another class of politi- 
cians had the greatest hand in it, and it was pretty clear that 
he meant the Huntonites. He said, when they first got here 
that class of politicians sot the wheels of Government rolling 
the wrong way ; they put the big wheels forward, and the 
Legislater had been going backwards ever since, jest like a 
lobster. And the Huntonites not only trig'd the wheels, when- 
ever they begun to roll the right way ; but as soon as the 
'' blessed Governor" was done they trig'd him tu ; and though 
he had been done four days, they wouldn't let him come into 
the Legislater so that their eyes could be blest with the sight 
of him. So from what I can find out, the Jacksonites and 
Huntonites both are a troublesome, contrary set, and there 
must be some way contrived to keep 'em out of the Legislater 
in future. 

It seems soon after you got my first letter. Uncle Joshua 
tackled up, and started off to Boston with a load of turkeys 
and apple-sass. I had a letter from him t'other day, as long as 



T4 MY THIRTY YEARS 

all out-doors, in the Boston Advertiser. He says he got more for 
the turkeys than he expected tu ; but I think it's a plaguey 
pity he didn't bring 'em to Portland. I know he'd got mpre 
than he could in Boston. Provision kind is getting up here 
wonderfully, on account of these Legislators being likely to 
stay here all winter ; and some think they'll be here half the 
summer tu. And then there's sich a cloud of what they call 
lobby members and office-hunters that the butchers have got 
frightened, and gone to buying up all the beef and pork they 
can get hold on, far and near, for they are afraid a famine 
will be upon us next. Howsomever, Uncle Joshua did well to 
carry his " puckery apple-sass" to Boston. He couldn't get a 
cent for't here ; for everybody's puckery and sour enough here 
now. 

Give my love to father and mother and cousin Nabby. I 
shall answer their letters as soon as I can. 

Your lovin cousin, 

JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 15 



LETTER X. 

MR. DOWNING ADVISES UNCLE JOSHUA TO HOLD ON TO HIS BUSHEL OF 
CORN, BECAUSE THE LEGISLATURE HAD BEGUN TO " RIP UP THEIR 
DUINS." 

Portland, Friday, Feb. 12, 1830. 
Jl^* This with care and speed. 

Dear Uncle : — If you haven't paid over that are bushel of 
corn yet that you lost when you bet Mr. Ruggles would be 
Speaker, hold on to it for your life, till you hear from me agin, 
for I aint so clear but you may save it yet. They've gone to 
rippin up their duins here, and there's no knowing but they 
may go clear back to the beginning and have another tug 
about Speaker. At any rate, if your bushel of corn isn't gone 
out of your crib yet, I advise you by all means to keep it 
there. 

Tell 'Squire N. the question isn't settled yet ; and you 
won't shell out a single kernel till it is fairly nailed and 
clinched, so it can't be ript up agin. I'll tell you what 'tis. 
Uncle Josh, the Supreme Court beats the Jacksonites and 
Huntonites all hollow for trigging the wheels. You know, 
after they had such a tussle for about a week to choose Elder 
Hall President of the Sinnet, and after he come in at last all 
hollow, for they said he had a majority of eight out of sixteen, 
they went on then two or three weeks nicely, duin business 
tie and tie, hard as they could. Then up steps the Judges of 
the Supreme Court and tells Mr. Hall he was Governor, and 



76 MY THIRTY YEARS 

ought to go into the Council Chamber. They seemed to be a 
little bit thunder struck at first. But they soon come to agin, 
and Elder Hall got out of the chair, and Mr. Kingsbury got 
into it, and they jogged along another week, duin business 
as hard as ever. They said all the chairs round the table 
ought to be filled, so they changed works with the House, 
and made four more Sinneters. So having four good fresh 
hands come in, they took hold in good earnest and turned off 
more business in two days than they had done in a month be- 
fore. 

Then up steps the Supreme Court agin, and tells 'em their 
cake is all dough ; for they hadn't been duin constitutional. 
This was yesterday, and it made a dreadful touse. They went 
right to work rippin up and tarein away what they'd been 
duin ; and before nine o'clock in the evening they turned out 
the four new Sinneters, out of their chairs, and appointed a 
committee to begin to make four more. They took hold so 
ha'sh about it, I s'pose some of the rest of the Sinneters begun 
to be afraid they should be ripped up tu; so they cleared out, I 
guess near about half on 'em, and haven't been seen nor heard 
of to-day. Some of 'em that had more courage went in and 
tried to du business ; but there wasn't enough of 'em to start 
an inch. They sent a man all round town in the forenoon and 
afternoon to tell 'em to come in and go to work, but he 
couldn't find hide nor hair of one of 'em. Elder Hall said he. 
guessed they must he somewhere in a convention. 

Some say they'll rip up the new Counsellors next, and then 
the Governor, cause the new Sinneters helpt make 'em all. 
But there's one comfort left for us, let the cat jump which way 
'twill ; if Mr. Hunton is'nt a constitutional Governor, Elder 



OUT OF THE SENATE. "J 7 

Hall is ; the Judges have nailed that fast. So I think Bill 
Johnson will get off with a whole skin, for I shan't dare to 
flog him this year. If they go clear back to the Speaker and 
decide it in favor of your bushel of corn, I shall let you know 
as soon as possible. Your loving neffu, 

JACK DOWNING. 



18 MT THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XL 

MB. DOWNING DESCRIBES SOME QUEER DUINS IN THE SENATE.* 

Portland, Wednesday, Feb. IT, 1830. 
To Cousin Ejphraim Doioning up in Downingville : 

Dear Cousin Ephraim :— Here I am yet, and haven't much 
else to do, so I might as well keep writin to you ; for I s'pose 
Uncle Joshua's in a peck of trouble about his bushel of corn. 
I'm pesky 'fraid he'll lose it yet ; for they don't seem to rip 
up worth a cent since the first night they begun. The truth 
was, they took hold rather tu ha'sh that night ; and rippin up 
them are four new Sinnetera so quick, they scart away four or 
five more old ones, so they didn't dare to come in again for tu 
days, And that threw 'em all into the suds, head and ears. 
It was worse than trigging the wheels, for it broke the Sinnet 



* Editorial Note.— The Democratic Republicans insisted that the Conven- 
tion which filled the vacancies in the Senate was not constitutional, and refused 
to recognize the new members at the Board, and the President refused to 
count their votes. After considerable turmoil the four new Senators with- 
drew ; in consequence of which fSevcral others of the same party withdrew 
also, BO that there was not a quorum left to do business. After two or three 
days, however, they returned, and the new Senators re-asserted their claims 
to a seat. Great confusion ensued ; the President refused to count their 
votes I and taking the votes of the other members he declared the Senate ad- 
journed. The National Republicans refused to consider it an adjournment, 
kept their seats, and began to talk of re-organizing the Senate by choosing a 
new President. Elder Hall, therefore, fearing the chair would be immediate- 
ly filled again if be left it, kept his seat, but still repeatedly declared the 
Senate adjourned. The particulars of the scene are more minutely described 
in the Major's letter. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 79 

wheel right in tu, and left it so flat that all Job's oxen never 
could start it, if they hadn't got it mended again. They tried, 
and tried to keep duin something, but they couldn't du the 
leastest thing. One lime they tried to du something with a 
little bit of a message that was sent to 'em on a piece of paper 
from the House. The President took it in his hand, and held 
it up, and asked 'em what was best to du with it. Some of 
'em motioned that they'd lay it on the table ; but come to con- 
sider on it, they found they couldn't according to the Consti- 
tution, without there was more of 'em to help; for they hadn't 
got a korum. They said they couldn't lay it on the table, nor 
du nothin at all with it. I was afraid the poor old gentleman 
would have to stand there and hold it till they got the wheel 
mended agin. But I believe he finally ht it drop on the table ; 
and I s'pose there was nothiu in the Constitution against 
that. 

They got the wheel mended Monday about eleven er clock, 
so they could start along a little. But them are four new 
Sinneters that they ript up Thursday night, come right back 
agin Monday, and sot down to the great round table ; and 
stood tu it through thick and thin, that they wan't ript up and 
no such thing. Well, this kicked up a kind of a bobbery 
among 'em, so they thought they'd try to 'journ. The Presi- 
dent counted 'em, and said they were 'journed, and might go 
out. One of the new Sinneters said the President didn't count 
right, and they wan't 'journed a bit ; and they must set still 
and have an overhauling about it. 

So they set down agin, all but four or five Democratic 
Republicans, that put on their hata and great coats and stood 
backside of the room. The room was chock full of folks look- 



80 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



ing- on, and the President told 'em the Sinnet was 'journed and 
they might as well go out, but they did not seem to keer tu, 
and they put their hats on and began to laugh like fun. The 
President sot still in his cheer, for I s'pose he thought if he 
left it some of them are roguish fellers would be gcttin' into 
it. The man that keeps order told the folks they must take 




ELDER HALL ADJOURNING THE SENATE. 

their hats cff when they were in the Sinnet ; but they said 
they wouldn't 'cause the Sinnet was ajourned. Then the 
man went and asked the President if the Sinnet was ajourned, 
and the President said 'twas, and there was no doubt about 
it. And the spectators felt so tickled to think they could 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 81 

weai their hats when the Sinneters were setting round the 
great table, that they kind of whistled a little bit all over the 
room. 

Finally, after settin about half an hour, another man got up 
and motioned to adjourn, and the President got up and put it 
to vote agin. He told 'em if they wanted to ajourn they must 
say ah, and they all said ah this time, and cleared out in five 
minutes. 

But about this rippin up business ; instead of rippin up the 
Counsellors, as some thought they would, both Legislators 
met together to-day, and called in four of the Counsellors, and 
nailed 'em down harder with an oath. 

They've sot the committees to work like fun now, and it's 
thought they'll turn off business hand over hand ; for you 
know it's almost March, and then the great Supreme Court 
meets here. And they say they have a grand jury that picks 
up all disorderly and mischievous folks, and carries 'em into 
court, and the court puts 'em in jail, These Legislators have 
been cutting up such rigs here all winter, that they begin to 
look pretty shy when anything is said about the first of 
March, and I don't believe the grand jury'U be able to find a 
single mother's son of 'em when the court gets here. 

From your cousin, 

JACK DOWNING. 
4 I 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XII. 

MR. DOWNING TELLS WHAT IT MEANS TO SET UP A CANDIDATE FOR 
OFFICE. 

Portland, Tuesday, March 16, 1830. 
To Uncle Joshia Downing up m Dowmngville : 

Bear Uncle Joshua : — There's a hot time ahead. I almost 
dread to think of it. I'm afraid there's going to be a worse 
scrabble next summer to see who shall go to the State husk- 
ing than there was last. The Huntonites and Smithites are 
determined to have each of 'em a Governor agin next year. 
They've sot up their candidates on both sides ; and who in 
all the world should you guess they are ? The Huntonites 
have sot up Mr. Hunton, and the Smithites have sot up Mr. 
Smith, You understand what it means, I s'pose, to set up a 
candidate. It means the same as it does at a shooting match 
to set up a goose or a turkey to be fired at. The rule of the 
game is, that the Smithites are to fire at Mr. Hunton, and the 
Huntonites are to fire at Mr. Smith, They think it will take 
a pretty hard battle to get them both in. But both parties 
say they've got the constitution on their side, so I think likely 
they'll both beat. 

They've been piling up a monstrous heap of ammunition 
this winter— enough to keep 'em firing all summer ; and I 
guess it won't be long befure you'll see the smoke rising all 
over the State, wli'orcvcr t'lerc's a new-spaper. I think these 
jaewspapcrg arc dreadful sm iky things ; they are enough to 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 83 

blind anybody'^ eyes any time. I mean all except the Daily 
Courier, that I send my letters in ; I never see much smoke 
in that. But take the rest of the papers that talk about poli- 
tics, and patriotism, and Republikanism and Federalism, and 
Jacksonism, and Hartford Conventionism, and let anybody 
read in one of 'em half an hour, and his eyes will be so full of 
smoke he can't see better than an owl in the sunshine : he 
wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a corn-stalk 
and the biggest oak tree in our pasture. 

Your neffu, 

JACK DOWNING. 



84 MY THIRTY YEAR3 



LETTER XIII. 

MR. DOWNING TELLS HOW THE LEGISLATURE CLEARED OUT, AND HOW 
ELDER HALL WENT HOME. 

Portland, Monday, March 22, 1830. 
To Cousin Ephraim Downing up in Downingville : 

Cousin Ephraim : — I kind of want to say a few more words 
to you about the Legislaters. You know they came together 
here in the first of the winter in a kind of a stew, and they 
had storms and tempests among 'em all the time they staid 
here, and finally they went off Friday in a sort of whirlwind 
or harricane, I don't know which. They were dreadful kind 
of snappish the last day they were here ; they couldn't hardly 
touch a single thing without quarreling about it. They quar- 
reled about paying some of the folks they hired to work for 
'em ; and they quarreled ever so long about paying them are 
four Sinneters that were chose in the convention ; and at last 
they got to quarreling like cats and dogs to see if they should 
thank the President and Speaker for all the work they've done 
this winter. But they had to thank 'em at last. And then 
Mr. Goodnow, the Speaker in that Legislator they call the 
House, got up and talked to 'em so pleasant, and kind, and 
scripture-like, it made 'em feel a little bad ; some of 'em 
couldn't hardly help shedding tears. I tho't them are, that 
had been quarreling so, must feel a little sheepish. 

That are Elder Hall, that was President of the Sinnet, 
seemed to be the most poplar man in the whole bunch of both 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 85 

Legislaters. There wasn't one of the rest of 'em that could 
work it so as to make both parties like 'em. But, some how 
or other, he did. The National Republikans liked him so well 
that they all voted for him for President ; and the Democrat- 
ic Republikans liked him so well that they all voted to thank 
him when they went away. And I don't £0 much wonder at 
it, for he seemed to me to be about the cleverest, good-natured 
old gentleman that ever I see. 

It's true the old gentleman had rather hard work to keep 
the wheels of Government going in the Sinnet this winter ; 
and they would get trig'd every little while in spite of all he 
could do. I s'pose this made him rath 3r shy of all kinds of 
wheels ; for he wouldn't go home in a stage, nor a wagon, 
nor a shay. These kind of carts all have wheels, and I s'pose 
he thought they might get trig'd, and he wouldn't hardly get 
home all summer. So he concluded to go by water ; and 
he went aboard a vessel Saturday night, and sailed for Down 
East ; and as true as you are alive, before the next day noon 
the wheels of the vessel got trig'd ; though they said the ves- 
sel didn't go on wheels, but some how or other it got trig'd, 
and back they came next day into Portland again, and there 
they had to stay till Monday, because the wind didn't blow 
according to the constitution. But President Hall, you know, 
isn't the man to leave his post in time of difficulty ; so he 
never adjourned, nor came ashore, but stuck to the rack till 
Monday, when a good constitutional breeze sprung up, and 
they sot sail again. And I wish him a pleasant passage home, 
and peace and happiness after he gets there ; for, as I said 
afore, I don't think there's a cleverer man anywhere Down 
East. From your cousin, JACK DOWNING. 



86 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XIV. 

MR. DOWNING HINTS TO UNCLE JOSHUA THAT HE HAS A PROSPECT OF 
BEING NOMINATED FOR GOVERNOR. 

Portland, April 14, 1830. 
To Uncle Joshua Doioning, up in Downingville : 

Uncle Joshua : — There's one thing, uncle, that seems to 
wear pretty hard upon my mind, and plagues me a good deal; 
I haven't slept but little this tu three nights about it. I wish 
you wouldn't say anything about it up there amongst our 
folks, for if it should all prove a fudge, they'd be laughing at 
me. But I tell it to you, because I want your advice, as 
you've always read the papers, and know considerable about 
political matters ; tho', to be honest, I don't s'pose any one 
knows much more about politics by reading the papers, after 
all. 

But what I was goin to tell you is — now, uncle don't twist 
your tobacco chaw over to t'other corner of your mouth, and 
leer over your spectacles, and say. Jack's a fool — what I was 
goin to tell you is this: I see by a paper printed down to Bruns- 
wick, that they talk of nominating me for Governor to run down 
Smith and Hunton. Think of that, uncle ; your poor neffu, 
Jack, that last summer was hoeing about among the potatoes, 
and chopping wood, and making stone walls, like enough be- 
fore another summer comes about will be Governor of the 
State. I shall have a better chance to flog Bill Johnson then, 
than I should last winter, if we hadn't had no Governor nor 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 8t 

no laws ; for I s'posc a Governor has a right to flog anybody 
he's a mind to. 

But that's nither here nor there, Uncle ; I want your serious 
advice. If they nominate tm, had I letter accept ? Sometimes 
I'm half afraid I shouldn't understand very well how to du the 
business ; for I never had a chance to see any Governor 
business done, only what I see Elder Hall du in the Sinnet 
chamber last winter. Poor man, that makes me think what 
a time he had going home. I wrote to you before that he 
went by water, and that the vessel got trig'd by an unconsti- 
tutional wind the first daj-, and had to come back again. And 
he must have found a good manj^ hard trigs after that, for he 
didn't get home till 2d day of April. 

Where he was in that dreadful storm, the 26th of March, I 
have not heard. But I should think, after standing the racket 
he did last winter in the Legislater, and then this ere storm 
at sea, he need never to fear anything on land or water again 
in this world. 

I wish you'd write me what yon think about m^^ being a 
candidate for Governor, and whether you think I could get 
along with the business. Considerable part of the business 
I shouldn't be a mite afraid but what I could du ; that is the 
turning out and putting in. I know every crook and turn of that 
business ; for I don't believe there's a boy in our county, 
though I say it myself, thaVs turned out and tied up more cattle 
than 1 have. And they say a Governor has a good deal of this 
sort of work to du. 

No more at present from your loving neffn, 

JACK DOWNING. 



88 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XV. 

UNCLE JOSHUA SHOWS REMARKABLE SKILL IN THE SCIENCE OF POLITICS, 
AND ADVISES MR. DOWNING BY ALL MEANS TO STAND AS A CANDIDATE 
FOR GOVERNOR. 

DowNiNGviLLE, April 18th, 1830. 
To my neffu Jack Downing, at Portland : 

Dear Jack ; — I never felt nicer in my life than I did when 
I got your last letter. I did think it was a kind of 
foolish notion in you to stay down there to Portland all win- 
ter, and then hire out there this summer. I thought you'd bet- 
ter be at home to work on the farm ; for your father, poor old 
gentleman, is hauled up with the rhenmatize so, he won't be 
able to du hardly a week's work this summer. But I begin 
to believe Jack knows which side his bread is buttered yet. 
For if you can only run pretty well as a candidate for Gover- 
nor, even if you shouldn't be elected, it will be worth more to 
you than the best farm in this county. It will be the means 
of getting you into some good office before long, and then 
you can step up, ye see, from one office to another till you get 
to be Governor. But if the thing is managed right, I'm in 
hopes you'll get in this time, and the Downings will begin to 
look up, and be somebody. It's a very good start, your being 
nominated in that are paper down to Brunswick. But there's 
a good deal to be done yet, to carry it. I'm older than you 
are, and have seen more of this kind of business done than 
you, and of course ought to know more about it. Besides, 
you know I've always been reading the papers. Well, in the 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 89 

first place, ycu must fix upon tlie name of your party ; I'm 
thinking" you better call it the Democratic National Republican 
party, and then, ye see, you'll haul in some from both of the 
two clever parties in the State. As for the Jacksonites and 
Huntonites, I wouldn't try to get any support from them ; for 
after the rigs they cut up in the Legislater last winter the 
people back here in the country don't like 'em very well. I 
think it would hurt you to have anything to do with 'cm. 
Then you must get a few of your friends together in Poi tland, 
no matter if there ain't no more than half a dozen, and pass 
some patriotic resolutions, and then publish the duins of the 
meeting in the paper, headed, the voice of the people ; and 
then go on to say, " at a numerous and respectable meeting 
of Democratic National Republicans, held in Portland at such 
a time," &c., 

" Resolved, unanimously. That we have perfect confidence 
in the exalted talents, the unspotted integrity, and well-known 
patriotism of Mr. Jack Downing, [or perhaps it should be the 
Hon. Jack Downing,] and that we cheerfully recommend him 
to the people of this State as a candidate for the office of Gov- 
ernor. 

" Resolved, That his well-known attachment to the interests, 
the principles, and usages of the Democratic National Repub- 
lican party, eminently entitles him to their confidence and 
support. 

"Resolved, As the sense of this meeting, that nothing short 
of the election of that firm patriot, the Hon. Jack Downing, 
can preserve the State from total, absolute, and irretrievable 
destruction. 

" Resolved, That a county convention be called to ratify 

4* 



90 MY THIRTY YEARS 

the doings of this meeting, and that the Democratic National 
Republicans in other counties be requested to call Conven- 
tions for the same purpose. 

" Resolved, That the proceedings of this meeting be pub- 
lished in all the Democratic National Republican newspapers 
in the State." 

We will then get up such a meeting in this town, and pass 
some more highly patriotic resolutions and send 'em down, and 
you must have 'em put into the paper, headed a voice from the 
COUNTRY. And then we must get a few together somewhere, 
and call it a County Convention, and keep rolling the snow-ball 
over, till we wind up the whole State in it. Then, ye see, 
about the first of August we must begin to pin it down pretty 
snug in the papers. Kind of touch it up somehow like this : 
Extract of a letter from a gentleman of the first respectability 
in York County to the Central Committee in Portland. •' The 
Democratic National Republicans here are wide awake ; York 
County is going for Mr. Downing, all hollow ; we shall give 
him in this county at least a thousand majority over both 
Smith and Hunton." Another from Penobscot : " Three quar- 
ters of the votes in this county will be given to Mr. Downing; 
the friends of Smith and Hunton have given up the question, 
so satisfied are they that there is no chance for them." 

Another from Kennebec : " From information received from 
all parts of the State, upon which perfect reliance can be 
placed, we are enabled to state, for the information of our 
Democratic National Republican friends, that there is not the 
least shadow of doubt of the election of Mr. Downing. It is 
now rendered certain beyond the possibility of mistake, that 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 91 

he will receive from five to ten thousand majority over both the other 
candidates." 

If this don't carry it, you'll have to hang up your fiddle till 
another year. And after the election is over, if you shouldn't 
happen to get hardly any votes at all, you must turn about 
with perfect indifference, and say the Democratic National 
Kepublicans didn't try — made no effort at all— but will un- 
do abtcdly carry the election next year all hollow, 

p, s —If you get in I shall expect my eon Ephraim to have 
the office of Sheriff* in this county. The other offices we'll 
distribute at our leisure. 

Your affectionate uncle, 

JOSHUA -DOWNING. 



92 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XYI. 

MR. DOWNING GIVES HIS OPINION ABOUT NEWSPAPERS. 

Extract of Letter to Uncle Joshua. 

Portland, March 30, 1830. 

In one of my letters, you know, I said newspapers were 
dreadful smohj things, and anybody couldn't read in 'em half 
an hour without having their eyes so full of smoke they 
couldn't tell a pig-st}' from a meeting-house. 

But I'm thinking, after all, they are more like rum than 
smoke. You know rum will sometimes set quite peaceable 
folks together by the ears, and, make them quarrel like mad 
dogs — so do the newspapers. Rum makes folks act very 
silly — so do the newspapers. Rum makes folks see double — so 
do the newspapers. Sometimes rum gets folks so they can't 
see at all — so do the newspapers. Rum, if they take tu much 
of it, makes folks sick to the stomach — so do the newspapers. 
Rum makes folks go rather crooked, reeling from one side of 
the road to t'other — and the newspapers make one half the 
politicians cross their jpath as often as any drunkard you ever 
see. It was the newspapers, uncle Joshua, that made you let 
about the Speaker last summer, and lose your bushel of corn. 
Remember, that, uncle, and don't believe anything you see in 
the papers this summer, unless you see it in the Daily Cou- 
rier. 




RUxNNING EXPRESS FROM DOWNINGVILLE TO PORTLAND. 



(93) 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 95 



DOCKYMENT. 



GRAND CAUCUS AT DOWNINGVILLE THE LONG AGONY OVER, AND THE 

NOMINATION OUT. 

From the Portland Courier of July 21, 1830. 
We delay this paper something beyond the usual nowx of 
publication in order to lay before our readers the important 
intelligence received yesterday from Downingville. This we 
have been able to accomplish, tho' not without extraordinary 
exertions and extra help. But the crisis is important — we 
had almost said appalling — and demands of every patriotic 
citizen of Maine the highest sacrifices in his power to make. 
The important proceedings of the grand convention at Down- 
ingville reached here, by express, yesterday, about a quarter 
before 3 o'clock, P. M., having traveled the whole distance, 
notwithstanding the extreme high temperature of the weather, 
at the rate of thirteen and a half miles an hour. And but for 
an unfortunate occurrence, it would undoubtedly have reached 
here at least three hours earlier. Cajpt. Jehu, Downing, who, 
with his characteristic magnanimity and patriotism volun- 
teered to bring the express the whole way, having taken a 
very high spirited steed for the first ten miles, was unfortun- 
ately thrown to the ground in attempting to leap a barrier 
which lay across the road. Two of his ribs were Iroken by 
the fall, and his right arm so badly fractured that it is feared 
amputation must be resorted to, besides several other severe 
contusions on various parts of the body. We are happy to 
hear, however, that Dr. Zachariah Downing, who, on hearing 
the melancholy intelligence, very promptly repaired to the 
Bpot to offer his professional services, pronounces the Captain 



96 MY THIKTY YEARS 

out of danger, and also that the Captain bears his misfortune 
with his accustomed fortitude, expressly declaring that the 
only regret he feels on the occasion is the delay of the express. 
Here is patriotism, a devotedness to the welfare of the coun- 
try, and to genuine Democratic National Republican princi- 
ples, worthy of the days of the Revolution. 

Lieut. Timothy Downing forwarded the express the remainder 
of the way with tne utmost dispatch, having run down three 
horses, one of which died on the road. But we keep our read- 
ers too long from the gratifying intelligence received. 

GRAND DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL REPUBLICAN CONVENTION. 

DowNiNGViLLE, Mouday, July 19, 1830. 
At a large and respectable meeting of the Democratic Na- 
tional Republicans of Downingville and the neighboring parts 
of the State, convened this day at the centre school-house, the 
meeting was called to order by the venerable and silver-haired 
patriarch, old Mr. Zeledee Downing, who had not been out to a 
political meeting before for the last twenty-five years. The 
venerable old gentleman stated, in a few feeling remarks, the 
object of the meeting ; that he had not meddled with politics 
since the days of Jefferson ; but that now, in view of the 
awful calamities which threatened to involve our country in 
total ruin, he felt it his duty, the little remaining time he 
might be spared from the grave, to lift up his voice and his 
example before his children, grand-children, and great grand- 
children whom he saw gathered around him, and encourage 
them to serve the country for which he had fought and bled in 
his younger years. After the enthusiastic applause elicited 
by these remarks, the old gentleman called for the nomination 



OUT or THE SENATE. 



91 



of a chairman, and Joshua Downing, Esq., was unanimously 
called to the chair, and Mr. Ejphraim Downing appointed Sec- 
retary. 

On motion of Mr. Jacob Downing, voted, that a committee 
of five be appointed to draft resolutions to lay before this 




GRAND CAUCUS AT DOWNINGVILLE. 



meeting". Whereupon Mr. Jotham Downing, Ichabod Down- 
ing, Zenas Downing, Levi Downing, and Isaiah Downing were 
appointed said committee, and after retiring about five min- 



98 UY THIRTY YEARS 

utes, they returneu and reported the foUowiDg preamble and 
resolutions : 

"Whereas, an awful crisis has arrived in the political 
affairs of our country, our public men all having turned trait- 
ors, and resolved to ruin the country, and make us and our 
children all slaves forever ; and whereas, our ship of State 
and our ship of the United States are both driven with tremen- 
dous violence before the fury of the political tempest, and are 
just upon the point of being dashed upon the breakers of po- 
litical destruction ; and whereas, nothing short of the most 
prompt and vigorous exertions of the patriotic Democratic 
National Republicans of this State and of the United States 
can avert the impending danger, 

"And whereas, the Jacksonites and Adamsites, and Hun 
tonites, and Smithites, have so multiplied in the land, anc' 
brought things to such a pass, that our liberties are unques 
tionably about to receive their doom forever ; therefore, 

" Resolved, That it is the highest and most sacred duty oi 
every patriotic Democratic National Republican in the Stat* 
to arouse himself and buckle on his political armor, and mak« 
one last, one mighty effort to save the State and the country . 
and place the Constitution once more upon a safe and fire 
foundation. 

" Resolved, That the awful crisis of affairs in this State re 
quires a firm, devoted patriot, a high minded and gifted states 
man, and a uniform, unwavering Democratic National Repub 
likan for chief magistrate. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 99 

" Resolved, That in this awful crisis, we believe the eyes 
of all true patriots are turned upon 

THE HON. JACK DOWNING, 
late of Downingville, but since last winter a resident in Port- 
land, the capital of the State. 

" Resolved, That we have the fullest confidence in the tal- 
ents, integrity, moral worth, tried patriotism, and unwavering 
and unchangeable sterling Democratic National Republican- 
ism of the Hon. Jack Downing, and that his election to the office 
of Governor in September next, and nothing else, can save the 
State from total, unutterable, and irretrievable ruin. 

" Resolved, therefore. That we recommend him to the elec- 
tors of this State as a candidate for said oflfice, and that we 
will use all fair and honorable means, and, if necessary, will 
not stick at some a little dishonorable, to secure his election. 

" Resolved, That it be recommended to all the patriotic, 
Democratic National Republicans throughout the State, to be 
up and doing ; to call county meetings, town meetings, 
school district meetings, and village and bar-room meetings, 
and proceed to organize the party as fast as possible, by ap- 
pointing standing committees, and central committees, and 
corresponding committees, and bearers and distributors of 
hand-bills, and, in short, by doing everything that the good 
of the cause and the salvation of the country requires. 

"Resolved, conditionally, That in case General Jackson 
should be likely to be re-elected, we highly and cordially ap- 
prove of his Administration, and believe him to be second to 
none but AVashington ; but in case he should stand no chance 
of re-election, this resolve to be null and void. 

" Resolved, That the thanks of this Convention be present- 

L. ^jt U 



100 MY THIRTY YEARS 

ed to Miss Nabby Downing, for the use of her school-room 
this afternoon, she having with a generous patriotism dis- 
missed the school for that purpose. 

" Resolved, That the proceedings of this Convention, signed 
by the Chairman and Secretary, be published in the Portland 
Daily Courier, the official organ of the Hon. Jack Downing's 
correspondence, and any other genuine Democratic National 
Republican papers in the State. 

'' JOSHUA DOWNING, Chairman. 

" Attest : Ephraim Downing, Secretary," 

We are assured by Lieutenant Timothy Downing, witl. 
whom we had a short interview, that the best spirit prevailed 
in the Convention ; not a dissenting voice was heard, and all 
the resolutions passed unanimously. We add an extract or 
two from private letters. 

From Fphraim Downing to the Hon. Jack Downing. 

" Well, Jack, if you don't acknowledge we've done the thing 
up in style, you're no gentleman and not fit for Governor. I 
wish you to be very particular to keep the Sheriff's office for 
me. Father says cousin Jeremiah has thrown out some hints 
that he shall have the Sheriff's office. But butter my rist- 
bands, if you do give it to him, you'll go out of office again 
next year, that's positive. Jerry's a clear factionist, you may 
rely upon that. No, no, stick to your old friends, and they'll 
stick to you. I'm going to start to-morrow morning on an 
electioneering cruise. I shall drum 'em up about right. You 
only keep a stiff upper lip, and you'll come in all hollow." 
From Joshua Downing, Esq., to the Hon. Jack Downing. 

" Dear Jack, things look well here ; with proper exertions 
I think you may rely upon success. I am in great baste, and 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 101 

write this jest to tell you to be sure and not promise a single 
ofiSce to any mortal living, till I see you. These things must 
be managed very prudently, and you stand in need of the 
counsel of your old uncle. I think I could do as much good 
to the State by being appointed Land Agent, as any way ; 
but I'll determine upon that when I see you. 
" N. B. — Make no promises. 

" Your affectionate uncle, 

JOSHUA." 



102 MY THIRTY YEAKS 



LETTER XYII. 



THE VOTES TURNED OUT. 



Portland, Sept. 15, 1830. 

Dear Uncle Joshua : — I suppose you would like to know 
something about how the election turned out down here. 
Soon as the bell rung, I sot out to go to the town hall, but 
before I got half way there, I met chaises, and wagons, and 
another kind of chaises, that went on four wheels, and was 
shut up close as a hen-coop, all driving f other way- Jehu like. 
What is the matter ? says I ; who's beat ? But along they 
went, snapping their whips without answering me a word, 
and by their being in such a terrible hurry I thought sure 
enough they had got beat, and the enemy was arter 'em. So 
I steered round into another street to get out of the way for 
fear they should get a brush at me; but there was as many 
more of 'em driving like split down that street tu. Where 
upon arth are they all going, says I to a feller that overtook 
me upon the full run. Going? says he; why to bring 'em to 
the polls, you goose; and away he went by me in a whisk. 
When he said poles, I thought that cousin Ephraim must have 
come in with a load, aa they'd be likely to fetch a good price 
about this time, and I concluded all that running and driving 
was to sec who should have the jBrst grab at 'em. I called to 
him to tell me where Ephraim was, but he was out of hearing. 

So I marclied along till I got to tlio town hall, and they 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 103 

were flocking in as thick as hops. When I got within two or 
three rods of the house a man come along and handed me a 
vote for Mr. Smith ; I stept on the side-walk and another man 
handed me a vote for Mr. Hunton ; and I went along towards 
the door and another man handed me a vote for Mr. Smith, 
and then another handed me one for Mr. Hunton. And then I 
went to go up stairs into the hall, and there was a row of 
about twenty men, and all of 'em gave me a vote, about one- 
half for Smith and one-half for Hunton. And before I got 
through the hall to the place where they were firing off their 
votes, they gave me about twenty more; so if I had been a 
mind to vote for Smith or Hunton I could have gin 'em a 
noble lift ; but that wasn't what I was arter. I was looking 
out for the interests of my constituents at Downingville. 
And when I com-e to see among so many votes not one of 'era 
had my name on it, I began to feel a little kind of streaked, 
I went out again, and I see the chaises and wagons kept 
coming and going, and I found out that bringing of 'em to 
the polls meant bringing of 'em to vote. And I asked a feller 
that stood there, who them are men, that they kept bringing, 
voted for. Why, says he, they vote for whichever goes arter 
'em, you goose-head you. Ah, says I, is that the way they 
work it ? And where do they bring 'em from ? 0, says he, 
down round the wharves, and the outskirts of the town and 
anywhere that they can catch 'em. Well, well, thinks I to 
myself, I've got a new rinkle, I see how this business is done 
now. So off I steered and hired a horse and wagon, and 
went to hunting up folks to carry to town meeting. And I 
guess before night I carried nearly fifty there, of one sort and 
another ; and I was sure to wbippcr to every one of 'cm jest 



104 OUT OF THE SENATE. 

as they got out of the wagou, and tell 'em my name was 
Jack Downing. They all looked very good-natured when I 
told 'em my name, and I thought to be sure they would all 
vote for me. But how was I thunderstruck when the vote was 
declared, and. there was 1,008 for Mr. Smith, 909 for Mr, Hun- 
ton, 4 for Mr. Ladd, and one or two for somebody else, and not 
oTie for me. Now was'nt that too bad, uncle ? Them are faith- 
less politicians that I carried up to the town meeting I if I 
only knew who they were, they should pay for the horse and 
wagon, or we'd have a breeze about it. 

Write soon, for I am anxious to know how they turned out 
in Downingville 

Your loving neffu, 

JACK DOWNING. 



MY THIRTY YEAB3 105 



LETTER XYIII. 

RETURN OF VOTES FROM DOWNINGYILLE— THE SKIES LOOK BRIGHTER 

DowNiNGYiLLE, Moiidaj Eve., Sept. 13, 1830. 
To the Hon. Jack Doioniiig, Portland : 

Dear Jack : — I have just returned, puffiug and blowing, 
From town meeting, and have only time to tell you that we 
gave you a confounded good run here. If your friends in the 
rest of the State have done their duty, you are elected by an 
overwhelming majority. The vote in this town for Governor 
stood as follows ; 

Hon. Jack Dowxixg 117 

Hon. Samuel E. Smith 000 

Hon. Jonathan G. Hunton. 000 

Capt. Jehu Downing is elected Representative ; it was 
^hought to be due to him by the party for his magnanimous 
exertions in carrying the express to Portland at the time you 
were ifominated by our grand convention. 
In great haste, your uncle, 



106 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XIX. 

MR. DOWNING TELLS HOW HE GOT A NEW KINK INTO HIS HEAD, IN 
CONSEQUENCE OF THE BLOW-UP OF PRESIDENT JACKSON's FIRST 
CABINET. 

Portland, April 26, 1831. 
Dear Uncle Joshua : — I'm in considerable of a kind of a 
flusteration to-day, because I've got a new scheme in my 
head. New ideas, you know, are always apt to give me the 
agitations a little; so you mustn't wonder if my letter this 
time does have some rather odd things in it. I don't know 
when I've had such a great scheme in my head afore. But 
you know I was always determined to make something in the 
world, and if my friends '11 only jest stick by me, I shall make 
common folks stare yet. Some thought it was a pretty bold 
push my trying to get in to be Governor last year ; and some 
have laughed at me, and said I come out at the little end of 
the horn about it, and that I'd better staid up to Downing- 
ville and hoed potatoes, than to be fishing about for an ofiSce 
and not get any more votes than I did. But they can't see 
through a millstone so fur as I can. Altho' I didn't get in to 
be 'Governor, its made me known in the world, and made con- 
siderable of a great man of me, so that I shall stand a much 
better chance to get an office if I try again. But I must make 
haste and tell you what I am at, for I am in a great hurry. I 
guess you'll stare when I tell you the next letter you'll get 
from me will be dated at Washington, or else somewhere on 
the road between here and there. 



OUT OP THE SENATE. 10*1 

0, uncle, we have had some great news here from Washing- 
ton ; everybody's up in arms about it, and can't hardly tell 
what to think of it. They say the President's four great 
Secretaries have all resigned ; only think of that, uncle. And 
they say their salaries were six thousand dollars a-year ; only 
jest think of that, uncle. Six thousand dollarSsa year, ^^hy, 
a Governor's salary is a fool to it. On the whole, I'm glad I 
didn't get the Governor's office. I shall start for Washington 
to-morrow morning ; or I don't know but I shall start to-night, 
if I can get ready, and travel all night.- It's best to be in 
season in such things, and I shall have to go rather slow, for 
I've got pretty considerable short of money, and I expect I 
shall have to foot it part way. I shall get there in about a 
fortnight, and I'm in hopes to be in season to get one of them 
are offices. I think it's the duty of all true Republikans that 
have the good of the country at heart, to take hold and help 
the President along in these trying difficulties. For my part, 
I am perfectly willing to take one of the offices, and I hope 
some other good men will come right forward and take the 
others. What a shame 'twas that them are Secretaries should 
all clear out, and leave the poor old General to do all the work 
alone. Why, uncle, they had no more patriotism than your 
old hoss. 

But I musn't stop to parley about it now; what I want to 
say is, I wish you to write a recommendation to the President 
for me to have one of his offices, and go round as quick as 
you can and get all our friends at Downingville to sign it, 
and send it on to Washington as fast as possible; for it 
would be no more than right that I should show the President 
some kind of recommendation before ho gives me the office, I 



108 MY THIRTY YEARS 

want you to tell the President that I've always been one of 
his strongest friends ; and you know I always have spoke 
well of him, and in fact he is the best President we ever had. It 
might be well for you to quote this last sentence as an 
" extract from a letter of the Hon. Jack Downing." It would 
give the President some confidence in my friendship, and the 
" Hon." would convince him that I am a man of some stand- 
ing in this State. 

Now you keep up a good heart, uncle; you have always had 
to delve hard all your days up there on the old farm, and 
you've done considerable to boost me up into an office, and if 
I get hold of these six thousand dollars a year, you shall have 
a slice out of it that will make your old heart feel light again. 
I haven't named it to a single soul here except Aunt Sally, 
and I want it to be kept a profound secret till I get the office, 
so as to make them are chaps that have been a sneering at 
me here, stare like an owl in a thunder shower. And, besides, 
if it should leak out that I was going, I'm afraid somebody 
else might get the start of me, for there are alwayg enough 
that have their mouths open when it rains such rich porridge. 
But it's like as not, the newspapers '11 blab it out before I get 
half way there. And you needn't think strange, if you see 
some of the Boston or New York papers in a few days saying, 
"The Hon, Jack Downing passed through this city yesterday, 
on his way to Washington. It is rumored that he is to be 
called upon to fill one of the vacant offices." But I must stop» 
for it is time I was picking up my duds for a start. Aunt 
Sally has been darning my stockings all the morning. Love 
to Aunt and cousin Nabby, and all of 'em. Good by. 

Your loving neffu, JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 109 



LETTER XX. 

MR. DOWNING TELLS ABOUT THE TALK HE HAD WITH THE BOSTON 
EDITORS ON HIS WAY TO WASHINGTON. 

City of New York, May 3, 1831. 

Dear Uncle Jose^ja : — I have got so fur at last, and a 
pretty hard run I've had of it to get here, I can tell ye. This 
running after offices is pretty tuff work for poor folks. Some- 
times I think there aint much profit in it after all, any more 
than there iu in buying lottery tickets, where you pay a dollar 
and sometimes get four shillings back, and sometimes 
nothing. Howsomever I don't mean to be discouraged yet, 
for if I should give out now and go back again, them are 
sassy chaps in Portland would laugh at me worse than they 
did afore. What makes me feel kind of down-hearted about 
it, is because I've seen in the newspapers that tu of them are 
good offices at Washington are gone a-ready. One Mr. Liv- 
ingston's got one of 'em, and Mr. Woodbury that lives up in 
New Hampshire's got tother, and I'm considerable afraid the 
others will be gone before I get there. 

I want you to be sure and get my recommendation into the 
post-office as soon as you can, so it may get there as soon as 
I do. It's a week to-day since I started from Portland, and 
if I have good luck I'm in hopes to get there in about a week 
more. Any how, I shall worry along as fast as I can. I have 
to foot it more than three-quarters of the way, because the 
stage folks asks so much to ride, and my money's pretty near 



110 MY THIRTY YEARS 

gone. But if I can only jest get there before the offices are 
gone I think I shall get one of 'em, for I got a good string of 
recommendations in Boston as I come along. I never thought 
of getting any recommendations of strangers, till a man I 
was traveling with kind of talked round and round, and found 
out what I was after. And then, says he, if you want to 
make out, you must get the newspaper folks to give you a 
lift, for they manage these matters. And he told me I better 
get some of the Boston editors to recommend me, or it would 
be no use for me to go. 

I thought the man was more than half right, so when I got 
into Boston I called round to see the editors. They all seemed 
very ^ad to see me, when I told 'em who I was, and I never 
see a better set of true Republikans any where in the State of 
Maine. And when I told 'em that I was always a true Repub- 
likan, and my father and grandfather were Republikans be- 
fore me, they all talked so clever about patriotism, and our 
Republikan institutions, and the good of the people, that I 
couldn't help thinking it was a plaguey shame there should 
be any such wicked parties as Federalists, or Huntonites, or 
Jacksonites, to try to tare the country to pieces and plague 
the Republikans so. 

This don't include President Jackson. He isn't a Jackson- 
ite, you know ; he's as true a Republikan as there is in Down- 
ingville. I had a talk with the Boston Patriot man first. He 
said he would give me a recommendation with a good deal of 
pleasure, and when I got my office at Washington I must 
stick to the good old Republikan cause like wax ; and if all 
true Republikans were only faithful to the country, Henry 
Clay, the Republikan candidate, will come in all hollow. He'll 



OUT OF THE SENATE. Ill 

be the next President, says he, jest as sure as your name is 
Jack Downing". 

Then I went to see the editor of the Boston Gazette. He 
said he certainly should be very happy to give me a recom- 
mendation ; and he trusted when I got to Washington, where 
I should have considerable influence, I should look well to the 
interests of the Republikan party. He said there was an im- 
mense sight of intrigue and underhand work going on by the 
enemies of the country to ruin Mr. Calhoun, the Republikan 
candidate for President. But he said they wouldn't make 
out ; Mr. Calhoun had found out their tricks, and the Repub- 
likans of old Virginny and South Carolina were all up in arms 
about it, and if we Republikans in the Northern States would 
only take hold and fight for the good cause, Mr. Calhoun 
would be elected as true as the sun will rise to-morrow. 

The next I went to see was the editor of the Boston States- 
man. He seemed to be a little shy of me at first, and was 
afraid I wasn't a true Kepublikan ; and wanted to know if' I 
didn't run against Governor Smith last year down there in 
Maine. I told him I had seen Governor Smith a number of 
times in Portland, but I was sure I never run against him in 
my life, and I didn't think I ever come within a rod of him. 
Well, he wanted to know if I wasn't a candidate for Govern- 
or in opposition to Mr. Smith. I told him no, I was a candi- 
date on the same side. " Wasn't you," said he, looking mighty 
sharp at me, " Wasn't you one of the Federal candidates for 
Governor ?" My stars. Uncle Joshua, I never felt my hair curl 
quicker than it did then. My hand kind of drawed back, and 
my fingers clinched as if I were jest agoing to up fist and 
knock him down. To think that he should charge me with 



112 MY THIRTY YEARS 

being a Federl Candidate! it was too much for flesh and 
blood to bear. But I cooled down as quick as I could, for 
fear it might hurt me about getting ray office. I told him I 
never was a Federal candidate, and there never was a drop of 
Federal blood in me ; and I would run from a Federalist, if I 
should meet one, as quick as I would from poison. That's 
right, says he, I like that ; that's good stuff, and he catched 
liold of my liand, and gave it such a shake, I didn't know but 
he'd a pulled it off. 

He said he would give me the best recommendation he 
could write, and when I got to Washington I mu?t stick to 
the old Gineral like the tooth-ache, for the Federalists were 
intriguing desperately to root him out of his oiFice and upset 
the Republikan party. If the Republikans could only be kept 
together, he said, President Jackson, the Republikan candi- 
date, could be elected as easy as a cai could lick her ear ; 
but if we suffered ourselves to be divided it would be gone 
goose with us, and the country would be ruined. So you 
must stick to the re-election of Gineral Jackson, said he, at all 
events ; and then he kind of whispered in my ear, and says he, 
in case Gineral Jackson should be sick or anything, you must 
remember that Mr. Van Buren is the BepubWian candidate. 

I told him he never need to fear me ; I shoidd stick to the 
Republikan party through thick and thin. So I took my re- 
commendation and trudged along. I haven't time to-day to 
tell you how I got along with the rest of the editors, and a 
thousand other things that I met with along by the way, and 
all the fine things in this great city, and so on. But I shall 
write to you again soon. 

Your loving neifu, JACK DOWNING 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 113 



LETTER XXI. 

MR, DOWNING RELATES HIS INTERVIEW WITH MAJOR NOAH AT 

NEW-YORK. 

Washington City, May 80, 1831. 
To the Poriland Courier, if it ever gets there, away Down East in 

the State of Maine, to he sent to Unde Joshua Downing, up in 

Dowmngville, with care and speed. 

Bear Uncle Joshua : — IVe got here at last, to this great 
city, where they make offices, and I'm determined not to leave 
it till I get one. It isn't sich a great city, after all, as New- 
York, though they do a great deal more business here than 
they do at New- York. I don't mean vessel business and 
trade, for there's no end to that in New-York, but in making 
offices and such like ; and they say it's the most profitable 
business in the country. If a man can get hold of a pretty 
good office, he can get rich enough by it in three or four years, 
and not to have to work very hard neither. I tell you what, 
uncle, if I make out to my mind here, I shall come back again 
one of these days in a rather guess way than what I come on. 
I don't have to foot it again, I'll warrant you, and I guess poor 
Aunt Sally won't have to set up all night to mend my coat and 
darn my stockings. You'll see me coming dressed up like a 
lawyer, with a fine carriage and three or four horses. And 
then them are chaps in Portland that used to laugh at me so 
about being Governor, may sneeze at me if they dare to, and 

if they don't keep out of my way I'll ride right over 'cm. I 

5* 



114 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



bad a pretty tuff time coming on here. It's a long, tiresome 
road through the Jarseys. I had to stop twice to get my 
shoes tapt, and once to get an old lady to sow up a rip in my 
coat while I chopped wood for her at the door to pay for it. 
But I shan't mind all the hard work I've had of it, if I can 
make out to come home rich. 




MR. DOWNING EXCHANGING WORKS. 



I got a pretty good boost in Boston, as I writ you in my 
last, by the editors giving me recommendations. But it was 
nothing at all hardly to what I got in New York, for they 
gave me a public dinner there. I can't think what's the 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 115 

matter that it hasn't been published yet. Major Noah prom- 
ised me he'd have it all put into the New York Courier and 
Enquirer the very next day after I left New York, so that it 
should get to Washington as soon as I did ; and now I've 
been here about a week and it hasn't come yet. If it doesn't 
come soon, I shall write an account of the dinner myself, and 
send it home and get it put in the Portland Courier. It was 
a most capital dinner, uncle ; I don't know as I ever eat 
hartier in my life, for being pretty short of money I had 
pinched rather close a day or two, and, to tell the truth, I 
was as hungry as a bear. We had toasts and speeches, and 
a great many good things. I don't mean sich toast as they 
put butter on to eat, but toast to drink. And they don't 
exactly drink 'em neither ; but they drink the punch and 
speak the toasts. 

I can't think Major Noah meant to deceive me about pub- 
lishing the proceedings of the dinner, for he appeared to be a 
very clever man, though he was the funniest chap that ever I 
see. There wasn't a man in New York that befriended me 
more than he did ; and he talked to me very candidly, and 
advised me all about how to get an office. In the first place, 
says he, Mr. Downing, you can't get any kind of an office at 
Washington unless you are a true blue genuine Democratic 
Republikan. I told him I had recommendations coming to 
prove that I was all that. They are very strict, says he, in 
regard to that at Washington. If James Madison should 
apply for an office at Washington, says he, he couldn't get it. 
What, says I, him that was President I for it kind of startled 
me a little if such an old Republikan as he was couldn't get 
an office. It's true, says he, if James Madison should apply 



116 



XiY TIIIlriY YEARS 



for an office lie couldn't get it. Why not, says 1 ? Becflti^e/ 
saya he, he has turned Federalist, It's melancholy to think, 
says he, how many good old Kepublikans at the South are 
turning Federalists lately. He said he was afraid there 

I' 'J '^ 1 ^^r^^ 




MAJOR J^OAH AxN« Mil L>0Wn1x\G. 



wasn^t more than one true genuine old Democratic l^tepublikait 
left in Virginny, and that was old Mr. llitchio, of the Rich- 
mond Enquirer; and even he seemed to be a little wavering 
since Mr. Calhoau and some otlicrs had g^oue oveV. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. Ill 

Well, there's Mr. Clay, says I, of Kentucky, I don't think 
he'll ever flinch from the Kepublikan cause. Henry Clay, 
Bays he, turning up his nose, why he's been a Federalist this 
six years. No, no, Mr. Downing, if you think of going that 
gate, you may as well turn about and go home again before 
you go any further. What gate ? says I. Why to join the 
Clay party, says he. I told him I never had sich a thought in 
my life ; I always belonged to the Kepublikan party, and 
always meant to. He looked rather good-natured again when 
he heard that ; and says he, do you know what the true Ke- 
publikan doctrine is ? I told him I had always had some 
kind of an idea of it, but I didn't know as I could explain it 
exactly. Well, says he, I'll tell you ; it is to support Gineral 
Jackson for re-election, through thick and thin. That is the 
only thing that will save the country from ruin. And if 
Gineral Jackson should be unwell or any thing jest before 
election, so he could not be a candidate, the true Kepublikan 
doctrine is to support Mr. Tan Buren. I told him very well, 
he might depend upon my sticking to the Kepublikan party, 
all weathers. Upon that he set down and wrote me a recom- 
mendation to the President for an ofiSce, and it almost made 
me blush to see what a master substantial genuine Kepub- 
likan he made me. I had a number more capital recom- 
mendations at New York, but I haven't time to tell you about 
^em in this letter. Some were to Mr. Clay, and some 1o Mr. 
Van Buren, and some to Mr. Calhoun. I took 'em all, for I 
thought it was kind of uncertain whose hands I might fall 
into hereafter, and it might be well enough to have two or 
Xhvee strings to my bow, 

I haven't cf ^.led on the PresideJit yet, though TVe been hero 



118 MY THIRTY YEARS 

about a week. My clothes had got so shabby, I thought I 
better hire out a few days and get slicked up a little. Three 
of the offices that I come after are gone slick enough, and the 
other one's been given away to a Mr. White, but he wouldn't 
take it ; so I'm in hopes I shall be able to get in. And if I 
don't get that, there's some chance for me to get in to be Vice 
President, for they had a great Jackson meeting 'tother day, 
and they kicked Mr. Calhoun right out doors, and said they 
wouldn't have him for Vice President no longer. Now some 
say they think I shall get it, and some think Mr. Van Buren 
'11 get it. 

Howsomever, I feel pretty safe, for Major Noah told me if I 
couldn't get anything else, the President could easily make a 
foreign mission for me, 

Oh dear 1 uncle, it makes me feel kind of bad when I think 
how fur Pve got from home. 

I shall call on the old Gineral in two or three days, and if I 
can make a dicker with him about the office Pll let you know 

Your lovin neffn, * 

JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. HQ 



LETTER X5IL* 

MR. DOWNING TELLS HOW HE STRIPT UP HIS SLEEVES AND DEFENDED 
MR. INGHAM ON HIS FRONT DOOR-STEPS, DURING THE AFTER-CLAP 
THAT FOLLOWED THE BLOW-UP OF GINERAL JACKSON's FIRST CABINET. 

Washington City, June 21, 1831. 

To Uncle Joshua Downing, up in Downingville, or else to Cousin 
JSTabby, it isnH much matter which, heing that some of it is about 
the ladies : 

Dear Uncle Joshua : — It's pretty trying times here. They 
carry on so like the old smoker, I don't hardly know what to 
make of it. If I hadn't said I wouldn't leave Washington 
till I got an office, I don't know but I should come back to 



* [Editorial Note. — It will be remembered, by those whose political remin- 
iscences extend back so far, that General Jackson's first Cabinet blew up. In 
other words, the whole Cabinet resigned in a body. This came upon the 
country something like a thunder-clap. Very soon upon the heels of the 
thunder-clap came an after-clajp, which produced a sensation throughout the 
country scarcely inferior to that of the thunder-clap. The thuader-clap and 
the after-clap were believed to be intimately connected, and some even went 
BO far ai *o say that the after-clap was the real cause of the thunder- clap. 
Major Dos iing's letter gives some of the esciting scenes of the after-clap, 
and perhaps a few words should be added here explanatory of the whole affair. 

There was an inside view and an outside view to this Cabinet dlflQculty, as 
well as most other things in the world. The inside view, the Seuatorial view, 
Buch as Colonel Benton would take in his " Thirty Years," was something 
like this : Mr. Calhoun, the Vice-President, and Mr. Van Buren, the Secre- 
tary of State, were rival competitors for the successorship to the oflBce of 
President. It came to the knowledge of the President that a proposition had 
been made in Mr. Monroe's Cabinet to punish General Jackson for his con- 
duct and doings in Florida, in the Seminole War. For some time General 



120 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Downingville and go to planting potatoes. Them are Hun- 
tonites and Jacksonites down there in Maine last winter 
were pretty clever sort of folks to what these chaps are here. 
Cause down there if they got ever so mad, they didn't do 
nothing but talk and jaw one another ; but here, if anybody 
doesn't do to suit 'em, fact they'll up and shoot him in a 
minute. I didn't think getting an oflBce was such dangerous 
kind of business, or I don't know as I should have tried it. 
Howsomever, it's neck or nothing with me now, and I must 
do something to try to get some money here, for I about as 
lieves die as to undertake to foot it away back agin clear to 
the State of Maine. And as the folks have to go armed here, 

Jackson believed that this proposition in the Cabinet came from Mr. Craw- 
ford, and that he was triumphantly defended by Mr. Calhoun and Mr. Adams, 
a statement having been published in a Western newspaper to this effect. 
Afterward the General learned, on the authority of Mr. Crawford and from 
other sourcess that it was Mr. Calhotm who made the proposition to punish 
him, and that he was protected in the Cabinet by Mr. Crawford and Mr. 
Adams. And he believed, as did also Mr. Crawford, that the reverse and 
false statement in the papers had been published at the instigation of Mr. 
Calhoun. This, of course, produced a decided coolness, or rather a warm dif- 
ficulty, between the President and the Vice-President. Mr. Calhoun there- 
upon published a pamphlet, addressed to the people of the United States, to 
explain the cause of the difficulty, and charging Mr. Van Buren with being 
at the bottom of all the mischief. The President and Vice-President were at 
Rword-points, the members of the Cabinet were divided on the points of the 
quarrel — some of them were for Mr. Van Buren for the succession and some 
for Calhoun. An explosion was inevitable. The President had become at- 
tached to Mr. Van Buren, and was ready to do anything in the world for 
him. 

It was finally determined that there must be a re organisation of the 
Cabinet. Mr. Ingham, Secretary of the Treasury, Mr. Branch, Secretary of 
the Navy, and Mr. Berrien, Attorney-General, were in favor of Mr. Calhoun 5 
and Major Eaton, Secretary of War, and Mr, Barry, Postmaster- General, 
were in favor of Mr. Van Buren. In order to relieve the President from the 
necessity of dismissing any members of the Cabinet, Mr. Van Buren proposed 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 121 

I want you to put my old fowling piece into the stage and 
send it on here as quick as possible. I hope you'll be as 
quick as you can about it, for if I get an office I shan't dare to 
take it till I get my gun. They come pretty near having a 
shooting scrape here yesterday. The Telegraph paper said 
something about Mr. Eaton's wife. It was nothing that I 
should think they need to make such a fuss about ; it only 
said that some of the ladies here refused to visit her. But 
some how or other it made Mr. Eaton as mad as a March hair. 
He declared he'd fight somebody, he didn't care who. 

The first man he happened to come at was Mr. Ingham. 
So he dared Mr. Ingham out to fight. Not to bos, as they do 
sometimes up in Downingville, but to stand and shoot at 

that the whole Cabinet should resign, which was promptly done. Their 
places were filled as follows ; Edward Livingston, of Louisiana, Secretary of 
State ; Louis McLane, of Delaware, Secretary of the Treasury ; Lewis Cass, 
of Ohio, Secretary of War ; Levi Woodbury, of New Hampshire, Secretary 
of the Navy ; Amos Kendall, of Kentucky, Postmaster-General ; Roger B. 
Taney, of Maryland, Attorney-General. Mr. Downing, who "footed it" 
from Portland to Washington for the express purpose of filling one of these 
ofiBces, was a little too late, it seems, as other people are sometimes who go 
to Washington on a similar errand. So much for the inside view. 

The outside view of this matter, such as Mr. Downing would take in his 
*' Thirty Years," and such as a good many outside folks took at the time, 
showed " a lady in the case." Mr. Eaton had married Mrs. Timberlake, 
widow of an officer of the navy, and Mr. Eaton and his wife were pets and 
protege's of President Jackson. But, in consequence of certain gossip or 
slanders about this lady, the wives of the other members of the Cabinet re- 
fused to visit or associate with her. Then, of course, " the fat was all in the 
fire." No Cabinet could stand an ordeal like that without an explosion. 
General Jackson was furious as a roaring lion, and Major Eaton a little 
more so. He challenged Mr. Ingham to a duel, but Ingham would not fight. 
Then followed the scenes of attempted -edress with canes and bowie-knives, 
and an assault upon Mr. Ingham's house at night, which was so bravely de- 
fended by Mr. Downing, and so graphically described in his letter, and, we 
may add, so well delineated by our artist. 



122 Mr THIRTY YEARS 

each other. But Mr. Ingham wouldn't touch to, and told him 
he was crazy. That made Mr. Eaton ten times more mad 
than he was before; and he declared he'd flog him anyhow, 
whether he was willing or not. So he got a gang of gentle- 
men yesterday to go with him to the Treasury Office, where 
Mr. Ingham does his writing, and waited there and in a grog 
shop close by as much as two hours for a chance to catch him 
and give it to him. Mr. Ingham was out a visiting in the 
city, and when he got home his folks told him what was going 
on, and begged him not to go to the office, for he would cer- 
tainly be killed. " Poh," says he, " do you think I'm afraid of 
them are blustering chaps? There's more smoke than fire 
there, I can tell ye; give me my pistols, it is time for me to go 
to the office." Some of the ladies cried, and some almost 
fainted away. But he pacified 'em as well as he could, and 
then set out for the office, and three or four men went with 
him, and I guess they carried something under their arms 
that would make daylight shine through a feller pretty quick. 
And I guess the gang of gentlemen waiting for him begun 
to smell a rat, for they cleared out pretty soon and never 
touched him. But their courage came again in the evening, 
and this same gang of gentlemen turned out and marched up 
to Mr. Ingham's house, and threatened to burst the doors open 
and drag him out by the hair of the head and skin him alive. 
I thought this was carrying the joke rather too far, so I tho't 
I'd put in my oar ; for when I see any body run upon too hard 
I can't help taking their part. 

So I stepped up to Mr. Ingham's front door steps, and threw 
my hat down, and rolled up my sleeves, and spit on my hands; 
and by that time the chaps began to stare at me a little. And 



^-Vi, 




\ \ N \ 



[123] 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 125 

now says I, " Major Eaton, this is quite too bad. A man's 
house is his castle. Here's Mr. Ingham in his house as peace- 
able as a lamb; he isn't a meddling with nobody, and you 
needn't think to drag him out here to-night, I can tell ye. If 
you really want to take a bit of a box, just throw away your 
powder and ball and here's the boy for you. I'll take a fist or 
two with you and glad of the chance." 

" You impudent scoundrel," says he, " who are you ? what 
business is it to you what I done ? Clear out, or I'll send you 
where you ought to have been long ago." 

"Well, then, you'll send me into sorre good office," says I, 
for there's where I ought to have been more than two years 
ago." 

" Well," says he, " clear out ;" and up he come blustering 
along toward the steps. But I jest put my foot down, and 
doubled up my fist, and now, says I, " Major Eaton, it won't 
be healthy for you to come on to these steps to-night." 

Says he, " I'm going through that door whether or no '* 
Says I, " you don't go through this door to-night, without you 
pass over the dead body of Jack Downing, of the State of 
Maine." My stars, when they heard that, they dropt their 
heads as quick as though they had been cut off, for they didn't 
know who I was before. Major Eaton and the whole gang of 
gentlemen with him turned right about and marched away as 
whist as mice They were afraid I should have 'em all before 
the President to-day, and have 'em turned out of office; for it's 
got whispered round the city that the President sets a great 
deal by me, and that I have a good deal of influence with him. 

This morning Mr. Ingham started for Philadelphy. Before 
he left, he thanked me a thousand times for defending his 



126 MY THIRTY YEARS 

house so well last night, and he wrote a letter to tne Presi' 
dent, telling him all ahout the scrape. I went a piece with 
him to see him safe out of the city on the great road toward 
Baltimore. 

About my prospects for an office, I can't tell you yet how I 
shall come out. I've been in to see the President a number 
of times, and he talks very favorable. I have some chance to 
get in to be Secretary of War, if old Judge White don't take 
it ; and if I don't get that the President says he'll do the best 
he can for me. 

I never had to be so strict a Republikan before in my life as 
Pve had to be since Pve been here, in order to get the right 
side of the President. Pll tell you something about it in my 
next, and about my visits to the President, and a good many 
other famous things here. 

P. S. — Be sure and send the old gun as quick as possible. 
Your loving nefifu, 

JACK DOWNING 




BEG, 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 121 



LETTER XXIII. 

MR. DOWNING RECEIVES A CAPTAIN's COMMISSION IN THE UNITED STATES 
ARMY, WITH ORDERS TO GO AND PROTECT THE INHABITANTS OF 
MADAWASKA. 

Washington City, the 20th day of October, 1831. 

To Uncle Joshua Downing, ujp in Downingville, State of Maine^ 
this with care and speed : 

Dear Uncle Joshua : — I've got it at last, as true as you're 
alive, and now I don't keer a snap for the fattest of 'em. I'll 
teach them are young chaps down to Portland that used to poke 
fun at me so because I didn't get in to be Governor, that they 
must carry a better tongue in their heads, or they'll find out 
who they are talking to. I guess they'll find out by and by it 
won't be healthy for 'em to poke fun at an ofiicer of my rank. 
And as for Jemime Parsons, that married the schoolmaster 
winter before last, when she had promised as fair as could be 
that she would have me, she may go to grass for what I keer ; 
I wouldn't have her now no more than I'd have a Yirginny 
nigger. And I guess when she comes to see me with my regi- 
mentals on she'll feel sorry enough, and wish her cake was 
dough again. Now she's tied down to that clodpole of a 
schoolmaster, that wasn't fit for a schoolmaster neither, for ho 
has had to go to hoeing potatoes for a living, and much as 
ever he can get potatoes enough to keep 'em from starving, 
when if she had only done as she had promised, she might 
now be the wife of Captain Jack Downing, 6f the United 



128 MY THIRTY YEARS 

States Army. But let her go; as I said afore, I don't care a 
snap for her or all old White's cattle. I'll tell you what 'tis, 
uncle, I feel about right now. It seems to me I could foot it 
home in two days, for my feet never felt half so light before. 
There's nothing like trying, in this world, uncle; anybody that 
tries can be something or other, if he don't get discouraged 
too soon. When I came on here, you know, I expected to get 
one of the great Secretaries' offices; but the good old Presi- 
dent told me they had got him into such a hobble about them 
are offices that he couldn't give me one of 'em if he was to die. 
But he treated me like a gentleman, and I shall always vote 
for him as long as I live, and I told him so. And when he 
found out that I was a true genuine Republikan, says he, 
"Mr. Downing, you must be patient, and I'll bear you in mind, 
and do something for you the very first chance. And you may 
depend upon it, Mr. Downing," he added with a good deal of 
earnestness, " I never desert my friends, let that lying Ste- 
phen Simpson, of Philadelphy, say what he will about it — a 
good-for-nothing, ungrateful dog." And he fetched a stomp 
with his foot, and his eyes kind of flashed so fiery that I 
couldn't help starting back, for I didn't know but he was 
going to knock me over. But he looked pleasant again in a 
minute, and took me by the hand, and now, says he, *' Mr. 
Downing, I give you my honor that I'll do something for you 
as soon as I possibly can." I told him I hoped he would be as 
spry as he could about it, for I had but jest nincpence left, 
and I didn't know how I should get along very well, in a 
strange place, too. But he told me never to mind that at all ; 
I might come and eat my meals at his house whenever I'd a 
mind to or he would be bondsman for my board where I put 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



129 



up. So IVe worked along- from that time to this, nearly four 
months, as well as I could — sometimes getting a little job of 
garden- work, and sometimes getting a little wood to saw, and 
so on, nearly enough to pay my expenses. I used to call and 
see the President once in a while, and he always told me I 




ih ii 



"--^ar 



GENERAL JACKSON SENDS FOR AIR. DOWNING. 

must be patient and keep up a good heart — the world wasn't 
made in one day — and something would turn up for me by and 
by. But fact, after digging and sawing, and waiting four 
months, my patience got most wore out, and I was jest upon 
the point of giving up the chase, and starting off for Down- 
6 



]30 MY THIRTY YEARS 

ingville with the intention of retiring to private life, when, 
last night, about seven o'clock, as I sot eating a bowl of 
bread and milk for my supper, a boy knocked at the door and 
wanted to see Mr. Downing. So they brought him into the 
room where I was, and says he, " Mr. Downing, the President 
wants to see you for something very particular, right away 
this evening." My heart almost jump'd right up in my mouth. 
My spoon dropt out of my hand, and to eat another mouthful 
I couldn't if I was to starve. I flew round, and washed my 
face and hands, and combed my head, and brushed up as well 
as I could, and should have looked tolerable spruce if it 
hadn't been for an unlucky hole in the knee of my trouses. 
What to do I did not know. It made me feel bad enough I 
can tell you. The woman where I boarded said she would 
mend them for me if I would take them off, but it would take 
her till about nine o'clock, and the President was waiting for 
me, and there 'twas. Such a hobble I never was in before. 
But this woman is a kind, good creature as ever was ; she 
boards me for four and sixpence a week, considering that I 
split wood for her, and bring water, and do all sich kind of 
chores. And she always had some contrivance to got out of 
every diflSculty ; and so she handed me a neat little pocket 
handkerchief and told me to tie that round my knee. Being 
thus rigged out at last, I started off as fast as I could go for 
the President's. 

When I went into his room the old gentleman was sitting 
by a table with his spectacles on, and two great lamps burn- 
ing before him, and a bundle of letters and papers in his hand. 
He started up and took me by the hand, and sayu he, " good 
evening, Mr. Downing, I'm very gUid to see you ; you are the 



OUT OF THK SENATE. 131 

very man I want now, above all others in the world. But 
now is this," says he, looking at my knee ; " not lame, I hope ? 
That would be a most unfortunate thing in this critical mo- 
ment. It would knock my plan in the head at once." I felt 
kind of blue, and I guess I blushed a little ; but I turned it 
off as well as I could ; I told him I wasn't lame at all ; it 
was nothing but a slight scrach, and by to-morrow morning J 
should be as well as ever I was in my life. " Well then," 
says he, " Mr. Downing, sit down here and see what I have 
got to tell you." The old gentleman set himself back in his 
chair and pushed his spectacles up on his forehead and held up 
the letter in his hand, and says he, "Mr. Downing, here is a 
letter from Governor Smith, of Maine, and now. Sir, I've got 
something for you to do. You see now that I was sincere 
when I told you if you would be patient and stick to the Re- 
publikan text, I would look out for you one of these days. Pm 
always true to my friends ; that lying Stephen Simpson might 
have had an office before now if he had behaved himself." 

" Well, dear Sir," said I, for I felt in such a pucker to know 
what I was going to get that I couldn't stand it any longer, 
so says I, " what sort of business is it you've got for me 
to do ?" Says he " Mr. Downing, I take it you are a man of 
courage ; I have always thought so ever since you faced Mr. 
Eaton so boldly on Mr. Ingham's door-steps. Tho' I was sorry 
your courage was not displayed in a better cause, for that 
Ingham is a rascal after all." I told him as for courage I be- 
lieved I had some of the stuff about me when there was any 
occasion for it, and that I never would stand by and see any- 
body abused. " Well," says he, " we must come to the point, 
for the business requires haste. Governor Smith writes me 



132 MY THIRTY YEARS 

that there are four of your fellow-citizens of Maine in a British 
jail at Fredericton, who have been taken from their farms by 
British constables and sheriffs and other officers and carried 
off by force to prison/' 

By this time my very hair begun to curl, I felt so mad, and 
I couldn't help jumping up and smiting my fists together, and 
saying pretty hard things about the British. 

" Well," says the President, " I like your spunk, Mr. Down- 
ing ; you're jest the man I want in this business. Pm going 
to give you a captain's commission in the United States army, 
and you must go down there and set that business right at 
Madawaska. You must go to Maine and raise a company of 
volunteers as quick as possible ; tell 'em Pll see 'em paid ; 
and you must march down to Fredericton and demand the 
prisoners, and if they are not given up you must force the 
jail, and if the British make any resistance you must fire 
upon them and bring the prisoners off at some rate or other. 
Then write me and let me know how affairs stand, and Pll 
give you further orders. At any rate you must see that the 
rights of Maine are well protected, for that State has come 
round so in my favor since last year Pm determined to do 
everything I can for them; I tell you, Mr. Downing, I never 
desert my friends." 

So, after he gave me the rest of my orders and my commis- 
sion, and a pocket full of money, and told me to be brave and 
if I wanted anything to let him know, he bid me good night, 
and I went home. But I couldn't sleep a wink all night. I 
was up before day-light this morning, and I've got two 
women to work for me to-day fixing up my clothes, and I shall 
be ready to start to-morrow morning. I want you to keep 



OUT OF THE SENM-S. 133 

this matter pretty stil) till I get there, except that you may 
let cousin Ephraim know it and get him to volunteer some of 
the Downingville boys for my company. I want to get them 
pretty much all there if I can, for I know what sort of stuff 
the Downingville boys are made of, and shall know what I've 
got to depend upon. 

In haste, your loving neffu, 

CAPTAIN JACK DOWNING. 



134 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XXIV. 

UNCLE JOSHUA DESCRIBES TO PRESIDENT JACKSON HOW THEY DRAFTED 
THE MILITIA COMPANY IN DOWNINGVILLE TO GO WITH CAPT. JACK 
DOWNING TO THE MADAWASKA WAR. 

DowNiNGviLLE, Nov. 6, 1831. 

General Jackson — Dear Sir : I hope you'll excuse me, my 
makin' bold to write to you, bein' you are President of the 
United States and I only a humble farmer in the back-woods 
down here in Maine ; but I'm a Republikan to the back-bone, 
so I kind of think you'll take it in good part. My neffu, Cap- 
tain Jack Downing, has been here and got his company and 
started off for Madawaska. He said he ought to write to you 
before he started, but he was so arnest to get down there and 
give them New Brumzickers a thrashin' he didn't know how 
to stop. So I told him to go ahead, and I'd write and tell you 
all about it arter he was gone. "We had the company all 
drafted and cut and dried for him when he got here, for the 
Governor of the State had given orders to draft the militia all 
over the State to be ready for the war down in the disputed 
territory. 

My son Joel has gone down to the boundary war along 
with the rest of 'em, and we feel bad enough about it, I can 
tell you. He's too young to go, I know; he's a mere striplin' 
of a boy yet; he won't be seventeen years old till the fifth day 
of next May, if he should live to see it. But the poor boy 
may not live to see that day now; for he's taken his life in Ms 



OUT OF THK SENATE. 135 

hands, and gone to fight for his country like a man and a 
hero, live or die. It was a try in' time to us, Gineral ; it was 
a tryin' time— but I may as well tell you the story, and then 
you'll know. 

After we heard the British had taken our land agent, and 
carried him off to New Brumzick, we begun to look out for a 
squall. It was about dark when the post brought the papers 
that had the account of it ; so, arter supper, we all went into 
father's to talk the matter over. For father knows move 
about sich matters than anybody else in Downingville— he was 
out three years in the Revolution, and was in the battle of 
Lexington before he 'listed, and had the fore-finger of his rigiit 
hand shot off in the battle of Bunker Hill, jest as he was pull- 
ing trigger, and aiming at a British officer that was hurrying 
up the hill, and driving his soldiers up like a fury. But 
father always says he didn't lose his shot by it ; for when he 
found that finger was gone, and wouldn't pull, he tried the 
next finger, and the old gun went without losing his aim, and 
the British officer fell ; and he always believed it was his 
shot brought him down. Though father is eighty-five years 
old now, and is bo lame he can't walk about much, yet his 
mind holds out remarkably, and he can talk about these 
things as smart as ever he could. His house stands right 
aside of mine, only fur enough apart for a long shed between 
'em, and he used to live in the same house with me, or rather, 
I lived in the same house with him, till I had so many 
children, and my family got so large 'twas rather worrisome 
to the old gentleman, and we was rather scant of room, so 1 
built another house and moved into it, and got cousin Debby 
to live with the old folks and take care of them. 



136 MY THIRTY YEARS 

So, as I said afore, arter supper we took the papers ana 
went into father's, and I sot down and read it all over tc 
him — how a parcel of the British come over into our disputecf 
territory and went to cutting down our timber like smoke, so 
as to steal it, and carry it off in the spring when the rivers 
open, away down to New Brumzick ; and how our Governor, 
as soon as he heard about it, sent Mr. Mclntire, the land 
agent, and a hundred and fifty men to put a stop to that 
stealin' business, and ketch the fellers if he could, and bring 
'em off; and how Mr. Mclntire took his men and marched 
off down there into the woods, ever so fur, into our disputed 
territory, and got all ready and was jest a going to ketch the 
fellers and bring 'em off up to Augusta, when the thieving 
chaps turned about and keiched him, and put him on a sled. and 
hauled him off down to Fredericton, in New Brumzick, and 
put him in jail 

When I got along so fur, father couldn't hold still no 
longer ; he struck his staff down on the floor, jest as if it had 
been a training-gun, and says he ; 

" Joshua, there'll be trouble ; you may depend upon't, 
there'll be trouble. If our people will stand that, they ain't 
made of such kind of stuff as the old Eevolution folks was 
made of, nor nothing like it. In them days, if the British had 
took one of our men and hauled him off to Fredericton, and 
put him in jail, every man in the old Bay State, and every boy 
tu, that was big enough to carry a gun, would a shouldered 
it, and marched to New Brumzick, and Fredericton jail would 
a been stripped down in no time, and Mr. Mclntire brought 
home agin." 

Says I, " father, you mistake ; your Eevolution folks 



OUT OF THE SENATE. ,. 13*J 

couldn't a brought Mr. Mclntire home again, for he was not 
there in them days; it's Mr. Mclntire that's in jail now." 

" Yes they would," said the old gentleman, rising out of his 
chair, and striking his staff down on the floor harder than he 
did afore; "they'd a gone after Mr. Mclntire, or any other 
man living, that had American blood in his veins, and they'd 
a brought him back, if they'd had to fit their way through 
forty New Brumzicks for him. Ain't the people waking up 
about it no where ? ain't they going down to give them New 
Brumzicks a thrashing ?" 

I looked at my son Joel, and I see his face was all of a 
blaze; and he looked as if he was jest a going to burst out. 

Says I, " Joel, my boy, what's the matter ?" 

His face grew redder, and the tears came into his eyes, and 
he struck his fists together, hard enough to crack a walnut. 

" By king," says he, " father, I wish I was old enough to 
train ; I want to go down there, and help give them are 
British what they deserve." 

"By the memory of George Washington!" said my father, 
" I wish I was young enough to train; I should like to shoul- 
der my gun agin, and go and teach them New Brumzickers 
better manners. But what are they doing at Augusta ? Ain't 
there no stir about it yet ?" 

Says I, "we'll read on and see." So I looked over the 
papers a little more, and found the Governor had ordered ten 
thousand of the militia to be drafted to go down and keep the 
British out of our disputed territory, and prevent their steal- 
ing our pine timber. 

" That looks something like it," said my father ; " that's a 

little like the spunk of old seventy-six. The British '11 have to 
6* 



138 Mt THIRTY YEARS 

let our disputed territory alone now, or else they'll have to 
come to the scratch for it. I wish I was twenty years 
younger, I'd go down as a volunteer." 

" I wish I was only two years older," said my son Joel, 
" then I should stan' a chance to be drafted ; and if I wasn't 
drafted, I'd go, whether or no." 

At that my wife and mother both fetched a heavy sigh. 
Mother said she thought father had been through wars 
enough in his day to rest in his old age, and let sich things 
alone. My wife, she wiped her eyes, for they was full of tears, 
and begged Joel not to talk so, for he was too young ever to 
think of sich things. And then she turned to father, and 
asked him if he really thought there was going to be any war. 

''Yes," said father, "jest as true as the sun will rise to- 
morrow, there'll be a war, and that pretty soon tu, unless the 
New Brumzickers back out, and give up Mr. Mclntire, and let 
the timber on our disputed territory alone. The orders will 
be up here to draft the militia within two days, and I 
shouldn't be surprised if they should be called out before to- 
morrow morning." 

At that my wife and the gals had a pretty considerable of a 
crying spell. 

After we'd talked the matter all over, we went home, and 
went to bed ; but we didn't any of us rest very well. My 
wife she sighed herself to sleep arter awhile ; and I heard my 
son Joel, arter he got to sleep, muttering about guns and the 
British, and declaring he would go. I had jest got into a 
drowse, about midnight, when I heard a heavy knock at the 
door. I sprung out of bed, and went and looked out of the 
window, and asked who was there. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 139 

" Sargent Johnson," was the reply. " Yv'e've got to stan 
a draft to-night. The Governor's orders got here about an 
hour ago. We're sending round to warn our company to 
meet up here, to Mr. Wilson's tavern, at two o'clock this 
morning ; it's near about one now, and the Captain wants 
Fquire Downing to come over and help see about making the 
draft. He wants to get through with it as soon as he can, so 
them that's drafted may be getting ready, for they've got to 
set out to Bangor at eight o'clock this morning." 

I told him I would come right over ; and so I lit a candle 
and dressed myself as quick as I could, and come out into the 
kitchen to put on my boots, and who should I find there but 
my son Joel all dressed, and his cap on, ready for a start. He 
had heard what had been said, and it put the fidgets right 
into him. 

Says he, " Father, I want to go over and see 'em draft." I 
told him he better be abed and asleep by half. But he said 
he couldn't sleep; and I found the boy was so arnest to go, 
that I finally told him he might. 

We hadn't more than got dressed, before we heard the drum 
beat over to Mr, Wilson's tavern ; so we started off and went 
over. When we got there, they had a fire in the large hall, 
and the company was most all there. The Captain had got a 
bowl and some black beans and white beans all ready, and he 
wanted me to draw for them, so they might all feel satisfied 
there was no partiality. There was one sargent to be drafted, 
and we drew him first ; and it fell to Sargent Johnson. He 
stood it like a man ; I didn't see as he trembled or turned 
pale a bit He looked a little redder if anything, and kind of 
bit his lip as he took his gun and marched into the middle of 



140 MY TfllPvTY YEARS 

the floor, anu he turned round and looked at the company, and 
says he, 

" Pm ready to go and fight for our country to the last drop 
of my blood but what we'll make the British back out of our 
disputed territory, and stop their thieving." 

The company gave three cheers for Sargent Johnson, and 
then we went to drafting the privates. There was eighty in 
the company, and twenty was to be drafted. So they took 
sixty white beans and twenty black ones, and put 'em into the 
bowl, and held it up, so nobody couldn't look into it, and I 
was to draw 'em out as the orderly sargent called out the 
names. So when we got ready to begin, the sargent sung 
out, 

" William Jones." 

I put my had into the bowl and drawed, and sung out, 

" White bean." 

" Peter Livermore," cried the sargent. 

Peter Livermore started, as if he'd had a shock from an 
electrical machine ; his legs shook a little, and he looked in 
the face as if he felt rather bad. I put my hand in and 
drawed, and sung out, 

" White bean." 

Peter looked better in a minute. He's a great, tall, six-foot 
chap, and looks as if he could almost whip a regiment of com- 
mon fellers himself ; and although he's something of a brag, 
it's generally thought, when you come right up to the pinch 
of the game, he's a little cowardly. Peter stretched his head 
back, and straddled his legs a little wider, and looked round 
on the company, and says he, 

" I swow, I thought I should a been drafted, and I almost 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 141 

wish I had. It would a been fun alive to a gone down there, 
and had a brush 'long with them are New Brumzickers. My 
old fowling-piece would a made daylight shine through fifty of 
'em in half an hour's fighting. I swow I'm disappinted — I 
was in hopes I should been drafted.'^ 

The company knew Peter too well to mind much what he 
said ; they only laughed a little, and the Sargent went on, and 
called out, 

" John Smith, the third.'' 

I drawed to it, and says I, 

" White bean." 

The Sargent called out again, 

" John Downing, the second." 

That was the oldest son of Uncle John Downing, the black- 
smith, a smart boy, and twenty- three years old. Somehow, as 
soon as I heard his name, I kind of felt as if he was going to 
be drafted ; and I put in my hand and drawed, and sure enough, 
I sung out, 

" Black bean." 

John shouldered his gun in a minute, and marched out iato 
the middle of the floor, and took his stand beside Sargent 
Johnson. He looked so resolute, and marched so quick, that 
the company at once gave three cheers for John. 

" David Sanborn," cried the Sargent. 

" White bean," said I. 

" Ichabod Downing," said the Sargent. 

I drawed, and answered the same as before, 

" White bean." 

" Jeremiah Cole," called out the Sargent. 

" Black bean," said I ; " black bean for Jerry." 



142 MY THIRTY YEARS 

After waiting a minute, the Captain called out, " Whereas 
Jerry Cole ? Isn't Jerry here ?" 

" Yes, setting down behind here on a bench," answered half 
a dozen at once. 

" Come Jerry, come forward," said the Captain ; *' let us see 
your spunk." 

By and by Jerry come creeping out from behind the com- 
pany, and tried to get across the floor ; but his face was as 
white as a cloth, and he shook and trembled so he couldn't 
scarcely walk. He let his gun fall on the floor, and sot down 
in a chair that stood by the side of the room, and boo-hoo'd 
out a crying like a baby. 

" "Well done," said the Captain ; " there's spunk for you. 
What's the matter, Jerry — can't you go ?" 

" Booh-hoo," said Jerry, "I aint well — I'm very sick. Cap- 
tain ; I don't think I could go any way in the world." 

*' Well, well," said the Captain, " leave your gun, and you 
may run home as fast as you can go, and see your mother, 
and we'll get somebody else to go in your room." 

At that, Jerry darted out of the door, and pulled foot for 
home, like a streak of lightning. 

" Where's Peter Livermore," said the Captain ; " he may 
take Jerry's place, being he was disappointed at not being 
drafted." And he called Peter, and told him to take Jerry's 
gun and stand up in the floor with the drafts. Peter colored 
as red as you ever see, and begun to sweat. At last, says he : 

" Captain, I don't see how I can go any way in the world, 
my family's out of wood and meal, and a good many other 
things, and I couldn't leave home." 

" Oh," says the Captain, " we'll take care of your family 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 143 

while you are gone, Peter. Come, take the gun ; don't stop 
to parley." 

" But, Captain," said Peter, the sweat beginning to roll off 
his face, " if I'd been drafted. Captain, Pd a gone with the 
greatest pleasure in the world, and shouldn't wanted no bet- 
ter fun. But somehow or other, it seems to me like presump- 
tion, to go throwing myself into danger, when it wasn't my 
lot to go. I shouldn't like to go, Captain, without I was 
drafted." 

" Well, well," said the Captain, " you needn't go ; we want 
no cowards to go. But who is there here, among the specta- 
tors, or among the men whose names have been called, that 
isn't afraid to take Jerry's gun and fill Jerry's place. If there's 
any one here that's willing to go, let him come forward ." 

At that, my son Joel sprung like a young tiger, and seized 
Jerry's gun, and jumped into the middle of the floor and stood 
up by the side of Sargent Johnson, and shouldered his gun 
with so much eagerness, and looked so fierce and determined, 
although nothing but a striplin' of a boy, that the whole com- 
pany burst out in three tremendous cheers for Joel Downing. 
The Captain asked me if I was willing he should go. I was 
never so tried in my life. For my own part, bein' the boy was 
so brave and wanted to go so much, I should a said yes. But 
then I knew it would almost kill his mother. So, what to do 
I didn't know. But I found the boy had got his mind so fixed 
upon going, that if he didn't go it would about kill him. So, 
on the whole, I told the Captain yes, he might put his name 
down. 

Then we went on with the drafting again and got all through 
without any more trouble, and got ready to go home about 



1*4 MY THIRTY YEARS 

three o'clock. The Captain told them that was drafted that 
they must all be ready to march at eight o'clock in the morn- 
ing, and they must be in front of the tavern at that hour, and 
start together for Bangor. My son Joel and I then went 
home, and made up a fire and routed the folks all out, and told 
'em Joel was listed, and got to start at eight o'clock, to fight 
for our disputed territory. Sich an outcry as there was for 
about a half an hour I guess you never heard i My wife 
couldn't a cried harder if Joel had been shot dead there before 
her feet, though she didn't make much noise about it, for she 
always cries to herself. The older gals, they cried considera- 
ble louder ; and some of the younger children, that didn't 
hardly understand what the trouble was about, sot in and 
screamed as loud as they could bawl. 

At last says I, " There's no use in this noise and fuss ; the 
boy's got to go, and he's got to be off at eight o'clock tu, and 
the sooner we set ourselves to work to get him ready the bet- 
ter." That seemed to wake 'em up a little. My wife went to 
work and picked up his clothes, and she and the gals sot down 
and mended his shirts and stockins, and fried up a parcel of 
doughnuts for him to put in his knapsack, and got him all 
fixed up and breakfast ready about six o'clock. We hadn't 
waked up old father in the night, bein' he's so old ; but in the 
morning we let him know about it, and he wanted my son 
Joel to come in and see him before he went ; so we went into 
the old gentleman's room. 

" Now, Joel, my boy," said the old gentleman, " I feel proud 
to hear sich a good report of you. You'd a made a good sol- 
dier in the days of the Revolution. 'Twas such boys as you 
that drove the British from Lexington^ and mowed 'em down 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 145 

on Bunker Hill, and went through the fatigue of Burgoine. 
You'll feel a little queer at first, when you see the enemy com- 
ing up to you with their guns pinted right at you ; and, brave 
as you are, you'll feel a little streaked. But you mus'n't mind 
it ; as soon as they've fired once, you wont feel any more of it, 
and wont keer any more about 'em than you would about a 
flock of sheep. But don't be in a hurry to fire — mind that — 
don't be in a hurry to fire ; they told us at Bunker Hill not to 
fire till the enemy got up so near we could see the whites of 
their eyes. And 'twas a good rule ; for by that means we let 
'em get up so near, that when we did fire, we mowed 'em down 
like a field of clover, I can tell you. Be a good boy, Joel, and 
don't quit our disputed territory as long as there is any dispute 
about it." 

By this time we see 'em begin to gather in the road up by 
the tavern, and I told Joel it was time to be off ; so he took 
his gun, and his knapsack, which was pretty well stuffed, for 
each of the children had put in a doughnut or an apple, or a 
piece of cake, after their mother had crammed in as much as 
she thought he could carry, and then he marched away like a 
soldier up to the tavern. When they started they had to 
come down again by our house and go up over a rise of land 
t'other way about half a mile, before they got out of sight. So 
we all stood out in a row along by the side of the road to see 
'em as they went by. Father got out as fur as the door-step 
and stood leaning on his staff, and mother stood behind him 
with her specs on, looking over his shoulder ; and the rest of 
us, with the children, and cousin Bobby, and all, went clear out 
to the side of the road. Pretty soon they come along by, my 
son Joel at the head, and the rest marching two and two. 



146 



MY THIPvTY YEAI^S 



When they got along against us, little Sally run up and tucked 
another great apple into Joel's pocket, and my wife called out 
to him, ^* Now do pray be careful, Joel, and not get shot." 




THE DOWNIiNGVILLE COMPANY STARTING FOR THE WAR. 

Then grandfather raised his trembling voice, and says he : 
" Now Joel, my boy, remember and don't be in a hurry to 
fire." 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 147 

And the children called out all together, " good-b}', Joel, 
good-by, Joel," each repeating it over three or four times. 
Joel looked round and nodded once, when his mother called 
out to him, but the rest of the time he held his head up 
straight and marched like a soldier. We stood and watched 
'em till they got clear to the top of the hill and was jest a 
going out of sight, when all to once Joel stepped out one side, 
where we could see him, and let his old gun blaze away into 
the air, and in a minute more they were out of sight. 

" Ah," said old father, " that sounds like Bunker Hill ; that 
boy '11 do the business for them New Brumzickers, if they don't 
let our disputed territory alone." 

The company had not been gone more than half an hour 
when my neffu. Captain Jack Downing, arrived with his com- 
mission in his pocket. Jack hadn't been in Downingville be- 
fore for two years, and if there wasn't a time of it amoug our 
folks I'll never guess agin. Nabby, she hopped right up and 
down, like a mouse treed in a flour barrel. Ephraim snapped 
his thumb and finger, and spit on his hands, as though he had 
a cord of wood to chop. Aunt Keziah, (that's my wife) she 
put her apron up to her eyes and cried as much as half an 
hour, as hard as she could cry. I found I was rather choky, 
but I took down my pipe and rolled out a few whifs, and so 
made out to smoke it off. As soon as Jack had a chance to 
shake hands all round and get a little breakfast, he started off 
like a streak of chalk to overtake the company and take 
command. 

So I remain your true friend and fellow-laborer in the 
Kepublikan cause. 

JOSHUA DOWNING. 



148 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XXV. 

CAPTAIN DOWNING's FIRST MILITARY REPORT TO THE PRESIDENT. 

Madawaska, November 15, 1831. 
To His Excellency, Gineral Jackson, President of the United 
Stat-es, Sfc. 

Dear Gineral : — The prisoners are out and no blood spilt 
yet. I had prepared to give the British a most terrible battle 
if they hadn't let 'em out. I guess I should made 'em think 
old Bonapart had got back among 'em again, for a keener set 
of fellows than my company is made up of never shouldered a 
musket or trod shoe leather. I was pesky sorry they let 'em 
out quite so soon, for I really longed to have a brush with 'em ; 
and how they come to let 'em go I don't know, unless it was 
because they heard I was coming. And I expect that was the 
case, for the prisoners told me the British Minister at Wash" 
ington sent on some kind of word to Governor Campbell, and 
I suppose he told him how I had got a commission, and was 
coming down upon New Brunswick like a harrycane. 

If I could only got down there a little sooner and fit such a 
great battle as you did at New Orleans, my fortune would 
have been made for this world. I should have stood a good 
chance then to be President of the United States one of these 
days. And that's as high as ever I should want to get. I 
got home to Downingville in little more than a week after I 
left you at Washington— for having a pretty good pocketfull 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 149 

of money, and knowing that my business was very important, 
I rid in the stage most all the way. I spose I needn't stop to 
tell you how tickled all my folks were to see me. I didn't 
know for awhile but they'd eat me up. But I s'pose that's 
neither here nor there in making military reports, so I'll go 
on. I found no difficulty in getting volunteers. I believe I 
could have got nearly half the State of Maine to march if I 
had wanted 'em. But as I only had orders to list one good 
stout company, I took 'em all in Downingville, for I rather 
trust myself with one hundred genuine Downingville boys 
than five hundred of your common run I took one supernu- 
merary, however, when I got to Bangor. The editor of the 
Bangor Republican was so zealous to go, and said he'd fight 
so to the last drop of his blood, that I couldn't help taking 
him, so I appointed him supernumerary corporal. Poor fellow, 
he was so disappointed when he found the prisoners were out 
that he fairly cried for vexation. He's for having me go right 
on now and give all New Brunswick a real thrashing. 

But I know what belongs to gineralship better than that ; 
I haven't had my orders yet. Well, after we left Bangor, we 
had a dreadful rough and tumble sort of a journey, over rocks, 
and mountains, and rivers, and swamps, and bogs, and mea- 
dows, and through long pieces of woods, that I didn't know as 
we should find the way cut of. But we got through at last, 
and arrived here at Madawaska day before yesterday. I 
thought I better come this way and make a little stop at 
Madawaska to see if the prisoners' wives and little ones were 
in want of anything, and then go down to Fredericton and 
blow the British sky-high. 

When our company first came out in sight in Madawaska, 



150 MY THIRTY YEARS 

they thought it was the British coming to catch some more of 
^em ; and such a scattering and scampering I guess you never 
see. The men flew into the woods like a flock of sheep with 
forty dogs after 'em, and the women catched their babies up 
in their arms and run from one house to another, screeching 
and screaming enough to make the woods ring again. But 
when they found out we were United States troops come to 
help 'em, you never see anybody so glad. They all cried for 
joy then. The women run into the woods and called for 
their husbands to come back again, for there was nobody 
there that would hurt them, and back they came and treated 
us with the best they had in their houses. And while we sot 
chatting, before the women hardly got their tears wiped up, 
one of 'em looked up toward the woods and screamed out 
there comes the p'isoners. Some turned pale a little, thinking it 
might be their ghosts, but in a minute in they come, as good 
flesh and blood as any of us, and then the women had another 
good crying spell. 

I asked one of the prisoners how they got away, for I 
thought you would want to know all about it ; and says he, 
** we come away on our legs." " Did you break out of jail," 
said I ? "I guess there was no need of that," said he, '* for 
we wa'nt locked in half the time." " Did you knock down the 
guard," said I, " and fight your way out ?" " Humph I" said 
he, " I guess we might have hunted one while before we 
could find a guard to knock down. Nobody seemed to take 
any care of us ; if we wanted a drop of grog we had to go out 
and buy it ourselves." " Well, but" said I, " if you were left 
in such a loose state as that, why did you not run away be- 
fore ?" " Tut," said he, shrugging up his shoulders, " I guesa 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 151 

we knew what we were about ; tbe longer we staid there the 
more land the State of Maine would give us to pay us for 
being put in jail ; but when they turned us out of jail, and 
wouldn't keep us any longer, we thought we might as well 
come home." 

And now, dear Gineral, since matters are as they are, I 
shall take up my headquarters here at Madawaska for the 
present, and wait for further orders. I shall take good care 
of the people here, and keep everything in good order and not 
allow a single New Brunswicker to come anywhere within 
gun-shot. As for that Leftenant-Governor, Mr. Archibald 
Campbell, he better keep himself scarce ; if he shows his 
head here again, I shall jest put him into a meal bag and send 
him to Washington. I shall expect to hear from you soon ; 
and as I shall have to be here sometime, I don't know but you 
had better send me on a little more money. My uniform got 
rather shattered coming through the woods, and it will cost 
me something to get it fixt up again. 

This, from your old friend and humble servant, 

CAPTAIN JACK DOWNING. 



% 



152 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XXVI.* 

MR. DOWNING TELLS HOW THE JACK80NITES IN THE LEGISLATURE HAD A 
DREADFUL TUSSLE TO POUR A " HEALING ACT " DOWN THE THROATS 
OF THE HUNTONITES. 

Portland, Feb. 4, 1831. 
Dear Uncle Joshua : — There's terrible times here again, and 
I'm half afraid it's going to be worse than it was last winter. 
The Legislator's been all in the wind this two or three days, 
pulling and hauling and fighting like smoke. The wheels of 
Government are all stopt ; I can't say as they are trigged, as 
they used to be lYst winter, but they are fairly stopped, be" 
cause nobody don't pull 'em along ; for when the members are 



* Editorial Note. — The bitterness of feeling occasioned by the struggle 
for the ascendency between the two parties in 1830, still rankled in the 
breasts of the members of the Legislature in 1831. The Huntonites had ac- 
quired the ascendency the preceding session, but now the Jacksonites were 
in power, and they contended that the acts of the Huntonites in 1830 were 
unconstitutional and void. They therefore set about preparing a " healing 
act" to declare all the doings of the preceding Legislature valid in the 
lump. When this bill was brought forward, it produced a storm in the 
Legislature, almost unparalleled. The Huntonites considered it altogehter 
a useless, provoking piece of political trickery. They contended that if 
the acts of the former Legislature were in fact unconstitutional, no law 
passed by this Legislature could make them constitutional, and considering 
it a wanton attempt to heap insult and odium upon them, they fought 
against it almost while life and breath remained. A fierce debate on the 
passage of this bill was carried on for several days. But the Jacksonites 
bad the power in their own hands, and the bill was finally passed. The 
scene is somewhat minutely described in the accompanying letter. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 153 

all pulling each other's caps, how can they pull the wheels of 
Government ? My heart's been up in my mouth a dozen times 
for fear the State would go to ruin before I could get out of 
it ; and IVe scratched round and picked up what few bean- 
poles and ax-handles I had left, and got all ready to set sail 
to Boston, for I'm determined to be off before the State goes to 
rack. And I advise you and all our friends at Downingville 
to pack up as soon as you get this letter, and be all ready as 
soon as you hear a cracking down this way to fly for your 
lives away back into New-Hampshire or Vermont. The 
trouble, as near as I could understand it, begun in this way : 
The Jacksonites said the Huntonites worked so hard last win- 
ter in trying to trig the wheels of Government, and tear the 
Constitution to pieces, that they made themselves all sick, 
dreadful sick, and hadn't got well yet ; and it was time to do 
something to try to cure 'em ; for their sickness was so catch- 
ing that all the State would be taken down with it in a little 
while, if they want cured. 

But the Huntonite said they want sick abit ; they never 
was better in their lives ; and moreover, it was false that they 
had tried to trig the wheels of Government last winter ; or tear 
a single leaf out of the Constitution ; if anything of that kind 
was done, they said the Jacksonites did it, and as for taking 
doctor's stuff they'd no notion of it. But the Jacksonites said 
'twas no use, the Huntonites were all sick, and they must take 
some doctor stuff, and if they wouldn't take it willingly they 
must be made, to take it. So they went to work and fixed a dose 
that they called a healing act, that they said would cure all the 
'Huntonites and anybody else that had catched the sickness of 
'em. The Huntonites declared 'twas no use for 'em to fix it, 



154 MY THIRTY YEARS 

for they never would take it as long as they lived, that's what 
they wouldn't ; they were as well as anbody, and they'd fight 
it out till next June before they'd take it. Howsomever, the 
Jaoksonites got their dose ready, and yesterday they carried 
it into the House of Representatives and told the Huntonites 
they must take it, and 'twould do 'em good. As soon as the 
Huntonites smelt of it, they turned up their noses, and said no, 
before they'd take that are plaguy dirty stuff they'd fight 'em 
all over the State, inch by inch. But the Jacksonites said 
'twas no use — they might sniff as much as they pleased — it 
was the only thing that would cure 'em, and they must take 
it, and more than all that, they was the strongest and they 
should take it. The Huntonites see how 'twas gone goose 
with 'em, and they thought the on^y chance left was to put 
their hands over their mouth and fight and kick and scrabble 
with all their might, and keep it out of their throats as long 
as they could. Still they tried to talk and reason with the 
Jacksonites about it. They asked 'em to let 'em have time to 
examine the medicine carefully and see what it was made of, 
or that they would tell 'em what it was made of, or why they 
thought it would do any good to take it. But the Jacksonites 
said they shouldn't tell 'em anything about it, it would be 
" casting pearls before swine," and the good book said they 
musn't do so. 

The men who had fixed the dose knew what they were about, 
they had fixed it right, and the Huntonites must open their 
mouths and take it, and not parley any more about it. Well, 
the Jacksonites took the dose in one hand, and grab'd the 
Huntonites with the other, and tipped their heads back, and 
were jest agoing to pour it down their throats, when the Hun- 



OCT OF THE SENATE. 155 

tonites fetched a spring and kicked it away to the fourth day 
of April. But the Jacsonites run after it and got it back 
again in about half an hour, and clinched 'em again, and got 
all ready to pour it down ; but jest as they got it almost to 
their lips, the Huntonites fetched another spring, and kicked 
it away to the fourth of March. Away went the Jacksonites 
after it again, and brouglit it back, and clinched the Hunton- 
ites in the same manner as before, and they kicked it away 
again, but they didn't kick this time quite to the end of Feb- 
ruary. Well, after the Jacksonites, had tried nearly twenty 
times to pour down the bitter dose, and the Huntonites had 
kicked it away as many times, both parties seemed to be 
nearly tired out, and so they finally agreed to adjourn till nine 
o'clock next morning. I thought the Huntonites, if they once 
got out, would cut and run home and get clear of the plaguy 
stuff. But instead of that they all come in again next morn- 
ing. When I got there the Jacksonites were holding the Hun- 
tonites by the hair of the head with one hand and trying to 
cram the healing plaster down their throats with t'other, and 
the Huntonites were kicking and scrabbling, and gritting 
their teeth together with all their might, and doubling up their 
fists and stamping, and declaring up hill and down that they 
would never take it. And they were so upstropulous about it 
for awhile, I didn't know as they ever would swallow it. But 
the Jacksonites were the stoutest, and held on to 'em like a 
dog to a root, and kept 'em there all day and all the evening 
till about midnight, and then the poor Huntonites seemed to 
be a most dragged out. I fairly pitied 'em. Along in the 
first of it they threatened pretty stoutly, and declared by every- 
thing that's black and blue, if they had to take this dirty dose, 



156 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



and should happen to be strongest next year, they'd make the 
Jacksonites take a dose worth two of this. But all the 
threatening didn't do any good ; and then they fell to begging 
and coaxing, and that didn't do any good nuther. The Jack- 
sonites said they should not only take it, but they should take 
it that night before they slept. At last they got their hands 



\iiil|-r^ 




FORCING THE HEALING-ACT' DOWN THE THROATS OF THE HUNTONITES. 



and feet tied, and kept bringing it up a little nearer and little 
nearer to their mouths, and the Huntonites got so they 
couldn't do nothing but spit. But the Jacksonites didn't mind 
the spitting, for you know it isn't for the doctor to stand 



OUT OF THE SENATE 151 

about being spit upon a little, when he's giving medicine. 
Just before the last on't, the poor Huntonites rolled their eyes 
dreadfully, and I believe some on 'em lost their senses a little ; 
one of 'em took a notion that they were agoing to make him 
swallow a whole live goose, feathers and all ; and he begged 
of 'em, if they wouldn't take out the gizzard and t'other inside 
things, that they'd jest pull out the pin feathers, so that it 
wouldn't scratch his throat going down. But they didn't pay 
no attention to him, and just before the clock struck twelve 
they grabbed 'em by the throat, and pried their mouths open, 
and poured it in. The Huntonites guggled a little, but they 
had to swallow it. 

Some thought this healing dose would make the Huntonites 
worse, and some thought it would make 'em better. I've 
watched 'em ever since they took it, whenever I dared to go 
near the Legislater, and I can't see much alteration in 'em. 
But that, or something else, has kicked up a monstrous duF^ 
among other folks all over the world amost. I've been look- 
ing over the newspapers a little, and I never see the world 
in such a terrible hubbub before in all my life. Everybody 
seems to be running mad, and jest ready to eat each other 
up. There's Russia snapping her teeth like a great bear, and 
is jest agoing to eat up the Poles — I don't mean Ephraim's 
bean poles — but all the folks that live in Poland ; not that 
are Poland up there where Mr. Dunn lives, but that great 
Poland over alongside of Russia. And there's the Dutch 
trying to eat up Holland, and the Belgians are trying to eat 
up the Dutch, and there's " five great powers" trying to pour 
a healing dose down the throat of the King of the Nether- 
lands ; and there's Mr. O'Connell trying to make the King of 



68 MY THIRTY YEARS 

England and Parliament take a healing dose, and there's Ire- 
land jest ready to eat up Mr. O'Connell, and all the kings of 
Europe are trying to eat up the people, and the people are all 
trying to eat up the kings. 

And our great folks in this country, too, away off there to 
Washington, have got into such a snarl, I guess it would 
puzzle a Philadelphy lawyer to get 'em out of it. There's the 
President, and Mr. Calhoun, and Mr. Van Buren, and the two 
great Republikan papers, and half a dozen more of 'em, all 
together by the ears ; but which of 'em will eat up the rest I 
don't know. Pve heard a good many guess that Mr. Van 
Buren would eat up the whole toat of 'em ; for they say, al- 
though he's a small man, there isn't another man in the coun- 
try that can eat his way through a political pudding as slick 
as he can. These are dreadful times, uncle ; I don't know 
what'll become of the world if I don't get an ofiSce pretty 
"^on. But a faint heart never won fair lady, and I shall stick 

it like a dog to a root. 

Your loving neffu, 

JACK DOWNMQ 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 159 



LETTER XXVII.* 

CAPTAIN DOWNING IS IN A PECK OF TROUBLE ABOUT THE LEGISLATURE'S 
SELLING MADAWASKA TO THE GENERAL GOVERNMENT, TO BE GIVEN 
UP TO THE BRITISH, AND SITS DOWN AND FIGURES UP THE PRICE. 

Madawaska, State of Maine, or else Great 1 
Britain, I don't know which, l" 

March 12, 1832. j 
To the Editor of the Portland Courier — this with care and speed : 
My Dear Old Friend : — I cleared out from Augusta in such 
a kind of a whirlwind that I hadn't time to write you a 
single word before I left. And I feel so kind of crazy now, I 
don't know hardly which end I stand upon. I've had a good 
many head-flaws and worriments in my lifetime, and been in 
a great many hobbles, but I never, in all my born days, met 
with anything that puzzled me quite so bad as this ere selling 



* Editorial Note.— Captain Downing went to Madawaska with his com- 
pany in November, 1831, and remained there till the Spring of 1832, when 
he returned to Washington. He had visited the Legislature, at Augusta, 
twice during the winter, and came about as near being lost among the cold, 
Bnowy mountains around Moosehead Lake as Colonel Fremont did in crossing 
the Rocky Mountains. He published, in the Portland Courier, some account 
of these perilous journeys back and forth between Augusta and Madawaska, 
and also various proceedings of the Legislature during the winter. While 
taking an active part in the proceedings of the lobby, he learned that the 
General Government had agreed with England to refer this question of dis- 
puted territory to the King of the Netherlands, and to abide by his decision. 
Instead of deciding that the disputed territory belonged to either party, 
the King of the Netherlands concluded to split the difference, and run a new 



160 MY THIRTY YEARS 

out down here. I fit in the Legi'slater as long as fighting 
would do any good — that is, I mean in the caucus, for they 
wouldn't let me go right into the Ijegislater in the day time 
and talk to 'em there, because I was only a lobby member. 
But jest let them know it, lobby members can do as much as 
any of 'em on sich kind of business as this. I laid it down 
to 'em in the caucus as well as I could. I asked 'em if they 
didn't think I should look like a pretty fool, after marching 
my company down there, and standing ready all winter to 
flog the whole British nation the moment any of 'em stept a 
foot on to our land, if I should now have to march back again 
and give up the land, and all without flogging a single son-of- 
a-gun of 'em. But they said it was no use — it couldn't be 
helped ; Mr. Netherlands had given the land away to the 
British, and the President had agreed to do jest as Mr. Neth- 
erlands said about it, and all we could do now was to get as 
much pay for it as we could. 

So I sot down and figured it up a little, to see how much it 
would come to, for I used to cypher to the rule of three when 
I went to school, and I found it would come to a pretty round 
sum. There was, in the first place, about two millions of 

boundary line. This would transfer to the British Provinces some two mil" 
lions of acres of land, that was resolutely claimed by the State of Maine. 
The matter was warmly discussed in the Legislature, and a strong party wag 
violently opposed to giving up the territory — they would rather fight for it ; 
they contended that the General Government had no authority to cede away 
the territory of a sovereign State. It was understood, however, that the 
General Government would pay a fair indemnity for the land to Maine and 
Massachusetts (for it waa undivided land, belonging to the two States), and 
this consideration finally reconciled a majority of the Legislature to the ar- 
rangement What Captain Jack Downing and his brave Downingville boys 
thought of the matter will be leaiped from the accompanying letter, from the 
Captain t» the Portland Courier. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 161 

acres of land. This, considerin' the timber there was on it, 
would certainly be worth a dollar an acre, and that would be 
two millions of dollars. Then there was two or three thou- 
sand inhabitants, say twenty-five hundred ; we must be paid 
for them, too ; and how much are they worth ? I've read in 
the newspapers that black slaves, at the South, sell for three 
or four hundred dollars apiece. I should think, then, that 
white ones ought to fetch eight hundred. This, according to 
the rule of three, would be two hundred thousand dollars. 
Then there's the pretty little town of Madawaska, that our 
Legislator made last winter, already cut and dried, with town 
oflScers all chosen, and everything ready for the British to use 
without any more trouble. We ought to have pay for this, 
too, and I should think it was worth ten thousand dollars. 

Aud then the town of Madawaska has chosen Mr. Lizote to 
be a representative in the Legislater, and as the British can 
take him right into the Parliament, without choosing him over 
again, they ought to pay us for that, too. Now, I have read 
in the newspapers that it sometimes costs, in England, two 
hundred thousand dollars to choose a representative to Par- 
liament, reckoning all the grog they drink and all the money 
they pay for votes. But I wouldn't be screwing about it, so 
I put Mr. Lizote down at one hundred thousand dollars. 
And then I footed up, and found it to be : 

For land, including timber $2,000,000 

For inhabitants, including women and children 200,000 

For the town of Madawaska, officers and all 10,000 

For Mr. Lizote, all ready to go to Parliament 100,000 

Total $2,310,000 

This was a pretty round sum, and I begun to think, come 
1* 



162 MY THIRTY YEARS 

to divide it out, it would be a slice apiece worth haviDg", 
especially if we didn't give the Feds any of it ; and I sup- 
posed we shouldn't, as there wasn't any of 'em there in the 
caucus to help see about it. 

In this view of the subject, I almost made up my mind that 
we ought to be patriotic enough to give it up, and help the 
General Government out of the hobble they had got into. 
And I was jest agoing to get up and make a speech, and tell 
'em so, when Mr. McCrate, of Nobleborough, and Captain 
Smith, of Westbrook, two of the best fellers in our party, 
came along and see what I was figuring about, and says 
they, " Captain Downing, are you going to sell your country ?" 
In a minute I felt something rise right up in my throat, that 
felt as big as an ox-yoke. As soon as I got so I could speak, 
says I, " iVb, Tiever, while my name is Jack Downing, or my 
old rifle can carry a bullet." They declared, too, that they 
wouldn't sell out to the General Government, nor the British, 
nor nobody else. And we stuck it out most of the evening, 
till we found out how it was going, and then we cleared out ; 
and as soon as the matter was fairly settled, I started off for 
Madawaska, for I was afraid, if my company should hear of 
it before I got there, it would make a blow up among 'em, 
and I should have to court-martial 'em. 

When I first told 'em how the jig was up with us, that the 
British were going to have the land without fighting about it, 
I never see fellows so mad before in my life, unless it was 
Major Eaton, at Washington, when he sot out to flog Mr. Ing- 
ham. They said, if they could only have had one good battle, 
they wouldn't care a snap about it, but to be played tom-fool 
with in this way, they wouldn't bear it. They were so mad 



oijT op the senate. 163 

tliey hopped right up and down, and declared they never 
would go back till they had been over to Fredericton and 
pulled the jail down, or thrashed some of the New Brunswick 
boys. But, after awhile, I pacified ^em by telling 'em if we 
didn't get a chance to fight here, I rather thought we might 
away ofif to Georgia, for there was something of a bobbery 
kicking up ; and if the President should want troops to go on 
there, I was very sure my company would be one of the first 
he would send for. 

So here we are, lying upon our arms, not knowing what to 
do. I have written to the President, and hope to hear from 
him soon. If the land is to go, I want to know it in season 
to get off before it's all over ; for PU be hanged if ever Pll 
belong to the British. 

Your distrest friend, 

CAPTAIN JACK DOWNING. 



164 MY THIBTY YEARS 



LETTER XXYIir. 

CAPTAIN DOWNING RELATES A CONFIDENTIAL CONVERSATION WITS 
PRESIDENT JACKSON WHILE ON A JOURNEY TO TENNESSEE. 

Washington City, October 20, 1832. 

To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away Down East, in ike 
State of Maine : [ O, dear ! seems to tm I never shall get there 
again.'] 

My Dear Old Friend : — I haven^t done anything this three 
months that seemed so natural as to set down and write to 
you. To write the name of the Portland Courier raises my 
sperits right up. It makes me feel as if I was again talking 
with you, and Uncle Joshua, and Cousin Ephraim, and Cousin 
Nabby, and Ant Sally, and all of 'em. I and President Jack-* 
eon got back here yesterday from Tennessee, wheio we've 
been gone most all summer. And a long journey we've had 
of it, too. I thought that from here to Portland was a dread- 
ful ways, but it's a great deal further to Tennessee. I didn't 
think before that our country was half so large as I find it is. 
It seems as if there was no end to it ; for when we got clear 
to Tennessee the President said we wan't half way across it. 
I couldn't hardly believe him ; but he stood tu it we wan't. 
" Why," says he, " Jack, I've got the largest country in the 
world, and the hardest to govern tu. Say what you will of 
free Governments, where folks will act pretty much as they 
are a mind to, it's the hardest work to administer it that ever 



OUT OF THE SENATE 105 

I did. I had rather fight forty New Orleans battles than to 
govern this everlasting great country one year. There are so 
many, you see, who want to have a finger in the pie, it's the 
most difficult business you can imagine. You thought you 
had a tough time of it, Jack, to take care of them are small 
matters down to Madawaska last winter, with your brave 
company of Downingville boys. But that's no more than a 
drop in the bucket to being President one month. I tell you, 
Jack, there isn't a monarch in Europe who has so hard a time 
of it as I have. There are so many cooks, the broth most 
always comes out rather bad. If I have to write a message, 
one must put in a sentence, and another a sentence, and 
another, till it gets so at last I can't hardly tell whether I've 
written any of it myself or not. And sometimes I have a 
good mind to throw it all in the fire and say nothing at all. 
But then, again, that won't do, for since I've undertaken to 
be President, I must go through with it. And then there was 
such a pulling and hauling for offices along in the outset, it 
seemed as though they would pull me to pieces. If I gave an 
office to one, Mr. Ingham or Mr. Branch would be mad, and if 
I gave iito another, Mr. Van Buren wouldn't like it, and if I 
gave it to another, perhaps Mrs. Eaton would make a plaguy 
fuss about it. One wanted me to do this thing, and another 
wanted me to do that ; and it was nothing but quarrel the 
whole time. At last Mr. Van Buren said he'd resign if I 
would turn the rest out. So I made a scattering among 'em, 
and turned 'em all out in a heap — all but Mr, Lewis and Mr. 
Kendall, who staid to give me their friendly advice and help 
me through my trying difficulties. 

" And then, again, to be so slandered as T have been in the 



166 MT THmTT TEARS 

papers, it is enough to wear the patience of Job out. And if 
I got a little angry at the contrariness of the Senate, they 
must needs call me a * roaring lion,' the rascals. But that 
Senate did use me shamefully. The very best nominations I 
made, they always rejected. To think the stupid heads should 
reject Mr. Van Buren — decidedly the greatest man in the 
country — it was too provoking. Yes, Mr. Van Buren is the 
first man in this country ; and jest between you and me. Jack, 
he's the only man in it that is well qualified to succeed me in 
the government of this great nation of twenty-four republics. 
And he must come in, too, or the country won't be worth a 
stiver much longer. There's Clay, he would make pretty 
work of it, if he should come in. Why, Jack, he would 
gamble one-half of the country away in two years, and spend 
the other half in digging canals and building railroads ; and 
when the funds in the Treasury failed, he would go to the 
United States Bank and get more. 

" Calhoun would break the Union to pieces in three months 
if he was President. He's trying all he can now to tear off 
something of a slice from it at the South. And as for Wirt, 
he's a fiddling away with the Anti-Masons. Letting Anti- 
Masonry alone, he's a pretty good sort of a man ; but he 
hasn't energy enough to steer our crazy ship of state in these 
stormy times. I would sooner trust -it in the hands of Mrs. 
Eaton than him. There's no one fit for it but Mr. Van Buren ; 
and if it was not for getting him in, I wouldn't have consented 
to stand for another term. 

But, my dear friend, by stopping to tell you some of the 
conversation I and the President had along the road, I have 
almost forgot to tell you anything about myself and the thou- 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 167 

sand things I met with on my journey. But I cannot write 
any more to-day. I expect to start from here Monday, on my 
way to Portland. You may hear from me a few times before 
I get there, as I shall stop along by the way some, to see how 
matters go in Pennsylvany and New York. 

If you have a chance, send my love to all my folks up at 
Downingville, and tell 'em old Jack is alive and hearty. 

I remain your loving friend, 

CAPTAIN JACK DOWNING. 



168 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XXIX.* 

CAPTAIN DOWNING RUNS AN EXPRESS FROM BALTIMORE TO "WASHING- 
TON, AND FOOTS IT THROUGH PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE TO THE PRESI- 
DENT'S HOUSE. o 

Washington City, Nov. 5, 1832. 

To the Editor of the Portland Courier ^ in the Mariner^ s Church 
Building, second story, eastern end, Fore street, Portland, away 
Down East, in the State of Maim : 

My Dear Old Friend : — Here I am, back again to Washing- 
ton, though I've been as far as Baltimore, on my way Down 
East, to see you and the rest of my uncles, and aunts, and 
cousins. And what do you think I posted back to Washing- 
ton for ? I can tell you. When I got to Baltimore I met an 
express coming on, full chisel, from Philadelphia, to carry the 



* EoiTORLiL Note. — The second election of General Jackson to the Presi- 
dency, November 4, 1832, was a marked era in American politics. The great 
questions in issue before the country were a re-charter of the United States 
Bank, a high tariff for the protection of manufactures, distribution among the 
States of the proceeds of the sales of public lands, and a general system of 
internal improvements by the Federal Government. Mr. Clay was the leader 
of the party in favor of these measures, and their candidate for the Presi- 
dency. Mr John Sergeant, of Pennsylvania, was placed on the same ticket 
for Vice-President. On the opposite side. General Jackson was the candidate 
for a second term, and Mr. Van Buren for Vice-President. It will be re- 
membered, that after the blow-up or resignation of General Jackson's first 
Cabinet, Mr. Van Buren had been sent, by the President, as Minister to En- 
gland, but, on the meeting of Congress, his nomination was rejected by the 
Senate — much to the chagrin of General Jackson ; whereupon he was takeu 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 169 

news to Washington that Pennsylvany had gone all hollow 
for Old Hickory's second election. The poor fellow that was 
carrying it had got so out of breath, that he declared he 
couldn't go no further if the President never heard of it. 

Well, thinks I, it will be worth a journey back to Washing- 
ton, jest to see the old Gineral's eyes strike fire when he hears 
of it. So says I, " I'll take it, and carry it on for you, if 
you are a mind to.'^ He kind of hesitated at first, and was 
afraid I might play a trick upon him ; but when he found out 
my name was Jack Downing, he jumped off his horse quick 
enough. " I'll trust it with you," says he, " as quick as I 
would with the President himself." So I jumped on, and 
whipped up. And sure enough, as true as you are alive, I 
did get to Washington before dark, though I had but three 
hours to go it in, and it's nearly forty miles. It was the 
smartest horse that ever I backed, except one that belongs to 
the President. But, poor fellow, he's so done tu I guess he'll 
never run another express. Jest before I got to Washington, 
say about two miles from the city, the poor fellow keeled up, 

up by the " unterrified Democracy " to rua as Vice-President on the ticket 
with " Old Hickory ;" and both were triumphantly elected. Out of two 
hundred and eighty-eight votes, Mr. Clay received but forty-nine. South 
Carolina refused to vote for either party, and threw away her vote on Gover- 
nor Floyd, of Virginia. Vermont voted for Mr. Wirt, the Anti-Masonic can- 
didate, and the rest voted for " Old Hickory." Mr. Van Buren received the 
same vote, with the exception of Pennsylvania, whose vote for Vice-President 
was cast for one of her own sons, Mr. Wilkjns, then a Senator in Congress. 
In that election there was intense anxiety throughout the country in regard 
to the vote of Pennsylvania, as was recently the case in the election of Mr. 
Buchanan, for it was thought the main question would turn on the result in 
that State. This state of things accounts for the running of the express from 
Baltimore to Washington by Major Downing, and other curious matters re- 
lated in the two accompanying letters. 



no 



MY THIRTY YEAP.S 



and couldn't go another step. I had lost my hat on the way, 
and was too much in a hurry to pick it up, and he had thrown 
me off twice and torn my coat pretly bad, so that I didn't look 
very trig to go through the city, or go to the President's fine 




house. But, notwithstanding, I knew the President would 
overlook it, considering the business I was coming upon ; so 
I catched the express, and pulled foot right through Pennsyl- 
vany Avenue, without any hat, and torn coat sleeves and 



OUT OF THE SENATE. Hi 

coat-tail flying. The stage offered to carry me, but I thought 
I wouldn't stop for it. 

Almost the first person I met was Mr. Duff Green. Says 
he, " Captain Downing, what's the matter ?" I held up the 
express and shook it at him, but never answered him a word, 
and pulled on. He turned and walked as fast as he could 
without running, and followed me. Pretty soon I met Mr. 
Gales, of the Intelligencer, and says he, "For mercy sake, 
Captain Downing, what's the matter ? Have you been chased 
by a wolf, or Governor Houston, or have you got news 
from Pennsylvania ?" I didn't turn to the right nor left, but 
shook the express at him and run like wildfire. 

When I came up to the President's house, the old gentleman 
was standing in the door. He stepped quicker than I ever 
see him before, and met me at the gate. Says he, " My dear 
friend Downing, what's the matter ? Has the United States 
Bank been trying to bribe you, and you are trying to run 
away from 'em ? They may buy over Webster and Clay and 
such trash, but I knew if they touched you they would get the 
wrong pig by the ear." As he said this. Duff Green hove in 
sight, puffing and blowing at full speed. 

" Oh," said the President, " Duff Green wants to have a lick 
at jou, does he ? Well, don't retreat another step, Mr. Down- 
ing ; ril stand between you and harm." Upon that he called 
his boy, and told him to bring his pistols in a moment. By 
this time I made out to get breath enough jest to say Penn- 
sylvany, and to shake the express at him. The old man's 
color changed in a minute. Says he, "Come in, Mr. Downing, 
come in — set down — don't say a word to Duff." So we went 
in, and shut the door. " Now," says the President, looking 



172 MY THIRTY YEARS 

as though he would route a regiment in five minutes, " now 
speak, and let me know whether I am a dead man or alive." 

" Gineral," says I, " it's all over with" . "I won't hear 

a word of it," says he, stomping his foot. His eyes flashed 
fire so that I trembled and almost fell backward. But I see 
he didn't understand me. " Dear Gineral," says I, " it's all 
over with Clay and the Bank." At that he clapt his hands 
and jumpt like a boy. I never see the President jump before, 
as much as I've been acquainted with him. In less than a 
minute he looked entirely like another man. His eyes were 
as calm and as bright as the moon jest coming out from be- 
hind a black thunder-cloud. 

He clenched my hand, and gave it such a shake I didn't 
know but he would pull it ofi". Says he, " Jack, I knew Penn- 
sylvany would never desert me, and if she has gone for me I'm 
safe. And now if I don't make them are Bank chaps hug it, 
my name isn't Andrew Jackson. And after all, Jack, I aint 
so glad on my own account that I am re-elected as I am for 
the coutry and Mr. Van Buren. This election has all been on 
Mr. Van Buren's account, and we shall get him now to be 
President after me. And you know, Jack, that he's the only 
man, after me, that's fit to govern this country." 

The President has made me promise to stop and spend the 
night with him, and help him rejoice over the victory. But I 
haven't time to write any more before the mail goes. 
Your loving friend, 

CAPTAIN JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. US 



LETTER XXX. 

CAPTAIN DOWNING RECEIVES A MAJOR's COMMISSION, AND IS APPOINTED 
TO MARCH AGAINST THE NULLIFIERS, 

Washington City, Dec. 8, 1832. 

To the Editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners^ Church 
Building, second story, eastern end. Fore street, Portland, away 
Down East, in the State of Maine, 

My Dear Old Friend : — I believe the last time I wrote to you 
was when I come back with the express from Baltimore, and 
Duff Green chased me so through the streets to find out what I 
was bringing, and the President thought he was running to 
get a lick at me, and called for his pistols to stand between 
me and harm, you know. Well, I intended to turn right about 
again after I had made the old gentleman's heart jump up by 
telling him that he had got Pennsylvany, and would be elected 
as sure as eggs was bacon, and make the best of my way to- 
ward Portland. For you can't think how I long to see you 
and Uncle Joshua and Ant Keziah and Cousin Ephraim and 
Cousin Nabby and all the rest of the dear souls up in Down- 
ingville. It seems as though it was six years instead of six 
months since I left that part of the country, and when I shall 
be able to get back again is more than I can tell now ; for I 
find when a man once gets into public life he can never say 
his time is his own ; he must always stand ready to go where 
his country calls. The long and the short of it is, the Presi- 



174 



MT THIRTY TEARS 



dent has got so many other fish for me to fry, it's no use for 
me to think of going home yet. That evening, after I got 
back with the express, the President said we must honor this 




REJOICING OVER THE VICTORY IN PENNSYLVANIA. 



victory in Pennsylvany with a glass of wine. " I am sure," 
said he, " Captain Downing, you will have no objection to 
take a glass with me on this joyful occasion." I told him as 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 175 

for that matter, I supposed I could take a glass of wine upon 
a pinch, even if the occasion was not half so joyful. So we 
had two or three bottles full brought in, and filled up the 
glasses. " And now," says the President, " I will give you a 
toast. The State of Pennsylvany — the most patriotic State 
in the Union ; for though I go against all her great public in- 
terests, still she votes for me by an overwhelming majority." 

He then called for my toast. And what could I give but 
my dear native " Downingville — the most genuine, unwaver- 
ing Democratic Republikan town in New England." 

" Good," said the President ; " and that Downingville has 
never been rewarded yet. You shall have a Post-Office estab- 
lished there ; and name to me which of your friends you 
would like should be Postmaster, and he shall be appointed." 

The President then gave his second toast : " Martin Van 
Buren, the next President of the United States, and the only 
man in the country that is fit for it. Captain Downing, your 
toast if you please." 

So I gave, " Uncle Joshua Downing, the most thorough- 
going Republikan in Downingville." 

" Good," said the President ; " I understand you, Captain 
Downing ; your Uncle Joshua shall have the Post-Office." 

His third toast was the " Editor of the Washington Globe f 
and mine was the "Editor of the Portland Courier." But I 
told him he musn't ask me for any more toasts, for that was 
as fur as I could go. 

The President toasted some more of his friends, sich as Ma- 
jor Eaton, and Mr. Kendall, and Mr. Lewis, and the Hon. Isaac 
Hill, and so on, 'til it got to be pretty late in the evening ; and 
I told the President I would be glad if he would excuse me, for 



176 MY THIRTY YEAES 

I wanted to start early in the morning on my way Down 
East, and I thought I should feel better if I could get a little 
nap first. And, besides, I had got to go and get the old lady 
that used to do my washing and mending to patch up my 
coat, that got such a terrible shipwreck by being thrown off 
the horse with the express. 

" Start Down East to-morrow morning. Captain Downing,'^ 
said he ; " you most not think of it. I have an important and 
delicate job on hand, which I can't get along with very well 
without your assistance. There's that miserable, ambitious 
Calhoun has been trying this dozen years to be President of 
the United States, but he can't make out ; so now he is deter- 
mined to lop off a few of the Southern States and make him- 
self President of them. But if he don't find he's mistaken, my 
name fsn't Andrew Jackson." 

As he said this, he started up on his feet, and begun to 
march across the floor with a very soldier-like step, and his 
eyes fairly flashed fire. 

" No," said he, " Captain Downing, he must wait till some- 
body else is President besides me before he can do that. Let 
him move an inch by force in this business, if he dares. PlI 
chase him as far beyond Tennessee as it is from here there but 
whatPU catch him, and string him up by the neck to the first 
tree I can find. I must send some troops out there to South 
Carolina to reconnoiter and keep matters strait, and your gal- 
lant defense of Madawaska last winter points you out as the 
most suitable man to take the command, I shall give you a 
major's commission tomorrow, and wish you to enlist two or 
three companies of brave volunteers and hold yourself in read- 
iness to obey orders. In case we should have to come to a 



OUT OF THE SENATE. iTT 

real brush," said the President, " I shall take command my- 
self, and make you lieutenant-general. But I wish you to 
bear in mind, let what will come, never to shoot that Calhoun. 
Shooting is too g«od for him. He must dance upon nothing, 
with a rope round his neck. As for your coat, Captain Down- 
ing, don't trouble the old lady with it. I'll give you one of 
mine to wear 'til you get a suit of regimentals made." 

I told him I felt a little uneasy about taking command 
among strangers, unless I could have my Downingville com- 
pany with me. 

" Send for them," said the President ; " by all means, send 
for them. There are no troops equal to 'em, except it is the 
Tennessee boys." So I shall forthwith send orders to Sargent 
Joel to march 'em on here. As I am to have my commission 
to-morrow, I shall venture to subscribe myself your friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER XXXI. 

UNCLE JOSHUA TELLS WHAT A TUSSLE THEY HAD IN DOWNINGVILLE TO 
KEEP THE FEDERALISTS FROM PRAISING THE PRESIDENT'S PROCLAMA- 
TION AGAINST THE NULLIFIERS. 

DowNiNGViLLE, State of Maine, Dec. 2T, 1832. 

To Major Jack Downing, at Washington City, or if he has gone to 
South Carolina, I loant President Jackson to send this along tu 
him. 

My Dear Neffu : — We had almost gin you up for dead, you 
had been gone so long before we got your letter in the Port- 
land Courier, telling how you had been away to Tennessee 
along with President Jackson. Your poor mother had pined 

8 



Its MY THIRTY YEARS 

away so that she had nothing left, seemingly, but skin and 
bones, and your Cousin Nabby had cried lier eyes half out of 
her head, poor girl. But when the Portland Courier came, 
bringing that are letter of yourn, DowningviUe was in a com- 
plete uproar all day. Sargent Joel had come home from 
Madawaska and dismissed your company, and gone to work in 
the woods chopping wood. But as soon as he heard your let- 
ter had come, he dropped his ax, and I don't think he's touched 
it since ; and he put on his regimentals, and scoured up the 
old piece of a scythe that he used to have for a sword and 
stuck it into his waistband, and strutted about like a major- 
'gineral Your mother begun to pick up her crumbs imme- 
diately, and has been growing fat ever since. And Nabby 
run about from house to house, like a crazy bed-bug, telling 
'em Jack was alive, and was agoing to build up Downing- 
viUe and make something out of it yet. 

We got your last letter and the President's proclamation 
both together, though I see your letter was written two days 
first. You know Pve made politics my study for thirty 
years, and I must say it's the most ginuine Republikan thing 
lever come acrost. But what was most provoking about it 
was, all the old Federalists in town undertook to praise it tu. 
Squire Dudley, you know, was always a Federalist, and an 
Adams man tu. I met him the next day after the proclama- 
tion come, and he was chock full of the matter. Says he, " Mr. 
Downing, that proclamation is jest the thing. It's the true 
constitutional doctrine. We all support the President in this 
business through thick and thin." 

My dander began to rise, and I could not hold in any lon- 
ger. Says I, " Squire Dudley, shet up your clack, or Pll knock 
your clam-shells together pretty quick. It's got to be a pretty 
time of day indeed, if after we've worked so hard to get 
President Jackson in, you Federalists are going to undertake 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 119 

to praise his proclamation as much as though he was your own 
President. You've a right to grumble and find fault with it 
as much as you like ; but don't let me hear you say another 
word in favor of it, if you do I'll make daylight shine through 
you." The old man hauled in his horns and meeched off, look- 
ing shamed enough. 

The next day we concluded to have a public meeting to 
pass resolutions in favor of the proclamation. I was appoint- 
ed chairman. The Federal party all came flocking round and 
wanted to come in and help praise the President. We told 
'era no ; it was our President and our proclamation, and they 
must keep their distance. So we shut the doors and went on 
with our resolutions. By and by the Federal party begun to 
hurra for Jackson outside the house. \t that I told Sargent 
Joel and your Cousin Ephraim, and two or thrto more of the 
young Democrats, to go out and clear the coast of theui are 
fellers. And they went out, and Sargent Joel drew his piece 
of a scythe and went at 'em, and the Federalists run like a 
flock of sheep with a dog after 'em. So we finished our reso- 
lutions without getting a drop of Federalism mixed with 'em, 
and sent 'em on to the President by Sargent Joel. He got 
his company together last week, and they filled their knap- 
sacks with bread, and sausages, and doe-nuts, and started for 
Washington according to your orders. 

I was glad to see that hint in your letter about a Post-Office 
here. We need one very much. And if the President should 
think I ought to have it, being Pve always been such a good 
friend to him, why you know, Jack, Vm always ready to serve 
my country. 

So I remain your loving uncle, 

JOSHUA DOWNINa. 
P. S. — If the President shouldn't say anything more about 



180 MY THIRTY YEARS 

the Post-Office, I think you had better name it to him again 
before you go to South Carolina ; for if anj^thing should hap- 
pen to you there, he might never do any more about it. 



LETTER XXXII. 

MAJOR DOWNING DESCRIBES THE ARRIVAL OF SARGEN^T JOEL WITII THE 
COMPANY AT WASHINGTON. 

Washington City, Jan. 4, 1833. 
To my dear Cousin Ejphraivi Downing, what toatches the Legislator 
at Augusta, away Down East, in the State of Maine, while 1 
xtay here and look arter Congress and the President 

Dear Cougin \ — Sargent Joel got here day before yesterday, 
with rny hearty old company of Downingville boys, that went 
down to Madawaska with me last winter. They cut rather a 
curiou? figure marching through Pennsylvany Avenu. One half 
of 'em had worn their shoes oiit so that their toes stuck out 
like the heads of so many j^oung turtles, and t'other half had 
holes through their knees or elbows, and Sargent Joel marched 
ahead of 'em, swinging his piece of an old scythe for a sword, 
and inquiring of every one he met for Major Jack Downing. 
They all told him to keep along till he got to the President's 
house, which was the biggest house in the city except the Con- 
gress house, and there he would find me. I and the President 
were taking a little walk out, and talking about Mr. Calhoun 
and so on, when the President begun to stare as though he 
saw a catamount. 

lie started back, and says he, " Major Downing, if my eyes 
don't deceive me, there's nullification now, coming up Pennsyl- 
vany Avenu." He begun to call for his pistols, and to tell his 
men to fasten up the doors, when I looked round, and I knew 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



181 



JoePs strut in a minute. Soys I, " Dear Gineral, that's no 
nullification, but it's what '11 put a stopper on nullification 
pretty quick if it once gets to South Carolina. It's my Down- 
ingville company, commanded by Sargent Joel." At that 

















^ff^ 



the President looked more pleased tlian I've seen him before 
since lie got the news of the vote of Pennsylvany. He ordered 
'cm into the east room, and gave 'em as much as Ihey eoii'd 
cat and drink of the best llie lionse affords. He has found 



182 MY THIRTY YEARS 

quarters for 'em in the neighborhood, and says we must be 
ready to march for South Carolina whenever he says the word. 

But ril tell you what 'tis, Cousin Ephraim, I begin to grow 
a little kind of wamble-cropt about goin' to South Carolina, 
arter all. If they've got many such fellers there as one 
Gineral Blair there is here from that State, I'd sooner take 
my chance in the woods, forty miles above Downingville, 
fighting bears, and wolves, and catamounts, than come within 
gun-shot of one of these Carolina giants. He's a whaler of a 
feller — as big as any two men in Downingville. They say 
he weighs over three hundred pounds. About a week ago 
he met Gineral Duff Green in the street, and he fell afoul of 
him with a great club and knocked him down, and broke his 
arm, and beat him almost to death, jest because he got mad 
at something Mr. Green said in his paper. And what makes 
me feel more skittish about getting into the hands of such 
chaps is, because he says he couldn't help it. He says all his 
friends persuaded hjm not to meddle with Gineral Green, and 
he tried as hard as he could to let him alone, but he " found 
himself unequal to the effort." So Green like to got killed. 

The folks here sot out to carry him to court about it, but he 
said he wouldn't go, and so he armed himself with four pis- 
tols, and two dirks, and a great knife, and said he'd shoot the 
first man that touched him. Last night he went to the theater 
with all his arms and coutrements about him. And after he 
sot there a spell, and all the folks were looking to see the 
play go on, he draws out one of his pistols and fires it at the 
players. Then there was a dreadful uproar. They told him 
he must clear out about the quickest. But he said if they'd 
let him alone he'd behave like a gentleman. So they went on 
with the play again. 

By and by he draws out another pistol, and points it to- 
wards the players. At that there was a whole parcel of 'em 



OUT OF THE SF.NATE. 183 

seized him and dragged liirn out iuto another room, big as he 
was. But pretty soon he got upon his feet, and begun to 
rave like a mad ox. He pulled off his coat and threw it down, 
and declared he'd fight the whole boodle of 'em. The con- 
stables were all so frightened they cut and run, and nobody 
dared to go a near him, till he got cooled down a little, when 
some of his friends coaxed him away to a tavern. New, as 
for going to South Carolina to fight such chaps as these, I'd 
sooner let nullification go to grass and eat mullen. 

Sargent Joel told me, when he left Downingville, you had 
jest loaded up with apples and one thing or another to go 
down to Augusta to peddle 'em out ; and that you was agoing 
to stay there while the Legislator folks were there. So I 
thought it would be a good plan for you and I to write to one 
another about once a week, or so, how matters get along. 
So I remain your loving cousin, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER XXXIII. 

MAJOR DOWNING GIVES HIS OPINION ABOUT NULLIFICATION AND ILLUS- 
TRATES IT WITH A LUCID EXAMPLE. 

Washington Citv, Jan. H, 1833. 

To the Editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church 
Building, second story, eastern end, Fore street, away Down 
East, in the State of Maine. 

My Kind and Dear Old Friend : — The President's message 
to Congress makes cracking work here. Mr. Calhoun shows 
his teeth like a lion. Mr. McDuflSe is cool as a cowcumber. 



* Editorial Note. — South Carolina took very violent ground against Mr. 
Clay's American system, and especially against the tariff for the protection 
of manufactures, threatening to nullify the tariff law, and in case an attempt 



184 MY THIRTY YEARS 

though they say he's got a terrible tempest inside of him, that 
he'll let out before long. For my part, I think the President's 
message is about right. I was setting with the President in 
the east room last night, chatting about one thing and another, 
and the President says he, " Major Downing, have you read 
my message that I sent to Congress to-day." I told him I 

was made to enforce it, to secede from the Union. And notwithstanding the 
triumphant election of General Jackson, in 1832, gave ample assurance that 
all she had asked and desired would soon be accomplished, she refused to be 
pacified, and, like a rowdy in a passion, declared she'd have a fight anyhow. 
Accordingly, in less than three weeks after the triumi^h of her principles in 
the overwhelming re-election of General Jackson, on the 24th of November, 
she issued her famous Nullification Ordinance, under the following title : " An 
ordinance to nullify certain acts of the Congress of the United States, pur- 
porting to be laws laying duties and imposts on the importation of foreign 
commodities," 

This ordinance, after enumerating the grievances complained of under the 
acts of Congress, and requiring all the officials of the State to take an oath, 
"well and truly to obey, execute and enforce this ordinance, and such act or 
acts of the Legislature as may be passed in pursuance thereof," goes on to 
say : 

" And we, the people of South Carolina, to the end that it may be fully 
understood by the Government of the United States and the people of the 
co-States, that we are determined to maintain this, our ordinance and decla- 
ration, at every hazard, do further declare that we will not submit to the ap- 
plication of force, on the part of the Federal Government, to reduce this 
State to obedience," &c. ; and, finally, that any attempt to enforce these acts 
of Congress shall be considered " inconsistent with the longer continuance 
of South Carolina in the Union ; and that the people of this State will hence- 
forth hold themselves absolved from all further obligation to maintain or 
preserve the political connection with the people of the other States, and will 
forthwith proceed to organize a separate Government, and do all other acts 
and things which sovereign and independent States may of right do." 

This ordinance was the act of a State Convention, held at Columbia, and 
was signed by more than a hundred of the most prominent and influential 
men of the State. It was to take effect on the first day of February follow- 
ing, and placed the State in open rebellion to the General Government. The 
ordinance was officially communicated to President Jackson early in Decem- 
ber, and on the 10th of that month the President issued his ^omoxx^ jyroclania- 
tion against Nullification. This was an able and patriotic document, and added 



OUT OF THE SEXATE 185 

hadn't. " Well," says he, " I should like to have you read it 
and give me your opinion upon it." So he handed it to me, 
and I sot down and read it through. 

And when I got through, " Now," says I, " Gineral, I'll tell 
you jest what I think of this ere business. When I was a 
youngster, some of us Downing ville boys used to go down to 

much to the popularity of the President among all conservative citizen^^ 
throughout the country ; so much so that, according to the testimony of 
Major Downing and Uncle Joshua, the Democrats of Downingville had the 
greatest difficulty imaginable to keep the Federal party from praising it. 

After an elaborate constitutional argument upon the subject, in which 
South Carolina is shown to be clearly and grossly in the wrong, the President 
makes a touching and forcible appeal to the feelings and patriotism of the 
citizens of that State, from which we make some brief quotations : 

" Fellow-citizens of my native State, let me not only admonish you, as the 
first Magistrate of our common country, not to incur the penalty of its laws, 
but use the influence that a father would over his children whom he saw rush 
ing to certain ruin," &c. ***** 

'• You are free members of a flourishing and happy Union. There is no 
settled design to oppress you. You have, indeed, felt the unequal operation 
of laws which may have been unwisely, not unconstitutionally, passed ; but 
that inequality must, necessarily be removed. At the very moment when 
you were madly urged on to the unfortunate course you have begun, a change 
in the public opinion had commenced." * * * 

" I adjure you, as you value the peace of your country, the lives of its 
best citizens, and your own fair fame, to retrace your steps. Snatch from 
the archives of your State the disorganizing edict of its Convention ; bid its 
members to re-assemble, and promulgate the decided expressions of your will 
to remain in the path which alone can conduct you to safety, prosperity and 
honor. Tell them that, compared to disunion, all other evils are light, be- 
cause that brings with it an accumulation of all. Declare that you will never 
take the field unless the star spangled banner of your country shall float over 
you ; that you will not be stigmatized when dead, and dishonored and 
scorned while you live, as the authors of the first attack on the Constitution 
of your country. Its destroyers you cannot be. You may disturb its peace ; 
you may interrupt the course of its prosperity ; you may cloud its reputa- 
tion for stability, but its tranquility will be restored, its prosperity will re- 
turn, and the stain upon its national character will be transferred, and re- 
main an eternal blot on the memory of those who caused the disorder." 

8* 



186 MY THIllTY YEARS 

Sebago Pond every springs and hire out a month or two raft- 
ing logs across the pond. And one time I and Cousin Ephraira, 
and Joel, and Bill Johnson, and two or three more of us had 
each a whopping great log to carry across the pond. It was 
rather a windy day, and the waves kept the logs bobbing up 
and down pretty considerable bad, so we agreed to bring 'em 
along side-and-side and lash 'em together and drive some 
thole-pins in the outermost logs and row 'em over together. 
We went along two or three miles pretty well. But by and 
by Bill Johnson begun to complain. He was always an un- 
easy, harum-scarum sort of a chap. Alwaj^s thought every- 
body else had an easier time than he had, and, when he was 
a boy, always used to be complaining that the other boys had 
more butter on their bread than he had. Well, Bill was row- 
ing on the leward side, and he begun to fret and said his side 
went the hardest, and he wouldn't give us any peace till one 
of us changed sides with him. 

The proclamation then closes with an appeal to the citizens of the United 
States. We make a brief extract or two : 

" Fellow-citizens of the United States : — The threat of unhallowed disunion, 
the names of those, once respected, by whom it is uttered, the array of mili- 
tary force to support it, denote the approach of a crisis in our affairs on 
which the continuance of our unexampled prosperity, our political existence, 
and perhaps that of all free G-overnments may depend. Having the fullest 
confidence in the justness of the legal and constitutional opinion of my 
duties which has been expressed, I rely with equal confidence on your undi- 
vided support in my determination to execute the laws— to preserve the 
Union by all constitutional means — to arrest, if possible, by moderate, but 
firm measures, the necessity of a recourse to force." 

" Fellow-citizens : — The momentous case is before you. On your undivided 
support of your Government depends the decision of the great question it 
involves, whether your sacred Union will be preserved, and the blessings it 
secures to us as one people shall be perpetuated. No one can doubt that the 
unanimity with which that decision will be expressed will be such as to in- 
spire new confidence in republican institutions, and that the prudence, the 
wisdom and the courage which it will bring to their defense will transmit 
them, unimpaired and invigorated, to our children." 




J 0"''M>i 



08T) 



188 MY THIRTY YEARS 

" Well, Bill hadn't rowed but a little ways on the winward 
side before he began to fret again, and declared that side went 
harder than t'other, and he wouldn't touch to row on that side 
any longer. We told him he had his choice, and he shouldn't 
keep changing so. But he only fretted the more, and begun to 
get mad. At last he declared if we didn't change with him in 
five minutes, he'd cut the lashings and take his log and paddle 
off alone. And before we had hardly time to turn round, he de- 
clared the five minutes were out, and up hatchet and cut the 
lashings, and away went Bill on his own log, bobbing and 
rolling about, and dancing like a monkey, to try to keep on 
the upper side. The rest of us scrabbled to as well as we 
could, and fastened our logs together again, though we had a 
tough match for it, the wind blew so hard. Bill hadn't gone 
but a little ways before his log begun to roll more and more, 
and by and by in he went splash, head and ears. He came up 
puffiing and blowing, and got hold of the log and tried to 
climb up on to it, but the more he tried the more the log 
rolled ; and finding it would be gone goose with him pretty 
soon if he staid there, he begun to sing out like a loon for us 
to come and take him. We asked him which side he would 
row if we would take his log into the raft again. * Oh,' says 
Bill, ' I'll row on either side or both sides if you want me to, 
if you'll only come and help me before I sink.'" 

" But," said the President, " I hope you didn't help the fool- 
ish rascal out till he got a pretty good soaking." " He got 
soaked enough before we got to him," says I, '* for he was just 
ready to sink for the last time, and our logs come pesky near 
getting scattered, and if they had, we should all gone to the 
bottom together. And now, Gineral, this is jest what I think : 
if you let South Carolina cut the lashings you'll see su ch a 
log-rolling in this country as you never see yet.'y The old 
Gineral started up and marched across the floor like a boy. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 189 

Says he, " Major Downing, she shan't cut the lashings while 
my name is Andrew Jackson. Tell Sargent Joel to have his 
company sleep on their arms every night." I told him they 
should be ready at a moment's warning. 

I wish you would jest give Cousin Ephraim, up to Augusta, 
a jog to know why he don't write to me and let me know how 
the Legislator is getting along. 

I remain your loving friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER XXXIV. 

COUSIN EPHRAIM TELLS THE MAJOR HOW MATTERS GET ALONG AT AU' 
GUSTA, AND GIVES A SPECIMEN OF THE VALUE OF POLITICAL PROMISES. 

Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 30, 1833. 
To Major Jack Downing, at Washington. 

Dear Cousin Jack :— I got your letter some time ago, but I 
hadn't time to answer it afore now, because I had to go back 
up to Downingville to get another load of apples. These Leg- 
islater folks cronch apples down by the wholesale between 
speeches, and sometimes in the middle of speeches tu. That 
afternoon that Mr. Cla.rk spoke all day, I guess I sold nigh 
upon a half a bushel for cash, and trusted out most three 
pecks besides. The folks up to Downingville are all pretty 
well, only your poor old mother ; she's got the reumatics pret- 
ty bad this winter. She says she wishes with all her heart 
Jack would come home, and not think of going to South Car- 
olina. Ever since she heard about Gineral Blair she can't 
hardly sleep nights, she's so fraid you'll get shot. I tell her 
there's no danger of you as long as you have President Jack- 
sou one side of you and Sargent Joel t'other. 



190 MY THIRTY YEARS 

The Leg'islater is jogging along here pretty well ; I guess 
they'll get through about the lirst of March, if they don't have 
too many boundary questions come along We made some 
major-ginerals here t'other day, and I tried to get you elect- 
ed. Not because I thought you cared mucii about the oflSce 
now, but jest for the honor of Downingville. I tried most all 
the members, and thought to be sure you would come in as 
slick as grease ; for about forty of 'em told me they thought 
it belonged to you. They said it was against their principles 
to pledge their votes to anybody ; but they whispered in 
my ear that they would do what they could, and they hadn't 
scarcely a doubt but what you'd be elected. Sixty-eight of 'em 
told me you was the lest man for it, and would undoubtedly be 
chosen as a matter of course. And twenty -five of 'em prom- 
ised me right up and down, by the crook of the elbow, that 
they looidd vote for you. Well, Jack, after all this, you didn't 
get but two votes. By that time I begun to think it wasn't so 
strange that it took you two years hard fishing before you 
could get an office. 

This is the most Democratic Legislater that they have ever 
had in this State yet. They are most all real ginuine Demo- 
krats, and they have give Mr. Holmes and Mr. Sprague a ter- 
rible basting for turning Federalists, and they have turned 
Mr. Holmes out and put Mr. Shepley in. 

The Legislater is talking of moving the seat of government 
back to Portland again. They say it will be better all round. 
They won't have to go so fur through the snow-drifts to their 
boarding-houses, and won't have to pay much more than half 
so much for their board. And here they have to pay fourpence 
apiece every time they are shaved ; but in Portland they can 
get shaved by the half dozen for three cents apiece. I hope 
they will go, for I can get more for my apples in Portland 
than I can here. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 191 

P. S. — Bill Johnson was married last week, and he quarreled 
with his wife the very next day. So you see he is the same 
old sixpence he used to be. He says he'll send a petition to 
the Legislater to be divorced, and he declares if they don't 
grant it he'll cut the lashings as he did once on the raft on 
Sebago Pond, sink or swim. ^^ 

N. B. — Uncle Joshua wished me to ask you to ask the Pres- 
ident about that Post-Office again, as his commission hasn't 
come yet. 

I remain your loving cousin, 

EPHRAIM DOWNING. 



LETTER XXXV.* 

MAJOR DOWNING GOES UP TOP THE CONGRESS HOUSE AND LISTENS TO 
SEE IF HE CAN HEAR THE GUNS IN SOUTH CAROLINA, AND ALSO HAS 
A TALK WITH THE PRESIDENT ABOUT THE SLANDER OF THE NEWS- 
PAPERS. 

Washington City, Feb. 1, 1833. 

To the Editor of the Portland Couo-ier, in the Mariners' Church 
Building, second story ^ eastern end, Fore street, away Down East, 
in the State of Maine. 

My Dear Friend : — This is nullification day, and it's most 
night, and I aint dead yet, and haint been shot at once to-day. 
I got up this morning as soon as it was light, and went out, 
and looked away toward South Carolina, and listened as hard 
as I could to see if I could hear the guns crackin' and tlie 



* Editorl^-L Note. — The 1st of February, 1833, was the day appnintc d by 
South Carolina for putting in force her nullifying ordinance. 



192 



MY THIRIY YEARS 



cannons roarin'. But it was all still as a mouse. And I've 
been up top the Congress house five or six times to-day, and 
listened and listened ; but all the firing I could hear was in- 
side the Congress house itself, where the members were shoot- 
ing their speeches at each other. I had my company all ready 
thrs morning, with their dinners in their 'napsacks, to start as 




USTEXIXG FOR THE GUNS IN SOUTH CAROLINA. 

quick as we heard a single gun We shan't go till we hear 
something from these nullifiers, for the President says he aint 
agoing to begin the scrape ; but if the nullifiers begin it, then 
the hardest must fend off. 

Yesterday a friend handed me a couple of papers printed at 
Hallowell, away down pretty near to Augusta, in the State of 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 193 

Maine, called the American Advocate, and I found something 
in 'em that made me as mad as a Maich hair. The first one men- 
tioned that Captain Dow was chosen Mayor of Portland, and 
then said : " He is the reputed author of the Jack Downing 
letters that have been published in the Portland Courier." The 
other paper, that was printed two or three days afterward, 
said : " Mr. Dow, the new Mayor of Portland, is not the au- 
thor of Jack Downing's letters ; they are written by the edi- 
tor of the Portland Courier." Now, Mr. Editor, my good old 
friend, isn't this too bad ? I haven't come acrost any thing 
that made me feel so wamble-cropt this good while. Jest as 
if Major Jack Downing couldn't write his own letters. 

I've been to school, put it altogether, off and on, more than 
six months ; and, though I say it myself, I always used to be 
called the best scholar among all the boys in Downingville, 
and most always used to stand at the head of my class. Pd 
been through Webster's spelling book before I was fifteen, and 
before I was twenty I could cypher to the rule of three. And 
now to have it said that I don't write my own letters is too 
bad. It's what I call a rascally shame. I was so boiling over 
with it last night, that I couldn't hold in ; and so I took the 
papers, and went in and showed them to the President. I al- 
ways go to the President when I have any difficulty, and when 
he has any he comes to me ; so we help one another along as 
well as we can. When the President had read it, says he : 

" Major Downing, it's strange to see how this world is given 
to lying. The public papers are beginning to slander you 
jest as they always do me. I haven't written scarcely a pub- 
lic document since Pve been President but what it's been 
laid off to Mr. Van Buren, or Mr. McLane, or Mr. Livingston, 
or Mr. Taney, or somebody or other. And how to help this 
slanderous business I don't know. But it's too provoking, 
Major, that's certain. Sometimes Pve a good mind to make 



194 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Congress pass a law that every editor who says I don't write 
ray proclamations and messages, or that you don't write your 
letters, shall forfeit his press and types ; and, if that don't 
stop him, that he shall be strung up by the neck without 
judge or jury." 

And now, Mr. Editor, I wish you would jest give that Ilal- 
lowell man a hint to mind his own p's and q's in future, and 
look out for his neck. And as you know very well that I do 
write my own letters, I would thank you jest to tell the public 
so. 

I remain your sincere and loving friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER XXXVI. 

COUSIN EPHRAIM EXPLAINS THE SCIENCE OF LAND SPECULATON. 

Augusta, State of Maine, March 4, 1833. 
To Major Jack Dotcning, at Fresident JadcsoiCs house, in Wash- 
ington City. 

Dear Cousin Jack : — The Legislator folks have all cleared 
out to-day, one arter t'other, jest like a flock of sheep ; and 
some of 'em have left me in the lurch tu, for they cleared out 
without paying me for my apples. Some of 'em went off iu 
my debt as much as twenty cents, and some ninepence, and 
a shilling, and so on. They all kept telling me when they got 
paid off they'd settle up with me. And so I waited with pa- 
tience till they adjourned, and thought I was as sure of my 
money as though it was in the bank. 

But, my patience, when they did adjourn, such a hubbub I 
guess you never see. They were flying about from one room 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 195 

to another, like so many pigeons shot in the head. They run 
into Mr. Harris' room, and clawed the money off his table, 
hand over fist. I brustled up to some of em, snA tried to set- 
tle. I come to one man that owed me twelve cents, and he 
had a ninepence in change ; but he wouldn't let me have that, 
because he should lose half a cent. So, while we were both- 
ering about it, trying to get it changed, the first I knew the 
rest of 'em had got their money in their pockets, and were off 
lik a shot — some of 'em in stages, and some in sleighs, 
and some footing it. I out and followed arter 'em, but 't was 
no use ; I couldn't catch one of 'em. And as for my 
money, and apples tu, I guess I shall have t'o whistle for 
'em now. It's pesky hard, for I owe four and sixpence here yet 
for my board, and I've paid away every cent I've got for my 
apples, and don't know but I shall have to come down with 
another load to clear out my expenses. Howsomever, you 
know Uncle Joshua always told us never to cry for spilt milk, 
so I mean to hold my head up yet. 

I don't know but I shall have to give up retailing apples, I 
meet with so many head flaws about it. I was thinking that, 
soon as the Legislater adjourned, I'd take a load of apples and 
apple-sass, and a few sassages, and come on to Washington, 
and go long with your company to South Carolina. But they 
say Mr. Clay has put a stopper on that nullification business, 
and it's ten chanches to one you won't have to go. 

I don't care so much about the apple business after all, for 
I've found out a way to get rich forty times as fast as I can 
by retailing apples, or as you can by hunting after an oflnce. 
And I advise you to come right home, as quick as you can 
come. Here's a business going on here that you can getricli 
by ten times as quick as you can in any office, even if you 
should get to be President. Tbe President don't have but 
twenty-five thousand dollars a year ; but in this 'ere business 



196 MY THIRTY YEARS 

that's going on here, a man can make twenty-five thousand 
dollars in a week if he's a mind to, and not work hard neither. 

I s'pose by this time you begin to feel rather in a pucker to 
know what this business is. I'll tell you ; but you must keep 
it to yourself, for if all them are Washington folks and Con- 
gress folks should come on here and go dipping into it, I'm 
afraid they'd cut us all out. But between you and me, it's 
only jest buying and selling land. Why, Jack, it's forty times 
more profitable than money digging, or any other business 
that you ever see. I knew a man here t'other day from Bangor, 
that made ten thousand dollars, and I guess he wan't more 
than an hour about it. Most all the folks here, and down to 
Portland and Bangor, have got their fortunes made, and now 
we are beginning to take hold of it up in the country. 

They've got a slice up in Downingville, and I missed it by 
being down here selling apples, or I should had a finger in 
the pie. Uncle Joshua Downing — you know he's an old fox, 
and alwaj^s knows where to jump ; well, he see how every- 
body was getting rich, so he went and bought apiece of town- 
ship up back of Downingville, and give his note for a thou- 
sand dollars for it. And then he sold it to Uncle Jacob, and 
took his note for two thousand dollars ; and Uncle Jacob sold 
it to Uncle Zackary, and took his note for three thousand dol- 
lars ; and Uncle Zackary sold it to Uncle Jim, and took his 
note for four thousand doll%rs ; and Uncle Jim sold it to 
Cousin Sam, and took his note for five thousand dollars ; and 
Cousin Sam sold it to Bill Johnson, and took his note for six 
thousand dollars. So you see there's five of 'em, that wan't 
worth ninepence apiece, (except Uncle Joshua,) have now got 
a thousand dollars apiece clear, when their notes are paid. 
And Bill Johnson's going to logging off of it, and they say he'll 
make more than any of 'em. 

Come home, Jack ; come home by all means, if you want 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 197 

to get rich. Give up your commission, and think no more 
about being President, or anything else, but come home and 
buy land before it's all gone. 

Your loving cousin, 

EPHRAIM DOWNING. 



LETTER XXXVII. 

MAJOR DOWNIXG TELLS HOW MR. CLAY PUT A STOP TO THAT FUSS IN 
SOUTH CAROLINA, BESIDES HUSHING UP SOME OTHER QUARRELS. 

Washington City, March 10, 1833. 
To Cowsin Ephraim Downing, up in Downingville, 

Dear Cousin Ephraim : — I got your letter this morning. It 
was a shame for them are Legislator folks to skulk off with- 
out paying you for your apples. But they are the worst 
folks about standing to their word that I know of. They've 
promised me an office more than twenty times, but some how 
or other, come to the case in hand, their votes always went 
for somebody else. But I don't care a fig for 'em as long as 
I've got the President on my side, for his offices are as fat 
again as the Legislator offices are. The President's offices 
will support a man pretty well if he doesn't do anything at 
all. As soon as Mr. Clay's tariff bill passed, the President 
called me into his room, and says he, " Major Downing, the 
nullification jig is up. There'll be no fun for you in South 
Carolina now, and I guess you may as well let Sargent Joel 
march the company back to Downingville, and wait till some- 
body kicks up another bobbery somewhere, and then I'll send 
for 'em, for they arc the likeliest company I've seen since I 
went with my Tennessee Rangers to New Orleans. And as 



198 MY THIRTY YEARS 

for you, Major Downing*, you shall still hold your commission, 
and be under half pay, holding yourself in readiness to march 
at a moment's warning, and to fight whenever called for." 

So you see, Cousin Ephraim, I am pretty well to live in the 
world, without any of your land speculations or apple-selling 
Down East. I can't seem to sec how 'tis they all make 
money so fast in that land business down there that you tell 
about. How could ail our folks, and Bill Johnson, and all of 
'em there in Downingville make a thousand dollars apiece, 
jest a trading round among themselves, when there ain't 
fifty dollars in money, put it all together, in the whole town. 
It rather puzzles me a little. As soon as I see 'em all get 
their thousand dollars, cash in hand, I guess I'il give up my 
commission, and come home and buy some land tu. 

But at present I think I rather have a bird in the hand than 
one in the bush. Our Congress folks here cleared out about 
the same time that your Legislator folks did, and I and the 
President have been rather lonesome a few days. The old 
gentleman says I must n't leave him on any account ; but I 
guess I shall start Joel and the company off for Downingville 
in a day or two. They've got their clothes pretty much 
mended up, and they look quite tidy. I should n't feel 
ashamed to see 'em marched through any city in the United 
States. 

It isn't likely I shall have anything to do under my com- 
mission very soon. For some say there'll be no fighting in 
the country while Mr. Clay lives, if it should be a thousand 
years. He's got a master knack of pacifying folks and hush- 
ing up quarrels as you ever see. He's stopt all that fuss in 
South Carolina, that you know was just ready to blow the 
whole country sky-high. He stept up to 'em in Congress, 
and told 'em what sort of a bill to pass, and they passed it 
without hardly any jaw about it. And South Carolina has 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 199 

hauled in her horns, and they say slie'll be as calm as a clock 
now. And that isn't the only quarrel Mr. Clay has stopt. 
Two of the Senators, Mr. Webster and Mr. Poindexter, got as 
mad as March hairs at each other. They called each other 
some pesky hard names, and looked cross enough for a week 
to bite a board nail off. Well, after Mr. Clay got through 
with South Carolina he took them in hand. He jest talked to 
'em about five minutes, and they got up and wenc and shook 
hands with each other, and looked as loving as two brothers. 

Then Mr. Holmes got up and went to Mr, Clay, and, almost 
with tears in his eyes, asked him if he wouldn't be so kind as 
to settle a little difficulty there was betwe-en him and his con- 
stituents, so they might elect him to come to Congress again. 
And I believe some of the other Senators asked for the same 
favor. 

So as there is likely to be peace now all round the house 
for some time to come, I'm in a kind of a quandary what 
course to steer this summer. The President talks of taking a 
journey Down East this summer, and he wants me to go with 
him, because Vm acquainted there, and can show him all 
about it. He has a great desire to go as fur as Downingville, 
and get acquainted with Uncle Joshua, who has always stuck 
by him in all weathers, through thick and thin. 

The President thinks Uncle Joshua is one of the Republi- 
kan pillars of New England, and says he shall always have 
the Post-Office as long as he lives, and his children after him. 

I rather guess, on the whole, I shall come on that way this 
summer with the President. But wherever I go I shall re- 
main your loving cousin, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



200 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XXXVIII. 

MAJOR DOWNING GIVES THE RESULT OF A CONSULTATION AMONG THE 
GOVERNMENT ON THE QUESTION WHETHER THE PRESIDENT SHOULD 
SHAKE HANDS WITH THE FEDERALISTS DURING HIS JOURNEY DOWN 
EAST. 

Washington City, April 20, 1833. 

To the Editor of the. Portland Courier^ in the Mariners' Church 
Building, second story, eastern end, Fore street, away Down 
East, in the State of Maine. 

My Dear Old Friend : — Bein' I haint writ to you for some 
time, I am afraid you and our folks up in Downingville will 
begin to feel a little uneasy by and by, so I'll jest write you a 
little, if it aint but two lines, to let you know how we get on 
here. I and the President seem to enjoy ourselves pretty 
well together, though it's getting to be a little lonesome since 
the Congress folks went ofl* and Sargent Joel cleared out 
with my Downingville company. Poor souls, I wonder if 
they have got home yet. I haven't heard a word from 'em 
since they left here. I wish you would send up word to Sar- 
gent Joel to write to me and let me know how they got along. 
He can send his letter in your Currier, or get Uncle Joshua 
to frank it — either way it won't cost me anything. Now I 
think of it, I wish you would jest ask Cousin Nabby to ask 
Uncle Joshua to frank me on two or three pair of stockings, 
for mine have got terribly out at the heels. He can do it jest 
as well as not ; they make nothing here of franking a bushel 
basket full of great books to the Western States. And they 
say some of the members of Congress frank their clothes home 
by mail to be washed. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 201 

I and the President are getting ready to come on that way 
this summer. We shall come as far as Portland, and I expect 
we shall go up to Downingville, for the President says he 
must shake hands with Uncle Joshua before he comes back — 
that faithful old Republikan, who has stood by him through 
thick and thin, ever since he found he was going to be 
elected President. He will either go up to Downingville, or 
send for Uncle Joshua to meet him at Portland. 

There is some trouble among us here a little, to know how 
we shall get along among the Federalists when we come that 
way. They say the Federalists in Massachusetts want to 
keep the President all to themselves when he comes there. 
But Mr. Van Buren says that'll never do ; he must stick to the 
Demokratic party ; he may shake hands with a Federalist 
once in a while if the Demokrats don't see him, but whenever 
there's any Demokrats round he musn't look at a Federalist. 
Mr. McLane and Mr. Livingston advise him t'other way. They 
tell him he'd better treat the Federalists pretty civil, and 
shake hands with Mr. Webster as quick as he would with Un- 
cle Joshua Downing. And when they give this advice Mr. 
Lewis and Mr. Kendle hop right up as mad as March hairs, 
and tell him if he shakes hands with a single Federalist 
while he is gone, the Demokratic party will be ruined. And 
then the President turns to me and asks me what he had bet- 
ter do. And I tell him I guess he better go straight ahead, 
and keep a stiff upper lip, and shake hands with whoever he 
is a mind to. 

Mr. Van Buren staid with us awhile at the President's, but 
he's moved into a house now on Pennsylvany Avenue, He's 
a fine, slick man, I can tell you, and the President says he's 
the greatest man in America. 

Your old friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
9 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XXXIX. 

MAJOR DOWNING DEFENDS THE PRESIDENT FROM THE ASSAULT OF LIEU- 
TENANT RANDOLPH, ON BOARD THE STEAMBOAT CYGNET. 

On BOARD THE STEAMBOAT Cygnet, near the City of '\ 
Alexandria, down a little ways below Wash- > 
ington. May the 6th, 1833. ) 

To the Editor of the Portland Courier^ in the Marimrs' Church 
Building, second story, eastern end, Fore street, avmy Doion 
East, in the State of Maine. 

My Dear Old Friend : — We've had a kind of a hurly-burly 
time here to-day. I didn't know but we should bust the biler 
one spell ; and some of us, as it was, got scalding hot. You 
see, I and the President and a few more gentlemen got into the 
steamboat this morning to go round into old Virginny to help 
lay the foundation of a monument, so they shouldn't forget 
who Washington's mother was. 

When we got down along to Alexandria, the boat hauled up 
to the side of the wharf awhile to let some more folks get in, 
and while she lay there, I and the President and a few more 
of 'em sot in the cabin reading and chatting witli one another. 
The President had jest got through reading a letter from 
Uncle Joshua Downing, urging him very strongly to come up 
as fur as Downingville when he coraes on /4iat way. And 
says he, *' Major Downing, tliis Uncle Joelraa Downing of 
yours is a real true blue Republikan as I know of anywhere. 
I wouldn't miss seeing him when I go Down East for anything." 

Says I, "Your honor, Dovvningviile is the most thorough- 
going Rppnblikaii town tliorc U anywhei'G in the eastern 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



2C3 



country ; and you oug-lit not to come back till you have vis- 
ited it." Jest as I said that, there was a stranger came into 
the cabin and stept along up to the President, and begun to 
pull off his glove. I thought there was some mischief bruing, 




for his lips were kind of quiverj^ and I didn't like the looks 
of his eyes a bit. But llic President tliought he was trying 
to get his gloves off to shako bands with liim, and tlic good 
old mail i.s always ready lo sli:iU<,' lian is with a friend ; so lie 



204 MY THIRTY YEARS 

reached out his hand to him and smiled, and told him never to 
stand for the gloves, and the words wan't hardly out of his 
mouth when dab went one of the fellow's hands slap into the 
President's face. 

In a moment I leveled my umbrella at the villain's head, 
and came pesky near fetching* him to the floor. Two more 
gentlemen then clenched him by the collar and had him down 
as quick as ever you see a beef ox knocked down with an ax. 
In a minute a crowd was round him thick as a swarm of bees. 
But, my stars, I wish you could have seen the President jest 
at that minute. If you ever see a lion lying down asleep and 
a man come along with a great club and hit him a polt with 
all his might, and then see that lion spring on his feet, and 
see the fire flash in his eyes, and hear him roar and gnash his 
teeth, you might guess what kind of a harrycane we had of it. 
The old gineral no sooner felt the fellow's paw in his face 
than he sprung like a steel trap, and catched his cane and 
went at him. But there was such a crowd of men there in an 
instant, that it was as much impossible to get through 'em as 
it was for the British to get through his pile of cotton wool 
bags at New Orleans. If it hadn't teen for that, I think he 
would have kicked the feller through the side of the steamboat 
in two minutes. 

However, somehow or other, the rascal got hussled out of 
the boat on to the wharf, and fled. They have sent some ofli- 
cers after him, but where they will overtake him nobody 
knows. I don't know exactly what the trouble begun about, 
but I believe Lefteuant Randolf (that was his name) got ter- 
rible mad with the President somehow about his commission. 
The President has got cleverly cooled down again, and we 
are going on to lay the foundation of the monument. 
In haste, your old friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SEXATS. 205 



LETTER XL. 

MAJOR DOWNING SHAKES HANDS FOR THE PRESIDENT AT PHILADELPHIA, 
WHILE ON THE GRAND TOUR DOWN EAST. 

Philadelphia, June, 10, 1833. 

To Uncle Joshua Downing, Postmaster, up in Doioiiitigville, in the 
State of Maine, icith care and speed. 

Dear Uncle Joshua : — We are coming on, full chisel. I've 
been trying, ever since we started, to get a chance to write a 
little to you; but when we've been on the road I couldn't 
catch my breath hardly long enough to write my name, we 
kept flying so fast ; and when we made any stop, there was 
such a jam round us there wasn't elbow room enough for a 
miskeeter to turn round without knocking his wings off. 

I'm most afraid now we shall get to Dowuingville before 
this letter does, so that we shall be likely to catch you all in 
the suds before you think of it. But I understand there is a 
fast mail goes on that way, and I mean to send it by that, so 
I'm in hopes you'll get it time enough to have the children's 
faces washed and their heads combed, and the gals get on 
their clean gowns. And if Sargent Joel could have time 
enough to call out my old Dowuingville company and get 
their uniforms brushed up a little, and come down the road as 
fur as your new barn to meet us, there's nothing that would 
please the President better. As for victuals, most anything 
won't come amiss ; we are as hungry as bears after traveling 
a hundred miles a day. A little fried pork and eggs, or a pot 
of baked beans and an Indian pudding would suit us much 
better than the soft stuff they give here in these great cities. 



206 MY THIRTY YEARS 

The President wouldn't miss of seeing you for anythiug in 
the world, and he will go to Downingville if he has legs and 
arms enough left when he goes to Portland to carry him there. 
But, for fear that anything should happen that he shouldn't be 
able to come, you had better meet us in Portland, say about 
the 22d ; and then you can go up to Downingville with us. 

This traveling with the President is capital fun, after all, if 
it wasn't so plaguy tiresome. We come into Baltimore on a 
railroad, and we flew over the ground like a harrycane. There 
isn't a horse in this country that could keep up with us, if he 
should go upon the clean clip. When we got to Baltimore, 
the streets were filled with folks as thick as the spruce trees 
down in your swamp. There we found Black Hawk, a little, 
old, dried up Indian king. And I thought the folks looked at 
him and the prophet about as much as they did at me and the 
President. I gave the President a wink that this Indian fel- 
low was taking the shine off us a little ; so^ we concluded we 
wouldn't have him with us any more, but go on without him. 

I can't stop to tell you, in this letter, how we got along to 
Philadelphy, though we had a pretty easy time some of the 
way in the steamboats. And I can't stop to tell you of half of 
the fine things I have seen here. They took us up into a great 
hall this morning, as big as a meeting-house, and then the 
folks begun to pour in by thousands to shake hands with the 
President — Federalists and all, it made no difference. There 
was such a stream of 'em coming in that the hall was full in 
a few minutes, and it was so jammed up around the door that 
they couldn't get out again if they were to die. So they had 
to knock out some of the windows, and go out t'other way. 

The President shook hands with all his might an hour or 
two, 'till he got so tired he couldn't hardly stand it. I took 
hold and shook for him once in a while to help him along, but 
at last he got so tired he had to lay down on a soft bench. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



207 



covered with cloth, and shake as well as he could ; and when 
he couldn't shake, he'd nod to 'em as they come along. And 
at last he got so beat out, he couldn't only wrinkle his fore- 
head and wink. Then I kind of stood behind him, and reached 
my arm round under his, and shook for him for about half an 
hour as tight as I could spring. Then we concluded it was 
best to adjourn for to-day. 




MAJOR DOWNING SHAKING HANDS FOR THE GINERAL. 

And I've made out to get away up into the garret in the 
tavern long enough to write this letter. We shall be off to- 
morrow or next day for York ; and if I can possibly get 
breathing time enough there, I shall write to you again. 

Give my love to all the folks in Downingville, and believe 
me your loving neffu, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



208 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XLL* 

THE PRESIDENT AND MAJOR DOWNING HAVE A VERY NARROW ESCAPE 
AT THE BREAKING DOWN OF THE CASTLE GARDEi^ BRIDGE IN NEW 
YORK. 

New York City, Friday Evening, June 14, 1833. 

To Uncle Joshua Downing, Postmaster up in Downingville, State 
of Maine. 

Dear Uncle Joshua : — Here we are, amongst an ocean of 
folks, and cutting up capers as high as a cat's back. I s'pose 
you will see by the papers how we like to got drowned yester- 



* Editorial Note. — Here we come to an important point — an era in the 
Downing literature, which requires special notice. It was now about three 
years and a half that Major Downing had been serving and enlightening his 
countrymen. In all that time his fame had steadily increased. His letters 
were copied into almost every paper all over the land, and his name was in 
everybody's mouth. Next to General Jackson, he was decidedly the most 
popular man in the United States. Perhaps nothing is more calculated to 
excite a feeling of envy than great popularity. The popular man is like the 
child who holds a nice stick of candy in his hand ; all the children around 
are on tiptoe to get a nibble. It is not strange, therefore, that many in dif- 
ferent parts of the country, endeavored to get a taste of Major Downing's 
popularity by attempting to imitate his writings. 

But one individual, at this time, made a bold and systematic rush at the 
Major, and attempted to strip his well-earned laurels from his brow, and en 
twine them around his own head. This was a respectable merchant, a heavy 
iron dealer in New York. Violently seized with a literary mania, he sat 
down and wrote a Downing letter, giving an account of the arrival of the 
Presidential party in New York, signed it with the Major's name, and pub- 
lished it in the old Daily Advertiser. 

As the letter of the genuine Major, giving an account of the same affair, 
was sent to his Uncle Joshua, through the Portland Courier, it took several 
days for it to make the journey Down East and back again to New York. In 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 209 

day crossing the bridge between the castle and the garden.f 
It was a pesky narrow squeak for me and the President. 
He was riding over on a great fine boss, and I was walking 
along by the side of him, and trying to clear the way a little, 
for they crowded upon us so there was no getting along, and 
hardly a chance to breathe. When we got under the arch, 
we stopped a little bit for the crowd to clear away, when all at 

the meantime, the letter of the iroa dealer made its appearance, with Major 
Downing's signature, and was seized upon by the greedy multitude, and 
passed about as the true coin. The thousands and tens of thousands who 
had been hurrahing for Major Downing for weeks and months, and some of 
them for years, of course raised their voices again as loud as ever. 

" God bless me ! " said the iron merchant ; " why, I've electrified the world ! 
I had no idea I was such a great writer before. I must go into this business 
deep ; who cares for trade when he can get popularity and literary fame ?" 

Henceforth the merchant became a man of letters, and the iron business 
was turned over to the other members of the firm. For months afterward 
he earnestly applied himself to writing Downing letters ; and as he could 
always get them to the New York market before the letters of the true 
Major, who was riding about with the " Gineral," and sending his epistles 
through the Portland Courier, could arrive there, the merchant thought the 
run of the trade was all in his favor. And whenever the voice of public 
applause, in all parts of the country, pealed forth the name of Major Down- 
ing, " God bless me !" said the merchant, '' Don't you hear ray thunder !" 

Even to this day it is said, the New York iron merchant enjoys the secret 
gatisfc.ction of occasionally meeting with an individual so benighted in literary 
history as to look up to him with awe and admiration, regarding him as the 
great, the distinguished Major Downing. 

t Editorial Note.— The Presidential party landed at Castle Garden, the 
ancient, heavy old fort standing in the harbor, six or eight rods from the 
shore, at the southern point of the city. A bridge connected Castle Garden 
with the green public park, called the Battery. The Major speaks of the 
bridge " between the castle and the garden," by which it would seem that he 
supposed the old fort was the castle, and the green Battery the garden. In the 
facts of the breaking down of the bridge, and the narrow escape of some of 
the Presidential party, the Major is strictly accurate, as he always is on all 
historical points. His remark to the President, that " Mi, VanBurea wasn' 
in the company," when the bridge gave way, will be explained by tlie fact 
that Mr. Van Buren joined the President's traveling partv at New York 
9* 



210 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



once I thought I heard something crack. Says I, " Gineral, you 
better go ahead, I'm afraid there's mischief bruin' here." At 
that he gave his boss a lick and pushed through the crowd ; 
but we hadn't got more than a rod, before crash went the 
bridge behind us, all down in a heap, and two toll-houses on 




top of it, and as many as a hundred folks splashed into the 
water, all mixed up together, one top of t'other. The Presi- 
dent looked over his shoulder, and seeing I was safe behind 
him, called out for Mr. Van Buren, and asked me to run and 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 211 

see if he was hurt. I told him he had forgot himself, for Mr. 
Van Buren wasn't in the compan}^ ; but Mr. Woodbury and 
Mr. Cass were in for it, for I could see them floundering about 
in the water now. " Run, Major," said the President, " run 
and give them a lift. Take Mr. Woodbury first ; you know I 
can't spare him at any rate." 

So there was a parcel of us took hold and went to hauling 
of 'em out of the water, like so many drownded rats. But we 
got 'em all out alive, except a few young things they called 
dandies ; they looked so after they got wet all over that we 
couldn't make out whether they were alive or dead. So we 
laid 'em up to dry, and left 'em ; and I went on to help the 
President review the troops on the Battery, as thej^ call it ; 
and a grand place it is tu. Pve seen more fine shows here, 
it seems to me, than ever I see before in my life. Such a 
sight of folks, and fine ladies, and fine houses, and vessels, 
and steamboats, and flags a flying, and canons firing, and 
fireworks a whisking about, I never see the beat of it. I 
didn't think there was so much fun in this world before, for 
all Pve been about so much at Madawaska, and among the 
nuUifiers, and all round. 

But I can't tell you much about it till we get there, for I 
can't find any time to write. Pve only catched a few minutes 
this evening, while the President is gone into Mr. Niblo's gar- 
den. One of the master sights that Pve seen yet was that 
balloon that went up this afternoon, carrying a man with it. 

All these sights keep us back a little longer than we ex- 
pected. I don't think now we shall be in Portand before the 
28tli or 29th of this month. So I thought Pd jest write you a 
line that you might be down there about that time. 

In haste, your loving nefl'u, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



212 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XLII.* 

MAJOR DOWNING DESCRIBES THE VISIT OF THE PRESIDENT AT BOSTON, 
AND ALSO COMPLAINS OF THE RASCALLY COUNTERFEITERS THAT 
WRITE LETTERS IN HIS NAME FOR THE NEWSPAPERS. 

Boston, Tuesday, June 25, 1833. 
To the Editor of the Portland Courier. 

My Dear Old Friend : — I'm keeping house with the Presi- 
dent to-day, and bein' he's getting considerable better, I 
thought I'd catch a chance when he was taking a knap, and 
write a little to let you know how we get along. This ere 
sickness of the President has been a bad pull-back to us. He 
hasn't been able to go out since Sunday afternoon, and I've 
been watchin' with him this two nights, and if I wasn't as 
tough as a halter, I should be half dead by this time. 

And if the President wan't tougher than a catamount, he'd 
kick the bucket before he'd been round to see one half the 
notions there is in Boston. Poor man, he has a hard time of 
it ; you've no idea how much he has to go through. It's worse 
than being dragged through forty knot-holes. 

To be bamboozled about from four o'clock in the morning 
till midnight, rain or shine — jammed into one great house to 
eat a breakfast, and into another great house to eat a 
dinner, and into another to eat supper, and into two or three 
others between meals, to eat cooliations, and to have to 
go out and review three or four regiments of troops, and then 
to be jammed into Funnel Hall two hours, and shake hands 



* Editorial Note. — It will be recollected that tlie President, while in Bos- 
ton, was for a few days seriously ill. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 213 

with three or four thousand folks, and then to go into the 
State House and stand there two or three hours, and see all 
Boston streaming through it like a river through a saw-mill, 
and then to ride about the city awile in a fine painted covered 
wagon, with four or five horses to draw it, and then ride 
awhile in one without any cover to it, finney-fined oif to the 
top notch, and then get on to the horses and ride awhile a 
horseback, and then run into a great picture-room and see 
more fine pictures than you could shake a stick at in a week, 
and then go into some grand gentleman's house, and shake 
hands a half an hour with a flock of ladies, and then after sup- 
per go and have a little still kind of a hubbub all alone with 
three or four hundred particular friends, and talk an hour or 
two, and take another cooliation, and then go home, and about 
midnight get ready to go to bed, and up again at four o'clock 
the next morning and at it. And if this aint enough, to tucker 
a feller out, I don't know what is. The President wouldn't 
have stood it till this time, if he hadn't sent me and Mr. Van 
Buren to some of the parties, while he staid at home to rest 

The President's got so much better, I think we shall be able 
to start for Salem to-morrow, for we must go through with it 
now we've begun, as hard work as 'tis. I think we shall get to 
Portland about the 4th of July ; so, if you get your guns and 
things all ready, you can kill two birds with one stone. I hope 
you'll be pretty careful there how you point your guns. They 
pointed 'em so careless at New York that a wad come within 
six inches of making daylight shine through the President. 

Now I think on't, there is the most rascally set of fellers 
skulking about somewhere in this part of the country that 
ever I heard of, and I wish you would blow 'em up. They arc 
worse than the pickpockets. I mean them are fellers that's 
got to writing letters and putting my name to 'em, and send, 
ing of 'em to the printers, xind I heard there was one sassy 



214 MY THIRTY YEARS 

feller last Saturday, down to Newburyport, that got on to a 
horse, and rid about town calling himself Major Jack Down- 
ing, and all the soldiers and the folks marched up and shook 
hands with him, and thought it was me. Isn't it Mr. Shakes- 
peare that says something about " he that steals my munny- 
pus steals trash, but he that steals my name ought to have his 
head broke ?" I wish you would find that story and print it. 

Your old friend, MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER XLIII. 

THE PRESIDENT AND THE REST OF 'eM TURN A SHORT CORNER AT CON 
CORD, AND SET THEIR FACES TOWARD WASHINGTON. 

Concord, Nu Hamsheer, June 30, 1833. 
To the Editor of the Portland Courier. 

My Dear Old Friend : — The jig is all up about our going to 
Portland and Downingville. IVe battled the watch with the 
President this two days about it, and told him he must go 
there if he had the breath of life in him ; and he kept telling 
me he certainly would, if horses could carry him there. 

But the President isn't very well, and that aint the worst 
of it ; there's been a little difficulty bruin' among us, and the 
President's got so riled about it, that he's finally concluded to 
start on his way back to-morrow. I can't help it ; but I feel 
bad enough about it to cry a barrel of tears. 

I don't know how they will stan' it in Downingville, when 
they come to get the news. I'm afraid there will be a master 
uproar there, for you know they are all great Demokrats. 
But the stage is jest agoing to start. 

In haste, from your friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 216 



LETTER ILIV. 

COUSIN NABBY DESCRIBES THE UNUTTERABLE DISAPPOINTMENT AT 
DOWNINGVILLE BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT DIDN't COME, AND TELLS 

WHAT A TERRIBLE PUCKER ANT KEZIAH WAS IN ABOUT IT GREAT 

UPROAR IN DOWNINGVILLE. 

DOWNINGVILLE, Julj 8, 1833. 

To the Editor of the Portland Courier. 

ItESPECTABLE SiR : — As Cousin Jack is always so mity budge 
in writing letters to you, and as be and tbe President sbowed 
US a most provoking trick, and run off like a stream of cbalk, 
back to Washington, without coming here, after they had 
promised over and over again that they would come, and wf, 
had got all slicked up and our clean gownds on, and more good 
victuals cooked than there ever was in all Downingville be 
fore — I say, Mr. Editor, I declare it's too bad ; we are all at 
mad as blazes about it, and I mean to write and tell you all 
about it, if I live ; and if Cousin Jack don't like it, he maj 
lump it ; so there now. 

Ye see Cousin Jack writ to us that he and the Presiden^x 
and some more gentlemen should be here the 4th of July, ano 
we must spring to it and brush up and see how smart we 
could look, and how many fine things we could show to 
the President. This was a Saturday before the 4th of July 
come a Thursday. The letter was to Uncle Joshua, the Post- 
master. Most all the folks in Downingville were at the Post- 
Office waiting when the mail come in, for we expected to hear 
from Jack. 

Uncle Joshua put on his spettacles and opened the mail, 



216 MY THIRTY YEARS 

and hauled out the papers and letters in a bunch. In a min- 
ute I see one to Uncle Joshua with the President's name on 
the outside ; so I knew it was from Jack, for the President al- 
ways puts his name on Jack's letters. We all cried out 
to Uncle Joshua to open it, and let us know what was in it. 
But he's such a provoking odd old man, he wouldn't touch it 
'till he got every one of the papers and letters sorted and put up 
in their places. And then he took it and set down in his arm- 
chair, and took out his tobacker box and took a chaw of to- 
backer, and then he broke open the seal and sot and chawed 
and read to himself. We all stood tiptoe, with our hearts in 
our mouths, and he must needs read it over to himself three 
times, chawing his old quid, and once in a while giving us a 
knowing wink, before he would tell us what was in it. And 
he wouldn't tell us arter all, but, says he, " You must all be 
ready to put the best side out Thursday morning ; there'll be 
business to attend to, such as Downiugville never see before." 
At that we all turned and run, and such a hubbub as we 
were in from that time 'till Thursday morning, I guess yo'u 
never see. Such a washing and scrubbing, and making new 
clothes and mending old ones, and baking and cooking. Every 
thing seemed to be in a clutter all over the neighborhood. 
Sargent Joel flew round like a ravin' distracted rooster. He 
called out his company every morning before sunrise, and 
marched 'em up and down the road three hours every day. 
He sent to the store and got a whole new set of buttons, and 
had 'em sowed on to his regimental coat, and had a new piece 
of red put round the collar. And had his trowses washed and 
his boots greased, and looked as though he might take the 
shine off of most anything. But the greatest rumpus was at 
Uncle Joshua's ; for they said the President must stay there 
all night. And Ant Keziah was in such a pucker to have 
everything nice, I didn't know but she would fly off the handle. 



OUT OF THE SfcA\ATE, 217 

She had every part of the house washed from garret to cel- 
lar, and the floors all sanded, and a bunch of green bushes 
put into all the fire places. And she baked three ovens-full of 
dried punkin pies, besides a few dried huckleberry pies, and 
cake, and a great pot of pork and beans. But the worst 
trouble was to fix up the bed so as to look nice ; for Ant Ke- 
ziah declared the President should have as good a night's 
lodging in her house as he had in New York or Boston. So 
she put on two feather beds on top the straw bed, and a bran- 
new calico quilt that she made the first summer after she was 
married, and never put it on a bed before. And to make it 
look as nice as the New York beds, she took her red silk 
gown and ripped it up and made a blanket to spread over the 
top. And then she hung up some sheets all round the bed- 
room, and the gals brought in a whole handful of roses and 
pinks, and pinned 'em up round as thick as flies in August. 

After we got things pretty much fixed, Uncle Joshua start- 
ed off to meet Cousin Jack and the President, and left Sargent 
Joel to put matters to rights, and told us we must all be ready 
and be paraded in the road by nine o'clock Thursday morning. 
Well, Tliursday morning come, and we all mustered as soon as 
it was daylight and dressed up. The children were all washed, 
and had their clean aprons on and their heads combed, and 
were put under the care of the schoolmarm, to be paraded 
along with her scholars. 

About eight o'clock, all the village got together down the 
road as fur as Uncle Joshua's new barn ; and Sargent Joel 
told us how to stand, as he said, in military order. He placed 
Bill Johnson and Cousin Ephraim out a little ways in front, 
with each of 'em a great long fowling piece with a smart 
charge in to fire a salute, and told 'em as soon as the Presi- 
dent hove in sight to let drive, only to be careful and pint 
their guns up, so as not to hurt anybody. Then come Sargent 



218 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Joel and his company ; and then come the schoohnarm and 
the children ; and then come all the women and gals over 
sixteen with Ant Keziah at their head ; and then come all the 
men in town that owned horses riding on horseback ; and 
all the boys that Sargent Joel didn't think was large enough 
to walk in the procession got up and sot on the fences along 
by the side of the road. 

There we stood 'till about nine o'clock, when, sure enough, 
we saw somebody come riding out of the woods down the 
hill. The boys all screamed, ready to split their throats, 
" Hoorah for Jackson," and Bill Johnson fired off his gun. 
Cousin Ephraim, who aint so easily fluttered, held on to his 
and didn't fire, for he couldn't see anybody but Uncle Joshua 
on his old gray horse. Along come Uncle Joshua, on a slow 
trot, and we looked and looked, and couldn't see anybody 
coming behind him. 

Then they all begun to look at one another as wild as 
hawks, and turn all manner of colors. When Uncle Joshua 
got up so we could see him pretty plain, he looked as cross as 
a thunder-cloud. He rid up to Sargent Joel, and says he, 
" You may all go home about your business, for Jack and the 
President are half way to Washington by this time." 

My stars ! what a time there was then. I never see so 
many folks boiling over mad before. Bill Johnson threw his 
gun over into the field as much as ten rods, and hopped up 
and down, and struck his fists together like all possessed. 
Sargent Joel marched back and forth across the road two or 
three times, growing redder and redder, till at last he drew 
out his sword and fetched a blow across a hemlock stump, and 
snapped it off like a pipe-stem. Ant Keziah fell down in a 
conniption fit ; and it was an hour before we could bring her 
tu and get her into the house. And when she come to go 
round the house and see the victuals she had cooked up, and 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



219 



go into the bedroom and see her gown all cut up, she went 
into conniption fits again. But she's better to-day, and has 
gone to work to try to patch up her gow^n again. ^..iiar 

I thought I would jest let yf>i\-knOv\^ abo'.t tuese things, 
and if you are a mind to send word on to Cousin Jack and the 



^^ 







"%.a-« 



THE DISAPPOINTMENT AND UPROAR IN DOWNINGVILLE 

President, I'm willing. You may tell 'em there aint five folks 
in Downingville that would hoorah for Jackson now, and 
hardly one that would vote for him, unless 'tis Uncle Joshua, 
and he wouldn't if he wasn't afraid of losing the Post-Ofiice. 

Your respected friend, 

NABBY DOAVNING. 



220 MY THIRTY YEARS 



DOCKYMENT. 



^- NOMINATION FOR THE PRESIDENCY. 

~ - _, F'-o7P i,ic I'lalional Intelligencer, 

We do not know whether it be necessary, in copying the 
subjoined effusion, to enter into a protest against misinterpre- 
tation of our motives. We should be sorry to be understood, 
while humoring a jest, as meaning to burlesque so serious an 
action as the choice of President of the United States. We 
copy the following for the sake of its moral, as well as its wit, 
and we do not like the moral the less for being taught with a 
smiling countenance : 

From the Mauch Chunk {Pa.) Courier. 

OUR NEXT PRESIDENT. 

Many of the papers in the United States have already man- 
ifested a disposition to agitate the subject of the next Presi- 
dency, and several distinguished individuals have been infor- 
mally named for that ojQ&ce, among whom are Mr. Van Buren, 
Mr. M'Lean, Mr. Cass, Mr. Clay and Mr. Webster. As we are 
opposed to a premature discussion of this ticklish question, we 
have not hitherto committed ourself in favor of either of these 
individuals. Indeed, we have considered it very imprudent, 
in these times , for any one who wishes to be an orthodox pol- 
itician, to " come out" for anybody until he can ascertain who 
will be most likely to succeed. > Accordingly, we have stood 
upon our " reserved rights " of neutrality, to watch the signs 
of the times, and see who would probably be the most popular 
candidate. Recent indications have satisfactorily convinced 
us on that point, and as we wished to be considered among 
the " originals " — the real Simon Pures — we would lose no 
time in nominating, for President, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING, of Downingville. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 221 

In recommending this distinguished personage to our fellow 
citizens, it will be scarcely" necessary to enumerate his various 
claims to their suffrages. Suffice it to say, his military 
renown, his valuable public services in assisting President 
Jackson to put down the nullifiers, especially in shaking 
hands with the Yankees " Down East," and last, though not 
least, the fidelity with which he and his Uncle Joshua stuck to 
the old hero after he found he was going to be President, emi- 
nently qualify him for that exalted station. 



LETTER XLV. 

major downing tells about going to cambridge and xmaking the 
president a doctor of laws. 

On Board the Steamboat, . 

Going from Providence to York, July 2, 1833. C 

To my old friend, the Editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mari- 
ners' Church Building, second story, eastern end, Fore street, 
away Down East, in the State of Maine. 

My Dear Friend : — We are driving back again full chisel, 
as fast as we come on when we were on the railroad between 
Washington and Baltimore. And we've been drivin' so fast 
on a round turn in all the places we've been, and have had so 
much shaking hands, and eating and one thing another to do, 
that I couldn't get time to write to you at half the places where 
I wanted to, so I thought Pd set down now, while the Presi- 
dent's laid down to rest him awhile, and tell you something 
about Cambridge and Lowell. Ye see when we were at Bos- 
ton they sent word to us to come out to Cambridge, for they 
wanted to make the President a doctor of laws. What upon 
airth a doctor of laws was, or why they wanted to make the 



222 MY THIRTY YEARS 

President one, I couldn't think. So when we come to go up 
to bed I asked the Gineral about it. And says I, " Gineral, 
what is it they want to do to you out to Cambridge ?" 
Says he, " They want to make a doctor of laws of me." 
" Well," says I, " but what good will that do ?" " Why," 
says he, " you know, Major Downing, there's a pesky many 
of them are laws passed by Congress, that are rickety 
things. Some of 'em have very poor constitutions, and 
some of 'em haven't no constitution at all. So that it is 
necessary to have somebody there to doctor 'em up a little 
and not let 'em go out into the world, where they would stand 
a chance to catch cold and be sick, without they had good 
constitutions to bear it. You know," says he, " I've had to 
doctor the laws considerable ever since I've been at Wash- 
ington, although I wasn't a regular bred doctor. And I made 
out so well about it, that these Cambridge folks think I bet- 
ter be made into a regular doctor at once, and then there'll be 
no grumbling and disputing about my practice." Says he, 
" Major, what do you think of it ?" I told him I thought 
it an excellent plan ; and asked him if he didn't think they 
would be willing, bein' I'd been round in the military business 
considerable for a year or two past, to make me a doctor of 
war. He said he didn't know, but he thought it would be no 
harm to try 'em. "But," says he, " Major, I feel a little kind 
of streaked about it, after all ; for they say they will go to 
talking to me in Latin, and although I studied it a little once, 
I don't know any more about it now than the man in the 
moon. And how I can get along in that case, I don't know." 
I told him my way, when anybody talked to me in a lingo 
that I didn't understand, was jest to say nothing, but look as 
knowing as any of 'em, and then they ginerally thought I 
knew a pesky sight more than any of 'em. At that the Gineral 
fetched me a slap on my shoulder, and haw-hawcd right out. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 223 

Says he, " Major Downing, you are the boy for me ; I don't 
know how I should get along in this world if it wasn't for you." 
So when we got ready we .went right to Cambridge as bold 
as could be. And that are Cambridge is a real pretty place ; 
it seems to me I should like to live in them colleges as well 
as any place I've seen. We went i.-to the libry, and I guess 
I stared a little, for I didn't think before there was half so 
many books in the world. I should think there was near 
about enough to fill a meetin'-house. I don't believe they 
was ever all read, or ever will be to all ages. 

When we come to go in to be made doctors of, there was a 
terrible crowding around ; but they give us a good place, 
and sure enough, they did begin to talk in Latin or some 
other gibberish; but whether they were talking to the 
Gineral, or who 'twas, I couldn't tell. I guess the Gineral 
was a little puzzled. But he never said a word, only once in 
a while bowed a little. And I s'pose he happened sometimes 
to put the bows in the wrong place, for I could see some of 
the sassy students look up one side once in a while, and 
snicker out of one corner of their mouths. Howsomever, the 
Gineral stood it out like a hero, and got through very well 
And when 'twas over, I stept up to Mr. Quincy and asked 
him if he wouldn't be so good as to make me a doctor of 
war, and hinted to him a little about my services down to 
Madawaska and among the nuUifiers. At that he made me a 
very polite bow, and says he, " Major Downing, we should 
be very happy to oblige you if we could, but we never give 
any degrees of war here ; all our degrees are degrees of 
peace." So I find I shall have to practice war in the natural 
way—let nullification or what will come. After 'twas all 
over, we went to Mr. Quincy's and had a capital dinner. 
And, on the whole, had about as good a visit to Cambridge as 
most anywhere. 



224 MY THIRTY YEARS 

I meant to a told you considerable about Lowell, but the 
steamboat goes so fast I shan't have time to. We went all 
over the factories, and th<ure ! — I wont try to say one word 
about 'em, for I've been filled with such a wonderment ever 
since that my ideas are all as big as hay-stacks, and if I 
should try to get one of 'em out of my head, it would tear it 
all to pieces. It beat all that ever I heard of before, and the 
Gineral said it beat all that ever he heard of. But what made 
the Gineral hold his head up, and feel more like a soldier than 
he had before since he was at New Orleans, was when we 
marched along the street by them are five thousand gals, all 
dressed up, and looking as pretty as a million of butterflies. 
The Gineral marched along as light as a boy, and seems to 
me I never see his eyes shine so bright afore. After we got 
alo^^ ,tQ~at>'?^ tr^S-middle of *em, he whispered to me, and 
says he, " Major Downing7 i§ your Cousin Nabby here among 
'em ? If she is, I must be introduced to her." I told him she 
was not ; as they were expecting us to come to Downingville, 
she staid to home to help get ready. " Well," says he, " if 
any thing should happen that we can't go to Downingville, 
3'-ou must send for your Cousin Nabby and Uncle Joshua to 
come on to Washington to see me. I will bear all the ex- 
penses, if they will only come," says he. " These Northern 
gals are as much afore our Southern and Western gals as can 
be, and I've thought of ycur Cousin Nabby a great deal 
lately." He looked as though he was going to say something 
more, but Mr. Van Buren and the rest of 'em crowded along 
up so near that it broke it off, and we had to go along. 

I see we've got most to York, and shall have to go ashore 
in a few minutes, so I can't write any more now, but remain 

Your sincere and loving friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 225 



LETTER XLYI. 



MAJOR DOWNING TELLS ABOUT THE QUARREL THAT HE AND MR. VAN 
BUREN HAD AT CONCORD AFTER THET WENT UP CHAMBER TO BED ; 
AND ALSO DECLARES HIS INTENTION TO RUN FOR THE PRESIDENCY. 

Washington City, July 20, 1833. 

To my old friend, the Editor of the Portland Courier , away Down 
East, in the State of Maine. 

My Dear Old Friend : — I don't know but you might think 
strange on't, that I should be back here to Washington more 
than a fortnight, and not write to you. But I hant forgot 
you. You needn't never be afraid of that. We aint very apt 
to forget our best friends ; and you may depend upon it, Jack 
Downing will never forget the editor of the Portland Courier 
any more than Andrew Jackson will forget Jack Downing. 
You was the first person that ever give me a lift into public 
life, and you've been a boosting me along ever since. And 
jest between you and me, I think I'm getting into a way now 
where I shall be able, by and by, to do something to pay you 
for it. The reason that I haven't writ to you before is, that 
we have had pretty serious business to attend to since we got 
back. But we've jest got through with it, and Mr. Van Buren 
has cleared out and gone back about the quickest to New 
York, and I guess with a flea in his ear. Now, jest between 
you and me, in confidence, I'll tell you how 'tis ; but, pray, 
don't let on about it to anybody else for the world. Didn't 
you think plaguy strange what made us cut back so quick 
from Concord, without going to Portland, or Portsmouth, or 
Downingville ? You know the papers have said it was be- 
cause the President want very well, and the President had to 
10 



226 MY THIRTY YEARS 

make that excuso himself, in some of his letters ; but it was 
no such thing. The President could a marched on foot twenty 
railes a day then ; and only let him been at the head of my 
Downingville company, and he'd make a whole British regi- 
ment scamper like a flock of sheep. 

But you see the trouble on't was, there was some difficulty 
between I and Mr. Van Buren. Some how or other, Mr. Van 
Bured always looked kind of jealous at me all the time after 
he met us at New York ; and I couldn't help minding every 
time the folks hollered, " Hoorah for Major Downing !" he 
would turn as red as a blaze of fire. And wherever we stop- 
ped to take a bite, or to have a chat, he would alwa^'s work 
jt, if he could, somehow or other, so as to crowd in between 
me and the President. Well, ye see, I wouldn't mind much 
about it, but v^ould jest step round t'other side. And though 
I say it myself, the folks would look at me, let me be on 
which side I would ; and after they'd cried *' Hoorah for the 
President," they'd most always sing out, " Hoorah for Major 
Downing." Mr. Van Buren kept growing more and more 
fidgety till we got to Concord ; and there we had a room full 
of sturdy old Democrats of New Hampshire ; and after they 
had all flocked round the old President and shook hands with 
him, he happened to introduce me to some of 'em before he did 
Mr. Van Buren. At that the fat was all in the fire. Mr, Van 
Buren wheeled about and marched out of the room, looking as 
though he could bite a board nail off. The President had to 
send to him three times before he could get him back into the 
room again. And when he did come in, he didn't speak to me 
for the whole evening. However, we kept it from the com- 
pany pretty much ; but when we come to go up to bed that 
night, we had a real quarrel. It was nothing but jaw, jaw, 
the whole night. Mr. Woodbury and Mr. Cass tried to pacify 
us all they could, but it was all in vain— we didn't one of us 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 227 

get a wink of sleep, and shouldn't if the night had lasted a 
fortnight. Mr. Van Buren said the President had dishonored 
the country, by placing a military major on half pay before 
the second officer of the Government. The President begged 
him to consider that I was a very particular friend of his ; 
that I had been a great help to him at both ends of the coun- 
try ; that I had kept the British out of Madawaska, away 
down in Maine, and had marched my company clear from 
Downingville to Washington, on my way to South Carolina, 
to put down the nullifiers ; and he thought I was entitled to 
as much respect as any man in the country. 

This nettled Mr. Van Buren peskily. He said he though c it 
was a fine time of day if a raw jockey from an obscure vil- 
lage away Down East, jest because he had a major's commis- 
sion, wa^ going to throw the Vice-President of the United 
States and the heads of Departments into the back-ground. At 
this my dander began to rise, and I stept right up to- him ; 
and says I, " Mr. Van Buren, you are the last man that ought 
to call me a jockey. And if you'll go to Downingville, and 
stand up before my company, with Sargent Joel at their head, 
and call Downingville an obscure village, I'll let you use my 
head for a foot-ball as long as you live afterwards. For if 
they wouldn't blow j^ou into ten thousand atoms, Pll never 
guess again." We got so high at last that the old President 
hopt off the bed like a boy ; for he had laid down to rest him, 
bein' it was near daylight, though he couldn't get to sleep. 
And says he, " Mr. Donaldson, set down and write Mr. Ander- 
son at Portland, and my friend Joshua Downing, at Downing- 
ville, that I can't come ; Pm going to start for Washington 
this morning." " What !" says Mr. Cass, " and not go to 
Portsmouth, and Exeter, and round there !" " I tell 3'ou," 
says the President, " Pm going to start for Washington this 
morning, and in three days Pll be there." " \Vhat !" sa^^s Mr. 



228 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



Woodbury, " and not go to Portland, where they have spent 
so much money to get ready for us ?" " I tell you," says the 
President, " my foot is down : I go not a step further, but 
turn about this morning for Washington." " What !" says I, 
"and not go to Downingville : what will Uncle Joshua say?" 
At this the President looked a little hurt ; and says he, " Ma- 
jor Downing, I can't help it. As for going any further with 




THE QUARREL BETWEEN MAJOR DOWNING AND MR. VAN BUREN 



such a din as this about my ears, I cannot and will not, and 
I am resolved not to budge another inch." And, sure enough, 
the President was as good as his word, and we were all 
packed up by sunrise, and in three days we were in Washing- 
ton. 

And here we've been ever since, battling the watch about 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 229 

the next Presidency. Mr. Van Buren says the President 
promised it to him, and now he charges me and the President 
with a plot to work myself into it and leave him out. It's 
true Pve been nominated in a good many papers : in the 
National Intelligencer, and in the Mauch Chunk Courier, print- 
ed away ofi' among the coal-diggers in Pennsylvany, and a 
good many more. And them are Pennsylvany chaps are real 
pealers for electing folks when they take hold ; and that's 
what makes Mr. Van Buren so uneasy. The President tells 
him as he has promised to help him, he shall do what he can 
for him — but if the folks wilt vote for me, he can't help it. Mr. 
Van Buren wanted I should come out in the National Intelli- 
gencer and resign, and so be put up for Vice-President under 
him. But I told him no ; bein' it had gone so fur, I wouldn't 
do nothing about it. I hadn't asked for the office, and if the 
folks had a mind to give it to me, I wouldn't refuse it So, af- 
ter we had battled it about a fortnight. Mr. Van Buren found 
it was no use to try to dicker with me, and he's cleared out 
and gone to New York to see what he can do there. 

I never thought of getting in to be President so soon, 
though I've had a kind of hankering for it this two years. 
But now, seeing it's turned out as it has, I'm determined to 
make a bold push ; and if I can get in by the free votes of the 
people, I mean to. The President says he rather I should have 
it than anybody else ; and, if he hadn't promised Mr. Van 
Buren before hand, he would use his influence for me. 

I remember when I was a boy, about a dozen years old, 
there was an old woman come to our house to tell fortunes. 
And after she'd told the rest of 'em, father says he, " Here's 
Jack, you haven't told his fortune yet, and I don't 'spose it's 
worth a telling, for he's a real mutton-headed boy." At that 
the old woman catched hold of my hair, and pulled my head 
back and looked into my face, and I never shall forget how 



230 MY THIRTY YEARS 

she looked right through me as long as I live. At last, says 
she, and she gin me a shove that sent me almost through the 
side of the house, "Jack will beat the whole of you. He'll be 
a famous climber in his day ; and wherever he sets out to 
climb, you may depend upon it, he will go to the top of the 
ladder." Now, putting all these things together, and the 
nominations in the papers, and the " hoorahs for Major Down- 
ing," I don't know what it means, unless it means that T 
must be President. So, as I said afore, I'm determined to 
make a bold push. I've writ to Colonel Crockett to see if I 
can get the support of the Western States, and his reply is, 
" Go ahead,^^ I shall depend upon you and Uncle Joshua to 
carry the State of Maine for me ; and, in order to secure the 
other States, I 'spose it will be necessary to publish my life 
and writings. President Jackson had his life published be- 
fore he was elected, and when Mr. Clay was a candidate he 
had his'n published. I've talked with the President about it, 
and he says publish it by all means, and set the printer of the 
Portland Courier right about it. 

So I want you to go to work as soon as you get this, and 
pick up my letters, and begin to print 'em in a book ; and I'll 
set down and write a history of my life to put into it, and 
send it along as fast as I can get it done. But I want you to 
be very careful. not to get any of them are confounded coun- 
terfeit letters, that the rascally fellers have been sending to 
the printers, mixed in 'long with mine. It would be as bad 
as breaking a rotten egg in 'long with the good ones ; it 
would spile the whole pudding. You can tell all my letters, 
for they were all sent to you first. 

The President says I must have a picter of me made and 
put into the book. He says he had one put into his, and Mr. 
Clay had one put into his. These things, you know, will all 
help get the free votes of the people, and that's all I want 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 231 

For I tell you now, right up and down, I never will take any 
ofiSce that doesn't come by the free votes of the people. I'm a 
genuine Demokratic Republikan, and always was, and so was 
my father before me, and Uncle Joshua besides. 

There's a few more things that I want to speak to you about 
in this letter, but I'm afraid it will get to be too lengthy. That 
are story that they got in the newspapers about my being 
married in Philadelphy is all a hoax. I ain't married yet, 
nor shan't be till a little blue-eyed gal that used to run about 
with me, and go to school and slide down hill inDowningville, 
is the wife of President Downing. And that are other story, 
that the President gave me a curnel's commission jest before 
we started Down East, isn't exactly true. The President did 
offer me one, but I thanked him, and told him if he would 
excuse me, I should rather not take it, for I had always 
noticed that majors were more apt to rise in the world than 
curnels. 

I wish you would take a little pains to send up to Downing- 
ville and get Uncle Joshua to call a public meeting, and have 
me nominated there. I'm so well known there, it would have 
a great effect in other places. And I want to have it particu- 
larly understood, and so stated in their resolutions, that I am 
the genuine Demokratic Republikan candidate. I know you 
will put your shoulder to the wheel in this business, and do 
all you can for me, for you was always a friend to me, and 
just between you and me, when I get in to be President you 
may depend upon it you shall have as good an office as you 
want. 

But I see it/s time for me to end this letter. The President 
is quite comfortable, and sends his respects to you and Uncle 
Joshua. I remain your sincere friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



232 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER XLVII. 

COUSIN EPHRAIM DESCRIBES THE METHOD OF "PUTTING 

OVER ON TO THE FEDERAL SIDE, AND LAYS A PLAN TO GET THE 
DOWNINGVILLE POST-OFFICE. 

DowNiNGviLLE, State of Maine, August 12, 1833. 
To Cousin Major Jade Doicning, at Washington City. 

Dear Cousin Jack : — I've got something pretty heavy on 

my mind that I want to tell ye about, and ask your advice, 

and may be I shall want you to lend me a hand a little. I've 

been watching politics pretty snug ever since I was a little 

boy, and that's near about thirty years ; and I believe I know 

most as much about it as Uncle Joshua, although he's twenty 

years older than I be. Now about this Republikanism and 

Federalism, I've minded that it always keeps changing, and 

always has, ever since I can remember. And I've minded, tu, 

it most always keeps going round one way ; that is, the young 

Federalists keep turning Dimokrats, and the old Dimokrats keep 

turning Federalists. What it's for I don't exactly know, but 

that's the way it goes. I s'pose a man, on the whole, isn't 

hardl}^ fit to be a Dimokrat after he gets to be fifty years old. 

And here is old Uncle Joshua in the Post-Office, he's got to 

be about fifty, and he's hanging on to the Dimokratic side yet, 

like the toothache ; and it begins to worry me a good deal. 

I think it's high time he went over. You know Downingville 

has always been a genuine Republikan town, and I want it 

should always go according to the usages (I think that's what 

they call it) of the Dimokratic party. 

When it gets to be time for an old Dimol^rat to go over on 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



235 



the Federal side, I believe tne Argus always put's em over. 
You remember there was old Mr. Insley in Portland, and old 
Gineral Wingate in Bath, as much as a dozen years ago, were 
some as big Republikans as there was anywhere about. 
Well, they got to be considerable old, and had been in office 
some time, so the Argus took and clapt 'em right over on to 
the Federal side. And you know there was Mr. Holmes, he 
was a whapping great Republikan. But he begun to grow 
old, and so the Argus put him over. 

And this summer the Argus is putting of 'em over consid* 
erable younger on to the Federal side. It has put Judge 
Preble over, and Judge Ware, and Mr. Mitchell, the Postmas- 
ter at Portland, and he isn't near so old as Uncle Joshua ; 
and it has put Mr Megquier over — only think, such a young 
man as Mr. Megquier, that's only been in the State Sinnet 
three or four years. Now don't you think, according to Dimo- 
kratic usage, it's high time old Uncle Joshua was put over ? 
I wish you would jest write to the Argus and have it done, 
for I feel a good deal worried about it. 

And as soon as it comes out in the Argus that he is fairly 
over, I want you to tell the President that Uncle Joshua is a 
Federalist, and have him removed from the Post-Office, for it 
would be an everlasting shame to have the Post-Office in 
Downingville kept by a Federalist. 

N. B. — If Uncle Joshua should be removed, I wish you 
would use your influence to get the President to give the 
office to me ; for, next to Uncle Joshua, I s'pose I've done 
more for the Republikan party than any man in Downingville. 
I can have a recommendation from Sargent Joel and all the 
company. By attending to this, you will much oblige 

Your friend and cousin, 

EPHRAIM DOWNING. 
10* 



MY THIRIY YEARS 



LETTER XLVIII. 

IN WHICH THE PRESIDENT BEGUN TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME AND 

DANIEL. 

Washington City, Sept. 14, 1833. 

To the £lditor of the Portland Courier , away Down East, in the 
State of Maine. 

My Dear Old Friend : — It's got to be a pretty considerable 
long while now since I've writ to you ; for I never like to 
write, you know, without I have something to say. But I've 
got something on my mind now that keeps me all the time a 
thinking so much that I can't hold in any longer. So, jest 
between you and me, I'll tell you what 'tis. But I must begin 
a little ways beforehand, so you can see both sides of it, and 
I'll tell you what 'tis as soon as I get along to it. 

You see I and the President has been down to the Rip Raps a 
few weeks, to try to recruit up a little ; for that pesky tower 
away Down East like to did the job for the old Gineral. So, 
after we got things pretty much to rights here, we jest 
stepped aboard the steamboat and went down to the Eip 
Raps. That are Rip Raps is a capital place ; it is worth all 
the money we ever paid for it, if it was for nothing else only 
jest to recruit up the Government. It is one of the most 
coolest places in the summer time that you ever see. Let a 
feller be all worn out and wilted down as limpsy as a rag, so 
that the doctors would think he was jest ready to fly off the 
handle, and let him go down to the Rip Raps, and stay there 
a fortnight, and he'd come home again as smart as a steel- 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 235 

trap. The President got recruited up so nicely, while we 
were down to the Rip Raps, that ever since we got back, till 
two or three days ago, he has been as good-natured and 
sociable as ever I should wish to see a body. And now I'm 
coming, pretty soon, to what I was going to tell you about, 
that bears so heavy on my mind. 

You see the President likes, every morning after the break- 
fast is out of the way, to set down and read over the news- 
papers, and see what is going on in the country, and who's 
elected, and so on. So, when we've done breakfast, we take 
the letters and papers that come from the Post-Office, and go 
away by ourselves into the great East Room, where we can 
say jest what we've a mind to, and nobody not hear us, and 
the President sets down in his great arm rocking-chair and 
smokes his cigar, and I set down by the table and read to 
him. Last Monday morning, as I was reading over the 
papers, one arter another, I come to a Pennsylvany paper, 
and opened it, and says I, ''Hullow, Gineral, here's a speech 
of Mr. Webster, at Pittsburgh, as large as life." 

" Ah," said he, " well, let us hear what Daniel has been 
talking to them are Pennsylvany and Ohio chaps about." 

So, I hitched back in my chair, and read on. And by and 
by I begun to get into the marrow of the story, where he told 
all about nullification, and what a dark time we had of it last 
winter, and how the black clouds begun to rise and spread 
over the country, and the thunders of civil war begun to roll and 
rumble away off to the South, and by and by how the tempest 
was jest ready to burst over our heads, and split the country 
all into shivers, and how, in the very nick of time, the Presi- 
dent's proclamation came out and spread over the whole 
country like a rainbow, and how everybody then took courage 
and said the danger was all over. While I had been reading 
this, the President had started up on his feet, and walked 



236 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



back and forth across the room pretty quick, puffing away and 
making the smoke roll out of his mouth like a house a fire ; 
and by the time I had got through, he had thrown his cigar 
out of the window, and come and sot down, leaning his elbow 
on the table, and looking right in my face. I laid the paper 
down, and there he sot looking right at me as much as five 
minutes, and never said a word ; but he seemed to keep a 
thinking as fast as a horse could run. At last, said ho, 







THE MAJOR READING TEE NEWS IN THE EAST ROOM. 



"Major Downing, were you ever told that you resembled 
Daniel Webster ?" 

" AVhy, Giueral," says I, " how do you mean — in looks or 
what ?" 

"Why, perhaps a little of both," says he, "but mostly in 
looks." 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 237 

" Bless my stars," says I, " Gineral, you don't mean to say 
that I am quite so dark as he is ?" 

" Perhaps not," says he, " but you have that sharp, know- 
ing look, as though you could see right through a millstone. 
I know," says he, " that Mr. Webster is rather a dark-looking 
man, but there isn't another man in this country that can 
throw so much light on a dark subject as he can." 

" "Why, yes," says I, *' he has a remarkable faculty for that ; 
he can see through most anything, and he can make other 
folks see through it, too. I guess," says I, " if he'd been 
born in old Virginny, he'd stood next to most anybody." 

" A leeile afore 'em," says the Gineral, " in my way of think- 
ing. " I'll tell you what 'tis, Major, I begin to think your 
New Englanders ain't the worst sort of fellows in the world, 
after all." 

" x\h, well," says I, " seeing is believing, and you've been 
down tnat way now, and can judge for yourself. But if you 
had only gone as fur as Downingville, I guess you would 
have thought still better of 'em than you do now. Other 
folks may talk larger and bluster more," says I, " but when- 
ever you are in trouble, and want the real support in time of 
need, go to New England for it, and you never need to be 
afraid but what it will come." 

" I believe you are right," says the Gineral ; " for, notwith- 
standing all I could do with my proclamation against nullifi- 
cation, I believe I "should have rubbed hard if there had been 
no such men in the country as Major Downing and Daniel 
Webster. But this nullification business isn't killed yet. 
The tops are beat down, but the roots are alive as ever, and 
spreading under ground wider and wider ; and one of these 
days, when they begin to sprout up again, there'll bo a 
tougher scrabble to keep 'em down than there has been yet ; 
and I've been thinking," says he, and he laid his hand on my 



238 MY THIRTY YEARS 

shoulder, and looked very anxious — " I've been thinking, " 
says he, " if you and Daniel " — 

And here the door opened, and in come Amos Kendil with 
a long letter from Mr. Van Buren about the Bank, and the 
Safety Fund, and the Government Deposits, and I don't know 
what all ; and the President's brow was clouded in a minute ; 
for he always feels kind of pettish when they plague him 
about the Safety Fund. I haven't had any chance to talk 
with him since, there's so many of 'em round him ; and I'm 
as uneasy as a fish out of water, I feel so anxious to know 
what the President was going to say about me and Daniel. 
I shall watch the first chance when I think it will do to talk 
with him, and find out what he was going to say. I can't 
hardly sleep a nights, I think so much about it. When I find 
out I'll write to you again. 

Send my love to the folks ap in Downingville when you 
have a chance. 

I remain your sincere friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER XLIX. 

IN WHICH THE PRESmENT FINISHED WHAT HE WAS GOING TO SAY 
ABOUT ME AND DANIEL. 

Washington City, Sept. 30, 1833. 

To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away Doivn East, in the 
State of Maine. 

My Dear Friend : — Haven't you been in a terrible kind of 
a pucker ever since my last letter to you, to know what the 
President was going to say about me and Daniel ? If you 
haven't I have. I never felt so uneasy for a fortnight hardly 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 239 

in my life. If I went to bed I couldn't sleep, and I've got up 
and walked the floor as much as half the night almost every 
night since, I've wished the bank to Guinea more than fifty 
times, for there's been such a hubbub here about the bank this 
fortnight past, that I couldn't get a moment's chance to talk 
with the President about anything else. We'd have cabinet 
meetings once in a while to see about moving the deposits, 
and Mr. Duane, and Mr. Cass, and Mr. McLane would talk up 
to the President so about it, that he'd conclude to let 'em 
alone and do nothing about it, and let Congress manage it 
jest as they'd a mind to. And then we'd go home, and Mr. 
Kendil would come in and talk the matter over, and read 
some great long letters from Mr. Van Buren, and get the 
President so confused that he would lose all patience a'most. 

But Mr. Kendil is the master feller to hang on that ever I 
see ; he's equal to the toothache. And he talked and palav- 
ered with the President till he finally brought him over, and 
then the President put his foot down, and said the deposits 
should be moved, whether or no. And then the botheration 
was to see who should move 'em. The President told Mr. 
Duane to do it ; but he said his conscience wouldn't let him. 
Then the President told Mr. Taney to take Mr. Duane's place, 
and see if his conscience would let him. Mr. Taney tried it, 
and found his conscience went easy enough ; so Mr. Duane 
packed up and went home to Philadelph3^ We were all 
dreadful sorry to lose Mr. Duane, for he was a nice man 
as you will see one in a thousand. It's a pity he had such a 
stiff conscience ; he might have staid here in the Treasury 
jest as well as not, if it hadn't been for that. 

But this storm about the bank begins to blow Over, and 
the President's got, in a manner, cooled down again. This 
morning, after breakfast, we took the papers and letters jest 
as we used to, and went away into the East Room to read 



240 MY THIRTY YEARS 

the news aud chat awliile ; and it really did my heart good 
to see the President set down once more looking so good- 
natured in his great arm-chair smoking his cigar. After I had 
read over the news to him awhile, and got him in pretty good 
humor, I made bold to out with it, and says I, '* Giueral, there's 
one question I want to ask you." And says he, " you know. Ma- 
jor, I always allow you to ask me anything you're a mind to ; 
what is it ? " " Well," says I, " when we had that talk here, 
about a fortnight ago, you begun to say something about me 
and Daniel ; and jest as you got into the middle of it, Mr. 
Kendil come in, and broke it right off, short as a pipe-stem. 
It's been running in my hea-d ever since, and I've been half 
crazy to know what it was you was going to say." " Well, 
let us see," says the Gineral, " where was it I left off? for 
this everlasting fuss about the bank has kept my head so full 
I can't seem to remember much about it." 

"Why," says I, "you was talking about nullification; 
how the tops were beat down a little, but the roots were all 
running about under ground as live as ever, and it wouldn't 
be long before they'd be sprouting up agciiii ."^V over the 
country, and there'd be a tougher scrabble to keep 'em down 
than ever there had been yet ; and then you said if I and 

Daniel , and there that plaguy Kendil came in — I've no 

patience with him now when I think of it — and broke it right 
off." "Ah, now I remember," says the Gineral, "how 'twas. 
Well," says he, " Major Downing, it is a solemn fact, this 
country is to see a blacker storm of nullification, before many 
years comes about, than ever it has seen yet ; the clouds are 
beginning to gather now ; I've seen 'em rolling over South 
Carolina, and hanging about Georgia, and edging along into 
old Virginny, and I see the storm's a gathering ; it must 
come ; and if there isn't somebody at the helm that knows 
how to steer pretty well, the old ship must go down. I au't 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 241 

afraid," says he, " but what I can keep her up while I have 
the command, but I'm getting to be old, and must give up 
soon, and then what '11 become of her I don't know. But what 
I was going to say was this : I've been thinking if you and 
Daniel, after I give up, would put your heads together, and 
take charge of her till the storm has blown over, you might 
save her. And I don't know who else can. " 

" But how do you mean, Gineral ?'' says I. " Why, to speak 
plain," says he, " if nullification shows its head, Daniel must 
talk and you must fight. There's nothing else will do the 
job for it that I know of. Daniel must go into the Presiden- 
tial chair, and you must take command of the army, and then 
things will go straight.^' At this I was a little struck up ; 
and I looked him right in the eye, and says I, " Gineral, do 
you mean that Daniel Webster ought to be President after 
you give up ?'' " Certainly," says be, " if you want to keep 
the country out of the jaws of nullification." "But," says I, 
** Gineral, Daniel is a Federalist, a Hartford Convention 
Federalist ; and I should like to know which is worst, the 
jaws of nullification, or the jaws of Federalism?" "The 
jaws of a fiddlestick I " said the President, starting up and 
throwing his cigar out of the window as much as two rods ; 
" but how do you know. Major Downing, that Daniel is a 
Federalist?" "Because," says I, " Pve heard him called 
so Down East more than a hundred times." " And that's jest 
all you know about it," says he. " Now, I tell you how 'tis, 
Major Downing, Daniel is as thorough a Republican as you 
be, or as I be, and has been ever since my proclamation came 
out against nullification. As soon as that proclamation came 
out, Daniel came right over on to the Republican ground, and 
took it upon his shoulder, and carried it through thick and 
thin, where no other man in the country could have carried 
it." Says I, " Gineral, is that a fact ?" And says he, " Yes, 



242 MY THIRTY YEARS 

you may depend upon it, ^tis every word truth." " Well," 
says I, " that alters the case a little, and I'll write to Uncle 
Joshua and the editor of the Portland Courier, and see what 
they think of it ; and if they think it's best to have Daniel for 
President we'll have him in, and Pll take my turn afterward ; 
for, seeing the people arc bent upon having me for President, 
I won't decline ; though if it is thought best that I should 
wait a little while, I won't be particular about that. Pm 
willing to do that which will be best for the country." 

So I remain your loving friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER L. 

MAJOR DOWNING PREVENTS A ROBBERY IN THE SENATE CHAMBER. 

Washington City, Dec. 28, 1833. 

To the Editor of the Portland Courier ^ in the Mariners' Church 
Building, second story, eastern end, Fore street, Porland, away 
Down East, in the State of Maine. 

My Dear Old Friend : — We've been in a kind of harrycane 
here, and I and the G-ineral has had to hold on so tight, to 
keep things from blowing away, that I couldn't hardly get a 
chance to write to you afore now, though I have wanted to 
twenty times. 

It seems as if this Congress come together determined to 
have a real whirlwind all winter. Mr. McDufifie raves like a 
mad lion ; I thought when he was making a speech t'other 
day that he would stave his bench all to pieces, he slat things 
round so. And Mr. Clay is as full of mischief as he can live. 
He's been bothering us with some pesky thing or other the 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 243 

whole time since he has been here. When the Senate sent to 
the President for that docninent that he read to the Cabinet 
last September, about removing the deposites, I didn't know 
one spell but the old Giueral would a took his cane and gone 
right into the Senate room, and drove 'em all out together, 
and told 'em to go home about their business. But I talked 
to him and pacified him, and got him pretty well cooled down 
at last. And then says he, " Major, what would you do 
about it ? " " Well," says I, " Gineral, supposin' the Senate 
should ask you to send 'em one of my letters, what would you 
tell 'em ?" " Why," says he, " I would tell 'em that they had 
no business with it." " Well," says I, " Gineral, what is the 
difference between one of my letters to you and one of your 
letters to the Cabinet?" "None at all," says he, '• and I'll 
be hanged if they get it ; " and he sot right down and wrote 
to 'em and told 'em so. 

Well, then we sot and smoked a little while, talking about 
one thing or another, and at last the President broke out 
again about the Senate sending to him for that document that 
he read to the Cabinet ; and all at once he started up and 
catched his hat and cane, and says he, " Major, if I don't put 
a veto upon them chaps, my name isn't Andrew Jackson ;" 
and he whisked out of doors before I had time to think. I had 
my shoes off, and my feet up against the jam, but I slipped 
'em on as quick as I could, and out after him. But by the 
time I got out he was away down Pennsylvany avenu ever so 
far, pulling for the Congress house as fast as he could go. I 
pulled on after him, and overtook him jest as he was going 
into the Senate room. And I took hold of his arm, and says 
I, " Gineral, haven't I always advised you well?" And he 
stopt and looked round at me, and the rinkles begun to 
smooth out of his face, jest as they alwaj^s do when he looks 
at me, and says he, " Yes, Major, I must say that." " Well," 



244 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



says I, " Gineral, then my opinion is, that you better stop and 
think of this business a little before you go into the Senate 
to kick up a bobbery. There's Mr. Clay making a speecli 
now ; and if you should make a drive right in among 'em, it 
would be like going into a hornet's nest. The opposition, you 




OLD HICKORY AT THE SENATE DOOR. 



know, have the majority, and they'd flock round Clay as thick 
as though he was the queen bee in a beehive, and they might 
be too many for you." Says he, " Major, I shouldn't be afraid 
of 'em if there was five times as many ; but I never did know 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 245 

your advice to prove wroug yet, so, if you think it's best, I'll 
stop and consider of it a little." After a while I got him to 
go back to the house again, and be contented with sending 
the letter that they shouldn't have the document. But it was 
a good while before I could get him entirely calmed down, 
and he seemed to be considerably riled about my telling him 
the Senate might be too much for him if he went right in 
among 'em. He declared if they sent to him for any more of 
his private papers, he'd puU the ears of some of 'em, if he 
didn't cut 'em off. " Why, Major," says he, " I shouldn't be 
afraid to meet a whole regiment of 'em." 

I'll write to you again pretty soon, and let you know some- 
thing more about matters and things here. 

Your faithful friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



THE GAP m HISTORY. 

Editorial Note. — Here occurs a deplorable hiatus in Major Downing's 
" Thirty Years out of the Senate," occasioned by one of those inevitable 
catastrophes to which literature, as well as everything else connected with 
human labors, is sometimes exposed. In consequence of the loss of a large 
mass of letters and " Dockyments," the Major has to make a clean jump from 
Jackson to Polk, as is more fully explained in his own " Dockyment," on the 
following page. The world must bear the loss as well as it can. 



246 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



DOCKYMENT. 



In the little Postscript to my Life, that heads " My Thirty 
Years Out of the Senate," I said, " There'll be a kind of gap 
near the close of Gineral Jackson's time, and for a while 
after, because a lot of my letters written at that time was 




MAJOR DOWNING GETTING OVER A GAP IN HISTORY. 

lost in a fire some years afterward, and I don't suppose I can 
now find the papers they was published in. But I will try to 
bridg-e over the gap as avcII as I can." 

Well, I've got to the gap now, and must try to make a 
clean jump of it, from Old Hickory to Young Hickory. I 



OUT or THE SENATE. 247 

must bid good-by to my dear old friend, the Gineral, and put 
m}^ shoulder to the wheel to help Colonel Polk along through 
the Mexican war, I feel bad to part with the old Gineral — a 
true man and a true Dimokrat as ever lived — and I am sure 
he feels bad to part with me. We worked hard together ; 
we could conquer nullification, and conquer Biddle's Bank, 
but we couldn't head off old Father Time, who conquers us all, 
sooner or later. The best friends in the world must part, so 
in the nature of things the time must come when Old Hickory 
and Major Downinc^- must bid each other farewell, I am sorry 
the world has lost them letters of mine that was burnt, for 
they contained a good many interesting things, and described 
some very pleasant times that the Gineral and I had together. 
Tlfey told all about cutting off the "figgerhead" of "Old 
Ironsides," (the frigate Constitution,) in Boston harbor, and 
about me and the Gineral going a skating in a bright moon- 
light night away down on the Potomac, and a hundred other 
matters, that's lost now with the things before the flood. But 
Ant Keziah always used to say, " It's no use to cry for spilt 
milk ; " so I hope the world will dry up its tears, and not 
worry any more about my lost letters than it does about that 
great library that was burnt in Alexandria two thousand 
years ago. The artist has gi'n me a good lift in jumping over. 

From the National Intelligencer. 
We were thrown quite into a flutter yesterday by receiving 
in our bag from the Post-Office the following letter from the 
public's old friend. Major Jack Downing, who seems to have 
written to us for the purpose of communicating to the public, 
in his plain way, some views of President Polk — Young 
Hickory, as he delights to call him — which that distinguished 
functionary had not thought necessary to confide to his most 
confidential friends before he met with the Major : 



24:8 MT THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER LI. 



PRESIDENT' POLK ON HIS TOUR DOWN EAST HIS INTERVIEW WIFH 

MAJOR DOWNING. 



On Board the Steamboat on Long Island Sound, 
Bound to Connecticut and Down East, June 28, 184*1. 



! 



Mr. Gales & Seaton — 

My Dear Old Friends : — I and Mr. Buchanan, and the rest 
of us, overtook the President last night at York, where we 
found hiui pretty well tuckered out, having got through wifli 
all his birds-egging in that everlasting great city, and ready 
to push on this morning Down East. I was going to write a 
line to friend Ritchie, as he's the Government editor, as soon 
as I could ketch up with the President, and let him know how 
the old gentleman stood the journey. But I happened to look 
into your paper, and I see brother Ingersoll, of Philadelphy, 
sends his letters to you. This puzzled me a little at first, 
because I knew he was on Mr. Ritchie's side. But I looked 
along, and I see he called your paper a " powerful journal," 
and then the thought struck me that I had read somewhere 
that " there's a power behind the throne greater than the 
throne itself." Well, thinks I, that Ingersoll is a cunning 
feller, but he ain't agoin' to get ahead of me. If he writes to 
the power behind the throne I will, too. So, if Mr. Ritchie 
complains, and says I ought to wrote to him, I wish you 
would just smooth it over to him, and tell him the reason of 
it, and tell him when the old ship gets on t'other tack, and 
his paper gets on behind, I'll write to him. 

As I had come right on from Mexico, the shortest cut, and 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



249 



had brought a letter from Ginera. Scott to the President, as 
soon as we got to York I run right up to the tavern where he 
stopped to give him the letter. Folks told me he was at the 
Astor House — that great tavern made out of hewed stone. 
So I went up and went in, and asked one of the waiters if 
Colonel Polk put up there. 

" Is it Jemmy Polk ye mane ; Young Hickory, the Presi- 
dent?" 

" Sartin," says T. 




THE MAJOR S ARRIVAL AT THE ASTOR HOUSE. 

*' Yes," says he ; " he's here, up stairs in his room." 

Says I, " Show me his chamber as quick as you can ; I 
must see him." 

"You can't see him to-night," says he ; "Young Hickory 
is tired out, and can't see nobody at all. Why wan't ye on 
hand in the Governor's room if ye wanted to see him ? All 
the boys had a chance there." 

Says I, " That's nothing to the pint ; I was on the road 

from Washington then, and I'm going to see the President 
II 



250 MY THIRTY YEARS 

to-night if I have to go through the stone walls of this house 
for it." 

Then along come Mr. Stutson, and says he, " Patrick, 
what's the row here ? " 

" Here's a feller getting wrathy," says Patrick, " because I 
won't let him go up to the President's room." 

At that Mr. Stutson turned round to me, and as soon as he 
see me, he ketched hold of my hand, and says he, " Major 
Downing, I am very happy to see you. Pll show you right 
up to the President's room myself. Pm sorry you wan't here 
before. We've had some very pleasant tea parties since the 
President's been here." 

When I got into the President's chamber he was laying 
down on the bed to rest, and looking as tired as a rat that 
had been drawed through forty knot-holes. But, as soon as 
he see me, he jumped up, looking rather wild, and says he, 
" Major Downing, how are ye ? I didn't think of seeing you 
back from Mexico so soon as this. How does things go on 
there now ?" 

Says I, " Colonel, they don't go on hardly at all. They are 
waiting for more help. Scott and Taylor both are growing 
rather red and angry to think you should chuck 'em away 
into the middle of Mexico there, and then not send 'em help to 
fight the way out again. And it seems to me, Colonel, you do 
hold back in this business a little too much. If you don't 
send 'em help pretty soon, them guerillas will eat our little 
armies all up. Why Colonel," says I, " if this war had come 
on in the time of the old Gineral, my old friend Hickory, he 
would a had them Mexicans half whipped to death by this 
time. But here's a letter from Scott, to tell ye what he thinks 
about the business. I come on post-haste to bring it. He 
saj'S he won't stir from Puebla till you send on more men to 
take the place of all them that's coming home." 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 251 

The President took the letter and read a few lines, and 
threw it down upon the table ; and says he, " It's no use ; 
Scott may grumble and growl as much as he's a mind to, but 
it's no use. This war is a concern of my own getting up — 
for my own use ; and I shall manage it jest as I please." 
Says he, " Major Downing, there's reason in all things. I 
don't want them Mexicans whipped too fast, especially when 
them upstart generals get all the glory of it. When I found 
that Taylor was swellin' up too large, I meant to a stopped 
him at Monterey, and draw off a part of his glory on to Scott. 
But that Taylor is a headstrong chap — a dangerous man. 
He overstept his duty, and blundered on to that victory at 
Buena Vista, that sot everything in a blaze. I shan't over- 
look it in him very soon. If the selfish creature had only let 
Santa Anna given him a handsome licking there, we might a 
had peace in a little while, for I had things all arranged with 
Santa Anna to wind the business right up in such a way that 
we might each of us have made a handsome plum out of it. 
But that unpardonable Taylor must cut and slash round with 
his handful of men, untutored volunteers, that I thought were 
as harmless as a flock of sheep, and contrive, by that awful 
blunder at Buena Vista, to pour all the fat into the fire. 

" Well, then, Scott hasn't behaved much better. He's licked 
the Mexicans too fast by a great sight, and is swellin' him- 
self up in the eyes of the people shamefully. I thought if I 
could a sent Colonel Benton on there, he would a squeezed 
the glory out of both of 'em in a little while, and settled 'em 
down so they wouldn't a been dangerous. But that vagabond 
Senate wouldn't let me do it. That was too bad. Major, 
when them two generals were attracting all the glory that 
belonged to me, that the Senate wouldn't let me do anything 
to offset them. But I'll let 'em know that Young Hickory 
isn't to be beat any more than Old Hickory was. I've sent 



252 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Mr. Trist on to look after matters, and to see that the armies 
don't- go too fast ; for I'm determined Scott and Taylor shan't 
whip the Mexicans any faster than is prudent. All the glory 
of this war fairly belongs to me, and I'll have it." 

" But," says I, " Colonel, you are agoing to send on more 
men, an't you ? Or what are you going to do ? How are 
you going to wind the business up ?" 

Says he, " I'm too tired to talk over my plans to-night. 
But there's no need of your going right back to Mexico yet. 
Mr. Trist is there, and I can trust him to look after matters, 
and you had better jump into the boat with us in the morniug 
and take a trip Down East, and we can talk on the way." 

About five o'clock in the morning the President rattled 
away at my door, and waked me out of a sound sleep ; and 
when he found I wasn't up, says he, " Major, you must be 
spry, or you'll be too late, for we're off at six." 

I was up and dressed about the quickest, and went out, and 
fact, there was a quarter of a mile of soldiers all ready to 
escort us to the I oat. And down we went, through whole 
streets full of men and women, and boys and gals, of all sorts 
and sizes, some running and crowding, and some hollering 
and hurrahing, and in a few minutes we were aboard the 
steamboat, and the bell rung, and the steamer puffed, and off 
we went on the Sound toward Connecticut. 

The President had a little room all to himself, and he made 
me go right into it with him, and he sat down in an easy 
chair, and put his feet upon another, and says he, " Major, 
I'm glad to get out of the crowd again ; we'll take a few 
hours of rest and comfort on this voyage. This being Presi- 
dent, Major, is mighty hard work ; but, after all, I like it. 
I've had a glorious time of it in New York. Everybody was 
running after me, and it seems as though I had seen every- 
thing. I feel as though I had lived through a whole year in 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 253 

these three days ; and I don't believe anybody ever received 
more honors in so short a space of time in this country." 

" Well," sa^^s I, " Colonel, it seems to me a pity you told 
the folks at Baltimore, the other day, that you should retire 
when this term was up. You might go two terms, as Old 
Hickory did, jest as well as not, you are so popular." 

At that he gave me a tuck in the ribs and a sly wink, and 
says he, " Major, don't you understand that ? Telling of 'em 
I shouldn't stand another term is jest the way to make 'em 
the more fierce to have me. Don't 3^ou know Anthony said 
Ct^sar refused the crown three times, jest so as to be more 
sure of having it placed on his head. And just see how 
Santa Anna is working it now in Mexico. AVhen he gets 
pretty near run down, and shivering in the wind, and nothing 
to stand upon, he sends in his resignation, with a long patri- 
otic speech about shedding the last drop of blood for his 
country, and all that, and the people refuse to receive his 
resignation, and cry out, 'Long live Santa Anna!' and 
away he goes again, and drums up another army of soldiers. 

" But, to tell the truth. Major," says he, "when I made that 
remark at Baltimore, I had some little notion of retiring. Our 
party was so cut up, things looked rather dark ahead, and 
I find this Mexican war something of a bother after all. Tay- 
lor and Scott commit so many blunders, I had really then some 
notion of retiring when this term is up. But, since I got 
along to New York, things seem to look brighter. I'm pop- 
ular. Major, I know I am. I shouldn't be surprised if the 
Whigs made a demonstration in my favor yet. They seemed 
very fond of me in New York ; and so did everybody — every- 
body you could mention ; even the market-women took me by 
the hand and called me Young Hickory, and gave me lots of 
fruit. There, do you see that pineapple on the table, there ?" 
says he. *' That was given to me at the Fulton Market, as 



254 MY THIRTY YEARS 

we were going over to Brooklyn on Saturday.* Cat avray, 
Major, and help yourself to it ; it's a nice one. And here's a 
paper of most excellent tobacco/' says be, " that was present- 
ed to me at the same time. You go into the pineapple and 
I'll go into the tobacco, and then we'll have a little more talk 
about the war." 

Jest as we got cleverly under way, they sung out aboard 
the boat for the passengers to get ready for landing. So I 
must cut my yarn off here for the present ; but likely' as not 
you'll hear from me again. 

Your old friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



DOCKYMENT. 

From the National Intelligencer. 
It was with real satisfaction that we recognized again, yes- 
terday, among our letters from the Post-Office, the handwrit- 
ing of our friend. Major Jack Downing. His personal asso- 
ciations, as our readers know, have always been with those 
who have made it a mortal offense in us — even to the extent 
of denouncing it as moral treason — that we have not always 
approved of their principles or their measures ; but, somehow 
or other, our feelings have alv/ays yearned to the Major. 
There is such a transparent honesty in all his thoughts, and 
such a kindness of heart perceptible in all his motions, that 
we would rathor at any time receive even a rebuke from him 



* Editorial Note. — This is no embellishment of the Major's, but a literal 
fact. When the procession was moving down Fulton street, to go to Brook- 
lyn, a market-woman presented the President a pineapple, and another per- 
son a paper of choice tobacco. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 255 

than the praise of some folks. If it be a pleasure to us, as it 
is, to be able to difler from public men, to canvass their meas- 
ures, and even to censure them where censure is deserved, 
without cherishing anything like personal malice toward 
them, the reader may imagine what value we place upon the 
correspondence of a true-hearted man like Major Downing, 
who has not suffered his friendship for us to be sundered, or 
even shaken, by the many differences of opinion about men 
and measures that have grown up between us for the last 
dozen or fifteen years. 

We are right glad to understand, from what he says at the 
close of the following letter, that it is not the last we may ex- 
pect from the Major : 

LETTER LII. 

PRESIDENT POLK AND MAJOR DOWNING IN THE STATE OF MAINE. 

DowNiNGviLLE, in the State of Maine, July 6, 184T. 

Mr. Gales & Seaton — 

My Dear Old Friends :— My letter to you on board the steam- 
boat on Long Island Sound, was cut off so short by the belPs 
ringing for us to get ready to go ashore, that I didn't get half 
through telling you the talk I had with the President that 
day ; and we've had so much talk since, and seen so much on 
the journey, that I shan't be able to tell you one-half, nor a 
quarter on't, in a letter. It would take a whole book to give 
you a good notion of the whole story. But the President will 
be back to Washington before you can get this letter, for he 
started to go back last Saturday ; so you can get the whole 
account of the journey from him. He'll be delighted to set 
down and tell you all about it ; for he's been amazingly 
pleased with the whole journey, from top to bottom. He's 



256 MV THIRTY YEARS 

been on his high-heeled boots all the way. Instead of growin' 
more stoopin' by bowing so much, it seems as if he stood 
straighter than ever. He told the Governor, in his speech at 
Augusta, Saturday : " It seldom happens that the course of 
any man's life is marked by so distinguished a reception as has 
been accorded to me to-day." Well, so it has been all the way 
along ; hurrahing, and complimenting, and firing, and speech- 
es, and dinners, and suppers, and shaking hands. On board 
the steamboat, from Portland to Augusta, we got a little 
breathing time, and had a good long talk. 

Says the President to me : " Now, Major," says he, " I want 
you to be candid. No one is a true friend to one in a high- 
station unless he will be candid and speak the truth. And 
now, Major, I don't want you to flatter me ; I want you to be 
candid, and tell me jest what you think. You went along 
with President Jackson when he made his tour Down East, 
and had a chance to see the whole operation ; and now I want 
you to tell me candidly, if you think the people was any more 
fond of him than they are of me." 

*' Well, now, Colonel," says I, " not wishing to hurt your 
feelins at all, but seein' you've asked my candid opinion, I 
won't deny but what the people are very fond of you, amaz- 
ingly fond, perhaps as fond as they can be. But, after all, 
these times ain't exactly equal to Old Hickory's times." 

" But what do you mean ?" says he. 

" Well," says I, '' the people all seem to be amazing fond, but 
somehow it seems to have a sort of mother-in-law show about it ; 
it don't seem to be so real hearty as they showed to Old 
Hickory" 

" Well, now, Major," says he, and he reddened a little when 
he said this ; says he, " that only shows how strong your pre- 
judices set in favor of the old Gineral. But I thought you 
was a man of a stronger mind and sounder judgment. I can't 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 25 1 

agree with you against the evidence of my own senses. Did 
you notice all the way along how thick the crowds flocked 
around me to shake hands with me ?" 

*' Yes," says I ; " but thej^ didn't go it with such a rush as 
they did when my old friend, the Giueral, come this way. 
They jammed around him so that they had to climb over each 
other's heads to get at him. And I had to take hold some- 
times by the hour together and help him shake hands, or he 
never would have got through with one-half of 'em." 

" Well, then," says he, *' did j^ou mind how loud they 
cheered and hurrahed wherever we come along ?" 

" Yes, Colonel," says I ; " I heard all that ; but, my gra- 
cious ! wherever Old Hickory made his appearance, the crowd 
roared right out like thunder." 

"Well, Major," says he, " they couldn't beat them cheers 
that the Democrats and Captain Rynders give me at Tam- 
many Hall, I know ; thunder itself couldn't beat that. It's no 
use. Major, for you to argue the pint ; no President ever re- 
ceived such marks of honor from the people before — I am sure 
of that ; I mean the whole people. Federalists as well as Dem- 
ocrats — that is, if there is any such people as Federalists now 
days, and Mr. Ritchie says there is. Only think, the old Fed- 
eral State of Massachusetts did the business up as handsome 
and seemed to be as fond of me as Governor Hill's State ; I 
couldn't see any difference. You must confess. Major, that 
even your old friend Hickory didn't receive so much honor in 
Massachusetts as I have." 

" Well, now," says I, " Colonel, I don't want to hurt your 

feelin's, but you are just as much mistaken as you was when 

you sent old Rough and Ready into Mexico. Have you forgot 

how they took the old Gineral into Cambridge College and 

made a doctor of him ? " 

" Who cares for that ?" says the Colonel : says he, turning 
11* 



25B MY THIRTY YEARS 

up his nose, "Didn't the Democrats and Captain Rynders 
take me into Tammany Hall, and make a Tammany of me ?* 
No, no, Major Downing, it's no use for you to argue the pint 
against my popularity, for I've got eyes, and I can see ; and 
I tell you, and I want you to mark my words, I tell you I'm 
more popular with the whole people than ever old Hickory 
was in all his life. He was very popular with the Democrat- 
ic party, but I am fully persuaded he hadn't such a hold upon 
the affections of the whole people as I have." 

Here the President got up and walked about the floor, and 
seemed in a deep study. At last says he : " Major, I missed 
a figger in my speech at Baltimore t'other day ; and I don't 
know exactly how to get over it." 

" How so ?" says I. 

*' Why," says he, " I ought not to have said, right up and 
down, pint blank, that I should retire when this term is up. 
I should only talked about my desire to retire to private life. 
I was too hasty, and committed myself too soon. There nev- 
er was a better chance for anybody to be elected than there is 
for me now, if I hadn't made that unfortunate remark. Jack- 
son stood twice, and Jefferson stood twice, and I suppose it is 
really my duty to serve my country as long as they did. But 
if I should undertake to run agin, I s'pose they would be 
throwing that Baltimore speech in my teeth." 

" Well, now," says I, " Colonel, can't you see your way out 
of that? You wasn't born Down East so fur as I was. It's 
no great of a job to get over that trouble." 

At that the President brightened up a good deal, and says 
he, " Well, Major, I'll tell you what 'tis, if you'll get me over 
that difficulty handsomely, when we come to have another 



* Editorial Note.— While in New York, President Polk was initiated into 
the Order of St. Tammany. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 259 

shuffle for the offices, you may choose any card in the pack, 
and you shall have it." 

" Well, says I, " Colonel, about that remark of yourn at 
Baltimore, that you should give up when this term is out, all 
you've got to do is to get Mr. Ritchie to take it back in the 
Union ; let him declare that it was only a sort of speculation, 
hastily thrown out, without mucli consideration, and that, so 
far as he understands, neither the President nor any of his 
Cabinet entertains any such views. Then you can go along 
just as smooth and safe as if nothing hud happened." 

" Fact, that's it," says the Colonel, snapping his fingers ; 
" strange I didn't think of that before. Major, you do beat 
all for working out of difficulties I I believe I'll make up my 
mind to go ahead another terra ; I don't see anything in the 
way. I'll tell you how I think of working it. I've been 
reading over this letter of Taylor's to the Cincinnati Signal. 
He's an old head, but he an't agoing to come another Bona 
Vista blunder over me. If I don't take the wind out of his 
sails before long, I'll engage to make him King of Mexico. 
And I'll try him on his own tack, too. I'll come out and de- 
clare that I won't be the candidate of no party neither, and 
throw myself upon the people. I'm convinced, from what I've 
seen on this journey, that the Whigs will go for me almost to 
a man. Van Buren and Wright, who say I'm not the man for 
the Northern Democrats, may go to grass. I go for the 
people, the whole people, and nothing but the people." 

" Well," says I, " Colonel, that's the road ; and I wish you 
a pleasant and prosperous journey." 

We had some more talk about the war before we reached 
Augusta, but I haven't got time to explain to you the Presi- 
dent's views about it in this letter. He says he means to 
keep a tight rein over Taylor, and not let him do much ; and 
when he does do anything^ make him report it to the Govern- 



260 MY THIRTY YEARS 

ment, through Scott. I asked him if he wasn't afraid of 
making too tall a man out of Scott by placing him on Taylor's 
shoulders ; and he said no — he should look out for that ; and 
if he see any danger of it, he should make Scott report to the 
Government through Mr. Trist. 

After we visited Augusta, and Hallowell, and Gardiner, I 
tried to get the President to go out to Downingville, but he 
said he didn't think it would do for him to stop any longer 
this time, though there was no place in the country that he 
was more anxious to see ; and he promised, the first leisure 
time he could get, to make a flying visit there. I asked him 
if he didn't think it would do for me to go out and stop a day 
or two, as I hadn't seen Uncle Joshua, or Ant Keziah, or any 
of 'em there for a long time. He said certainly, by all means, 
and he would hurry back to Washington and have things all 
cut and dried by the time I got back along, so that we could 
make up our minds at once what is best to be done, in order 
to keep Scott and Taylor in the traces, and curb 'em in, 
Your old friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LIII. 

MAJOR DOWNING, ON THE ROAD TO THE WAR, SITS DOWN BY THE ROAD- 
SIDE AND WRITES TO THE EDITORS OF THE NATIONAL INTELLIGENCER 
AN ACCOUNT OF HIS INTERVIEW WITH PRESIDENT POLK AND OLD MR. 
RITCHIE, EDITOR OF THE GOVERNMENT ORGAN. 

On the Road to the War, August — , 184t. 

Mr. Gales & Seaton — 

My Dear Old Friends : — I s'pose you'll be amazinly disa- 
pinted to find I'm away ofi"here, pushin' on to the seat of war, 
and didn't call to see you when I come through Washington. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



261 



But you musn't blame me for it, for I couldu't help it ; the 
President wouldn't let me call ; he said I was getting quite 
too thick with you, writing letters to you and all that. And 
when he spoke about the letters, he looked a kind of red and 



'^ ^^ 




ON THE ROAD TO THE WAR. 

showed considerable spunk. But now I am away off here 
where the President won't see me, so I'll set right down by 
the side of the road and write you a good long letter. The 
President was a little touched at first, when I see him. 

Says he, " Major Downing, I have put a good deal of confi- 



262 MY THIRTY YEARS 

dence in you as a friend of my Administration ; and if you 
are a friend to it, you must let Gales and Seaton alone ; keep 
out of their way, and have nothing to do with them ; they are 
dangerous, mischief-making fellers, eternally peckin' at my 
Administration, all weathers. Let me try to keep things ever 
so snug, and lay my plans ever so deep, they are sure to dig 
them all up, lug them into the Intelligencer, and blaze 'em all 
over the country. Confound their picturs, they are the most 
troublesome customers an Administration ever had ; they've 
come pretty near swamping me two or three times. So, if 
you are my friend, I warn you not to be so thick with Gales 
and Seaton." 

" Well," says I, " Colonel, you know I am a friend to you and 
your Administration, as much as I ever was to the old Gine- 
ral and his Administration ; and I shall stand by you and do 
everything lean to help you out of this scrape you've got into 
about the war. But I don't know as that need to make me 
break with Gales and Seaton. We've been old friends so 
long, it would be kind of hard for me to give 'em up now ; 
and I don't hardly think they are quite so bad as you think 
for. The^ may not mean to do you so much hurt when they 
put these things into their paper, and only' put them in be- 
cause they think folks want to know what's goin' on. Mr. 
Ritchie sometimes puts things into his paper that folks think 
don't do you no good." 

The President give two or three hard chaws upon his cud 
of tobacco, and says he : " Yes, Major, that's too true, it must 
be confessed ; and it annoys me beyond all patience. But 
then I have to forgive it, and overlook it, because Mr. Ritchie 
don't mean it. The old gentleman is always sorry for it, and 
always willing to take it back. And then he's such a tuff old 
feller to fight the Federalists, I can't have a heart to scold at 
him much about his mistakes and blunders." 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 263 

" Well," says T, " Colonel, being you've named Federalists, 
I want to know if any of them animals is really supposed to 
be alive anywhere in the country, now-a-days. Seeing sich 
awful accounts about 'em in the Union paper all the time, I in- 
quired all the way along through New England, where they 
used to be the thickest, and I couldn't get track of one ; and 
when I asked the folks if there was any Federalists anywhere 
in them quarters, they all stared at me, and said they didn't 
know what sort of critters they was. When I got to Down- 
ingville, I asked Uncle Joshua about it. He said, in his young- 
er days there used to be considerable many of 'em about, but 
they wasn't thought to be dangerous, for they never was much 
given to fighting. But he said he guessed they'd all died out 
long ago, for he hadn't come across one these twenty years. 
So now. Colonel," says I, "how. is- it they are so thick in Mr. 
Ritchie's paper all the time ?" 

At that he give me a veryJ^nowing kind of a look, and 
lowered his voice down almost to a whisper ; and says he, 
" Major, I'll tell you how that is. When Mr, Ritchie was a 
young man, he used to fight a good deal with the Federalists, 
and took a good deal of pride in it ; and now the fancies and 
scenes of his youth all seem to come back fresh to his mind, 
and he can't think or talk about anything else. You know 
that's oftentimes the way with old people. As he always used 
to have the name of a smart fighter, I give him the command 
of the newspaper battery here to defend my Administration. 
But 'twas as great a mistake as 'twas when I sent Taylor into 
Mexico ; I didn't know my man. No matter what forces was 
gathering to overthrow my Administration, Mr. Ritchie some- 
how didn't seem to see 'em ; no matter how hard they fired at 
me, he didn't seem to hear it ; and when I called to him to 
fire back, he would rouse up and touch off a few squibs with 
about as good aim as the boys take when they fire crackers 



264 MY THIRTY YEARS 

on the 4th of Jul}^ and did about as much execution. At last 
I found out a way that I could make the old veteran fight like 
a Turk, and hold on like a bull-dog. It was by giving him a 
notion at any time that he was fighting with Federalists. 
Since I made that discovery, he's been more help to me. 
Whenever I see the enemy intrenching himself around me, 
and bringing up his batteries to fire into my Administration, 
all I have to do is to whisper in Mr. Ritchie's ear and say, 
* Mr. Ritchie, the air smells of Federalism ; you may depend 
upon it there is Federalists abroad somewhere.' In a minute, 
you've no idea with what fury the old gentleman flies round, 
and mounts his heaviest guns, and sets his paper battery in a 
roar. His shots fly right and left, and sometimes knockdown 
friends as well as foes. To be sure, they don't make a very 
great impression upon the enemy ; but then there's this ad- 
vantage in it : if he don't kill or beat off the enemy, he keeps 
the Administration so perfectly covered up with smoke that 
the enemy can't see half the time where to fire at us. On 
the whole, Mr. Ritchie is a valuable man to my Administra- 
tion, notwithstanding all his mistakes and blunders." 

Jest then the door opened, and who should come in but Mr. 
Ritchie himself. As he opened the door he ketched the sound 
of the two last words the President was saying. 

"Mistakes and blunders I" says Mr. Ritchie; says he, 
" What, have you got something more of Scott and Taylor's 
blundering' in Mexico ? " 

"Nothing more, to-day," says the President; " I was only 
telling Major Downing how their blunders there have come 
pretty near ruining the country, and how it is absolutely ne- 
cessary to get the staff out of their hands, somehow or other, 
before they quite finish the job. I'm going, now, to try one 
more plan, Mr. Ritchie ; but be careful that you don't say 
anything about it in the Union and blow it all up. I tried 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



265 



once to send Colonel Benton on for the same purpose, and 
Congress blowed that up. Then I sent Trist on for the same 
purpose, and Scott has blown him up. Now, I'm agoing to send 
Major Downing, not as a regular open ambassador, but as a 
sort of watch upon them, you know, to work round and do the 
business up before anybody knows it. He isn't to go to Scott 
nor Taylor, nor have anything to do with 'em, but work his 
way into Mexico, and go right to Santa Anna and knock up a 




THE MAJOR. THE PRESIDENT AND MR. RITCHIE. 



bargain with him. I don't care what he gives. The fact is, Mr. 
Ritchie, the country needs peace, and I'll have peace, cost 
wliat it will." 

" An excellent idea," says Mr. Ritchie ; " an excellent plan, 
sir. I'm for peace at all hazards, if it is to be found anywhere 
in Mexico — that is, if wo can get hold of it before Scott or 
Taylor does. And I thiidc Major Downing is just the man for 



266 MY THIRTY YEARS 

it — a true, stanch Democratic Republikau ; and whatever he 
does will go for the benefit of the Administration. Now the 
country's shins are aching pretty bad with the war, if we 
can fix up a good smooth peace right ofi', and not let Scott nor 
Taylor have any hand in it, who knows, Mr. President, but it 
might make our Administration so popular that you and I 
might both be elected to serve another four years ? But 
when is the Major to start ? " 

" Right off, to-night," says the President, " or rather, in the 
morning, before daylight — before anybody in Washington 
finds out that he has got back from DoAvningville. I have 
forbid his calling at the Intelligencer ofiBce, and I don't want 
they should find out or mistrust that he's been here. If they 
should get wind of the movement, they would be sure to throw 
some constitutional difficulty in the way, and try to make a 
bad botch of the business." 

The President shet me into his room and charged me not to 
leave the house, while he sent for Mr. Buchanan and Mr. 
Marcy to fix up my private instructions. While he was gone 
Mr. Ritchie fixed me up a nice little bundle of private instruc- 
tions, too, on his own hook, meddled, he said, on the Virginia 
Resolutions of '98. Presently the President came back with 
my budget all ready, and give me my instructions, and filled 
my pockets with rations, and told me how to draw whenever 
I wanted money ; and before daylight I was ofi* a good piece 
on the road to the war. 

To-day I met a man going on to carry letters to the Gov- 
ernment from Gineral Scott's side of the war, and I made him 
stop a little while to take this letter to you ; for I was afraid 
you might begin to think I was dead. He says Scott is quite 
wrathy about the Trist business, and wants to push right on 
and take the city of Mexico, but Mr. Trist is disposed to wait 
and see if he can't make a bargain with Santa Anna's men. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 267 

I shall push along as fast as I can, and get into the city of 
Mexico, if possible, before Scott does ; and if I only once get 
hold of Santa Anna, I have no doubt I shall make a trade. 

I don^t know yet whether I shall take Scott's road or Tay- 
lor's road to go to the city of Mexico ; it will depend a little 
upon the news I get on the way. Two or three times, when I 
have been stopping to rest, I have been looking over my pri- 
vate instructions. They are fust rate, especially Mr. Ritchie's. 

I remain your old friend, and the President's private Em- 

bassedcr 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



DOCKYMENT. 

A day or two after the foregoing letter was published in 
the Intelligencer, the following belligerent editorial appeared 
in the Government organ, the Washington Union, then edited 
by the veteran and venerable Thomas Ritchie : 

" Jack Downing. — We enjoy wit, and have no objection to 
waggery. We can excuse it, even when the joke is made at 
our own expense. But then we have a right to ask if the wit 
be ' good/ and the waggery ' genuine ? ' 

" To this issue we are brought by a letter in Wednesday's 
National Intelligencer, headed, ' Another Letter from Major 
Downing,' and signed ostensibly by ' Major Jack Downing.' 
The question with us is, is this the veritable Major Jack 
Downing ? or is it some inferior wag, some * counterfeit pre- 
sentment,' who assumes the mask .and name of the true Jack 
Downing, and passes off his spurious coin for the solid bul- 
lion of that original wit and wag, Jack Downing ? It is not 
because its writer makes fun of us that we raise the question. 
It is not because he jeers at our blunders, or our Republican 
principles of yore, that we doubt his identity. To some blun- 



268 MY THIRTY YEARS 

ders we caDnot but plead guilty, though they have been ex- 
cessively magnified by the scribblers of the day, and though 
they are generally, by some extraordinary cross purposes, more 
the work of others than of our own. Of the firmness of our 
opinions, indorsed, as they have been, by the principles of 
Jefferson and the * resolutions' of Madison, we have no reason 
to be ashamed. But if there was any very extraordinary 
humor in the letters of this fictitious ' Jack Downing' — if 
there was any of the wit and naivete of the original Jack 
Downing — the worthy C, A. D., of New York, the one who 
universally passes as the author of the Downing Letters — we 
should give him the credit he deserves. It is not because we 
happen to be the subject of his last letter that we protest 
against his pretensions ; but because we happen to know that 
the present Jack Downing, who has written three letters in a 
mask for the National Intelligencer, is not the Simon Pure, 
but a counterfeit presentment — in other words, something of 
the literary 'jackdaw in the peacock's plumes.' And we fear 
that our friends of the National Intelligencer knew that they 
were palming off this amusing trick upon their readers when 
they hailed, with such cordial acclamation, the receipt of the 
two first letters of ' Jack Downing,' and when they introduced 
the letter of Wednesday as 'Another Letter from Jack Down- 
ing.' We undertake to say positively that these letters in 
the Intelligencer are something of humbugs ; that they are 
not written by the original Jack Downing, of New York ; 
that he has not employed that signature since the days of Old 
Hickory ; and that he would be the last man to satirize the 
President or his administration. Therefore, we strip the mask 
off from the counterfeit, and repeat the motto of the In- 
telligencer — ' Ridentevi, dicer e verinu quid vetai ?' 

" We seize the same opportunity to say that we, too, may 
have done unconscious injustice to Jack Downing himself 



OUT OF THE SEXATE. 269 

when, mistaking one person for another of similar name, we 
asked whether any of the blood of Jack Downing could flow 
in the veins of the author of the letters of the * Genevese 
Traveler,' in the London Times. The very question was cal- 
culated to mislead our readers, as we find upon better infor- 
mation ; but we correct our blunder, at the hazard of pro- 
voking the laughter even of this mock Jack Downing." 



LETTER LIV. 

As soon as Major Downing received the Union containing 
the editorial outburst of Mr. Ritchie, he replied to the veteran 
politician, through the Intelligencer, in the following concili- 
atory and soothing terms : 

, September, 184T. 

To Mr. Ritchie, Editor of the Govermmnt Organ, Washington. 

My Dear Old Friend : — Pve jest got the Union, containing 
the broadside you fired at me, and I'm amazingly struck up, 
and my feelins is badly hurt, to see that you've got so bewil- 
dered that you seemingly don't know me. It's a melancholy 
sign when old folks get so bewildered that they mistake their 
oldest and best friends, one for t'other. Why, your head is 
turned right round. How could you say that I was " a ficti- 
tious Major Jack Downing ? " and that my last letter to you 
was a "trashy forgery?" and that you would "strip the 
mask from me ? " I feel bad now about writing my last letter 
to you, for I'm afraid you took it too hard. I beg of you now, 
my dear friend, to let all drop right where 'tis ; leave Mr. 
Burke to do the burkin' and the fightin', and you go right out 
into the country and put yourself under the " cold-water cure" 
somewhere, and see if your head won't come right again, I 
" fictitious," and you going to "strip the mask from me I " 



270 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Why, my dear friend, if you could only be up here five 
minutes, and jest lift the mask off of my face one minute, 
you'd know me jest as easy as the little boy knew his daddy. 
Your head covIdnH be so turned but what you'd know me ; for 
you'd see then the very same old friend that stood by you and 
Gineral Jackson fifteen, sixteen, and eighteen years ago ; the 
same old friend that coaxed up Gineral Jackson, and made 
him forgive you for calling him such hard names before he 
was elected. It's very ungrateful for you to forget me now — 
that is, if you was in your right mind. For I'm the same old 
friend, the same Jack Downing that was born and brought up 
in Downingville, away Down East, in the State of Maine, and 
that drove down to Portland in Jinnerwary, 1830, with a load of 
ax-handles and bean-poles, and found the Legislater in a dread- 
ful snarl, all tied and tangled, and see-sawin' up and down a 
whole fortnight, and couldn't choose their officers. I found 
my ax-handles and bean-poles wouldn't sell, so I took to poly- 
tix, and went to writin' letters. The Legislater font and font 
all winter ; but I kept writin^, and at last I got 'em straitened 
out. I kept on writin' for a whole year, and got the polytix 
of Maine pretty well settled. Then I see Gineral Jackson 
was getting into trouble, and I footed it on to Washington to 
give him a lift. And you know I always stuck by him after- 
ward as long as he lived. I helped him fight the battles with 
Biddle's monster bank till we killed it ofi". I helped him put 
down mdlification, and showed exactly how it would work if it 
got the upper hand, in my letter about carrying the raft of logs 
across Scbago Pond, when Bill Johnson got mad and swore 
he'd have his log all to himself, and so he cut the lashings 
and paddled off on his log alone ; and then his log begun to roll, 
and he couldn't keep it steady, and he got ducked head over 
heels half a dozen times, and come pesky near being drowned. 
And that wasn't all I did to keep off nullification and help put 



o 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 271 

it down. I brought on my old company of Downingville 
malitia to Washington, under the command of Cousin Sargent 
Joel, and kept 'em there, with their guns all loaded, till the 
danger was over. And I used to go up top of the Congress 
House every day, and keep watch, and listen off toward South 
Carolina, so as to be ready, the first moment nullification bust 
up there, to order Sargent Joel to march and fire. The Gineral 
always said the spunk I showed was what cowed nullification 
down so quick, and he always felt very grateful to me for it. 
Well, I stuck by the Gineral all weathers ; and I kept writ- 
in* letters from Washington to my old friend, the editor of the 
Portland Courier, and kept old Hickory's popularity alive 
among the people, and didn't let nobody meddle with his Ad- 
ministration to hurt it. Well, then, you know, the Gineral, 
in the summer of 1832, started off on his grand tower Down 
East, and I went with him. You remember, when we got to 
Philadelphj^ the people swarmed round him so thick they al- 
most smothered him to death ; and the Gineral got so tired 
shakin' hands that he couldn't give another shake, and come 
pretty near faintin' away ; and then I put my hand round un- 
der his arm, and shook for him half an hour longer, and so we 
made out to get through. I sent the whole account of it to 
my old friend of the Portland Courier. Well, then we jogged 
along to New York ; and there, you remember, we come pes- 
ky near getting a ducking when the bridge broke down at 
Castle Garden. I sent the whole account of it to my old 
Portland friend. Well, the next day your " original" Major 
Downing published his first original letter in a New York 
paper, giving an account of the ducking at Castle Garden. 
Nobody couldn't dispute but this was the true, ginuine, " orig- 
inal " Downing document, although my " vile imitations " of it 
had been going on and published almost every week for two 
years. I say nobod}^ couldn't dispute it, because 'twas proved 



2T2 MY THIRTY YEARS 

by Scripture and poetry both. For the Bible says, " The 
first shall be last, and the last first;" and poetry says, 
" Coming events cast their shadows before." So the shadows, 
the " vile imitations," had been flying about the country for 
more than two years before the original event got along. I 
hope your head will get settled again, so that you can see 
through these things and understand 'em, and know me jest 
as you used to. I can't bear the idea of your not knowing 
me, and thinking I'm "fictitious." 

Du try to refresh your mind a little ; think how I stood by 
you and Mr. Polk, and helped you along through the Mexican 
war ; and how I carried out dispatches from Mr. Polk to Mr. 
Trist, in Mexico, and how I carried a private message from 
you to Gineral Taylor, to try to coax it out of him which side 
he was coming out on. 

Good-by, my dear friend ; I hope next time I hear from 
you, you will be recovered and in your right mind, so as to 
know me and see that I an't " fictitious ; " for you haven't got 
a truer friend on Mason and Dixon's side of Salt River than 
your old friend. 

MAJOR jack: downing. 



LETTER LY. 

MAJOR DOWNING's FIRST DISPATCHES FROM THE CITY OF MEXICO. 

City of Mexico, United States, September 2Y, 1847. 

Mr. Gales & Seaton — 

My Dear Old Friend : — I'm alive yet, though I've been 
through showers of balls as thick as hailstones. I got 
your paper containing my letter that I wrote on the road 
to the war. The letters I wrote afterward, the guerrillas 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 2t3 

and robbers aie so thick, I think it's ten chances to one 
if you got 'em. Some of Gineral Scott's letters is missing 
just in the same way. Now we've got the city of Mexico 
annexed, I think the Postmaster-General ought to have a more 
regular line of stages running here, so our letters may go 
safe. I wish you would touch the President and Mr. Johnson 
up a little about this mail-stage business, so they may keep 
all the coach makers at work, and see that the farmers raise 
horses as fast as they can, for I don't think they have any idea 
how long the roads is this way, nor how fast we are gaining 
south. If we keep on annexin' as fast as we have done a year 
or two past, it wouldn't take much more than half a dozen 
years to get clear down to t'other end of South America, clear 
to Cape Horn, which would be a very good stopping place ; 
for then, if our Government got into bad sledding in North 
America, and found themselves in a dilemma that hadn't no 
horn to suit 'em, they would have a horn in South America 
that they might hold on to. 

I hope there an't no truth in the story that was buzz'd about 
here in the army, a day or two ago, that Mr. Polk had an idea, 
when we get through annexin' down this way, of trying his 
hand at it over in Europe and Africa, and round there. And 
to prevent any quarreling beforehand about it on this side of 
the water, he's agoing to agree to run the Missouri Compro- 
mise line over there, and cut Europe up into Free States and 
Africa into Slave States. Now, I think he had better keep 
still about that till we get this South America business all 
done, and well tied up. It isn't well for a body to have too 
much business on his hands at once. There's no knowing 
what little flurries we may get into yet, and there's always 
danger, if you have too much sail spread in a squall. How- 
ever, I haven't time to talk about this now. 

You will get the accounts of the battles in Gineral Scott's 
12 



274 MY THIRTY YEARS 

letters, so I needn't say a great deal about them. But it's 
been a hard up-hill work all the way from Vera Cruz here ; 
and I don't think my old friend, Gineral Jackson himself, would 
have worked through all the difficulties and done the business 
up better than Gineral Scott has. But the killed and the 
wounded, the dead and the dying, scattered all along the 
way for three hundred miles — it's a heart-aching thought. 
I don't love to think about it. It is too bad that we didn't 
have more men, so as to march straight through without 
fighting, instead of having jest enough to encourage the 
enemy to bring out their largest armies and fight their hard- 
est battles. 

One of the hardest brushes we had, after I got here, was the 
attack on Chapultepec. I had been into the city trying to 
bring Santa Anna to terms ; but, when I found it was no use, 
I come out and told Gineral Scott there was no way but to 
fight it out, and, although I was only the President's private 
embassador, I didn't like to stand and look on when he was so 
weak-handed, and if he would tell me where to take hold, I 
would give him a lift. The Gineral said he expected there 
would be a hard pull to take Chapultepec, and as Gineral 
Pillow was placed where he would be likely to have the 
heaviest brunt of it, I might be doing the country a great 
service if I would jine in with Gineral Pillow, as my expe- 
rience under Gineral Jackson, and insight into military' af- 
fairs, would no doubt be very useful to that valiant officer. 
So I took hold that day as one of Gineral Pillow's aids. 

When we come to march up and see how strong the enemy's 
works was, says I, " Gineral Pillow, it is as much as all our 
lives is worth to go right straight up and storm that place, in 
the face and eyes of all their guns ; I think we ought to fortify 
a little. Suppose we dig a ditch round here in front of the 
enemy's works." 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 2*15 

At that the Gineral's eyes flashed, and he swore right out. 
Says he : " No, d — n the ditches, I've no opinion of 'em ; they 
are nothing but a bother, and never ought to be used. The 
best way is to go right into the enemy, pell-mell" 

So on we went, and Pillow fit like a tiger till he got 
wounded, and then the rest of us, that wasn't shot down, had to 
finish the work up the best way we could. 

The long and the short of it is, we fit our way into the city 
of Mexico and annexed it. Santa Anna cleared out the night 
afore with what troops he had left, and is scouring about the 
country to get some more places ready for us to annex. When 
he gets another place all ready for the ceremony, and gets it 
well fortified, and has an army of twenty or thirty thousand 
men in the forts and behind the breastworks, we shall march 
down upon 'em with five or six thousand men, and go through 
the flurry. After they have shot down about half of us, the 
rest of us will climb in, over the mouths of their cannons, and 
annex that place ; and so on, one after another. 

It is pretty hard work aunexin' in this way ; but that is the 
only way it can be done. It will be necessary for the Presi- 
dent to keep hurrying on his men this way to keep our ranks 
full, for we've got a great deal of ground to go over yet. 
What we've annexed in Mexico, so far, isn't but a mere cir- 
cumstance to what we've got to do. 

Some think the business isn't profitable ; but it's only be- 
cause they haven't ciphered into it fur enough to understand 
it. Upon an average, we get at least ten to one for our out- 
lay, any way you can figure it up — I mean in the matter of 
people. Take, for instance, the City of Mexico. It cost us 
only two or three thousand men to annex it, after we got into 
the neighborhood of it ; and we get at least one hundred and 
fifty thousand in that city, and some put it down as high as 
two hundred thousand. Some find fault with the quality of 



276 MY THIRTY YEARS 

the people we get in this country, jest as if that had anything 

to do with the merits of the case. They ought to remember 

that in a Government like ours, where the people is used for 

voting, and where every nose counts one, it is the number that 

we are to stan' about in annexin', and not the quality, by no 

means. So that in the matter of people we are doing a grand 

business. And as to the money, it is no matter what it 

costs us, for money grows in the ground in Mexico, and can 

always be had for digging. 

There's a thousand things in this country that I should like 

to tell you about if I had time ; but things is so unsettled 

here yet, that I have rather a confused chance to write. So I 

must break off here, and write a few lines to the President ; 

but remain your friend in all latitudes, clear down to Cape 

Horn. 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



To James K. Polk^ President of the United States and all annexed 
countries. 

Dear Sir : — I've done my best, according to your directions, 
to get round Santa Anna, but it is all no use. He's as slip- 
pery as an eel, and has as many lives as a cat. Trist and I 
together can't hold him, and Scott and Taylor can't kill him 
off. We get fast hold of him with our diplomatics, but he 
slips through our fingers ; and Scott and Taylor cuts his head 
off in every town where they can catch him, but he always 
comes to life in the next town, and shows as many heads as 
if he had never lost one. I had a long talk with him in the 
city, and pinned him right down to the bargain he made with 
you when you let him into Vera Cruz, and asked him " why 
he didn't stick to it." He said he " did stick to it as far as 
circumstances rendered it prudent." 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 21 1 

" But," says I, " Gineral Santa Anna, that an't the thing ; a 
bargain's a bargain, and if a man has any honor he will stick 
to it. Now," says I, " didn't you agree, if the President would 
give orders to our Commodore to let you into Vera Cruz, 
didn't you agree to put your shoulder to the wheel, and help 
on this annexin' business, so as to make easy work of it ? And 
now I ask you, as a man of honor, have you done it ?" 

" Circumstances alters cases. Major," says Santa Anna. 
" When Mr. Polk and I had that understanding, he thought he 
needed a few more votes than he could muster in his own coun- 
try to bring him into the Presidency another term. So wo 
agreed, if I would turn over the votes of Mexico to him to 
bring him in another term, he would afterward turn over his 
part of the votes in North America to me, so as to bring me 
in next time. But I soon found it would be throwing our labor 
away, for Mr. Polk's part of the votes in his country was get- 
ting to be so small that they wouldn't do much good to either 
of us. So I concluded to hold on to what I had got, and stick 
to the Presidency of Mexico." 

"Then," says I, "you an't a going to stick to your bargain 
are you ? " 

" No," says he, " circumstances alters cases." 

Then I tried to scare him out of it. I told him our folks 
would whip the Mexicans all into shoestrings in a little while. 
And it made no odds whether he fit for annexin' or against it, 
we should go on jest the same, and before another year was 
out, Mr. Polk would be President of every foot of Mexico ; for 
we should get through annexin' the whole of it. 

"Very well," says he, " go on ; the Mexicans like the busi- 
ness ; they can stand it longer than Mr. Polk can ; for Mr. 
Polk will have all the work to do over again every year, as 
long as he lives, for there isn't a place in Mexico that will stay 
annexed any longer than jest while you are holding on to it." 



278 MY THIRTY YEARS 

So you see there's no doing anything with Santa Anna. 
What course it is best to take now, seems rather a puzzler. I 
haven't time to give you my views about it in this dispatch, 
but will try to soon. Give my love to Mr. Ritchie. I meant 
to write him, too, but I shall have to wait till next time. 

Your faithful friend and private embassador, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LVI. 

MAJOR DOWNING'S SECOND DISPATCHES FROM THE CITY OF MEXICO. 



Head- QUARTERS, Mexico, New Addition to the 
United States, October 25 



IHE ) 

1847. 3 



Mr. Gales & Seaton — 

My Dear Old Friends : — Gineral Scott and I find a good 
deal of bother about getting our dispatches through to Vera 
Cruz, or else you'd hear from me oftener. I do think the 
President is too backward about clearing out this road from 
here to Vera Cruz, and keeping it open, and introducing the 
improvements into the country that we stand so much in need 
of here. He and Mr. Ritchie pretends to have constitutional 
scruples about it, and says the Constitution don't allow of 
internal improvements ; and Mr. Ritchie says the resolutions 
of '98 is dead agin it, too ; and, besides, Mr. Ritchie says these 
internal improvements is a Federal doctrine, and he'd always 
go agin 'em for that, if notbin' else. But 'tis strange to me 
the President hasn't never found out yet that where there's a 
will there's a way, Constitution or no Constitution. All he's 
got to do is, to call all these roads round here in Mexico 
" military roads," and then he'd have the Constitution on his 
side, for everbody knows the Constitution allows him to make 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 219 

military roads. I know the President is very delicate about 
fringing on the Constitution, so I don't blame him so much for 
holding back about the internal improvements here in Mexico, 
though I don't think there's any other part of the United 
States where they are needed more. But there's no need of 
splitting hairs about the roads ; military roads isn't internal 
improvements, and he's a right to make military roads as 
much as he pleases. And as them is jest the kind of roads 
we want here, and shall want for fifty years (for our armies 
will have to keep marching about the country for fifty years 
before they'll be able to tame these Mexicans, and turn 'em 
into Americans), it is confounded strange to me that the 
President is so behind-hand about this business. What's the 
use of our going on and annexin' away down South here, if 
he don't back us up and hold on to the slack ? And there's 
no way to hold on to it but to keep these military roads open 
so our armies can go back and forth, and bring us in victuals, 
and powder, and shot, and money. 

Here we've been, weeks and weeks since we annexed the 
city of Mexico, waiting and holding on for the President to 
send us more men and more money, and tell us what to do 
next. This backwardness of the President, since we got into 
the city of Mexico, seems the more strange to me, considering. 
For, when he was fixin' me off to come out here and see if I 
could make a settlement with Santa Anna, I tried to persuade 
him to let the armies hold still while I was making the bar- 
gain. I told him he never could bring a man to reason or to 
trade when he was knockiog of him down all the time. But I 
couldn't make him seem to understand it. He stood to it his 
way was the best — the sword in one hand and peace in t'other, 
all the way — a word and a blow, and the blow always first. 

" Why, Major Downing," says he, " if you want to reason 
a man into a peace, that's another thing ; but if you want to 



280 MY THIRTY YEARS 

conquer a peace, my way is the only way. That's the way I 
begun this war, and that's the way I mean to carry it out." 

" How so ? " says I ; " did you begin the war in that way ?" 

" Why," says he, " Slidell was the word, and Taylor was 
the blow ; and not only my friends, but even my enemies, 
admit that the blow come first." 

The President said that was the rule he had gone by all the 
way along, and he meant to stick to it ; and not hearing any- 
thing from him so long, Pm afraid he's got a notion that peace 
is conquered. But that would be a bad mistake, if he has got 
such a notion ; for it isn't conquered — it's only scattered. 
It's a good deal as 'twas with Bill Johnson, when he and I 
was boys, and he undertook to conquer a hornet's nest, ex- 
peciin' to get lots of honey. He took a club, and marched 
bravely up to it, and hit it an awful dig, and knocked it into 
a thousand flinders. 

" There, blast ye," says Bill, " I guess you're done tu now," 
as he begun to look round for the honey. But he soon found 
'twasn't conquered — 'twas only scattered. And presently 
they begun to fly at him, and sting him on all sides. One hit 
liim a dab on his arm, and another on his leg, and another in 
his face. At last Bill found he should soon be done tu, him- 
self, if he stayed there, so he cut and run. 

" Hullo," says I, " Bill, where's your honey ? " 

" Darn it all," says he, " if I hain't got no honey, I knocked 
their house to pieces ; Pve got that to comfort me." 

I wish you would try to convince the President that 'tis 
only scattered here ; 'tisn't conquered, and he must give us 
the means to keep moving, or we shall get badly stung bime- 
by. If he only backs us up well, I'll pledge myself that we'll 
carry out the campaign marked out in my last dispatches, 
which would bring us clear down to Cape Horn in four or five 
years ; and Pm very anxious to get there — it strikes me that 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 281 

would be such a good horn to hold on to in all dilemmas, even 
if all the rest, of the country went by the board. I dreamt 
t'other night that we had got through annexiu' all North and 
South America ; and then I thought our whole country was 
turned into a monstrous great ship of war, and Cape Horn 
was the bowsprit, and Mr. Polk tlie captain. And the captain 
was walking the deck with his mouth shet, and everybody 




THE major's ANNEXATION DREAM. 

was looking at him and wondering what he was goin* to do 
next. At last he sung out, " Put her about ; we'll sail across 
now and take Europe, and Asha, and Africa in tow — don't 
stop for bird's-egging round among the West India Islands ; 
we can pick them up as we come back along — crowd all sail 
now and let her have it." 
12* 



282 ^ MY THIRTY YEARS 

Away we went ; I never see a ship sail faster. The wind 
begun to blow harder and harder, and then it come on an 
awful storm, and at last it bio wed a perfect harrycane. The 
sails begun to go to flitters, and she rolled as if she was going 
to upset. Some of the oldest and best sailors among the 
crew told the captain we should all go to destruction, if he 
didn't take in sail, and furl and clew up, and get things tight, 
and bring her head round to the wind. Mr. Ritchie was 
standing by his side, and says he, " Captain Polk, them is all 
nothing but Federal lies, as I've shown hundreds of times, not 
only in the Union, but years and years ago in the Enquirer. 
Them fellers only want to give aid and comfort to the enemy ; 
don't pay any attention to 'em. Here's the chart " — he held 
up in his hand the resolutions of '98— " sail by this, and I'll 
risk her on any tack, and in all weathers." 

On we went, lickity-split ; the harrycane blowed harder, the 
timbers begun to creak, the sails split to ribbons, some of the 
spars begun to snap and go by the board, and then all at 
once there was a terrible cry, " Breakers ahead ! " The cap- 
tain then jumped as if he was wide awake ; and says he, 
" Call all hands and put her about." But when the ofiScers 
come to give orders to the crew, not one of Ihem would mind 
or pay any attention. The whole crew was in a mutiny ; and 
the ship was so large, and the crew was such a mixed up 
mess of different sorts of folks that there was twenty dif- 
ferent mutinies all at once, in different parts of the vessel. 

" Well," says Captain Polk, " I wash my hands of this 
mischief ; if the crew won't help, the ship must go ashore." 

Then an old sailor spoke up and said : " All the crews in 
the world couldn't do any good now ; the ship was dished, and 
must be plumped on the rocks ; her sails and spars was gone, 
the timbers sprung, and the hold already half full of water." 
In a few minutes she struck, and the rocks gored a hole 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 283 

through her side, and the water poured in, and down she sunk 
lower and lower, till at last she gave one mighty guggle, and 
plunged all under the water, except a piece of the bowsprit 
that still stuck out. The storm and the waves swept over 
her, and the whole crew and everybody aboard was lost, ex- 
cept a few of us who scrabbled up and clung to the bowsprit. 
Mr. Ritchie went down with the resolutions of '98 in his hand. 

The hard spring I had to make, to get on to the bowsprit, 
waked me up ; and, although I an't one that thinks much of 
dreams, I can't help thinking a good deal of Cape Horn, and 
naterally feel anxious to get along down that way as fast as 
we can ; so I hope you'll urge the President to be a little more 
stirring, and let us have men and money a little faster. 

I shall have to break off here for to-day, because I've got to 
write a little dispatch to the President to send by the same 
post. I send you some letters fronij Uncle Joshua, and other 
relations and friends, which you can, if you think best, hitch 
on to my dispatches, jest as Gineral Scott takes the letters of 
his under-oflficers and hitches on to his dispatches. 
So I remain your old friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



Head-quarters, City of Mexico, j 

Annexed United States, October 25, 1841. ) 

To Jobtms K. Polk, President of the United States and all annexed 
Countries. 

Dear Colonel : — Things is getting along here as well as 
could be expected, considerin' the help we have, but we are all 
together too weak-handed to work to profit. If you want us to 
hurry along down South, we need a good deal more help and 
more money. It wouldn't be no use to give that three millions 



284 MY THIRTY YEARS 

of dollars to Santa Anna now, for the people have got so out 
with him that he couldn't make peace if he had six millions. 
He's skulking about the country, and has as much as he can 
do to take care of himself. So I think you had better give up 
the notion about peace altogether, it '11 be such a hard thing 
to get, and send on the three millions here to help us along 
in our annexin'. It's dangerous standin' still in this annexin' 
business. It's like the old woman's soap — if it don't go ahead, 
it goes back. It would be a great help to us in the way of 
holdin' on to what we get, if you would carry out that 
plan of giving the Mexican land to settlers from the United 
States, as fast as we annex it. I've been very impatient to 
see your proclamation offering the land to settlers to come 
out here. You've no idea how much help it would be to us if 
we only had a plenty of our folks out here, so that as fast as 
we killed a Mexican, or drove him off from his farm, we could 
put an American right on to it. If we could only plant as we 
go, in this way, we should soon have a crop of settlers here 
that could hold on to the slack themselves, and leave the 
army free to go ahead, and keep on annexin'. I thought 
when I left Washington, you was agoing to put out such a 
proclamation right away. And I think j^ou are putting it off 
a good deal too long, for we've got land and farms enough 
here now for two hundred thousand at least ; and, if they 
would only come on fast enough, I think we could make room 
for twenty thousand a week for a year to come. But I'm afraid 
you're too delicate about doing your duty in this business ; 
you are such a stickler for the Constitution. I'm afraid you're 
waiting for Congress to meet, so as to let them have a finger 
in the pie. But I wouldn't do it. From all I can hear, it 
looks as if the Whigs was coming into power ; and if they 
should, it would be a terrible calamity, for they are too narrow- 
minded and too much behind the age to understand the rights 



OUT OF THE SENATE, 285 

of this annexin' business, and it's ten chances to one if they 

don't contrive some way to put a stop to it. 

I must tell you I went t'other day to see Gineral Gushing", 

and found him awfully tickled about being nominated for 

Governor of the old Bay State. At first he was a good deal 

amazed at it ; he was as much surprised as you was, Colonel, 

when you first heard you was nominated for President. What 

amazed him so much was that he'd always been thinking all 

along that he was a Whig, till the nomination come, and then 

he jumped up and snapped his fingers, and said he believed, 

after all, the Democrats was the right party. He's in great 

sperits, and says he's no doubt he shall be elected. He goes 

for annexin' now the hottest of any of us, and says he takes 

the great Alexander for his model, and goes for annexin' as 

long as there is any country left to annex. His ancle is quite 

well, and Gineral Pillow's foot is a good deal better. 

I have the honor to be your private embassador and faithful 

friend, from fifty-four forty on one side, down to Cape Horn on 

t'other. 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LVII. 

MAJOR DOWXINg's THIRD DISPATCHES FROM THE CITY OF MEXICO. 

City of Mexico, Annexed U. S , Dec. 30, 1847. 

Private.] To James K. Polk, President of the United States of 
America^ Mexico, Sfc. 

Dear Colonel : — I feel a good deal anxious to hear how you 
are getting along there to home, and I s'pose you are full as 
anxious to know how we are going it out here. I got your 
message to Congress, and their first three days' doings, and 
that's the last Pve heard. When I found the Whigs had fairly 



286 MY THIRTY YEARS 

carried the House, I see in a moment there was a bad time 
ahead for us. Says I, look out for squalls ; the old ship will 
have a hard time of it this winter. I had a good mind to come 
right home to help stan' by the helm, for I knew you would 
need me. But then I see at once that wouldn't do, for our of- 
ficers have got into a dreadful snarl here, and I shouldn't dare 
to leave till things is settled, for fear the annexin' would all 
go back again, and we should lose our two years' work. So, 
as I can't come, all I can do is to give my notions about things 
a little, by way of advice. 

I see how 'twill be ; the House will be quarreling with you 
all winter ; they'll be asking you all the hard questions they 
can think of, and all the time prying into your secrets about 
the war and annexin'. A"nd I don't believe the Senate will be 
a copper better. 'Tis true there an't so many Whigs there, 
but there's them there that is full as bad. You never can do 
anything with Mr. Calhoun ; you know he always splits every- 
thing in two, even to a hair ; and the most he'll ever do for us 
about this annexin' business will be to split off" a little piece 
of Mexico. If he finds out we are annexin' the whole of it, 
he'll fight agin us till all is blue. Then there's Colonel Ben- 
ton I don't think is a whit better than Mr. Calhoun. You know 
what a fuss he made when we took in Texas, because we sot 
out to take in a little strip of Mexico with it ; only a little rea- 
sonable strip, too, jest on our side of the river, so as to make 
square work of it. Colonel Benton's ebenezer was right up 
about it : he said it didn't belong to us, and it didn't belong to 
Texas, and we had no right to it, and shouldn't touch it. Now, 
if he made such a fuss about that little strip on our side of 
the river, he'll be likely to raise Ned and turn up Jack, if he 
finds out we have a notion of annexin' the whole of Mexico. 
And he's a terrible enemy to have, I can tell you ; I don't be- 
lieve there's another man in the country that can look down 



OUT OF THE SENATE, 281 

opposition equal to him. Now, with such men as these in the 
Senate, besides all the thunder of Webster, and all the per- 
suadin' of Crittenden, how are you going to get along ? I 
think there is no way for us to get along safe but to keep 
such men in the dark. Keep coaxing the money out of 'em to 
" conquer a piece," but never let 'em mistrust that we intend 
to conquer the whole. We must l&ok one way all the time, 
and row t'other. I know you'll have a hard time of it, for 
Congress will keep diving into you all the time with this 
question and that, and pryin' into all the secrets about 
the war, and want to know what orders you give to us out 
here in Mexico, and what the armies are going to do, and 
■where all the money goes to, and a thousand things that they've 
no business with. Now, when they keep coming to you with 
these ugly questions, I think the only safe way will be for 
you to shet your mouth right up, and keep a stiff upper lip, 
and not say a word. And do pray be careful what you tell to 
good old Mr. Ritchie, for you know he never could keep his 
mouth shet. There's some dogs, you know, that always bark 
at the wrong time, and frighten away the game. You never 
can train 'em to keep still when they ought to. You remember, 
more than two years ago, before the war begun, when you was 
laying out the work privately and carefully, and getting your 
ships around to the Pacific, and giving the officers their orders 
to stan' ready and wait till the train was touched on this side, 
and the moment they heard the first sound of the war to snap 
up California and annex it, and hold on to it, so that if we found 
the people wouldn't let the war go on, we could come to a set- 
tlement, and each side hold what they had got, you remember 
how Mr. Ritchie got so full of the matter that he liked to blowed 
the whole business up by letting on about the conquest of 
Mexico. A little more such carelessness at that time would a 
been likely to upset our whole kittle of fish — wo might a lost 



288 MY THIRTY YP^ARS 

California, and Santa Fe, and likely enough even that little 
strip on our side of the river jining Texas. And as for the 
whole of Mexico, our jig would a been up at once ; we might 
a whistled for it till doomsday, but 't wouldn't come. 

I think you did right to make believe, in your message, that 
you had no idea of conqi(a:ing the whole of Mexico. I don't 
believe it would be safe Intake that ground till the work is 
all done. Tho people of our country are too skittish yet about 
conquering other countries ; they haint got used to it. And 
for this reason you will have to be very firm with Congress, 
and not let 'em cross-question you too close, and get you into 
a bother. Call upon them boldly for large armies, and all the 
millions of money the mints can make, and all that Mr. 
Walker can borrow, and tell 'em you are digging into the 
vital parts of Mexico to get that five millions she owes us. 

If they ask you if Mr. Tyler didn't offer to give up that five 
millions to Mexico to pay her for our taking Texas without 
her leave, jest shet your mouth up. 

If they asK you if we hadn't ougLt to give up that five 
millions to Mexico for that strip on our side of the river that 
you sent General Taylor to take, jest shet your mouth up. 

If they ask you if Mr. Trist didn't offer to give up that five 
millions to Mexico, and pay her twenty millions more^ if she 
wouldn't try to get back California and New Mexico, that you 
had taken from her without her leave, jest shet your mouth up. 

If they ask you what upon earth you can want of a hun- 
dred thousand soldiers in Mexico, and a hundred millions of 
dollars a year for spending money, jest open your lips care- 
fully a little ways, and tell 'em you are digging into the vital 
parts of Mexico to get that five millions she owes us. 

Then shet your mouth right up again, and keep it shet, and 
I guess you'll be safe. Don't be afraid of 'em ; they can't pry 
your mouth open if they should try ; and I guess that answer 



OUT OF THE SENATE 289 

will pacify 'em till we get the work all done, and Mexico all 
annexed. Then you can step np to 'em boldly, and tell 'em 
you have made the greatest bargain that anybody ever made 
on this airth ; you have got the whole of Mexico, people and 
all, for five millions of dollars, which is only about fifty cents 
a head for the people, and the lands and the gold mines 
thrown in for nothing. 

I'm persuaded it will make the greatest man of you that 
ever lived yet ; greater than Washington, or Jackson, or any- 
body else. The world will then say, " What great things was 
Washington ? He only defended his country, and built up a 
Republic ; but there was Colonel Polk, he conquered a coun- 
try and annexed a Republic." I'm so sure it will come to this 
that I wish you could stop their setting up that great Wash- 
ington Monument there in the city of Washington, for that 
mnnument ought to be raised to you yet, and the money should 
be saved for that purpose. I don't know how you can stop 
the work goin' on, unless you can make it out that it comes 
under the head of internal improvements, and then you might 
stop it constitutionally. At any rate, it's worth trying for. 
Never mind the prating of them scare-crow folks who make 
such a fuss, and say it will be the destruction of the United 
States if you annex Mexico. What if it should ? You would 
still stand above Washington, and be remembered longer. 
Our history books tell us that the name of the man who built 
the first great temple to Diana at Ephesus is lost and forgot- 
ten ; nobody knows who he was ; but the name of the man 
who sot fire to it and burnt it down is found in all the histo- 
ries down to this day. So in this grand annexin' business of 
yourn, if you should set fire to the great temple that Wash- 
ington built, and burn it down, don't fear but your name will 
live on the page of history full as long as Washington. 

But I've writ so much already that I haven't room to say 



290 MY THIRTY YEARS 

but a word or two about matters here. We keep pushing the 
business here ; weVe got pretty w^ell through the vital parts 
of the country, and the army has now commenced spreading 
out and turning squatters. But we haven't near enough to 
spread all over the country yet, without leaving them too 
scattering. I hope you will hurry on the thirty thousand 
more men that you promised, as fast as possible ; that would 
make us near a hundred thousand strong — enough to spread 
out squatters into all parts of the country, and the annexin' 
business would be pretty much over. That is, the annexin' 
of Mexico ; and I take it you'll give us a holiday, and let us 
rest a few months before we hitch on to the next country'' 
down South. And, besides, we shall need that holiday to see 
about electing you President another term ; for you'll have to 
be elected in the common way once more before you will be 
strong enough to stand President all the time. 
I remain your faithful friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LVIII. 

MAJOR DOWNING's FOURTH DISPATCH FROM THE CITY OF MEXICO. 

City of Mexico, Doubtful Territory, Feb. 14, 1848. 

Private.] To James K. Polk, President of the United States, and 
nearly half of Mexico certain, with a pretty tolerable fair chance 
yet for the whole. 

Dear Colonel : — If anybody asks you that impudent ques- 
tion again, "What are we fightin' for ?" jest tell him he's a 
goose, and don't know what he's talking about, for we anH 
fightin' at all ; we've got peace now ; got an armistice, they 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 291 

call it ; so there's no sense at all in their putting that ques- 
tion to you any more. We've got the opposition fairly on the 
hip upon that question, if no other ; fairly gagged 'em ; they 
can't say to you any longer now, " What are we fightin'for ?" 
This is some consolation for the shabby trick Trist has served 
us. That fellow has made a bargain with the Mexicans to 
stop the war, in spite of the orders you sent to him to come 
right home and let things alone. I felt uneasy about it when 
I see him hanging about here so long after he got his orders 
to come home, and I said to him, once or twice, " Mr. Trist, 
what's the reason you don't go off home and mind the Presi- 
dent ? This unlawful boldness of yourn is shameful." 

" Why, Major," says he, " he that does his master's will 
does right, whether he goes according to orders or not. The 
President sent me out here to make peace, and it's a wonder 
to me if I don't fix it yet, somehow or other, before Pve done 
with it." And then he put his finger to the side of his nose 
and give me a sassy look, as much as to say, " Major Down-, 
ing, you better not try to be looking into diplomatic things 
that's too deep for you." 

Says I, " Mr. Trist, Pm astonished at you ; I thought you 
was a man of more judgment, and looked deeper into things. 
Don't you see what advantage it gives the President to let 
things now stand just as they be ? He's offered peace to the 
Mexicans, and they have refused it. Therefore, the opposition 
at home can't cry out against him any more if he goes ahead 
with the war. He's shet their mouths up on that score. He's 
made the war popular, and can go into the Presidential cam- 
paign now with a good chance of being elected another term. 
And now, if you go to dabblin' in the business any more, Pm 
sure you'll do mischief. As things now stand, peace is the 
last thing in the world that the President wants. You've 
done your errand here and got your answer ; and it's turned 



292 MY THIRTY YEARS 

out jest right ; we can go on with our annexin' all Mexico 
now, without such an everlasting growlin' among the oppo- 
sition at home, for we've offered the Mexicans peace, and they 
wouldn't take it. So you've nothin' to do now but to be off 
home, for the war is jest in the right shape as it is." 

Well, now, after all this plain advice — for I felt it my duty 
to be plain with him — he still kept hanging about here, day 
after day, and the first I knew we was took all aback by 
being told that Mr. Trist had made a treaty, and Gineral Scott 
was to order an armistice. I couldn't hardly believe my ears 
at first. I posted right off to Gineral Scott to know what it 
all meant. 

" Gineral," says I, " are you going to order an armistice ? '^ 

" Yes, Major Downing," says he, " Mr. Trist and the Mexi- 
can Commissioners have signed the preliminaries of a treaty ; 
so, of course, we shall have an armistice." 

" Well, now, Gineral," says I, " I don't think the President 
will thank you for that." 

" Can't help that," says he, " I must obey the orders of the 
Government, thanks or no thanks. And when Mr. Trist was 
sent out here to make a treaty, I was directed, whenever the 
plan of a treaty should be signed on both sides, to order an 
armistice, and wait for the two Governments to ratify the 
treaty. Well, Mr. Trist and the Mexican Commissioners have 
at last fixed up some kind of a bargain, and signed it, and, 
of course, according to my orders, we have nothing to do but 
to stand still and wait for the two Governments to clinch the 
nail." 

" But," says I, " Gineral, you know Mr. Trist has no right 
to make a treaty any more than I have, for the President has 
ordered him to come home ; and if he- has made a treaty, it's 
no better than a piece of blank paper, and you shouldn't 
mind it." 



OUT OF THE SENATE 



293 



"Don't kaow anything about them matters," says he ; 
" I can't go behind the curtain to inquire what little maneuvers 
are going on between the President and his Commissioner. 
Mr. Trist came out here with his regular commission to make 
a treaty. He has brought me a treaty signed by himself and 
the Mexican Commissioners, and my orders are to cease hos- 
tilities. Of course, we can do nothin' else but halt and stack 
our arms." 

" Well," says I, " Gincral, it an't right ; it's bad business ; 




THE MAJOR REMONSTRATING WITH GENERAL SCOTT. 

it'll breakup this grand annexin' plan that was jest going on 
so nice that Ave might a got through with it in a year or two 
more ; and then it will bother the President most to death 
about his election for the second term. That treaty must be 
stopped ; it musn't be sent home ; and Pll go right and see 
Mr. Trist about it." 

So off I went and hunted up Mr. Trist, and had a talk with 
bim. Says I, " Trist, how's this ? They tell me you've been 
making a treaty with these Mexicans." 



294 MY THIRTY YEARS 

" Shouldn't wonder if I had," says he ; " that's jest what I 
come out here for." 

" Well, I must say, sir," says I, " I think this is a pretty 
piece of business. How do you dare to do such a thing ? You 
know the President has ordered you home." 

" Yes," says he, " and I mean to go home as soon as I get 
through the job he sent me to do." 

*' Well, now," says I, " Trist, I claim to know what the 
President is about, and what he wants, and Pm his confiden- 
tial friend and private embassador out here, and I shall take 
the liberty to interfere in this business. This high-handed 
doings of yourn must be nipt off in the bud. What sort of a 
bargain have you made ? Jest let me look at the treaty." 

" Can't do it," says he, " it's half way to Vera Cruz by this 
time ; I sent it off yesterday." 

" Blood and thunder 1 " says I, " then you have knocked 
the whole business in the head, sure enough. You've com- 
mitted an outrageous crime, sir, and a great shame ; and 
don't you know, sir, that great crimes deserve great punish- 
ments ? I don't know what Colonel Polk will do ; but I know 
what my friend, Old Hickory, would do if he was alive ; he 
would hang you right up to the first tree he could come at." 

" What ! hang me for doing jest what I was sent here to 
do?" says he. "For Pve made jest such a bargain as the 
President told me to make ; only a leetle better one." 

" That's nothing here nor there," says I, " you know cir- 
cumstances alters cases. And you know well enough, or you 
ought to have sense enough to know, that, as things now 
stand, the President don't want a treaty. Now," says I, " Mr. 
Trist, answer me one plain question — Do you think you have 
any right at all to make a treaty after the President has or* 
dered you home ? " 

" Well," says he, " I think circumstances alter cases, too ; 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 295 

and when the President ordered me home, I suppose he 
thought I couldn't get through the job he sent me to do. 
But I thought I could, and so I kept trying, and I've got 
through with it at last, and done the business all up accord- 
ing to my first orders ; and I don't sec why the President 
shouldn't be well satisfied." 

" Well," says I, " what's the items of the bargain ? What 
have you agreed upon ? " 

" Why," says he, " we have the whole of Texas clear to the 
Rio Grande ; we have all of New Mexico, and all of Upper 
California. And we pay the Mexicans fifteen millions of dol- 
lars, and pay our own citizens five millions that the Mexicans 
owed them. And wo stop firing, draw our charges from the 
guns that are loaded, and go home." 

"Well, now," says I, " Trist, don't you think you area 
pretty fellow to make such a bargain as that at this time of 
day ? The President will be mortified to death about it. 
Here we've been fightin' near about two years to make the 
Mexicans pay over that five millions of dollars they owed our 
people, and now you've agreed that we shall put our hands in 
our pockets and pay it ourselves. The whole plan of the war 
has been carried on by the President upon the highest prin- 
ciples, to go straight ahead and * conquer a peace,' man- 
fashion ; and now you've agreed to back out of the scrape, 
and luy a peace, and pay the money for it. You know very 
well the President has declared, time and again, that the war 
should go on till we got indemnity for the past, and security 
for the future — them's his own words — and now you've agreed 
to settle up without getting one jot of either. For the past 
we are at least a hundred millions of dollars out of pocket, 
besides losing ten or fifteen thousand men. As for the men, 
I s'pose you may say we can ofi'set them against the Mexi- 
cans we have killed, and as we have killed more than 



296 MY THIRTY YEARS 

they have, maybe it foots up a little in our favor, and that's 
the only advantage you've secured. As for the hundred mil- 
lions of dollars, we don't get a penny of it back. So all the in- 
demnity you get for the past is a few thousand dead Mexicans, 
that is, as many as remains after subtracting what they've 
killed of us from what we've killed of them. But the cap- 
sheaf of your bargain is the ' security for the future.' The cities 
and towns and castles that we have fit so hard to take, and 
have got our men into, and all so well secured, you now agree 
to give 'em all right up again to the enemy, and march our 
men off home with their fingers in their mouths ; and that's 
our security for the future. As for the fifteen millions of dol- 
lars you agree to pay for New Mexico and California, you 
might jest as well a thrown the money into the sea, for they 
was ours afore ; they was already conquered and annexed, 
and was as much ours as if we had paid the money for 'em." 
Here I turned on my heel and left him, for I was so disgust- 
ed at the conduct of the feller that I wouldn't have any more 
talk with him. And now, my dear Colonel, there is nothing 
for us to do but to look this business right in the face, and 
make the best we can of it. If there was any way to keep the 
thing out of sight, it would be best for you to throw the treaty 
into the fire as soon as you get it, and send word on to Gin- 
eral Scott to go ahead again. But that is impossible ; it will 
be spread all over the country, and known to everybody. And 
I'm convinced it will be the best way for you to turn right 
about, make believe to be glad about what can't be helped, 
and accept the treaty. The nominations for President is close 
at hand, and you must get ready to go into the election for 
your second term with what you've got, and make the best 
show you can with it. If you should reject the treaty, the op- 
position would get the advantage of you again ; they would 
then cry out that the Mexicans has asked for peace, and you 



9,07 

OUT OF THE SENATE. '*•' » 



had refused it; and there would be no end to their growling 
about thi3 oppressive war of invasion. But if you accept the 
treaty, it puts an end to their grumbling about the war. 

To pacify our friends that are very eager for the whole of 
Mexico, you must tell 'em to look at it and see hoW much we 
have already got ; keep telling of 'em that half a loaf is bet- 
ter than no bread ; tell 'em to keep quiet till after your next 
election is over, and maybe you'll contrive some plan to be cut- 
ting into t'other half. Keep Mr. Ritchie blowing the organ, 
all weathers, to the tune of half of Mexico for a song. Tell 
the whole country, and brazen it out to everybody, that you've 
made a great bargain, a capital bargain, much better than 
Jefferson made when he bought Louisiana for fifteen millions 
of dollars ; tell 'em for the same sum of money you have got a 
great deal more land, and more men on it. I'm satisfied this 
is the best ground to take ; we must go for the treaty, and, 
bitter pill as it is, we must swallow it as though we loved 
it. I s'pose it will have to go before the Senate, as 
the Constitution now stands (the Constitution is very de- 
fective on that pint, and ought to be mended, for it's dan- 
gerous trusting important matters to the Senate) ; but you 
must drive your friends all up to vote for it ; don't let it 
f-iil on no account ; don't let 'em go to fingerin' it over, and 
putting in amendments that will make the Mexicans so mad 
that they will kick it all over again. For that would put 
things into such a hurly-burly that I'm afraid you would lose 
your election. 

Ratify the treaty, and then gather up all the glory that's 
been made out of this war, twist it into a sort of glory wreath 
round your head, and march with a bold step and a stiff up- 
per lip right into the Presidential campaign, and I shouldn't 
wonder if you beat the whole bunch of all your enemies and 
all vour friends. And if you went into your second term on 
^ 13 



298 MY THIRTY YEARS 

the strenth of half of Mexico, it would be a pretty good sign 
that you mighl: go into a third term on the strength of the whole 
of it. 

I remain your faithful friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LIX. 

FIFTH DISPATCH OF MAJOR DOWNING FROM THE CITY OF MEXICO. 

City of Mexico, March 22, 1848. 

Mr. Gales & Seaton — 

My Dear Old Friends : — When I have to write about the 
war, and the treaty, and things of that sort that belongs to 
diplomatics, ot* coarse I send my dispatches to the President 
or Mr. Ritchie ; but when things branch off into the newspa- 
per line, then I send 'em to you. WeVe had Gineral Scott on 
trial here five days, for high treason against Gineral Pillow 
and Gineral Worth. If it goes agin him, I don't know whether 
they will conclude to hang him or shot him up in some of the 
mines of Mexico for life. But he fights like a Turk, and au't 
skeered at nuthiii'. The President better send on some more 
help, for I an't sure that what there is here will be able to 
handle him. The battle has been pretty hot for five days, and 
I don't see as they get the upper hand of him at all yet. It 
would be a great pity if a man that has been guilty of such 
horrible crimes as he has out here in Mexico, should slip 
through their fingers at last, and escape punishment. I begin 
to feel a little afraid how it will come out. For my part, I 
go for justice, hit who 'twill. If a man will commit crimes, let 
him be punished for it. I'm afraid the President has missed 
a figger in leaving it out to such men as he has. It would a 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



299 



been safer and more sure to leave it out to a jury of Mexi- 
cans. I've no doubt the leaist verdict they would give would 
a been two years in the deepest and darkest mine in Mexico 
for his taking Vera Cruz and the Castle ; two years more for 



the cutting and slashin' he 



'em at Cerro Gordo : two 




GENERAL SCOir COURT-.MARriALED IN MEXICO. 

years more for Chapultcpec and Churubusco ; and all the rest 
of his life for his taking the city of Mexico. In that case, you 
see, his punishment would a been measured out something ac- 
cordiog to his crimes. ^ 



300 MY THIRTY YEARS 

I was thinking last night that I ought to make up a little 
budget about this trial and send it on to you, as I promised to 
let you know once in a while how things was getting along 
out here. And while I was bothering my head to know which 
end to begin at, a man came in and brought me a little letter. 
I took it and opened it, and I couldn't hardly believe my eyes 
at first, to see the name of Gineral Pillow signed to it. He 
** requested me to call at his quarters in the evening," on very 
urgent and important business. Thinks I to myself, what in 
thunder can this mean ? Then I thought maybe they had got 
a hint that the prisoner intended to run away, and they wanted 
me to help keep guard round Gineral Scott's quarters to see 
that he didn't escape. 

So, jest at dark, I went round to Gineral Pillow's quarters. 
He seemed to be amazin' glad to see me, and took me by the arm 
and led me into t'other room. 

" Major Downing," says he, " Pm very happy to see you. I 
wish you wouldn't make yourself such a stranger to my quar- 
ters ; it would give me a great deal of pleasure to see you 
oftener." 

I thanked him, and told him that his rank was a good deal 
superior to mine, and I always felt kind of delicate about put- 
ting myself alongside of them that was so much above me. 

*' Not at all," says he, " Major, not at all ; we have to ob- 
serve rank, to be sure, when we are on the field ; but every- 
where else we are all equals, Major, all equals ; give us your 
hand." And here he giv my hand another hearty shake. 

" Major," sa^^s he, ** I understand you write letters to the 
National Intelligencer sometimes, about matters out here in 
Mexico." 

" Well, yes," says I, " Gineral, I do sometimes, w^iien it don't 
interfere with my public duties as the President's private 
embassador." i 



OUT OF THE SENATE 801 

Then he turned round and put the door to, and begun to 
speak in a little lower tone. 

" Major," says he, " that Intelligencer is a capital paper ; 
it deserves to be encouraged. I take a warm interest in the pros- 
ferity of that paper, and mean to do something for it. I'll be the 
tnaking of it yet, when I get to the rank and situation I expect 
to get. I s'pose you'll send some account of this court-martial 
down by the courier tc-morrow, to go to the Intelligencer ? 

" Well, yes," says I, " I was thinking of sending some little 
outline of it, so the folks at home in tlie United States might 
understand the substance of it as far as it has got along." 

Then he took a written paper out of his pocket, and says 
he, " Major, here is a clear account of the proceedings, as far 
as they have gone, all carefully drawn up, and putting every- 
thing in a true light. I should like to nave you take this and 
Bend it on to the Intelligencer, and have it inserted as 
coming from an authentic source ; or, if you choose, you can 
work it in and make it a part of your letter, and tvien nobody 
will doubt but what it comes from an authentic source." 

After I took it and looked a while over some parts of it, 
says I, " Gineral, it seems to me it is most too soon to send 
on such a particular account as this, for fear of making some 
mistakes. It must take some time to pick the matters all up 
and put them together in the right shape, so as to give evciy 
one his fair share. I thoui^ht I would send on now the main 
points of it, and send on the particulars when we've had a 
chance to pick 'em all up and put 'em together right." 

"But, Major," says he, "I'm very anxious this account should 
go off with the first imp res si, ns. You know a great deal depends 
on first impressions ; therefore, no time should be lost in get- 
ting this before the public ; and the best way to do it is to 
work it fnto your report. To be sure, the paper does consid- 
erable justice to me, but not more than I think you will be 



302 ^fY THIRTY YEAR3 

satisfied belongs to me. / never ask any one to piiff me ; hut I 
have confidence, in you to believe that you loill do me justice. I never 
forget my friends. There's no knowing but tlie upshot of this 
trial may tip Gineral Scott out of the tail-end of the cart yet ; 
and if so, I stand a good chance of being placed at the head 
of military affairs here ; and, between you and me, that would 
give me a strong chance of succeeding Mr. Polk in the Presi- 
dency. And, you know, I never forget my friends." 

" Well," says I, " Gineral, seein' you are so arnest about it, 
ril take the paper home with me, and look it over, and if I 
find I can work it into my letter, so it will look ship-shape, 
ril do it. And then, I take it, I shall have your word, upon 
the honor of an officer, that you never will forget me and the 
National Intelligencer." 

" That you shall," says he, giving me another shake of the 
hand. " But," says he, " you better stop with me to-night, 
and do it all up here ; IHl give ym a comfortaUe place to write, 
some place to sleep, and soldier fare.'^ 

I thanked him very kindly for his hospitality, but I told him 
I should have to go back to my quarters, where I had left 
some parts of my dispatch ready fixed up. In bidding me 
good night, he shook me very warmly by the hand, and urged 
me again to put the document he had given me into my letter, 
as he was very anxious it should go off with the first impressions. 
So, here it is ; and if I find it necessary, after copying it, to 
add any notes or interlinings, I can do it : 

DOCKYMENT. 

GREAT BATTLE IN THE COURT-MARTIAL. 

This important investigation, which has been going on for 
five days, is likely to use General Scott all up to nothing ; 
there won't be so much as a grease spot left of him ; while, 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 303 

at the same time, it cannot fail to add to the renown and fair 
fame of General Pillow, till it raises him above all Greek, 
above all Roman fame. General Worth, also, has shown a 
magnanimity in this contest which will crown him with im- 
mortal honor. He had a forty-nine pounder, loaded to the 
muzzle, pointed directly at the head of Scott, which would a 
blowed his brains clear to the North Pole ; but seeing the 
weakness and imbecility of Scott, who was almost ready to 
get down upon his knees, and, with tears in his eyes, ask his 
pardon. Worth, with unparalleled magnanimity^ refused to 
fire, and absolutely withdrew the charge from the gun, saying 
to the by-standers, " The President has given me all I want ; 
why should I stoop to kill this poor devil of a Scott ? " After 
Worth had thus generously thrown away his powder, Scott, 
with his usual meanness, put on a bragadocio show of cour- 
age, and dared him to the fight ; but of course Worth wouldn't 
take any notice of him. 

Scott had bullied Duncan, but when he found Duncan was 
prepared to defend himself, with the most craven spirit be 
coaxed him to let the matter drop, and hush it up. He had, 
also, in the most shameful manner, bullied General Pillow ; 
but when he found he had roused the lion, he did not dare to 
beard the lion. As soon as the gallant Pillow, the high- 
souled Pillow, the chivalric and courageous Pillow, appeared 
on the field of combat, Scott commenced a rapid and igno- 
minious retreat. But General Pillow, actuated by a high 
sense of public duty, as well as a proper regard for his own 
honor, would not allow public sentiment to be so outraged 
with impunity ; he, therefore, pursued the cowardly Scott, 
determined that, poltroon as he was, he should either fight or 
die. For two or three days Scott was fleeing for his life, and 
making the most desperate efforts to escape from the field of 
battle ; but the gallant Pillow pursued him and cut him off 



304 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



OD every tack, and foiled and floored him at every turn. The 
talent, tact, prowess and generalship displayed by General 
Pillow on this occasion has probably never been equaled, ex- 
cept by the same gallant officer on the battle-fields of Mexico, 
when he killed the Mexican officer in single combat, was struck 
down upon his knees by the concussion of a cannon-ball upon 
his head, and led his troops to victory by wading chin-deep 
through a creek of mud and water. The hot pursuit of Pillow 
at last drove Scatt into a corner, from which it was impossi- 
ble for him to escape. He then turned and raised his puny 
arm to fight ; but the weakness of his weapons, his little 
pointless darts, and pop-gun squibs, were almost too ridicu- 
lous even to excite a laugh. The heroic Pillow stood in peer- 
less majesty, and shook them off as unconcernedly as the lion 
shakes the dew-drops from his mane. During this whole con- 
test Gen. Pillow^ s well-devised plans of battle, his judicious disposi- 
iion of his forces, his coolness and daring during the whole of this 
terrible battle, is the subject of universal congratulation among his 

friends, and general remark with all. 

Lion — ass. 

Erased from the above : " During this great battle, which 
has lasted now for five days, Pillow was in command of all the 
forces engaged except Worth's division, which was not en- 
gaged." Also erased : " He (Pillow) has completely silenced 
his enemies." 

On the whole, the above docyment seems to give such a 
clear, candid view of the proceedings of the court-martial 
during the first five days, that I don't think it is necessary for 
me to add another word. Give my love to the President and 
Mr. Ritchie ; and I remain your old friend, whether we go on 
annexin' any more or not, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 305 



LETTER LX. 

private letter to major jack downing. 

Post-Office, Doavnixgville, 

State of Maine, June 30, 1848 



.} 



Dear Nephew : — Bein' our army is about breakin' up in Mex- 
ico and coming home, I thought the best chance to get a let- 
to you would be to get your old friends, Mr. Gales and SeatoD, 
to send it on that way, and maybe it might come across you 
somewhere on the road, if you are still in the land of the 
living. Your Aunt Keziah is in a great worriment about 
you, and is very much frightened for fear somethin' has hap- 
pened, because we haven't heard nothin' from you since your 
last letter. I try to pacify her, and tell her the fighting was 
all over, and nothin' to do but to finish up the court-martial 
the last time you writ, and that there isn't agoing to be no 
more annexin' till Mr. Cass comes in President, and you'll soon 
be along. But all won't pacify her ; she's as uneasy as a fish 
out of water, and says she lays awake half the night thinking 
of them garillas, for fear they've got hold of you. So I hope 
you'll write home as soon as possible, and let us know whether 
you are dead or alive, and set your Aunt Keziah's heart to rest. 

For my part, I hope you will hurry along back as fast as 

you can. Our politics is very much mixed up and in a bad 

way about the Presidency. It would puzzle a Philadelphy 

lawyer to tell how it's comin' out. It was a very unlucky hit 

when President Polk sent Old Zack Taylor down to Mexico. 

He wasn't the right man. But, then, I s'pose Mr. Polk had no 

idea of what sort of a chap he had got hold of. It can't be 

helped now, but it's like to be the ruin of our party. The 
13* 



306 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Democratic party haint seen a well day since Taylor first be- 
gun his Pally Alto battles ; and now we are all shiverin' as 
bad as if we had the fever and agay. I don't know, after all, 
but this annexin' Mexico will turn out to be an unlucky blow 
to the party ; for what will it profit the Democratic party if 
they gain the whole world and lose the Presidency ? Ye see, 
the Whigs have put up Taylor for President ; and it has com- 
pletely knocked us all into a cocked hat. There isn't one- 
half of us that knows where we stan' or which way we are 
goin' ; and there isn't a party fence in the country that is high 
enough to keep our folks from jumping over. They are getting 
kind of crazy, and seem to feel as if Old Hickory had got back 
again, and they was all running to vote for him. The Whigs 
laugh and poke fun at us, and say they have got as good a 
right to have a Hickory as we Democrats have. We put up 
Gineral Cass first, and thought we should carry it all hollow ; 
for he's a strong man, and took a good deal of pains to make 
the party like him all over the country. And if the Whigs 
had done as they ought to, and put up Clay, or any one they 
had a right to put up, we should a carried the day without 
any trouble. But the conduct of the Whigs has been shame- 
ful in this business. Instead of taking a man that fairly be- 
longed to 'Jm, they have grabbed hold of a man that got all 
his popularity out of our war, and was under the pay of our 
Administration, and has been made and built up by our party, 
and the Whigs had no more business with him than they had 
with the man in the moon. But, for all that, the Whigs had 
the impudence to nominate him. Well, that riled our water 
all up, so we couldn't see bottom nowhere. But we soon found 
there was a shiftin' and wliirlin' of currents, and the wind and 
the tide was settin' us on to the rocks in spite of us. We soon 
see that old Rough and Ready, as they call him, was going to 
be too much for Cass. But, as we was all making up our 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



307 



mind that it was gone goose with us, Mr. John Van Buren, of 
York State — he's a smart feller, a son of President Van Buren, 
and a chip of the old block — he sings out : " Don't give up 
the ship yet ; if one hoss an't enough to draw the load, hitch 
on another. There's father, he'll draw like a two-year-old." 
Well, the idea seemed to take ; and they stirred round and 
got up another Convention at Utica, in York State, to see who 
they should put up, and they all pitched upon President Van 




«%JDW.«^.«« 



RACE FOR THE PRESIDENCY — OLD ZACK AHEAD. 



Buren. Mr. Van Buren patted them on the shoulder, and told 
'cm to have good courage and go ahead, for they was on the 
right track, but they must hitch on somebody else besides 
him, for he had made up his mind four years ago not to take 
hold again. But the}'' stuck to him with tears in their eyes, 
and told him there wasn't another man in the country that 
could draw like him alongside of Cass, and if he still had any 



308 MY THIRTY YEARS 

patriotism for the party left he musn't say no. And they 
worked upon his feelin's so much that at last he didn't say no. 
So now we've got two candidates, Cass and Van Buren, and 
good strong ones, too, both of 'em ; and if we can't whip Tay- 
lor, I think it's a pity. I know as well as I want to know 
that we shall give him a pesky hard tug. Some are afraid we 
an't hardly strong enough yet, and they've called another con- 
vention, to meet in Buffalo the 9th of August, to put up 
another candidate. But others are faint-hearted about it, and 
say it's all no kind of use ; we may put up twenty candidates, 
and Taylor will whip the whole lot ; it's a way he has ; 
he always did just so in Mexico. If they brought twenty to 
one agin' him, it made no odds ; he whipt the whole ring, 
from Pally Alto to Bona Vista. 

So you see what sort of a pickle we're in, and how much 
we need your help jest now. But there's one thing on my 
mind pretty strong : You know this appointment in the Down- 
ingville Post-Office, that you got Gineral Jackson to give me, 
has always been a great comfort to me, and it would be a sad 
blow to me to lose it now in my old age. I wish you would 
make it in your way to call and see Gineral Taylor as you 
come along home, and try to find out how he feels toward me ; 
because, if he is to be elected anyhow, I can't see any use 
there would be in my biting my own nose off for the sake of 
opposing his election. And I don't think that patriotism to 
the party requires it ; and Pm sure prudence don't. 

When you get to Washington, call and see Mr. Ritchie, and 
try to comfort him ; Pm told the dear old gentleman is workin' 
too hard for his strength — out a nights in the rain, with a 
lantern in his hand, heading the campaign. Try to persuade 
him to be calm and take good care of himself. And be sure 
and ask him how the Federals are goin' this election, for we 
can't find out anything about it down here. I used to know 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 309 

how to keep the run of the Federals, but now there is so many- 
parties — the Democrats, and the Whigs, and Hunkers, and 
Barnburners, and Abolition folks, and Proviso folks — all criss- 
crossin' one another, that I have my match to keep the run of 
'em. But your Aunt Keziah says the clock has struck, and 
I must close the mail. So I remain your loving uncle, 

JOSHUA DOWNING, P. M. 



LETTER LXI. 

The Mexican war is over. General Taylor has come home 
to become the people's candidate for the Presidency, and 
Major Downing has also returned to stump the country for 
the Democratic party. But finding the tide all against him, 
and everywhere setting for Old Zack, he mounts a telegraph 
post and sends a hasty, though rather discouraging, dispatch 
to President Polk : 

PRIVATE REPORT TO JAMES K. POLK, PRESIDENT OF AMERICA, AND HIS 
PART OF MEXICO. 

Telegraph Wires, October 31, 1848. 

Dear Colonel : — Pve been stumping it round all over the 
lot for two or three months, tight and tight, for our American 
friend, Gineral Cass, and as I s'pose you are very anxious and 
uneasy to know how it's coming out, I thought I would set 
down and make out a private report, and send it on to you by 
the telegraph wires, for they say they go like lightening, and 
give you some of the premonitory symptons, so that when the 
after-clap comes you may be a little prepared for it, and not 
feel so bad. As I said afore, Pve been all round the lot, some- 
times by the steamboats, and sometimes by the railroads, and 
sometimes by the telegraph, and when there wasn't no other 



310 



IIY THIRTY YEARS 



way to go, I footed it. And I'm satisfied the jig is up with 
us, and it's no use in my trying any longer ; and Mr. 
Buchanan's speech was all throwed away, too. I'm very sure 
we shall get some of the States, but I'll be hanged if I can tell 
which ones. There an't a single State that I should dare to 
bet upon alone, but taking 'em all in the lump, I should still 
stick out strong for half a dozen at least. I see where all the 




WRITING BY TELEGRAPH. 



diflSculty is, as plain as day. You may depend upon it, we 
should elect Gineral Cass easy enough if it wasn't for Gineral 
Taylor ; but he stands peskily in the way, jest as much as he 
stood in the way of the Mexicans at Bony Vista. As for Mr. 
Van Buren, if he stood agin us alone, we should tread him all 
to atoms ; he couldn't make no headway at all, especially 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 311 

after we got the nomination at Baltimore. Jest between you 
and me, I don't think much of Mr. Van Buren now. 1 don't 
believe he ever was a Democrat. I think he only made be- 
lieve all the time ; and I'd bet two to one he's only making be- 
lieve now. I wish the Old Gineral, dear Old Hickory, that's 
dead and gone, could be here now to have the handling of 
him for a little while ; if he didn't bring him into the traces I 
wouldn't guess agin. 

But, as I said afore, Gineral Taylor is peskily in the way 
all over the country. First, I thought I would figure round 
in some of the strong Whig districts ; for, thinks I, if I can 
make our friends show a bold front for Cass there, it will be 
such a wet blanket for the Whigs that they'll give it up. 
Well, I called a public meeting, without distinction of party ; 
and I put it to 'em strong for Cass, and the Constitution, and 
Californy forever. They all listened, and every little while 
they hurra'd and clapped ; and thinks I, the tide is turning-— 
I'm going to carry this place all hollar, Whigs and all. But 
when I got through, an old rusty-faced farmer, away back in 
one corner, got up and looked round, and says he, " Three 
cheers for Zachary Taylor." Thunder and cannon 1 if there 
wasn't a roar, set me down for a liar. Why, Colonel, I han't 
heard nothin' like it since the storming of Chepultapec. It 
took me right off my feet. I see at once the battle was all 
agin us there, and thought I better make my escape under the 
smoke of it as fast as possible. At first I felt rather bad 
about it. And then, agin, I thought I ought to have expected 
it, for I knew the Whigs had voted that Gineral Taylor was a 
Whig, and had made up their minds to go for him. So I 
I streaked it off for a strong Democratic district ; for I found 
our main dependence must be among our own friends. Here 
I called a mass-meeting, without distinction of party, for I 
was sure we should get up such a roar for Cass that the 



312 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Whigs would be dumbfounded, and be pretty likely to fall in 
with us. Well, how do you think it worked ? I made a 
roarin' speech for Cass ; told 'em what a great statesman and 
great warrior he was ; and how he had proved the former by 
oifering to swallow all Mexico, and how he had proved the 
latter by breakin' his sword in a passion ; and more than all 
that, since the nomination at Baltimore, he was the greatest 
Democrat in the country. " And now," says I, " my friends, 
three cheers for Cass, the Constitution and Californy." Well, 
they gin three good, loud cheers, and I thought that nail was 
well drove and clinched. Then a blacksmith, with a smutty 
nose and a leather apron on, gets up and sings out, " Nine 
cheers for old Rough and Ready I" And, by jingo, it went 
like a hurricane ; full twice as loud, and three times as many, 
as the cheers for Cass. I had a good mind to cut and run, and 
give it all up. But at last I plucked up courage and faced 
the storm. I called out to the blacksmith, and says I, " My 
friend, when we called this meeting, without distinction of 
party, it was all meant for Gineral Cass, the Democratic can- 
didate, and it's very unhandsome for a Whig to come here and 
interrupt us in this way." 

" You take me for a Whig, do you ?" says he. 

" To be sure I do," says I ; " you are no Democrat to act in 
this way." 

At that he reddened up so the smut on his face turned black- 
er than it was before, and, says he, " I'd have you know. Sir, 
I'm as good a Democrat as you are. My father and mother 
was Democrats before me. I was born and bred a Democrat ; 
and I mean to live and die a Democrat, but I go for Old Rough 
and Ready, let who will go agin him." Then he called out 
agin for nine cheers for Old Rough and Ready ; and the way 
they roared 'em out was a caution. I see it was no use in talk- 
ing about Whigs and Democrats — I must try some other hook. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 313 

So I cruised round on the Free Soil territory, and got up 
meetings, and preached up the Wilmot Proviso hot and heavy, 
and told 'em Gineral Cass would go for it with all his might 
to tlie day of his death. Then I thought I would get 'em 
on the hip in a way they couldn't help giving me a rousing 
hurra, so I called out, "Three cheers for Free Soil and Gineral 
Cass !" Well, the three cheers come as quick and as true as 
Paddy's echo, for it was " three cheers for Free Soil and Gin- 
eral Taylor ? " 

I begun to think the only chance was for us to try to carry 
the South. So I wheeled about, and turned about, and jump'd 
Jim Crow, in the slave States. I told 'em they must stir 
round and elect Gineral Cass or the whole slavery business 
would be upset ; but if they would only elect him they might 
feel safe, for they had his letters to show that he was in favor 
of upholding slavery all weathers, and of carrying it into 
every territory we could lay our hands on. They all answered 
me very cooly, that they had much rather trust a straightfor- 
ward Southern man, that they knew had no tricks about him, 
than to trust a Northern man with Southern principles ; and 
they reckoned, on the whole, they should go for Gineral Tay- 
lor. As a last chance, I thought I would try to rouse 'em up 
in old Penusylvany. So I went to 'em and told 'em their coal 
and iron was in danger, and the only way for 'em to save it 
was to elect Gineral Cass, who would protect it to the bat's 
end, for he was as good a tariff man as Henry Clay. At that, 
every one of 'em — Quakers and Germans, and Dutchmen, and 
all — put their finger agin the side of their nose, and said, 
*• Friend, we tried a tariff man last time, but we didn't save 
our coal and iron by it ; so we have made up our minds to 
try an hoiitsl man\k\\^ time — we are going for Zachary Taylor." 

By this time I was convinced the game was up, and it was 
no use to stump it any longer. We've got into the current 



314 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



where we can't help ourselves, and arc going down over the 
falls of Niagara as fast as we can go ; and I hope you and all 
the rest of our party will be as calm and composed, and con- 
siderate, as the Indian was that went down over then awful 
falls a great many years ago. He tugged and pulled his 
canoe against the current with all his might till he found there 




;^^ ^^'^^^ I, 




THE LAST SUP AT TREASURY PAP. 



was no chance left, and then he laid down his paddle, and 
took up his bottle of rum, and sot down quietly in the bottom 
of the canoe, and tipped the bottle up to his mouth, and sot 
and drinked, and took the good of it, till he pitched head over 
heels down the falls, and went out of sight forever. 



OUT OF THK SENATE. 315 

Now, my last advice to j^ou, dear Colonel, and to all our 
friends, and especially to dear old Mr. Ritchie, is, to set down 
quiet and composed in the bottom of the boat, and eat away at 
the public crib, and di-ink away at the bottle of the sub- 
treasury till the 4 til of March, when we shall all pitch over 
the falls together, drinking our last guggle. 
I remain your dear friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LXII. 

A VERY PRIVATE LETTER FROM MAJOR DOWNING TO PRESIDENT POLK. 

Head of Salt River,* Dec. 18, 1848. 

Dear Colonel : — It all come out jest exactly as I told you 
'twould in my last dispatch, a few days before the 'lection. 
The arthquakes and harrycanes was awful. Some of our 
friends was throwed up sky high^ and haint been seen nor 
heard of since ; some was swallowed up in the ground and 
buried alive ; and all of us was ship-wrecked and splashed 
overboard, and left to the marcy of the wind and the tide. I 
was lucky enough to get a-straddle of a plank, and made out 
to keep my head above water. I drifted about awhile, kind 
of confused like, and couldn't hardly tell whether I was on the 
ocean, or on a lake, or where I was. 



* Editorial Note. — On the election of General Taylor to the Presidency, 
November, 1848, the Whigs, who had been sojourning for four years in Salt 
River Territory, came down the river in full force and high spirits, while 
the Democrats moved quietly up and took possession, and went to work and 
tried to organize the Territory, in order to get it admitted as a State. Major 
Downing, in this letter, describes Salt River and the philosophy of its naviga- 
tion more accurately and satisfactorily than has ever been done by any other 
author. 



316 MY THIRTY YEARS 

At last I floated along into a river, and then I concluded, 
of course, I was bound down Niagara, and should have to 
plunge head and ears over the big falls. I seemed to be 
floating along down the middle of the river, and away off 
before me and away behind me I could see a good many others 
going the same way ; and, away in close to the shore, on 
both sides of the river, there seemed to be a good many going 
the other way — that is, as I thought, going up stream. I was 
kept along in this way till I come to a narrow place in the 
river, which I learnt afterward was called the half-way nar- 
rows. Here the current grew more rapid, and I floated along 
very fast ; but I was so near the shore I could see folks on 
both sides, and hear 'em speak. 

Presently I met a man on one side of the river, footing it 

along the shore, and towing a one-masted boat after him, as 

I thought, up stream. At first, by his stooping walk and bald 

bead, I thought he was too old a man to be doing such hard 

kind of work ; but when he come nearer, I see he had flaxy 

hair, and a young and almost boyish looking face. He went 

straight ahead, with a line over his shoulder, drawing the 

boat after him, and singing a merry kind of a song, which I 

couldn't make out, only one varse of it, which seemed to be 

this : 

" Life is real, life is earnest ; 

Things are jest what they do seem ; 
Down Salt River thou returnest, 
Oh, my Tribune, 'tis no dream." 

"When I saw who it was I was amazingly puzzled. I'd 
heard a good many songs that had more truth than poetry in 
'em, but this one seemed to have more poetry than truth. 
Any how, if this was really Salt River, that we had heard 
so much tell of, I couldn't seem to make out how I should be 
sailing down stream so fast, and the Tribune-man be tugging 




[3iri 



318 MY THIRTY YEARS 

up stream so hard. This didn't agree with the election re- 
turns at all. Something has got twisted round ; things is not 
jest what they seem. While I was bothering my head about 
it, I looked over on t'other side of the river, and there was 
another man with a line over his shoulder, towing a larger 
and heavier boat up stream, as I thought. lie was a tall, 
officer-looking man, with large whiskers, and stood up straight, 
and walked strong, as though he didn't care for nobody. He, 
too, seemed to be singing a very merry song. All I could 
hear of it was just this varse ; 

" Old Uncle Sam was a jolly old soul, 
And a jolly old soul was he ; 
He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl, 
And he called for Taylor and rae." 

As he passed by me I see the name on the starn of the 
boat was New York Courier and Enquirer. I was in a great 
puzzlement; these Whig chaps was all so merry; and yet, 
if this was really Salt River, it seemed to me they was going 
the wrong way, according to the 'lection, and I couldn't tell 
what to make of it. As I was near enough to hail the Courier 
man, I thought I would call to him and see if I could get any 
light on the subject. So says I — 

"Hullo, Colonel !" 

He stopped and turned round, and answered, " Hallo." 

Says I, " I ask your pardon, Colonel, but I'm a stranger in 
these parts, and a stranger to you, but I know you by j^our 
boat. Will you be so kind as to tell me where I'm bound 
to ? For I'm kind of lost." 

" Oh," certainly," says he, " with the greatest pleasure, my 
dear sir. You are bound straight up to the head of Salt 
River ; you can't miss your way, for there isn't a single path 
that turns out between here and there." 

" Well, now," says I, " Colonel, you oif I must be under 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 319 

some strange mistake. Don't you see I'm floating down on 
the current ? Ain't the river running down this way, and 
carrying me along with it ?" 

At that he laughed outright, and says he, " I see you are 
nothing but a fresh-water sailor, and don't know anything 
about the navigation of Salt Kiver." 

" Well, how should I,'^ says I ; " for I never was in these 
waters before ? " 

" Well," says he, " Salt River runs up stream ; jest bear that 
in your mind, and you'll find it all plain sailing." 

"But that can't be possible," says I ; "you, nor I, nor no- 
body else, ever knew a river to run up stream." 

" You may depend upon it," says he, " Salt Kiver runs up 
stream ; and I suppose that is the only river in America that 
does run up stream." 

By this time I had floated so far by that I couldn't hear any- 
thing more he said But it wasn't long before I was satisfied 
the Colonel was right ; for, as the current carried me along 
back into the country, the land kept growing higher and 
higher, and at last I fonnd myself quite up among the moun- 
tains ; and, when I come to the head of the river, the current 
run my plank right plump ashore. 

I found a good many of our friends already here before me, 
and I understand a great many more are on the way. Our 
annexin' friend, Gineral Cass, hasn't got here yet ; but he's 
expected now every day. This is a pretty good sort of a 
country np here, after all, and has a good many advantages. 
But I haven't time to give you much account of it to-day ; I'll 
try to describe it more another time. I've spent considerable 
time examining and exploring this curious river, and I think 
I've learnt more about it than anybody that's been up here 
afore. It's different from all the other rivers that I ever see. 
It has no springs or streams running into it to feed it, but 



320 MY THIRTY YEARS 

feeds itself from its own waters. All the center of the river 
is a strong current, running up stream till it gets to the head 
of the river ; and then it divides and turns off each way, and 
works along down in eddies and currents by each bank of 
the river till it gets to the mouth ; and .then it turns round reg- 
ular into the center current agin, and up it comes. 

This shows the reason why anybody that happens to get 
into the current of Salt River has to go clear to the head of it 
before be can stop. It shows the reason, too, why anybody 
that sets out to go down with a boat, or a raft, or anything, 
has to lead it along the shore by a line ; for, if it happens to 
get out a little too far from shore, and get ketched in the cen- 
ter current, it's gone goose with it ; it has to go clear back to 
the head of the river, and take another start. This, of course, 
makes the navigation of Salt River, on the passage out, very 
hard and diflBcult. 

Now, ril tell you what I advise you by all means to do. 
You know Congress is in a great taking to pass a bill for the 
improvement of the navigation of lakes and rivers, and they 
are afraid they can't do it this session because you'll put your 
veto on it. Now, you jest strike a bargain with 'em ; if they'll 
put in a million of dollars into the bill to improve the naviga- 
tion of Salt River, and let Gineral Cass have the laying of it 
out, you'll sign the bill. If we could get that bill through, it 
would be of immense importance to us and our friends for a 
good many years to come. 

We can't, of course, look for you up here till after the 4t]i 
of March ; but I shall be getting everything ready for you as 
fast as I can. I've got a notion in my head, however, that 
you might hold on there at Washington some years longer 
yet ; and be in a situation to do our friends more good, may 
be, than you could up here. I see they are looking round all 
over the country for men to make up a Cabinet for Gineral Tay- 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 321 

lor ; and they seem to be going- upon the rule that them that 
did the most toward electing him must have the first chance 
in the Cabinet. Now, going upon that rule, the first chance 
belongs to you, of course ; for there isn't no other man in the 
country that did a quarter so much toward electing him as 
you did. In fact, if it hadn't been for you he never would a 
been elected at all ; and if he doesn't give you the first place 
in his Cabinet, if you'll take it, he'll be the ungratefulest man 
that ever lived I think it would be best, all things consid- 
ered, for you to take a place at the head of the Cabinet. 

As for dear old Mr. Ritchie, as the weather is warm and 
pleasant, and comfortable for making the voyage, why not 
start him right along ? He'll find nothing to trouble him, for 
I've been all round here, and there isn't no bears, nor wolves, 
nor Federalists, nor anything of that sort. I don't think I 
ever see a country clearer of Federalists in my life ; and 
every man I've talked with here is in favor of the resolutions 

of '98. 

I remain your friend and pioneer, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LXIII. 

MAJOR DOWNING ADVISES MR. RITCHIE TO KEEP COOL, AND NOT FIGHT 
so HARD AGAINST THE WHIG ADMINISTRATION. 

Mason and Dixon's Side of Salt River, Aug. 11, 1849. 

My Dear Mr. Ritchie : — You don't know how glad I be to 
see how you have spunked up since my last letter to you. 
You are raly giving it to the " corrupt and imbecile Adminis- 
tration " pell-mell. I should think every " dolt, " and every 
" butcher," and every " Nero " among 'em must have a bung'd 

eye by this time. You do give it to 'em, right and left, about 
U 



322 iiy Tiimrv years 

right. Uncle Joshua says you are the Tom Hyer of our party, 
and can whip anybody the Feds can bring into the ring. But 
now I begin to feel uneasy for fear you'll overdo yourself, and 
break down, and then we shan't have nobody to take care of 
us. Don't you remember the story of the tame elephant that 
was used to help launch vessels ? One time they put him to 
launch a vessel that was too heavy for him. After he tried 
once or twice, and couldn't start it, the keeper called out, 
" Take away this lazy beast, and bring another." At that the 
poor elephant roused up, and put his head to the vessel again, 
and pushed and strained himself so hard that he fell down and 
died. Now, I don't want you to do so. When I writ that 
letter to you, two or three weeks ago, to rouse you up a little, 
I didn't mean to make you so furious that you should run your 
head agin the Administration so hard as to break your neck, 
or strain yourself so much as to fall down dead. Nor I didn't 
mean that you should kill off all the Administration, smack 
smooth, as dead as herrings, in two months. I meant to give 
you two or three years to do it in. Any time before the 
next election would do. If j^ou should kill 'em all right off, 
before we have time to choose anybody to take their places, 
you would have all the Government on your own shoulders ; 
and I'm afraid it would be too much for you. So I think you 
had better try to cool down a little ; it an't prudence to keep 
so hot all the time. That is, I mean on your own account, for 
fear you should overdo yourself and break down. And then, 
again, there is such a thing as drawing too long a bow to hit 
the thing you shoot at. Major Longbow used to be quite un- 
lucky in that way. You can make folks believe a middlin'- 
sized fish story, if you tell it well ; but if you try to back it 
up with a tarnel great cock-and-bull story, they'll go right 
back again and swear they don't believe the fish-story. It's 
dangerous loadin' guns too heavy ; for then there's no know- 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 823 

ing which will get the worst of it — him that stands before 
the muzzle, or him that stands behind the britch. So I hope 
you will try to cool down a little ; for I'm satisfied, since my 
last letter, you are firing away your ammunition too fast. 
And, besides, I don't think it's right for you, at your time 
of life, to be fightin' so hard. Nor I don't think its neces- 
sary nuther ; for things is brightenin' up all over the coun- 
try. Our party is all coming together again, and is going 
to carry all afore 'em. It's true the flocks and herds of 
our party has been dreadfully broke up and scattered about. 
The oxens didn't know their owners, and the sheeps hadn't no 
shepherds, and the Taylor wolves has been prowlin' about the 
country, and carried off" a great many of 'em. But, from what 
I hear all over the country now, I am satisfied they are all 
comin' together again, and on a new platform ; and that plat- 
form is. Mason and Dixon's side of Salt River. Mr. John Van 
Buren is shoo-shooin' all over the Northern States, and drivin' 
of 'em and headin' of 'em all as fast as he can toward Mason 
and Dixon's side of Salt River. Mr. Calhoun, in the Southern 
States, is whistlin' round his springy rattan, making the hair 
and skin fly, and headin' 'em all up toward Mason and Dix- 
on's side of Salt River. And Colonel Beuton is cracking his 
long whip all over the great Western country, and headin' 
'em all across the prayries toward Mason and Dixon's side of 
Salt River. And Gineral Cass stands, you know, where he 
always stood, on Mason and Dixon's side of Salt River, with a 
handful of salt in one hand and a nub of corn in t'other, and 
lookin' all round, and calling of 'em to come to him and he'll 
feed 'em. So, you see, it won't be long before all the scat- 
tered flocks and herds of our party will be got together again. 

So I remain your faithful friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



324 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER LXIV. 



SHOWING THE FOLLY OF THE UNPROFITABLE QUARRELS OF UNCLE SAM's 
SONS, AND THE EFFECT OF A HIGH FENCE ON MASON AND DIXON's 
LINE. 

Mason and Dixon's Side of Salt River, Oct. 25, 1849. 

My D^ar Mr. Ritchie : — To-morrow Uncle Joshua, our dele- 
gate to Congress from Salt River Territory, starts for Wash- 
ington, As I haint writ to you for some time, I thought I 
would send a few lines by him to let you know how matters 
are getting along up here. We are talking pretty sharp about 
forming a State Government, and some are for doing it right 
off, and sending Senators and Representatives to this Con- 
gress. But the majority was in favor of only sending a dele- 
gate now, and waiting to see what Congress will do with the 
other Territories that are sprouting up round ; for, as things 
now look, we couldn't seem to tell whether a State on Mason 
and Dixon's side of the river would be allowed to come in. So 
we called a meeting to choose a delegate, and to fix up the 
instructions for him to follow when he gets there. 

After the meeting come to order, and Colonel Jones was ap- 
pointed cheerman. Uncle Joshua got up and said the common 
practice of choosing a representative or delegate first, and 
then tying his hands afterward with instructions, he didn't 
think was hardly a fair shake. He thought the instructions 
ought to be agreed upon first ; then if the representative had 
a mind to tie his own hands he couldn't blame nobody else for 
it. The meeting seemed to take the idea at once, and agreed 
to go right to work upon the instructions first. 

The cheerman said : *' It was evident from the newspapers, 



OUT OF THE SEXATE. 325 

and the way things looked at Washington, and all over the 
country, that this was agoing to be a hot Congress. There 
was trouble a brewin' about the Wilmot Proviso, and about 
admitting California as a State ; and then that monster, nul- 
lification, that everybody thought that Gineral Jackson had 
killed, years and years ago, wasn't by no means dead yet. He 
seemed to be more alive than ever, and showed ten times as 
many heads now as he did in Old Hickory's time. He was a 
hard animal to handle then, as my worthy friend there on my 
right can testify, for he had a hand in it. fHere the cheer- 
man pointed to me, and made everybody look at me). 

" I say," says he, "if Old Hickory and Major Downing had 
their hands full to master nullification, when he was only a 
young critter, and hadn't but one head, the country may well 
tremble and ask what is to be done with him now that he has 
growed up so large and tuff, and shows so many heads." 

At that Bill Johnson jumped up, as quick as a flash, and says 
he, " HI tell you what, Mr. Cheerman, jest send old Rough and 
Ready arter him, and I'll resk him if he had twenty heads. If 
he wouldn't scatter and run as fast as Santa Anna did at Bony 
Vista, I'll pay the toddy." 

" Well," said the cheerman, " that an't the question before 
the meeting. The question is, what instructions shall we 
give our delegate about the Wilmot Proviso, and the State of 
California, and nullification, and such like troublesome con- 
sarns. Gentlemen will please to speak their minds on the 
subject." 

When Colonel Jones set down, the whole meeting turned 
and looked toward Uncle Joshua ; for they think he knows 
more about these matters than anybody else in the Territory ; 
and, besides, he's a considerable speaker when you once get 
him started. They kept looking and nodding to him, and at 
last Uncle Joshua got up. 



326 MY THIRTY YEARS 

" Mr. Cheerman," says Uncle Joshua, says he, " If you know- 
jest how things work in one case, you can pretty commonly 
tell pretty near how them same things will work in another 
case ; for IVe always obsarved in my lifetime, that when 
things worked jest so in one case, them same things would 
most always work jest so in another case. Now, when I was 
a boy I knew a case a good deal like this 'ere case you've 
been speakin' about. And if I should tell you and this meet- 
ing how things worked out in that case, may be you could 
judge better how things will work in this 'ere case, and then 
you can instruct your delegate accordingly. The case, Mr. 
Cheerman, was this : 

" Old Mr. Sam West, a very clever, respectable old gentle- 
man — everybody used to call him Uncle Sam — he was a very 
stirrin', thrivin' man, and a good farmer ; he owned a very 
large farm, and picked up a good deal of property. His oldest 
son, Jonathan, lived on the northern half of the farm ; and his 
other son, John, lived on the southern half ; and they both of 
'em had large families growing up around, 'em before the old 
gentleman died. One day, sometime before he died, he spoke 
to his two sons, and said : ' Boys, I can't be with you much 
longer. I shall leave the farm and all the property to you and 
your children. The farm is under a good way now, and there's 
a plenty of land for you and your children, and your grand- 
children, and great-grandchildren ; and I charge you to always 
keep the families together on the farm, and live in peace, and 
help each other along. There's no knowing what sort of 
neighbors you may get round you ; therefore, cling together 
and take care of each other.' The sons promised that they 
would mind him, and wrote it down in a book, and showed it 
to the old gentleman, who said he was satisfied, and could die 
in peace. 

"Well, after the old gentleman was dead and gone, the 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



32' 



sons continued to thrive, and prosper, and grow rich. Their 
large families had enough to eat, drink and wear, and a plen- 
ty of fat turkeys for Thanksgivin' and Christmas dinners, and 
everything they wanted. The two brothers carried on the 
farm, as brothers should do, in peace and harmony, and helped 
each other along. What one didn't raise, t'other did, and be- 
tween 'em they always had enough of everything. There was 
only one thing that they ever had any jarring about, and that 
was thislks. John's half of the farm was covered all over with 
thistles. And from some cause or other, John had a strange 
fancy for thistles, and would never allow 'em to be dug up or 
rooted out of his half of the farm. But Jonathan hated the 
very idea of a thistle ; he couldn't bear 'em no how. There 
used to be some on his part of the farm when it was new, but 
he kept mowing of 'em down, and diggin' of 'em up, and 
rootin' of 'em out, till there wasn't one left. Jonathan used to 
talk to John, and try to get him to do the same. He told him 
it was a disgrace to a farm to have thistles on it. But John 
declared they was the glory of a farm, and no farm could be 
perfect without thistles. Jonathan said that besides scratch- 
ing and hurting everybody that come near 'em, they would run 
the land all out, so that it wouldn't produce nothing ; and if 
John kept all them thistles on his farm, he would die a poor 
man at last. John said he wasn't afraid of that ; his land 
was rich enough to produce all he wanted with the thistles on 
it ; and he was sure they gave a higher character and dignity 
to his family, for they was a sign to everybody that passed 
along the road that the family lived on a good rich farm, that 
supported 'em without their having to work for it. Things went 
along in this way for some time. John's children all grew up 
to be very fond of thistles, and Jonathan's all hated thistles ; 
and if the cousins ever had any sparring or quarreling, it was 
most always about thistles. 



328 MY THIRTY YEARS 

" At last a squabble broke out between some of John's 
family and the family of the Silverbuckles. The Silverbuckle 
family lived on a very large, rich old farm, lying south-west 
of John's. But as the land where they jined hadn't been 
cleared up, and the line hadn't been fairly run out, and no 
marks set up, the boys on each side got into a dispute about 
the line. The Silverbuckles said the Sams were getting on to 
tlieir land. (They called 'em all Sams, because they were the 
descendents of old Uncle Sam.) So a whole gang of the 
Silverbuckles went down and ordered the Sams off, and told 
'em to keep on their own land. The Sams said they was on 
their own land, and they wouldn't stir an inch back. The 
quarrel grew so hot that they soon come to blows. John 
heard the rumpus, and seeing that his boys were in great 
danger of getting an awful lickin', he called to Jonathan to 
send over his boys to help lick the Silverbuckles. 

" ' Well, now, brother,' said Jonathan, ' I think your boy? 
have been very foolish to get into this scrape, and I guess 
they've been more to blame than the Silverbuckles. But still, 
as you've got into the difficulty, we'll take hold and help you 
out of it.' 

" So Jonathan called his boys out, and they went over to 
help John's ; and all the Sams went at the Silverbuckles and 
licked 'em like a sack. They drove 'em back and followed 
'em half way over the Silverbuckle farm, thrashing of 'em 
from house to house, and from field to field, wherever they 
met them. At last the Silverbuckles give up, and owned 
themselves licked, and begged the Sams to quit and go home. 

" Well, the Sams said they was ready enough to do that, 
but they warn't agoing to have all this trouble for nothin' : 
and they should demand the gold-apple field to pay them fov 
their trouble. This was a very valuable field on the north- 
west end of the Silverbuckle farm, and took its name from an 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 329 

orchard on it that bore very rich gold-colored apples. Them 
Siverbuckles sot very high by this field, and declared they 
couldn't part with it no how. But the Sams said they must 
have it, and they wouldn't stir an inch home till they had a 
deed of it. The Silverbuckles said they wouldn't give a deed. 
They acknowledged the Sams was the strongest, and could 
take it by force, if they'd a mind to. 

" ' Oh/ the Sams said, * we an't no robbers, to take a thing 
by force. We calculate to make a fair bargain of it.' 

" The Silverbuckles said no, they wouldn't give a deed. 

" 'Well, then,' said the Sams, *3'0u may take your choice — 
give the deed or take another lickin' all round.' 

" The Silverbuckles, with bung'd eyes and bloody noses, 
felt as if tliey couldn't stand another lickin' no how, so they 
give up and signed the deed voluntarily. 

" So the hot quarrel between the Sams and the Silver- 
buckles was ended ; gold apple-field became the lawful prop- 
erty of the Sams, who pocketed the deeds, shook hands with 
the Silverbuckles, agreed to be good friends, and bid them 
good-by. The poor Silverbuckles, glad to get rid of the 
Saras, went to work to heal up their wounds and bruises, and 
repair the damages done to their farm. 

" The Sams went home in high glee about their gold-apple 

field, and sot down and talked the matter over ; what a fine 

addition it was to the old farm, and what pleasant garden 

spots it would make for their children and children's children 

to live on. And some of Jonathan's boys, who were always 

wide awake, started right off" over to the field, and went to 

diggin' on it. And when they come home, they brought bags 

full of rich gold-colored apples. And when some of John's 

boys begun to stir round, and talk about going over to dig 

and build on the apple field, Jonathan said to John — 

" ' Now, brother, I'm entirely willing your boys should go 
14* 



330 MY THIRTY YEARS 

over on to the apple field, and dig as much as they are a mind 
to, and build, and plant, and sow, and reap ; but before they 
go, there is one thing that we must have a fair understand- 
ing about — and that is, they can't never have no thistles 
there, for I've made up my mind that there shan't never be no 
thistles allowed to grow on gold-apple field.' 

" At that, John flared right up, and said he never would 
stand that ; for gold-apple field belonged to him as much as 
it did to Jonathan, and his boys had as good a right to 
dig there, and build there, as Jonathan's boys had ; and if 
his boys chose to have thistles there, they had a right to have 
thistles there, and they should have thistles there. Jonathan 
declared again he had made up his mind * that there shan't 
never be no thistles allowed to grow on gold-apple field.' 

" While they were disputing about it, one of Jonathan's 
boys, that had been over on the field a good deal, and knew 
all about it, come along, and, hearing the dispute, said : 

" * Father, there needn't be no trouble about that, for this- 
tles can't never grow there ; it an't the right kind of land for 
thistles, and you couldn't never make a thistle grow there.' 

" ' So much the better,' said Jonathan, * and I'm deter- 
mined the whole world shall know there an't no thistles there, 
and shan't never be any there ; and I'll write it in large let- 
ters on a board, and set it up on a post by the side of the 
road where everybody goes along ; and tJie writing shall be, 
There shanH never he no thistles allowed to grow on gold-apple field.'' 

" ' Well, then,' says John, ' I'll tell you what 'tis, brother, 
if it is the last words I have to speak, if you do that thing 
I'll split the farm right in tu, and build up a high fence be- 
tween us, and I'll never have anything more to do with you.' 

" ' I can't help that,' said Jonathan ; my mind is made up, 
and the world shall know that there shan't never be no this- 
tles allowed to grow on gold-apple field.' 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



331 



'* And while their "blood was up, Jonathan went to work 
and put up his sign-board, all writ out in large letters. At 
that, John turned as red as lire, and called his boys and went 
to work and run a great high fence across the farm, between 




" GOOD-BY, JONATHAN, I'VE DONE WITH YOU FOREVER/ 

liim and Jonathan, so that they had to get up on a ladder to 
look over it. And when 'twas done, John went up on the 
ladder and looked over, and called out as loud as he could 
call, 'Good-by, Jonathan, I've done with you forever.' 



332 MY THIRTY YEARS 

" ' I can't help that,' said Jonathan, ' there shan't never be 
no thistles allowed to grow on gold-apple field.' 

"After this the families lived entirely separate, and got along 
the best way they could, but with much less comfort than 
they used to have. Some things that Jonathan raised he had 
as much agin as he knew what to do with, and it rotted on 
the ground. And some other things that he didn't raise, and 
wanted very much, was rotting on John's ground. And jest 
so 'twas with John on t'other side of the fence. Things went 
on in this way a few years, and they didn't know much about 
how each other got along. At last one day Jonathan heard 
John up top of the ladder, calling out most bitterly, * Brother 
Jonathan, brother Jonathan, do come ; the Silverbuckles are 
here, lickin' my boys half to death, thrashin' of 'em with this- 
tles, and scratchin' their eyes out. Do come, and bring your 
boys over, and help drive 'em away.' 

" ' But you've done with us forever,' said Jonathan ; ' and 
besides, it's too much of a job to get over that fence. I don't 
see but you'll have to fight ^'■our battles out the best way you 
can Remember, I always told you that you better weed out 
them thistles. If you had followed my advice they wouldn't 
now be scratchin' your boys' eyes out ; but, instead of that, 
your boys might now be over along with my boys diggin' in 
gold-apple field.' 

" * Gold-apple field be hanged !' said John. ' I wish I never 
had heard of it, and then this fence wouldn't a been here to 
prevent your coming over to help us.' 

" The upshot of the matter was, that John's boys all got a 
dreadful lickin', which they didn't get over for a long time, 
and the Silverbuckles carried off as much plunder as they had 
a mind to, and made John give 'em a deed of a strip of his 
land. 

'* Some time after this, while Jonathan's boys were busy dig- 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 333 

gin' on gold apple-field, the Silverbuckles, who had always been 
wrathy about that field, agreed with the Goldthread family, 
who lived south of 'em, and with the families of the Boheas 
and the Shushons, who lived over t'other side of the pond, to 
go together and give Jonathan's boys a lickin' and rob the 
orchards. So down they went, in whole flocks and swarms, 
and the first thing Jonathan's boys knew they were having it, 
rough and tumble, and were getting the worst of it. Jonathan 
heard the outcry, and run puffing and sweating down to the 
high fence, and looked through a crack, and called out to John, 
* Brother John, brother John, the Silverbuckles, and the Gold- 
threads, and the Boheas, and the Shushons are swarming over 
on gold-apple field, and fell afoul of my boys, and I'm afraid 
they'll half kill 'em. Do jest send your boys over to help drive 
'em away.' 

"John put his finger up to the side of his nose, and 
says he : 

" ' Brother Jonathan, I'll tell you what 'tis, my boys are out 
of the scrape now, and I reckon they better keep out of it. 
And, besides, they've had one all-fired tiirashin' lately, and I 
reckon that's their part.' 

" The upshot of the matter this time was, that Jonathan's 
boys got an awful drubbin', and had their orchards all robbed, 
and the Silverbuckles, and the Goldthreads, and the Boheas, 
and the Shushons went off with the plunder. 

"Not long after this, Jonathan was walking one day along 
by the high fence, thinkin' and ruminatin', and he thought ho 
would look through the crack and speak to John. And, as he 
put his face to the crack, John was that minute putting his 
face to it to speak to Jonathan, and their noses almost hit each 
other. 

" ' Hullo,' said John, * is that you, brother Jonathan ? How 
do you all do to-day ? I should like to shake hands with you^ 



334 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



but I can't get ray hand through this crack, so you must take 
the will for the deed.' 

'"Well, it seems to be a pity/ said Jonathau, Hhat this 
fence should stop our shaking hands. Don't you think it 




PEEPING THROUGH THE FENCE ON MASON AND DIXON's LINE. 

would be as well if it was out of the way, and we should 
agree to be friends again, and help each other along as we 
used to?' 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 335 

" ' That's jest what I've been thinkin' of/ said John. 

" * I guess we should be better off/ said Jonathan. 

'""I reckon we should/ said John. 

" The upshot of the matter was, the next day the boys on 
both sides were at work tearing down the high fence. 

"And now, Mr. Cheerrnan," said Uncle Joshua, lowering his 
voice, "seeing how things did work in one case, and, judging 
from that, how they would work in another case, I move that 
our delegate to Congress shall be instructed — 

" Firstly, to vote against Jonathan's putting up the sign- 
board. But, if it is put up, 

" Secondly, to vote against John's putting up the high 
fence. But, if the fence is put up, 

" Thirdly, to vote for pulling it down again as quick as pos- 
sible, without waiting for both sides to get a lickin' first." 

Here Bill Johnson jumped up, and slapped his hand down on 
the bench so hard that it made the house ring again, and says 
he : "I second that motion, Mr. Cheerman ; and I move that 
Uncle Joshua Downing shall be our delegate to Congress." 

No sooner said than done ; the instructions and the dele- 
gate was all carried to once by a unanimous vote. 
So I remain your old friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LXV. 

THE major's plan FOR CONSOLIDATING TWENTY PARTIES INTO TWO. 

DowNiNGviLLE, State of Maine, Nov. 10, 1851. 

Mr. Gales and Seaton — 

My Dear Old Friends : — If you are yet in the land of the 
livin', I long to have a little talk with you about the affairs of 
the nation. And if you an't in the land of the livin', but have 



336 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



dropped off since I've been away in the gold diggings of Cali- 
forny, if you'll contrive to let me know it I'll go to one of the 
" sperrit rappers " (Cousin Nabby knows one of 'em), and try 
to have a chat with you that way. And my old friend Mr. 
Ritchie, too, I want to have a chat along with him. ■ But I 
don't know where to find him, for Uncle Joshua tells me he 
isn't in the Washington Union paper now, and they've "car- 
ried him back to old Virginny." Now, that's very bad ; it's 
treason agin the Government. How can the country get along 
through a Presidential campaign without Mr. Ritchie ? They 
never have done it, and it can't be done ; it's impossible. I 
don't know who they've got in his place in the Union, nor I 
don't care ; but I know they never will find one that can fight 
agin the Federalists like Mr. Ritchie. How many times he 
saved the country from bein' eat up by the Federalists ; and, 
what's very remarkable, he could fight agin 'em forjjears and 
years after they was all dead jest as well as he could when 
they was alive. There's to be a great battle for the next 
President, and we can't get along without Mr. Ritchie. Ho 
ought not to a gone off so ; he owed his services to the coun- 
try, and he ought to be ketched and brought back to Washing- 
ton under the "Fugitive Slave Law." That law is carried out 
everywhere to the North, and they expect it to be carried 
out to the South. What is sass for the goose is sass for the 
gander. If the South wants to keep the North in the Union, 
she must give some good strong proof that she is willing to 
fulfill and carry out the Fugitive Slave Law, And she couldn't 
do it any better than to ketch Mr. Ritchie and carry him back 
to Washington, and shet him up in the Union paper office, and 
tie him down to the editorial chair, and put a ream of paper 
before him, and a pen in his hand, and set him to writing 
about the next Presidency. Then the dark fog which hangs 
over the whole countr^^ would begin to be blowed away, and 



OUT OF THE SENAT7.. 337 

parties could begin to see where they are again ; and the 
knots and the snarls of politics would begin to be unraveled, 
so that we could all tell where to take hold and pull with a 
fair chance of doing some good. Then we might stand a good 
chance to get a President next year. But as things now go, 
the chance looks slim enough. 

Times isn't now as they used to bo, when we hadn't only 
two parties, and everybody could tell who he was fightin' 
aginst. Then a single blast from Major Ben Kusscl, in the 
old Boston Centinel, would call out all the Federalists in the 
the country, and make 'em draw up in a straight line ; and 
then another blast from Mr. Ritchie, in the Richmond Enquirer, 
would call out all the Republicans into another line ; and 
when these two parties were called out, there wasn't nobody 
left but women and children, and then the two parties had a 
clear field before 'em, and marched up face to face and had a 
fair fight, and they always knew which got whipped. But 
things isn't so now-a-days. There's more parties now than 
you can shake a stick at. And they face in all manner of 
ways, so that when you are fightin' for one party, it would 
puzzle a Philadelphy lawyer to tell what party you are fightin' 
aginst, or to tell who is whipped when the battle's over. I 
didn't know things was in quite so bad a snarl till I got 
home 'tother day from Californy, and sot down and had a long 
talk with Uncle Joshua, who told me all about it. Uncle 
Joshua is getting old, but he holds his age remarkably well— 
I think full equal to Mr. Ritchie, and I don't see but he keeps 
the run of politics as well as he used to. 

Says I : " Uncle Joshua, what's the prospect about the 
Presidency ?" 

" Well," says he, "Major"— he always calls me Major- 
says he, " Major, there an't no prospect at all " 

" How so," says I ; " how can you make that out ?" 



338 MY THIRTY YEARS 

"Well," says he, "there's so many parties now, and they 
are all so mixed up, higgledy-piggledy, that you can't see 
through 'em with the longest spy-glass that ever was made." 

" Well, now. Uncle Joshua," says I, "jest name over all 
these parties, so I can begin to have some idea of them." 

" Well," says he, " We'll begin first south side of Mason and 
Dickson's line. There's the old Whig party, and the old Dem- 
ocratic party, and the party of Union Whigs, and the party of 
Secession Whigs, and the party of Union Democrats, and the 
party of Secession Democrats, and the party of absolute, 
unqualified Secessionists, and the party of Co-operation 
Secessionists. And then, if we come to the north side of 
Mason and Dixon's line, we find the regular Whig party, 
and the regular Democratic party, and the Union Whigs, 
and the Abolition Whigs, and the Union Democrats, and the 
Abolition Democrats, and the Silver Gray Whigs, and the 
Woolyhead Whigs, and the Hunker Democrats, and the Barn- 
burner Democrats, and the Seward party, and the Union Safety 
Committee party, and the regular Free-Soil party, and the 
regular Vote-Yourself-a-Farm party." 

Here Uncle Joshua paused a little, and Aunt Keziah laid 
down her nittin'-work, and looked over her spectacles ; and 
says she to me, " Your Uncle Joshua must have a wonderful 
memory to keep all them hard names in his head ; for my 
part, I don't see how he does it." 

Then Cousin Nabby she clapped her hands and laughed, 
and says she, " Now, Jack, which party do you belong to ?" 

Says I, " I'll be hanged if I know. If the old Gineral was 
alive — I mean Old Hickory — I'd go with his party, let it be 
which 'twould ; for then I should know I was going for the 
country. The old Gineral was always ready to fight for the 
country against bank monsters, and nullification monsters, 
and all sorts of monsters." 



OUT OF THE SEXATE. 



339 



" Well, now," says Uncle Joshua, " how do you suppose we 
are going to work to make a President, with all these parties 
in the field, fightin' cross-handed, and every which way ?" 

" Tm sure I can't see," says I, " unless we can get up a 
party that will surround the whole of 'em, as the Irish cor- 
poral surrounded the half a dozen prisoners." 

" What do you think of Mr. Calhoun's plan," said Uncle 




AUNT KEZTAH ASTONISHED AT UNCLE JOSHUA^S MEMORY. 

Joshua, " that's laid down in his works, just published ? " 
" What's that ?" says I ; "I don't think I've heard of it." 
" Well," says he, " he recommends to choose tioo Presidents, 
one for the North and one for the South — each side of Mason 
and Dixon's line ; and no law of Congress to become a law till 
it is signed by both Presidents. How think you it will work ? " 



340 MY THIRTY YEARS 

"Well, I guess," says I, "if the country depended upon 
laws to live on, it would starve to death as sure as the ass 
between the two bundles of hay." 

At that. Cousin Nabby spoke up, and says she, " More like, 
the country would be like a bundle of hay between two asses, 
and would get eat up pretty quick." 

Uncle Joshua couldn't help smiling, but he looked as sober 
as he could, and says he, " Come, come, Nabby, you hush up ; 
what do you know about politics ? " 

" "Well, now," says I, " let us look at this plan of Mr. Cal- 
houn's a little, and see what it amounts to. His notion was, 
that two parties, one north and one south of Mason and Dix- 
on's line, under one President, could never agree, but would 
always be quarrelin', and fightin', and crowdin' ; but if each 
party would choose a President, then they would get along 
smooth and quiet, and live as peaceable as lambs. Now, if 
the doctrine is good for two parties, it is good for twenty. 
So, if Mr. Calhoun was right, the best way would be to let the 
twenty parties that are now quarreling like cats and dogs, 
go to work, and each choose a President for itself. Then 
what a happy, peaceable time we should have of it." 

" Well, you've fairly run it into the ground now," says 
Uncle Joshua, " and I guess we may as well let it stick there. 
Pm more troubled about electing one President than I am 
two, or twenty ; and I should like to get your idea how it 
can be done. I know General Jackson used to think a great 
deal of your opinion, and may be you can contrive some plan 
to get us out of this hurly-burly that we are in, so that we 
can make a President next year, when the time comes round." 
" Well," says I, " Uncle Joshua, according to what you say 
about the parties now-a-days, all split up into flinders, and 
cross-grained every way, I don't think there's much chance 
for any of 'em to elect a President, especially if Mr. Ptitchie 



OUT OF TUE SENATE. 341 

don't help. But for all that, I think the thing can be done, 
and I think there's two ways of doing it. One way is, to get 
a new party that shall surround all the other parties — I mean 
a real constitutional party, an out and out national party, a 
party that will stand up to the rack, fodder or no fodder — 
and go for the Union, the whole Union, and nothing but the 
Union, live or die. This party would have to be made up out 
of the twenty parties you have named, so I guess we might 
as well call it the party of * Natio^ial ComeoutersJ T'other 
way would be, to get up a sort of revolution-annexation 
manifest-destiny-glory party, and have a great banner paint- 
ed, with Cuba on one end, and Canada on t'other, and what 
there is left of Mexico in the middle ; and get up a great 
torch-light procession from one end of the country to t'other, 
and hire Kossuth to make stump speeches for our candi- 
date through all the States. If w^e didn't elect him, I'd go 
into retiracy, and settle on the banks of Salt River for life." 

" Well, Major," says Uncle Joshua, '' I think a good deal 
of your notions, and I wish you would draw up some plan for 
us to go by, for it's high time we was doing something." 

So, Mr. Gales & Seaton, I remain your old friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LXVI. 

THE MAJOR AND UNCLE JOSHUA AGREE ON A NEW POLITICAL PLATFORM. 

DowNixNGviLLE, State of Maine, Nov. 24, 1851. 
Mr. Gales & Seatox : — Sii\ce my letter to you, two or three 
weeks ago, I've had another long talk with Uncle Joshua 
about the rickety consarn of our politics all over the country, 
and about contrivin' a new platform to stand on. Uncle 
Joshua takes hold of the bubiness like an old apostle of lib- 



342 MY THIRTY YEARS 

erty. He says something must be done, or we are a g-one- 
goose people ; we can't never get along in this way, split up 
into twenty parties, and every one fightin' agin all the rest. 
When we didn't use to have but two parties, he says, one or 
t'other most always stood a chance to beat, and they that 
wasn't beat could take command of the ship, and trim the 
sails as they thought best, and man the helm, and keep her 
movin' on the voyage. But now it's one agin nineteen every- 
where, all over the country ; and if the good old ship don't get 
ashore in the squabble, or run on the rocks somewhere, it 
must be a miracle that'll save her." 

*' Ye see, Major," says Uncle Joshua, " we must 'malgamate 
these twenty parties into two parties agin, somehow or other. 
I can't exactly see yet how to do it ; but the thing must be 
done, or I say it's gone goose with us. All parties always 
run out after awhile, and have to begin anew. It can't be 
helped — it's the nater of the thing. All strops will run out if 
you keep 'em too long in the same field ; and when 3'ou find 
the land don't bear hardly nothin' but weeds, it's the best way 
to change the crop at once. It was so with the first two 
old parties — the Federalists and Republicans ; they had some- 
thing to fight about and keep 'em alive for some years. One 
was afraid the Federal Government wasn't strong enough to 
get along well, and t'other was afraid it was too strong. 
And so they fit that battle out, year after year, till at last 
they got used to the working of the Government, and found 
it didn't want any tinkerin' either way. And so they left off 
fightin', except a little once in a while, for the fun of it ; and 
the two parties begun to be social like, and to talk together 
across from one rank to t'other, and wasn't afraid to come up 
so near as to reach a chaw of tobacco across to one another 
at the pint of the baganut. At last, they got kind of mixed 
up like, and some went one side, and some t'other, and forgot 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 343 

which side they belonged to. And so when Mr. Monroe come 
and looked round to see how his ranks stood, his first words 
w as, ' Why, fad, what Jefferson once said — we are all Federal- 
ists, we are all Repuhlkans — has come to pass/ And here the 
first two old parties died out, and new ones sprouted up and 
took their places." 

Here Uncle Joshua got up and went to the fire, and knocked 
the ashes out of his pipe, and put in a little more tobacco, and 
sot down agin. 

" Well, now, Major," says he, " it's been jest so with the 
last two great parties, the Whigs and Democrats. As long 
as they had anything to fight about, they could keep their 
ranks straight, and tell who was who ; and they did do it for 
a good many years. One wanted a great national bank, and 
t'other didn't ; one wanted a very high tariff, and t'other 
didn't ; one wanted to drive ahead, like all possessed, with 
making roads and canals, and the like, and t'other didn't want 
to go a step that way. And so they drew the lines, and fit it 
out. How long and how hard they fit I needn't tell you, 
Major ; for you and Gineral Jackson had a band in it, and 
know all about it. Well, arter awhile, both parties found out 
they could do as well without a great national bank as they 
could with one. So they dropped that quarrel. Then some 
of them that wanted a very high tariff begun to think they 
had pitched it rather too high, and were willing to take one 
considerable lower. And some of them that wanted a very 
low tariff begun to think, and to feel, too, that they had 
pitched it too low, and begg-ed for one considerable higher. 
So the jig was up about any more figtin' on that score. Well, 
as for roads and canals, everybody found at last that them 
sort of things would go ahead anyhow, party or no party, and 
it was no sort of use to fight agin 'em. So here was the end 
on't. The old parties have had their day ; and I tell you, 



344 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Major, they are both as dead as herrins — they've died a na- 
tural death." 

" Why, Uncle Joshua," saj^s I, " it seems to me you are 
getting wild. Do you say the old parties are dead ? Why, 
an't Whigs and Democrats in everybody's mouth from morn- 
ing till night ? Haven't we got Whig papers and Democrat 
papers from one end of the country to t'other ? Don't we every 
day hear of Whig meetings and Democrat meetings in all 
the States ? Haven't Mr. Donaldson and Green got all things 
cut and dried for a Democrat Baltimore Convention, to 
nominate a President ? And an't the Whig papers all the 
time talking about a National Convention, to nominate a 
President on their side ? Then how can you say the Whig 
and Democrat parties are dead ? " 

Here Uncle Joshua laid his pipe down, and I see he was in 
arnest ; and Aunt Keziah laid her nittin'-work down, for she 
see he was in arnest, too. And Uncle Joshua turned round 
to me, and says he, " I tell you the old Whig and Democrat 
parties are as dead as two old stumps. Their names may be 
alive yet, and some folks may think for a good while to come 
that they are fightin' agin the Whig party, or agin the Demo- 
crat party, jest as Mr. Ritchie thought he was fightin' agin 
the old Federal party for more than twenty years after they 
was all dead. But what signifies the names when the life is 
gone ? The two parties can't never be straitened out into a 
line agin, and fight each other as they used to. Folks may 
keep mumbling the names over, but the Whig and Democrat 
parties are dead and gone, and dried up, and about twenty 
parties have sprouted up to take their places. This is the 
reason why some Whig States, now-a-days, choose Democrats 
for Governors, and some Democrats choose Whigs for Gover- 
nors, and why some Wliig papers take sides with Democrats, 
and some Democrat papers take sides with Whigs. It's all 



OUT OF THE sp:nate. 345 

notliin' else but jest the crowdin' of these twenty young 
sproutin' parties to see which shall get the most ashes out of 
the two old stumps, to spread round their own roots to make 
'em grow and overtop the rest. 

" Now, suppose some folks," says he, " thinkin' the Whigs 
and Democrat parties was alive yet, should go ahead and call 
the national conventions as they used to, and should let no- 
body in buc jest the two old parties, and nominate their 
Presidents. Each party would then have jest about nineteen 
parties fightin' agin 'em, and nobody would stand any chance 
to choose a President. There would be the Union Whigs, and 
the Abolition Whigs, and the Union Democrats, and the Abo- 
lition Democrats, and the Silver Gray Whigs, and the Wooly- 
head Whigs, and the Hunker Democrats, and the Barnburner 
Democrats, and the Seward party, and the Union Safety Com- 
mittee party, and the old Abolition party, and the regular 
Free-Sile party, and the regular Vote-Yourself-a-Farm party, 
and the old Secession party, and the Co-operation Secession- 
ists, and the Out-and-out unqualified Go-alone Secessionists, 
all in the field, and every one fightin' on their own hook. If 
anybody can tell where a ship is likely to go to when the 
crew is in mutiny and nobody at the helm, they can guess 
where we shall be likely to go to if things go on in this way." 

" Well," says I, " Uncle Joshua, accordin' to your account, 
I think we are in a pickle." 

" That's what we be," says he ; " and there's nothing will 

get us out, of it but to go back to the old fashion of two 

parties again. These twenty parties must be 'malgamated 

down into two parties, and we must begin anew, get on to a 

new platform, and go ahead. But how it's to be done, puzzles 

me and worries me a good deal. I wish, Major, j'ou would 

set your wits to work, and see if you can't contrive some 

plan." 

15 



346 MY THIRTY YEARS 

" Well, Uncle Joshua," says I, " I never got so fur into the 
woods yet but what I found the way out again ; and I don't 
see any difficulty here. It seems to me the road out is jest as 
plain as the road to mill." 

At that, Uncle Joshua gin me a slap on the shoulder that 
e'n a'most fetched me over, and says he, " Major, tliat makes 
me feel as if a flash of lightning went through me. If any- 
body else had said it, I should say 'twas all humbug ; but if 
you say it, I believe it. Now, in the name of Old Hickory, 
du go to work and show us the way out of the woods." 

" Well," says I, "Uncle, I don't think we can Amalgamate 
the twenty parties down into two, but I think we can sijt hm 
out into two parties, and make clean, square work of it. In 
the first place, we must get a principle to fight about, for you've 
jest proved that that's the whole life of parties, and the greater 
the principle is, the straighter will the parties draw the 
lines, and the harder they'll fight. Now, let us go right to 
work and hew out a new platform, that shall reach clear from 
Maine to t'other end of Texas, and from New York to Cali- 
forny, and run up our flag on it, with letters large enough for 
all to read — 

* THE UNION AND THE CONSTITUTION, NOW AND FOREVER.' 

" Then we'll call out to the twenty parties and say : * Here, 
look up there ; that's our flag, and them's our sentiments. 
Now, all of ye that an't got tired of them things, and don't 
want to see 'era all upset and smashed to pieces, and sunk to 
the bottom of the sea, jest come out of your twenty quarreling 
parties, and get up onto this platform and fight for the Union 
and the Constitution.' 

" I tell you what 'tis, Uncle Joshua, there's always a major- 
ity in every ship that had rather get safe through the voyage 
than to be upset and go to the bottom. And I an't a bit afraid 



OUT OF THE SENATE 



34T 



but what there would soon bo a party of Come-outers on that 
platform that would be big enough to take care of the ship. 

" It might not be big enough to go over to Europe and whip 
all Russia, but I'll wager my head it would be big enough to 
keep Russia from coming over here and whipping us. Now, 
what do you think of my plan, Uncle Joshua ! Don't you 
think it'll work ?" 




THE DOWNINGVILLE POLITICAL PLATFORM. 



* Well, I don't doubt but that would be a good way to get 
up one party," says Uncle Joshua ; " but I don't see how that 
would get us out of the difficulty after all ; for there would 
still be as many parties left as there is now. It would still 
have to be one agin nineteen ; and I'm afraid your Come-outer 



348 MY THIRTY YEARS 

party would have hard work to get a President if they had to 
tight agin the nineteen or twenty quarreling parties. I can't 
see much chance to do anything unless we can come down to 
two parties as we used to." 

" Well, that is jest what I've done," says I ; *' I have come 
down to two parties." 

" How do you make that out ?" says Uncle Joshua, opening 
his eyes about half an inch wider. " When you had got some 
out of all the twenty parties to make up your Come-outer par- 
ty, wouldn't there still be twenty parties left ?" 

" No," says I, " Uncle Joshua, there wouldn't be but one 
party left." 

" How do you make that out ?" says he ; " I've cyphered as 
fur as the rule of three, but that sum beats me. You say, sub- 
stract one from twenty and oiie remains. Now, the way I al- 
ways used to do the sum was, one from twenty leaves nineteenP 

" No," says I, " Uncle Joshua, that an't right. One from 
twenty leaves one. There wouldn't be but one party left." 

"Well, what party would that be?" says Uncle Joshua, 
with his eyes and mouth both pretty well open. 

'' Well," says I, *' Uncle Joshua, it would be the regidar Filli- 
hiixter party ; for, when all that are willing to stand up for the 
Union and the Constitution had come out from the twenty 
parties, you may depend on't that all thai was left would be 
Jillihusiers. Then it would be the ' National Come-outers ' on one 
side, and the ' Fillibusters ' on t'other ; and if one or t'other 
wouldn't get licked I'm mistaken " 

At that Uncle Joshua hopped up like a boy and ketched hold 
of my hand, and says he, " Major, you've hit it ; that's the 
road ; go ahead. I see now there's a good chance to have two 
parties agin, and a fair scratch for President ; and, old as I 
be, I'm in for another campaign." 

Here Sargent Joel, who had been setting in the room all 



OUT OF THE SEXATE. 349 

the time, and hadn't said a word, straightened himself up, and 
smit his fists together, and says he, " Hoorah for Gineral 
Jackson 1" 

" Well, now," says Uncle Joshua, " set right down, Major, 
and write to Mr. Gales and Seaton, and to Mr. Ritchie tu, and 
ask them what tliey think of it. If they'll set it agoing down 
South we'll set it agoing away down East, and have the plat- 
form right up." 

So, hoping to hear from you soon, I remain your old friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LXVII. 

MAJOR DOWNING's LETTER OF FRIENDSHIP AND ENCOURAGEMENT TO 
GOVERNOR KOSSUTH, OF HUNGARY, SOON AFTER HIS ARRIVAL IN NEW 
YORK. 



DowNiNGviLLE, Away Down East 
In the State of Maine, December 22 



St, ) 

, 1851.) 



Dear Governor : — I hope you won't feel slighted because I 
haint writ to you afore. The truth is, I haven't had no time. 
I've been so busy for about a month past, I couldn't get time 
to write no how. Uncle Joshua and I have been hard to work 
all the time, day and night, reading your speeches and the 
duins of the meetins in New York and England. We begun 
a week or two before you got to York, and have been at it 
ever since. We commonly get up and go at it before break- 
fast, and take turns reading, and keep it up till bed time — 
that is, till nine o'clock in the evenin' ; for that's tlie time we 
Downingville folks go to bed. So I hope you won't feel slighted 
because I haven't found time to write to you afore now, and I 
hope you haven't felt lonesome since you've been in York. I 
see you are on the way to Philadelphy, and Baltimore, and 



350 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Washington ; and if you should feel lonesome in them places, 
jest turn about and come down here to Downingville, and 
we'll try to cheer you up and make you feel at home. I say 
this because I have took a great liking to you, and I always 
mean what I say, I've took a greater liking to you than any- 
body else since I lost my dear old friend, Gineral Jackson. 
May be it is because you are so much like him. Fact, in some 
things it seems to me you are jest like him. Old Hickory was 
the man what "took the responsibility" when he wanted to 
do anything, and I see you are jest so — you an't afraid to 
take the responsibility ; and, what's better still, you are 
trying to encourage other folks to take the responsibility tu. 
Old Hickory was a great hand to make principles, and then 
fight 'em through. And there, agin, I think you are a good 
deal like him. And, by the way, I begin to feel quite a 
liking for President Bonaparte, of France ; for I see he's took 
the responsibility at last, and been makin' principles, and 
fightin' of 'em through. Tliere's some smart folks in the 
world yet ; and it's well there is, for it's pretty likely there'll 
be a use for 'em before another year is out. And then another 
thing which makes me think you are so much like Old Hickory 
is the hoorahs. Why, it seems to me I can hear 'em all the 
way from York to Downingville ; and it carries me right back 
to old times, when the whole country was ringing with 
" Hoorah for Jackson." 

I think, dear Governor, you better stop here till next suai- 
mer, and not go back to Hungary. We shall have to make a 
new President next summer, and you might get in to be 
President jest as easy as a cat could lick her ear ; and a 
President, you know, is higher than Governor. Hadn't you 
better take it ? I know you can get it if you'll only say the 
word. Our parties in this country have been so broke to 
pieces, and mixed up lately, that nobody could tell who to 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 351 

pitch upon for President ; and we've been a good deal worried 
for fear we shouldn't make out to choose any President at all 
next summer. And I an't sure but what you've got here just 
in the nick of time to get us out of this scrape ; for, if you'll 
only stand as a candidate, you'll go in all holler. I never 
knew it to fail, when the hurrahs got up so strong as they 
have been since you got to York. We've got about twenty 
parties in this country now ; there's the old Whig party, and 
the old Democrat party, and the Woolyhead Whigs, and the 
Silver Gray Whigs, and the Hunker Democrats, and the Barn- 
burner Democrats, and the Seward party, and the Union 
Safety Committee party, and the Liberty party, and the regu- 
lar Free-Soil party, and the regular Vote-Yourself-a-Farm 
party, and the old Abolition party, and the old Secession 
party (which sprouted up out of the old Nullification party 
that I and Old Hickory killed off), and the Co-operation 
Secessionists, and the Out-and-out Go-alone Secessionists ; 
and now there's two new parties added that an't hardly three 
weeks old yet — the Intervention party, and the Non-interven- 
tion party ; and I ])elieve these are divided again into the 
party for Intervention, without ivar, and the party for Inter- 
vention, war or no war. 

It was lucky you took a stand and put your foot down, 
when you first got to New York, that 3^ou wouldn't be mixed 
up with any of our parties in this country ; for if you had 
once fairly got mixed in with 'em, you would a found yourself 
in such a snarl that I am afraid j^ou would wish yourself back 
to Turkey again before you would ever get out of it. And 
it's lucky, on another account, that you haven't mixed up 
with any of our twenty parties ; for now you are the only 
man in the country that can get their votes. As 3'ou 
haven't said nothin' agin none of 'em, they can all turn round 
and vote for you, and if you'll only say the word they'll do it, 



353 MY THIRTY YEARS 

and be glad of the chance ; for that seems to be the only way 
they can get handsomely out of the everlasting snarl they've 
got into all over the country. You needn't be afraid there's 
anything in the way agin your being President. To be sure, 
there is some little rules laid down about it in our Constitu- 
tion, but that can all be managed well enough ; it only wants 
somebody to take the responsibility. Folks can't always go 
according to the Constitution when they get into a bad snarl ; 
they have to make new principles to go by. See how Presi- 
dent Bonaparte has jest got out of his snarl ; the Constitution 
didn't stand in his way a bit ; he's jest sot up a new prin- 
ciple, and fit it out. And you see he's come out all straight, 
and now can wind his yarn anywhere to suit himself. 

I don't see nothin' in the way to prevent your getting in to 
be President, if you've a mind to. You haven't mixed up 
with no party, so you wouldn't have to fight agin no party, 
and it's pretty likel^^ no party wouldn't fight agin you. But 
there's another thing makes it more sure than all that : You 
know this is a free country, and all the offices belongs to 
everybody ; and them that can make the best and the most 
stump speeches commonly gets in. Now, I know we haven't 
got anybody in this country, from Maine to Texas, nor from 
Dan to Beer Sheba, that can hold a candle to you in that kind 
of business. Of course, when I say this, I mean the old Bible 
Dan and Beer Sheba ; there is another Dan in this country, 
that if you should happen to run afoul of, I don't know but 
the case might be different. 

Now, it seems to me, you better go in for the Presidency, 
instead of going back to Hungary ; a bird in the hand is 
^ 1 th two in the bush anyhow ; and the country is fairly 
under your thumb now, but Hungary is still under the paw of 
the Russian bear. So that although you are the Governor of 
Hungary, it's likely enough there would be a pesky hard 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 353 

scratch before yon could govern it, if yon went back. But I 
see some of the papers say that yon anH Governor of Hungary 
now, although they don't deny but you was once. I wish 
them papers had better manners ; they might jest as well say 
that I an't a Major now, because I an't all the time riding a 
hoss-back at the head of a regiment of sogers. No, no ; that 
won't do — its nonsense and impudence tu. The rule in this 
country is, once a Major always a Major, and once a Governor 
always a Governor. A man's title belongs to him as much as 
his name does. My Major belongs to me, and your Governor 
belongs to you, and nobody hasn't any right to take it away 
from us any more than he would have to upset a nation. 
Because it's a principle, and founded in everlasting justice ; 
therefore, it is not only the law of this country, but it is the 
true and just law of nations : and oar Government and our 
country not only ought to respect it themselves, but to mahi 
others respect it. 

" AVell, now, dear Governor, if you shouldn't think it best 
to accept my offer about the Presidency, and should rather go 
back and run your chance in Hungary, the next question is 
to see what can be done for you on that score. You say, you 
want that we — that is, all America and the universal Yankee 
nation — should say you have a fair right to be called Gover- 
nor of Hungary. Agreed ; I've already proved that you have 
that right, and shall have it as long as you live. There won't 
be no more trouble on that score. That question is disposed 
of forever, I hope. 

In the next place, you want us to say that Hungary got her 

independence of Austria fairly, and ought to have it. Agreed 

to that, too. We say it, and will stand to it, all weathers^ 

Hungary fit it out like a man, and ought to be free forev. 

and a thousand years afterward. And the traitor Gorgcy 

ought to have his neck stretched, and the Knssian bear ouuht 
1^* 



354 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



to have his toe nails cut off and his nose muzzled, so that he 
couldn't bite and scratch anybody agin, nor interfere in other 
folks' domestic affairs, 

In the next place, you say you want " something" else," 
which, as near as I can find out by the papers, means money 
matters, and food, and raiment, and clothes, and a few guns, 
and the like of that, because you are going back to have 
another tussle with Austria and Russia. Agreed to that, too. 
You shall have all you want. Jest hold your basket and we'll 
fill it, if it is a dozen times a day. I see money is beginning 
to pour in upon you in a thousand little streams, and some 
pretty large rivers ; and it won't be long before you'll have a 
whole mint of it, besides guns, and knapsacks, and cartridge- 
boxes. When I read some of your speeches to our folks about 
your poor, down-trodden country, it made the tears come, I 
tell ye. Cousin Nabby said she would knit stockins all 
winter, and send 'em over for your sogers, so they shouldn't 
have to go barefoot, as ours did in the Revolution. Aunt 
Keziah said, them two great cheeses that she was going to 
buy a silk gown with, she would sell for money and send it to 
the Kossuth fund in New York. Uncle Joshua said he would 
sell his three-year old steers, for he could do his plowing next 
summer with the old oxen, and send the money to you. Cousin 
Sargent Joel sot in a deep study ; at last says he, '*' I don't 
know as I've got anything to send but that little piece of re- 
monstrance," and he pointed to his old rifle that hung up 
against the wall ; says he, " I'll send that over to Hungary to 
shoot the old Russian Bear if he comes growling round agin." 
And then he sot thinking a minute longer, and he jumped up 
and smit his fists together, and says he, " No, I won't send it ; 
^jl go and carry it myself J^ So you see, dear Governor, there 
isn't much danger but what you'll get " something else." 
In the next place, when you comedo the scratch, j^ou want 



OUT OF THK SENATK. 



J55 



onr Government and this whole nation to hold the Russian 
Bear back and not let him meddle, while Hungary and Aus- 
tria has a fair tussle. And you want we should give him fair 
warning before-hand, and tell him he shan't meddle, no how ; 
and, if we do, you think he'll mind us. Maybe he would, and 
maybe he wouldn't ; and if he wouldn't, what then ? Then 




AID AND COMFORT TO GOVERNOR KOSSUTH. 



you want us to go right at him, and fight him down, and make 
him mind, because it's right and just ; and now we've got to 
be a great and powerful nation, it is our duty to look round 
and take care of the world, and make all the folks do right. 

Well, now, dear Governor, as to that, I don't know but we 
aught to stop and think about it a little. In the first place; 



356 MY THIRTY YEL\ES 

we have a rule here that " all just government derives its 
powers from the consent of the governed." So, if we've got 
to look round and govern the world, hadn't we aught to get 
the world's consent first ? And, as you want to take hold of 
Russia first, I s'pose she is the first one we aught to ask con- 
sent of. And if the Russian will consent that we shall hold 
him back, we'll hold him back and run the risk of it. 

And in the next place, dear Governor, it might be very well 
for us to take care of the world, and carry out the laws of 
nations, and make everybody do right everywhere, if there 
wasn't no danger of our getting more than our hands full. 
But only look at it. Suppose, when Hungary begins her tussle, 
the Russian should show his teeth and grab hold of her. 
Then we should have to send over an army and ships to help 
drive him back. Then suppose Poland should start up and 
want to be free — and she has as bloody a right to be free as 
any nation in the world — then we must send an army to take 
care of Poland, for the Russians would fight most awfully there. 
And there's France, too. You say " the Government of 
France is on the side of the oppressors, and the nation of 
France is one of the oppressed nations." Then, of course, it 
will be our next duty to send an army and put down the Gov- 
ernment of France, and let the nation go free. And then, 
besides the East Indies, and China, and Circassia, and lots of 
other places that the geography tells about, there's a good 
many things that we should have to look after nearer home. 
When fiUibusters go to upset Cuba, we must send our ships 
and armies to take care of that. And, then, in Mexico and 
South America there's troubles all the time to look after. 

Now, don't you think, dear Governor, there might be a 
leetle danger of our getting our hands full ? But, come wliat 
may, dear Governor, I shall remain your friend forever, 

MA30R JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THK SENATE 



357 



LETTER LXYIII. 

PROCEEDINGS OF THE DOWNINGVILLE CONVENTION TO CHOOSE A DELE- 
GATE TO BALTIMORE, AND DECIDE ON THE PRESIDENCY. 

DowNiNGviLLE, Statc of Maine, Feb. 9, 1852. 

The following notice was posted np, bright and earl^^ yes- 
terday morning, on the meetin' -house, and on the center 
school-house, and on Bill Johnston's store : 




NOTICE— Democrats Arouse ! 

" The Democrats of Downingvillc, wiUiout distinction qf party, are requested 
to meet at the center school-house to-morrow evening. February 9, at seven 



358 MY THIRTY YEARS 

o'clock, to settle the question about the next Presidency, and choose a Dele 
gate to the Baltimore Convention. The country expects every Democrat to 
do his duty, and the whole Democracy of all parties is especially requested to 
attend. The interest of the country and the Democratic party is at stake. 
Therefore, come one, come all. And it is expected that every true Democrat 
will leave all party prejudices at home. 

" By order of the Democratic Town Committee." 

Pursuant to the above notice, the largest and most respect- 
able Democratic meeting ever held in Downingville assembled 
at seven o'clock, and filled the school-house chock full. 

Joshua, Downing, Esq., Postmaster (Uncle Joshua), was 
unanimously appointed Chairman, and Mr. Seth Stiles (school- 
master), was chosen Secretary. Uncle Joshua took the chair, 
amid the cheers of the meetin'. He's always been Chairman 
of the Democracy this last thirty years. So he knew what 
he had to depend upon, and come prepared for it. Aunt 
Keziah had combed his hair all down smooth, and he wore his 
fur hat and go-to-meetin' coat. Tlie chairman put on his 
spectacles, and read the notice calling the meetin', and says 
he, " Gentlemen and fellow-Democrats, the important business 
we have before us seems to be to settle the question about 
the next Presidency, and choose a delegate to Baltimore. 
As there is two branches to the business, which shall we take 
hold of first ?" 

Doctor Briggs. I move that we take the question of the 
Presidency first, as that comes first in the notice, and I take 
it that is the main question. 

Chairman. If that is your minds, gentlemen, you will 
please — 

Bill Johnson, (in a sharp, loud voice.) Hold on there. Squire, 
or Mr. Chairman, I should say ; don't put that ere question 
yet, for Pve got something to say first. I don't think that 
would be the best way to go to work. Pve no notion of 
taking hold of the poker at the hot end. Let us go to work 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 359 

and choose a Delegate first, while we are cool, and go into 
the Presidency arterwards. We are all quiet and unanimous 
now, and it is the largest meeting of the Democracy that 
we've ever had since Old Hickory's second term. It looks as 
if the good Old Hickory times was coming back again, and 
the Democracy of the country will once more be on its legs. 
Now, I say, seeing we've got into a little clear, smooth water, 
don't let us rile it. The next Presidency is a ticklish ques- 
tion, and if we begin to stir it, may be it 'U be hard work to 
see bottom. Therefore, Squire, I move that we begin our 
business t'other eend foremost ; and I move that we choose 
Major Jack Downing for our Delegate to Baltimore. 

Chairman. If that is your minds, gentlemen, you will 
please to — 

Solomon Jones, (trader at the upper corner, and nateral 
enemy to Bill Johnson, trader at the lower corner.) Mr. Chair- 
man, I hope that motion won't pass. I didn't come here to be 
ketched in an Abolition trap, and I won't be if I can help it. 
I don't want no underhand work, and I shan't take a step on 
the road till I can read on the guide-board where it's going to. 
Before we choose a delegate, I want to know what he is going 
to do. Let the work be chalked out beforehand, and then 
choose the best man to do it. I'm a Democrat of tlie Jackson 
stamp, but I aint no Abolitionist. I always went for Jack- 
son, and will always go for his successors, as long as they 
follow in his footsteps. I always went for Van Buren as long 
as he followed in Jackson's footsteps ; but when he turned 
Abolition I don't go for him no more, nor his son John neither. 

Bill Johnson. Squire, I wish you to put my question, to 
choose Major Jack Downing to Baltimore. If we can't trust 
him as a good Jackson Democrat, there isn't a man in the 
United States that we can trust. He was always the old 
Gineral's right hand man. And as for Abolition traps, I wish 



360 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Mr. Jones's store was as free from rum-traps and gin-traps as 
I am from Abolition traps — 

Solomon Jones. Mr. Chairman, I call the gentleman to order. 
I want to know, before he goes any further, whether this is a 
temperance meeting or a Democratic meeting ? 

Bill Johnson. It is as much of a temperance meeting as it 
is an Abolition meeting. If Mr. Jones brings in Abolition, 
I've jest as good a right to bring in temperance. And as for 
traps, sir, if the gentleman undertakes to talk about Abolition 
traps, I'll jest let him know the war can be carried into Africa. 
Yes, sir, the boot is decidedly on t'other leg. The trap is all 
on t'other side, sir ; all on the slavery side. I'm a good Jack- 
son Democrat ; but I've no notion of being ketched in a 
slavery trap. And that's why I want to send a delegate to 
Baltimore that we can depend upon, such as Major Downing ; 
one that'll keep us out of the slavery trap. For, I tell you, 
sir, the South has got the slavery trap set all over the country, 
and covered with a good many pieces of sly tempting bait. 
There's a bit of nice-flavored Buchanan bait here, and a strong 
Cass bait there, and a little Douglas bait further along, and 
a fat Houston bait out yonder, and on the middle of the pan 
there's a mysterious bit of Butler bait, nicely rolled in meal — 
yes, sir, all rolled in meal, and what's more, to make it easy 
to swallow, it's rubbed over with a little Van Buren oil. Now, 
sir, I don't swallow none of them baits, and no man don't get 
my vote for President without he comes right up to the chalk 
first, and declares, up and down, that he isn't no slavery man. 

Doctor Briggs. Mr. Chairman, it seems to me neighbor 
Johnson has got hold of the hot end of the poker after all, and 
has fairly got to stirring the Presidency with it, whether we 
will or no. So that my motion to go into the question of the 
Presidency first seems to be carried without being put to vote. 
Now, sir, I am o^lad to see that Mr. Jones and Mr. Johnson 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 361 

agree exactly in one thing, that is, that they wont neither of 
'em move a step in the dark, nor stir an inch till they know- 
where they are going to. Mr. Jones wont vote for a delegate 
till he knows his man, and knows exactly what that delegate 
is going to do. And Mr. Jonnson wont vote for a President till 
he knows his man, and knows he's all right, and isn't no 
slavery man. 

Solomon Jones. Nor I wont vote for no President till I know 
he's all right, and isn't no Abolitionist. 

John Robinson. Mr. Chairman, nor I wont vote for no Pres- 
ident that isn't a friend to Cuba. If a lot of fellers is a mind 
to go and help Cuba get her independence, I say I don't 
want a President that'll be dogging after 'em and stopping 
of 'em. 

Sargent Joel Downing. For my part, Mr. Chairman, I've 
made up my mind not to vote for any man for President that 
won't go for Kossuth, clear up to the hub, and stand ready to 
fight the Russian Bear, if he meddles with Hungary. I say 
freedom is the right of everybody, and I go for it ; and I want 
a President that'll go for it, too, up to fifty-four forty and fight, 
if it can't be got without. I call that good Jackson doctrine. 
Old Hickory would go for it if he was alive, and the Democracy 
must see that he has a successor that'll go for it now. That's 
the foundation of the Democratic principle — freedom for every- 
body. 

Solomon Jones. Freedom for everybody, is it ? I want to 
know if the gentleman means freedom for the niggers south 
of Mason and Dixon's line ? If he does, I pronounce him a 
bloody Abolitionist, and no Democrat. 

Sargent Joel. I said freedom for everybody, and I'll stick to 
it. You can't split a hair ; nobody can't split hairs now Mr. 
Calhoun's dead. And you can't split a principle ; and I say 
the foundation of the Democratic principle is freedom for every- 



362 MY THIRTY YEARS 

body, and I'll stick to it. And I want a President that will 
carry that principle out straight on all sides, in Hungary and 
everywhere else. And when we choose our delegate to Bal- 
timore, I shall move to give him instructions to vote for a 
Kossuth candidate for the Presidency. 

Solomon Jones. Then, sir, you are an Abolitionist, and your 
candidate will be an Abolitionist, and the whole South will bo 
agin you ; and you'll find, if you can't split hairs, you can 
split the country, and the whole Democracy will be torn to 
flinders, and we shall loose all the offices. 

Sargmt Joel. I don't fight for offices, I fight for liberty ; 
freedom for everj^body ; that's my motto. 

Deacon Snow. I feel it my duty, Mr. Chairman, to caution 
our Democratic brethren not to be too rash. I think we aught 
to have a President that will be prudent, and not get us into 
any tangling alliances with other nations, and will carry out 
the safe neutrality doctrines laid down by Washington. 

Doctor Briggs. Mr. Chairman, we seem to be going all 
round Robin Hood's barn, but I don't see as we are anywhere 
near coming to the point. Now, sir, it seems to me the way we 
should go is as plain as the road to mill. Is this a Democratic 
meeting ? and are we all Democrats ? That's the question. 
If we are all Democrats, then of course we all want a Demo- 
cratic President ; and we aught to fix ourselves on that point, 
and not be looking round for any other nails to hang our hats 
on. Therefore, I move that we instruct our delegate to Bal- 
timore to vote for a candidate for President that is a stanch 
Democrat, and in favor of all sound Democratic principles. 

Chairman. Are you ready for that question ? If that is 
your minds, gentlemen, please — 

Solomon Jones. Mr. Cheerman, I oppose that motion, and 
before it's put I want to know what is sound Democratic prin- 
ciples. I want to know if Abolition is one of 'em ? 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 363 

Bill Johnson. And I want to know if slavery is one of 'em ? 

Sargent Joel. And I want to know if Russia's tramplin' 
down Hungary is one of 'em ? 

John Robinson. And I want to know if Cuba is one of 'em ? 

Deacon Snow. Mr. Chairman, as there seems to be some 
confusion and misunderstanding about Democratic principles, 
and there don't seem to be much chance of doing anything till 
these matters are settled, I move that Squire Downing, our 
venerable Chairman, shall make a plain, full statement to this 
meeting of all the sound Democratic principles ; and then wc 
shall have something to go by. 

[This was seconded all round, and Uncle Joshua, coloring a 
little, laid his specs on the desk, and got up out of his chair.] 

Chairman. Gentlemen and Democrats, as for the Dimo- 
cratic principle, I view it is very important we should have a 
fair understanding of it, for it is the vital principle of the 
party, and without it we can't hold together. In the old 
Gineral's time, if my memory sarves me right, we had three 
principles to go by — one was the Bank, and one was the 
Tariff, and t'other was the Internal Improvements. That is to 
say, them was the principles we had to fight agin. Them was 
the Whig principles ; and the Democratic principle was to 
fight agin the three Whig principles. And as long as we 
stuck to that we beat, and got the offices. But the science 
of politics has advanced a good deal in these latter years, 
since the Gineral's time, and so many new principles are 
crowded in, belter skelter, that we get kind of confused and 
mixed up. I don't think they do any good. Some of these 
new principles, instead of holding us together, seem to be 
pretty likely to blow us apart like gun-powder But the good 
old Jackson principles work t'other way ; they hold us to- 
gether like wax, and give us the offices. Therefore, I think 
we may safely say we go agin the Bank, we go agin the 



364 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Tariff, and we go agin Internal Improvements. And I think 
our delegate to Baltimore should be instructed to stand on 
that platform. 

Bill Johnson. I move that we amend that platform by 
adding that we go agin slavery. 

Solomon Johnson. I move, Mr. Cheerman, that we amend it 
by adding that we go agin Abolition. 

Sargent Joel. I move that we amend it by adding that we 
go agin Russia. 

Chairman. Shall we put the question on the platform, with 
the three amendments added to it ? 

Deacon Siiow. Mr. Chairman, if these amendments are 
added, I think there's a number of other amendments that 
aught to be added besides, particularly the neutrality doc- 
trines of Washington, Therefore, I move that we adjourn 
this meeting for one week, and that the whole subject be re- 
ferred to a committee, to be appointed by the Chairman, and 
that they report to the next meeting a Democratic platform 
containing all the sound simon-pure Democratic principles. 

[Deacon Snow's motion was put and carried, and the Con- 
vention adjourned.] 

Note from Major Jack Downing to Mr. Gales & Seaton. 

My Dear Old Friends : — I've correctified the minutes of 
Secretary Stiles, and send it to you to publish, to let our 
Democratic brethren, all over the country, know that we've 
made a rally here to try to save the party (which you know 
we thought awhile ago was dead), and so fur we've met with 
very encouraging success. 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 






OUT OF THE SENATE. 365 



LETTER LXIX. 

PROCEEDINGS AT THE ADJOURNED MEETING OF THE DEMOCRATIC CON- 
VENTION IN DOWNINGVILLE, TO CHOOSE A DELEGATE TO BALTIMORE, 
AND DECIDE ON THE PRESIDENCY. 

DowNiNGviLLE, State of Maine, March 10, 1852. 

According to a call from JJnch Joshua, the Chairman, posted 
up in the usual places — that is, on the meetin'-house, and on 
the center school-house, and on Bill Johnson's store — the 
adjourned meeting from February 9 was held this evening in 
the center school-house. Democrats all on hand, without dis- 
tinction of party, and the school-house chock full before seven 
o'clock. On taking the chair, Uncle Joshua called the meetin' 
to order, and addressed them as follers : 

" Gentlemen and feller-Democrats, before we take up the 
business of the evening, I feel it my duty to say a few words 
about the present state of our party, and to lift up my warn- 
ing voice against divisions. If we can't come together like 
brothers, and all pull at one end of the rope, we're gone. If 
part pulls at one end of the rope, and part pulls at t'other 
end, the rope snaps, and we all tumble head over heels and 
come to the ground. So I hope, feller-Democrats, the divisions 
and disputes that broke out in our last meetin', February 9, 
won't be seen to-night. I say, feller-Democrats, if we mean 
to beat, we must harmonize, as Mr. Ritchie used to say ; we 
must harmonize. It's true there's some pretty hard difiSculties 
in our way, but we must get round 'em. When I'm ploughing 
in the field with a smart team, and see a hard stump right in 
the way, I know better than to go straight ahead, and keep 
the plough in, and stick the plough-share right among the 
roots, and tear the plough to pieces. But what do I do ? I 



366 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



jest run the plough out of the ground, and slip round the 
stump, and then set in again, and go along as smooth as ever. 
And so when I'm mowing in haying time, and see a hornet's 
nest in the side of a stump, or in a heap of stones, I had a 
good deal rather leave a little grass standing round 'em than 
to mow up so close as to stir 'em up, and bring the whole 
swarm out round my cars. Now, I say, feller-Democrats, if 







RUiNNING THE PLOUGH INTO AN ABOLITION STUMP. 



the Democratic party would only jest keep out of the way of 
stumps and hornets' nests, we could get along smooth enough, 
and carry the day any time. But if we are agoing to run our 
plough-share into every /Abolition stump that stands in the 
way, and stick our scythe into every slavery hornets' nest 



OUT OF THE SENATE, 367 

tliat we come across, the jig is up with us, and we may as 
well give up the farm at once, and go off to tlie Grand Banks 
and ketch codfish, for it would be no use for us to fish fur 
offices any longer, unless we can harmonize. 

" Gentlemen, that distinguished old Democrat of Pennsyl- 
vania, Mr. Buchanan, lately wrote a letter to the Democrats 
of Baltimore ; it was dated the 23d of February ; it was a 
great letter ; and Mr. Buchanan is a great man. In that 
letter he says : * There has seldom been a period when the 
Democratic party of the country was in greater danger of 
suffering a defaat than at the present moment.' And, gentle- 
men, a Democratic member of Congress, from Ohio, Mr. Olds, 
made a speech in the House the fifth of this month, in which 
he says : ' Mr. Chairman, I am free to acknowledge, as a 
National Democrat, that I am humiliated at the bickerings 
exhibited by prominent Democrats upon this floor.' Gentle- 
men, these handwritings on the wall show us what we are 
coming to if we don't harmonize. Therefore, I hope we shall 
set an example of harmony here to-night that will send a 
thrill through the whole country, from Maine to Texas, and 
from the Atlantic to Californy. " 

Uncle Joshua sot down, and the meetin' give three cheers 
for the harmony of the Democratic party. 

Bill Johnson. Mr. Chairman, I rise to renew the motion that 
I made at the last meeting, that we choose Major Jack 
Downing for our delegate to tlie Baltimore Convention. 

Doctor Briggs. My motion was before that, Mr. Chairman, 
which was, that we take up the question of the Presidency 
first. And I still think we aught to discuss that matter, and 
have a fair understanding about it, before we choose our 
delegate to Baltimore. However, in these times I go for har- 
mony, and for the sake of harmony I withdraw the motion, 
and am ready to vote on the delegate. 



368 MY THIRTY YEARS 

[The motion was then put by the chairman, and Major 
Downing was elected delegate to Baltimore by the unanimous 
vote of the Convention, followed by three cheers.] 

Chairman. There, feller Democrats, is an example of har- 
mony. That shows us what we can do when we all pull 
together. If we can only make the Democrats all over the 
country pull together, we shall choose our President jest as 
easy as we have our delegate. 

Doctor Briggs. In order to do that, Mr. Chairman, we must 
fix on the right candidate. And I hope we shall now have a 
full and free discussion, lay down our platform of Democratic 
principles, and then examine the candidates and see who is 
the best man to stand on our platform. 

Chairman. AVell, yes, Doctor, you are about right in theory, 
but sometimes practice, in order to get along, has to be different 
from theory. I am an old Democrat, as you all know, and 
I've seen how things has worked this forty years. Now, my 
own opinion is, that the first and the main thing is to pick out 
the man that we can eled^ and not bother much about principles. 
It isn't principles that gives us the offices, but the man ; and 
we must elect our man, or get no offices. The Dimocratic 
principles can be regulated after we agree on our man, for 
they are all very simple and plain ; and the fewer the better. 
In Gineral Jackson's time we didn't have but three. One was 
the Bank, and one was the Tariff, and one was Internal Im- 
provements. Them you know was the Whig principles, and 
them was the ones we had to fight agin. And I don't think 
we can do any better than to stand on the same ground now. 
I've thought for some years past that all Dimocratic princi- 
ples might be reduced down to one plain simple principle, and 
that is, to fight agin the Whigs. That is the safest and most 
important principle in the whole Dimocratic creed. And it is 
one that is easy to be understood, and easy to rally the party 



ULT OF THE SENATE. 369 

upon. The Whigs may bother about as many principles as 
tliey are a mind to ; we no need to have but one. We may 
bring 'em all under one rule, and that is, to fight agin the 
Whigs. We are agin the Bank, and agin the Tariff, and agin 
Internal Improvements, because them are Whig doctrines. 
Now, let us follow out the same rule, and wherever the Whigs 
go for Abolition we must fight agin Abolition, wherever the 
Whigs go for slavery we must fight agin slaver3^ If we stick 
to this rule through thick and thin, and only stick together^ 
there's no danger ; we shall carry everything all afore us. 

Doctor Briggs. Well, Mr Chairman, I think there's a good 
deal of meaning in what you say. And I go for harmony ; 
so I move we go according to 3'our plan, and pick out a can- 
didate we can elect, and fix up the principles afterward ; for, 
jest as you say, what good will the principles do us if we 
don't elect our candidate ? Now, Mr. Chairman, as you are 
Postmaster, and have all the papers at your office, and know 
how things get along, I move that you name over the candi- 
dates for the Presidency, and tell us how they stand, so we 
may see which is the strongest, and go in for him. 

Chairman. Well, as to that, all the States hasn't put up 
their candidates yet, but a good many of 'em has, and some of 
'em I can name over. There's New York, she puts up Gov- 
ernor Marcy ; and Pennsylvany puts up Mr. Buchanan ; and 
Michigan puts up Gineral Cass ; and Kentucky puts up Gin- 
eral Butler ; and Illinois puts up Judge Douglas ; and Indiana 
puts up Gineral Lane ; and Texas puts up Gineral Houston. 
And I 'spose there may be more that I don't think of now, but 
these is some of the foremost ones. The Dimocratic Review, 
printed in New York, that is thought to take the lead in these 
matters, divides these candidates into two classes, the old 
class and the young class ; or, as some of the papers calls 'em. 

Old Fogies and YouDg America. The Old Fogy class is 
16 



3 TO MY THIRTY YEARS 

Governor Marcy, and Giueral Cass, and Mr. Buchanan, and 
Gineral Butler, and Giueral Houston. And the Young America 
class is Judge Douglas. And the Dimocratic Review goes in 
decidedly for this la&t class. 

Deacon Snow. I should like to have the opinion of our ven- 
erable chairman about Judge Douglas, as to whether he's the 
right man for us, and whether we better go in for him along 
with the Dimocratic Review. 

Chairman. As to that, I can only say Judge Douglas is a 
mere boy yet, only about forty years old, and some folks 
thinks he better tarry at Jericho till his beard is grown. 
There is good mettle in him ; but let him wait twenty years 
longer, then maybe it will do to begin to talk about him. 

Deacon Snow. That's correct. I move we pass over the 
Young America class, and take up the Old Fogies. 

Chairman. Well, what say to Governor Marcy ? Our Demo- 
cratic brethren will please to express their minds freely. In 
order to harmonize, we must know each other's opinions. 

Sargent Joel Downing. I've no doubt, Mr. Chairman, but 
what Governor Marcy is a good sound sort of a Dimocrat, and 
has doae good service in the party, but I think that patch on 
his trouses has done the job for him so he'll never get over it. 
If we undertake to run him, we shall get lick'd, that's all. 

Chairman. Well, how will Mr. Buchanan do ? He's a 
strong candidate, and lately" got a majority in the Dimocratic 
Convention of Pennsylvany, in spite of Gineral Cass, who 
didn't get half so many votes as he did. 

- Deacon Snow. The greatest thing I know agin Mr. Bu- 
chanan is, that I've heard he was once an old Federalist. If 
that's the case, I shouldn't like to vote for him ; and, moreover, 
if there's the least taint of Federalism about him, Mr. Ritchie 
will be sure to fight agin him, tooth and nail. So there 
wouldn't be no chance to elect him. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 371 

Chairman. Well, there's Gineral Cass, how does he stand ? 
Is there any reason why he wouldn't run well ? 

Sargent Joel Downing. Mr. Chairman, I don't want to be 
too particular, and I aint hard to please ; but Gineral Cass, 
I don't think, would run better than some one of the others. 
And, besides, he's got off the true Dimocratic platform, and 
wouldn't come under your rule, to fight agin the Whigs. For a 
year or two ago he and Gineral Foote and some others went 
off upon a slant and jined Webster and Clay, and got up the 
Compromise. We can't call that fightin' the Whigs. The 
Dimocrats have been a good deal wralliy about it ; and it isn't 
but a little while ago I see a Dimocratic paper in Richmond, 
Virginia, calls 'em " the miserable set of ragamuffins who got 
up the Union party." It wouldn't do to have a candidate that 
the Dimocratic papers can talk so about. It wouldn't produce 
the right sort of harmony in the ranks of the Dimocracy. I 
think, Mr. Chairman, we better go further, if we fare worse. 

Chairman. Well, gentlemen, then there's Gineral Butler, of 
Kentucky. He's said to be a very safe, careful, sound Dimo- 
crat ; one that it will be hard to pick any flaws in. What 
say to him ? 

Bill Johnson [Mounting on a bench with two or three 
papers in his hand]. Mr. Chairman, General Butler is the 
worst candidate of the whole hjt. Gincrally speaking, he 
isn't nowhere ; and when you do happen to find him, he isn't 
never in the right place. You remember, sir, at our last 
meeting, I described in my speech, the Butltr bait as being all 
nicely rolled in meal and rubbed over with a little Van Buren 
oil. Well, sir, since then the meal has been shook off ; the 
Van Buren oil couldn't make it stick. It's all shook off, and 
shows nothing but a black slavery cat. A i^w weeks ago 
Mr. Cabell, of Florida, in Congress called Gineral Butler a 
"wz^w candidate." That straitened him out, and showed his 



372 



MY TUIRTY YEARS 



color, and one of his friends in the House read a letter from 
liim that showed he went the whole hog in favor of the " rag- 
amuffins' compromise." Sir, I hold that letter in my hand, and 
in it Gineral Butler preaches about the compromise like a 
Methodist minister. He says : " It is as though a great 




BILL JOUNSON ADDRESSING THE CONVENTION. 

national altar had been erected in our midst, on which every 
lover of our common country is invited to lay his oifering of 
peace, and to offer up his prayers for the perpetuity of the 
Union and the continuance of the inestimable blessings which 
we enjoy under its protection." Sir, that language shows 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 373 

that he isn't fit for President ; it's enough to turn the whole 
Dimocracy agin him. The great Dimocratic paper in New 
York, the Evening Post, that was in favor of him awhile ago, 
now says : " We cannot congratulate him on the skill with 
which he is playing his game for the Presidency." 

And sir, I have in my hand the Dimocratic Review, the 
great organ of our party, and that shows Gineral Butler up 
in his true colors. It says he isn't nothing nor nobody ; 
nothing but " a mere beaten horse." It says the country 
might be lost "before Gineral Butler could get an idea into 
his head, or a word out of it." The Review says : " From his 
almost total lifelessness in public affairs, it was denied, at 
the last Presidential election, even in his own neighborhood, 
that he was a Democrat at all. * * * * And General 
Butler went to the polls in 1848 and voted for himself, to 
prove his own Democracy." On the whole, the Review says : 
" We declare him made up of feeble negatives." Mr. Chair- 
man, I move we skip Gineral Butler, and take up the next. 

Deacon Snow. I won't pretend to say we can do anything 
with Gineral Butler ; may be he is out of the question. But 
there is some reason to think it is possible the Dimocratic 
Review hasn't exactly done him justice. I like to see fair 
play all round. Mr. Breckenridge, a representative in Con- 
gress from Kentucky, made a speech on the Presidency a 
few days ago — the fourth of this month, 'if I mistake not — 
and he declares the Dimocratic Review is " full of gross mis- 
representation." I will read, with your leave, Mr. Chairman, 
one extract from his speech : " There was a gentleman, full 
of talent, full of activity, a particular partisan and friend — as 
he had a right to be — of a particular gentleman mentioned 
in connection with the Presidency. That gentleman went to 
the State of Kentucky upon a political pilgrimage last fall, 
the object of which was, I suppose, to drive General Butler 



374 MY THIRTY YEARS 

from his own soil, to dishonor him at home, by fastening upon 
him a corrupt political intrigue. But he failed in his object ; 
and came back and bought up the Democratic Review for a 
political partisan paper for the campaign ; and, with no 
names at the mast-head, that Review is now pursuing a 
course as fatal to the Democratic party as it is false and un- 
fair." And, Mr. Chairman, the Washington Union, our great 
Dimocratic organ at the seat of Government, comes out agin 
the Democratic Review about as hard as Mr. Breckenridge. 
Jest hear what it says : " And last, but not least, among the 
numerous organs which create dissention and promote dis- 
cord, is the Democratic Review. This periodical, once so 
elevated in its objects, descends to the level of mere faction, 
and opens its batteries upon all the prominent members of 
the Democratic party who happen not to suit the taste of the 
editor." The Union paper goes on to give the Democratic 
Review a good drubbing. But as Gineral Butler is such a 
disputed candidate, perhaps we better pass along to the next. 

Chairman. Well, there's the old hero of San Jacinto left, 
Gineral Houston, of Texas ; what say you to him ? He's 
said to be a great favorite with the Dimocracy, and has a 
good deal of the grain of Old Hickory about him. What's 
the reason we can't all harmonize upon him ? 

Solomon Jones (Trader at the upper corner). Mr, Chairman, 
old Sam Houston's boss can be curried in short order, I can 
tell ye. The fact is, he's been all over the country, giving 
temperance lectures and making temperance speeches, and I 
solemnly' swear he never shall have my vote as long as there's 
any strength in brandy. [Great sensation. Deacon Snow 
called the speaker to order.] 

Chairman. Well, gentlemen, we've been through all the 
foremost candidates, and there seems to be difiQculties all 
round. I would call upon our respected delegate to Baltimore, 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 3t5 

Major Downing, who has had a good deal of experience in 
political matters, to give us his views. Now, he has seen the 
proceedings this evening, and heard the Dimocracy of Down- 
ingville express their sentiments. I would ask him what 
course he will feel it his duty to take when he gets into the 
Baltimore Convention ? 

Major Jack Downing. Mr. Chairman and fellow-Democrats, 
after returning you my sincere thanks for the honor you have 
conferred upon me this evening, I beg leave to state, that 
from the instructions which I seem to get from this meeting 
to-night, and the light I now have on the subject, I should 
feci bound to propose to the Convention to take a gineral vote 
whether they will have a candidate from the Old Fogy class 
or the Young America class. If they decide in favor of the 
Old Fogies, I should move that Governor Marcy, and Mr. 
Buchanan, and Gineral Cass, and Gineral Butler, and Gineral 
Houston, be put into a hat and shook up, and then the Presi- 
dent of the Convention draw one of 'em out ; and whichever 
come out first, the Convention should unanimously agree to 
run him, and ask no questions. But if they should decide in 
favor of the Young x\.merica class, I should move to put Judge 
Douglas into the hat, and shake him up, and draw him out, 
and agree to run him at all hazards. [Here three cheers 
were given for Major Downing] 

Chairman. Gentlemen and feller-Dimocrats, if it be your 
minds that our delegate, Major Downing, be instructed to 
follow his own instructions, please to say aye. 

[The question was carried by a unanimous and very loud 
vote. And after three more cheers for the harmony of the 
Democracy, the meeting adjourned.] 

Co'py of the Secretary'' s minutes , examined and ajyproved for tlie 
press by 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



316 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER LXX. 

THE MAJOR GIVES UNCLE JOSHUA A FULL ACCOUNT OF THE SEVERE TUG 
THEY HAD AT BALTIMORE TO NOMINATE A CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT. 

Baltimore, Saturday night, June 5, 1852. 

To Joshua Doiiming, Esq,, Postmaster, Downingville, State of 
Maine. 

Dear Uncle Joshua : — The job is done, and it's been about 
the toughest week's work that ever I did. I've sweat like a 
tiger all the week, and I'm as hungry as a bear ; not but 
what there's been vittles enough, plenty of it, and good too, 
iind a plenty of liquor too, more than the Maine liquor law 
could upset and spill in six months ; but the trouble is, we 
had so much to do we couldn't get time to eat. I guess I've 
made out to ketch a lunch of a few mouthfuls about twice a 
day, and got a chance to sleep, upon an average, about two 
hours a night. After I've writ this letter to you, I mean to 
turn in and sleep over till Monday, and then streak it home 
and help get up the mass-meeting to ratify the nomination. 
The ratification of Downingville must be a roarer — you better 
be getting things ready for it till I come. I wish I could 
give you some idea of the week's work we have had here. 
I've worked in the logging swamp, and know what 'tis to 
handle logs, and pile 'em on the bank, and roll 'em into the 
river ; and I've worked on burnt fields in clearing up, and 
know what 'tis to chop and pile from Monday morning till 
Saturday night ; but, I declare to man, this has been the 
toughest week of log-rolling I ever see. But I don't begrudge 
the work a bit, we've made such a nice job of it, and saved 
the country. We've put life into the Democratic party again, 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



377 



that we thought last fall was dead as a door-nail. We've 
killed off Abolition ; we've choked to death Secession, and 
gin Freesoil the fits ; and I expect we've thunderstruck 
Whiggery so that it'll never get over it. We've got the 
Democratic party fairly on its legs again, standing on the 
good old platform that Gineral Jackson left it on ; that is, 
agin the Bank, agin the Tariff, and agin Internal Improve- 
ments ; and now we've nothing to do but go ahead. 

But I must tell you something about the duins. I couldn't 
get in as one of the regular delegates from Maine, because 
the President said my name wasn't on the list. But as soon 
as I had told him I was the delegate from Downingville, he 
took me by the hand, and says he, "All right. Major Down- 
ing, I'm very glad to see you here ; you can come in as super- 
numerary, and you can do a great deal more good than if you 
was a regular delegate, for you can go round quietly among 
all the delegates, and help to make 'em harmonize. There's a 
great deal of that work to be done before we can get along, 
and I don't know of anybody who can do more in that line 
than you. In fact, Major, if you hadn't beeH sent as a dele- 
gate from Downingville, you would readily be admitted to take 
part in the proceedings of the Convention, out of respect 
for the great services that you rendered Gineral Jackson in 
the times that tried the souls of Democrats." So I went right 
in and took hold, and went to work. There was an awful 
jam ; it seemed almost impossible to do anything. But I off 
coat, and elbowed my way right through 'em, from one end 
of the hall to t'other ; and I pretty soon got the swing of 
it, so I could tell where to pull and where to push, and where 
to put under the hand-spikes - and lift. And when the mem- 
bers got up to make speeches, and got to talking too much, 
or talking the wrong way, I knew jest when to take hold of 
their coat-tails, and pull 'em down on to their seats. And 



3^8 MY THIRTY YEARS 

sometimes I had to go into the gallery, too, to keep the people 
straight up there ; and in spite of all I could do, they would 
sometimes hoorah and hiss in the wrong place. So you may 
judge I've had my hands full all the week. But I was deter- 
mined to have a nomination, if I worked my hands off up to 
my elbows. It was very hard to get a nomination this time, 
and if I hadn't been here, though I say it myself, I don't be- 
lieve they would a got one at all. 

The first real hard piece of sledding we come across was 
the platform business — that is to say, the question whether 
we should go to work and make a platform first, or take right 
hold and nominate first. It was a knotty question, and seemed 
to bother some of the members a good deal. Mr. Nabers, and 
Mr. Wise, and some others, insisted upon it that we should 
begin at the foundation, and make a platform first for the 
Democratic party to stand on, and then make a candidate to 
fit to it. No work would ever stand well unless you begin at 
the bottom and lay a good foundation first. Here's a dozen 
parties here, every one fighting for their particular candidate, 
and each one hoping to get the nomination. As long as that 
hope lasts it will hold 'em all together, and we can make 'em 
all work to help build up a platform. But the moment one 
gets the nomination, the rest will fly off in a tangent ; there 
will be no more working on a platform, and your candidate 
will be left standing on nothing. But Mr. Soule, of Louisiana, 
and Governor Floyd, of Virginny, rowed as hard t'other way. 
They declared we never could make a platform first. If we 
imdertook to go to work upon it now, every one of the dozen 
parties would be pulling and hauling agin each other, and 
each one hewing and cutting aud carving to make the plat- 
form to suit his own candidate. In that way we never could 
make a platform if we should work from the first of June to 
the end of time. The fact is, the platform must be made for 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



379 



the country ; that is, for the Democratic party, and not for a 
candidate. As soon as the candidate is ketched and haltered, 
and tied to a stump, we can all set down calmly and work 
together, and make a platform to suit the whole Democracy. 
Th'^e dispute went on pretty high nearly all day, and was got 
over at last by a sort of compromise to have the platform and 
the nomination both going on together. So a committee of 
one from each State was appointed to go to work building the 
platform while the Convention went on to nominate ; then, as 
soon as the candidate was nominated, the platform could bo 
all ready to set him right on to it. 

Then come the nominating, and that was all an up-hill bus- 
iness for about three days and two or three nights. It was 
found on the first pull that the Old Fogies was a good deal 
too strong for Young America, and if there hadn't been so 
many Old Fogies in the field we should a got a candidate the 
first haul. Gineral Cass and Mr. Buchanan each started with 
a very smart team. Mr. Cass was a little ahead, and he kept 
the lead for about twenty pulls, and we thought by sticking 
to him like wax we might be able to get him over the hill. 
But his team begun to lag after ten or a dozen pulls, and now, 
at the twentieth pull, it seemed to be slowly backing down 
hill, and the Buchanan team struggled up and got ahead. 
Then we thought we better hitch on to Buchanan, and may bo 
we might fetch him over the hill. We spurred up for a few 
pulls pretty well, but didn't get near to the top before the 
Buchanan team got stuck, and then begun to back down hill, 
and all we could do we couldn't start it ahead again. But 
the Cass team, which had backed almost down to the bottom 
of the hill, after resting and breathing a little, now took a 
fresh start to come up. At that we hitched on again and de- 
termined if possible to shove him over this time. We 
whipped, and spurred, and pulled, and pushed, and hollered, 




THE GREAT TUG AT THE NOillXATION" OF GENERAL PIERCE. 



(380) 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 381 

and screamed, and the team hauled well. The old ox bows 
creaked, and we begun to think we should reach the top. 
But when we got about two-thirds the way up, the team got 
stuck agin ; and though it took eight or ten smart pulls after 
this, it didn't get any higher, but every time backed down a 
little. 

It was pretty clear after this that it was gone goose with 
the Old Fogies. We hadn't no hopes of 'em any longer. If 
the Cass and the Buchanan teams could a been hitched 
together, they would a walked over the hill as easy as a cat 
could lick her ear. But there was so much quarreling among 
the drivers that this couldn't be done. Every driver was 
proud of his own team, and would stick to it and have nothing 
to do with t'other. The Yirginny delegation went out a good 
many times to consider of it and make up their minds, and 
every time they come in they marched right up and took their 
stand by the Buchanan team. They stuck to that team with- 
out flinching for thirty-three steady pulls ; and for the last ten 
or fifteen pulls I couldn't think of nothing else but "old Yir- 
ginny never tire." But there was a good many others stuck 
it out full as long, and some a good deal longer than old Yir- 
ginny, before they gin up. We tried a few pulls with the 
Marcy team and a few with the Butler team, but it was no 
go. We became satisfied there wasn't an Old Fogy in the 
field who could ever reach the top of the bill. We begun to 
look round now to see how Young America was getting along. 

The Douglas team was made up mostly of young steers ; 
and it was a pretty smart team, well trained, and pulled well. 
But it wasn't equal to the Old Fogies for a heavy pull ; it 
hadn't so much bone, and sinev/, and wind, and bottom. How- 
somever, it made a pretty good scratch of it, and kept gaining 
gradually up the hill ; so we thought we would take hold and 
give Young America a boost, and see if we couldn't get a 



382 MY THIRTY YEARS 

candidate that way. To tell the truth, we biigun to feel 
rather streaked for fear we shouldn't get a candidate at all, 
and felt willing* to hitch on to most anything. But the best 
we could do with Young America, we couldn't get only about 
half way up the hill before the steers begun to back down 
agin, and we see 'twas no use, they couldn't come it. Well, 
there we was, all in a fix. We couldn't see no other chance ; 
we'd got to go without a President because we couldn't nomi- 
nate a candidate. One of the members actually fainted away 
here, and all of us felt a good deal womblecropt and down in 
the mouth. But " old Virginny never tire," and when we was 
all hitchin on round for the thirty-fifth pull, old Virginny 
marched into the field with a bran new team. Everybody 
stared, and cried out, " What team is that ? What team is 
that?" And when they heard the answer, "The Franklin 
Pierce team, of New Hampshire," they wouldn't believe their 
own ears. But it was a fact, and Virginny drove that new team 
one pull all alone. Then one or two others hitched on with 
her and tried eight or ten steady pulls. All of us looked on 
and watched the working of that new team. At last folks 
begun to make up their minds that that was the team to pull 
and straighten out the Democratic traces, and with proper 
help it might be got over the hill. Old North Caroliner hitched 
on, and Georgia hitched on, and Tennessee hitched on, and 
by-and-by there was a geneal race all over the field to see who 
should hitch on first. It didn't make no odds who, Old Hunk- 
ers and Barnburners, and Free Silers and Abolition, and Union 
and Secession, and State-Rights, and Old Fogies and Young- 
America, all run helter skelter and hithed on to the Pierce 
team. That team, I tell ye, went up the hill like smoke. 
Some of the States run till they was almost out of breath for 
fear they shouldn't hitch on before the team got to the top of 
the hill. But they all made out to hook on, and every State 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 383 

was " in at the death," and ready to jine in the general 
hoorah. 

After this, we hadn't no more difficulty ; everything went 
as regular as clock-work. The master told us we had read 
and spelt well, and we might all go out till four o'clock. So 
we went out and took a little bit of a spree, and then come 
in and took hold and worked jest like brothers, and hauled 
Mr, King right up to the top of the hill in two pulls, and made 
him Vice-President. 

Then the committee brought in the new platform, and we 
all danced on it. In the crowd and confusion we couldn't see 
what it was made of ; but we was told it went agin the Bank, 
and agin the Tariff, and agin Internal Improvements, and was 
a first-rate platform ; so we all jumped on, and said it couldn't 
be no better. 

P. S. — I've telegraphed to Gineral Pierce to save the Down- 

ingville Post-Office for you ; so you may feel easy on that 

score. 

I remain your loving nephew, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LXXI. 

SHOWING HOW THE MAJOR PERSUADED UNCLE JOSHUA TO TAKE HOLD 
AND HELP ELECT GENERAL PIERCE TO THE PRESIDENCY, AND HOW 
DOWNINGVILLE RATIFIED THE NOMINATION. 

DowNiNGviLLE, Away Down East, ) 

In the State of Maine, July 20, 1852. f 

Mr. Gales and Seaton — 

My Dear Old Friends : — We've made out to ratify at last ; 
but it was about as hard a job as it was for the Baltimore 
Convention to nominate. And Pm afraid the worst on't ain't 



384 MY THIRTY YEARS 

over yet ; for Uncle Joshua shakes his head and says to me, 
in a low tone, so the rest shan't hear, " Between you and me, 
Major, the 'lection will be a harder job still." I put great 
faith in Uncle Joshua's feelins. He's a regular political 
weather-glass, and can always tell whether we are going to 
have it fair or foul a good ways ahead. So when he shakes 
his head, I naterally look out for a tough spell of weather. 
When I got home from Baltimore, says I, " Well, Uncle 
Joshua, you got my letter in the Intelligencer, didn't you ?'' 
And says he, " Yes." 
. " Well, didn't we do that business up well ?" says I. 

" I don't know about that," said Uncle Joshua ; " I have 
my doubts about it." 

" Why, don't you think," says I, " the nomination of Gineral 
Pierce will put the Democratic party on its legs again, and 
give it a fine start ?" 

Uncle Joshua looked up to me kind of quizical, and says he, 
" It has gin the party a pretty considerable of a start already, 
it come so unexpected." And then he sot as much as two 
minutes drumming his finger on the table, and didn't say 
nothin'. 

And then he looked up again, and says he, " Major, who is 
Geimral Ptera ?" It ain't Sijldious name, is it ?" 

" Why, Uncle Joshua," says I, " how you talk ! It is 
Gineral Franklin Pierce, of New Hampshire." 

" Gineral Franklin Pierce, of New Hampshire, is it ?" says 
he. " Well, now. Major, are you sure there is such a person, 
or did somebody play a hoax on the Baltimore Convention ?" 

"Yes," says I, "Uncle, I'm as sure of it as I am that there 
is such a person as Uncle Joshua Downing. To make all sure 
of it and no mistake, I come through New Hampshire, and 
went to Concord, where they said he livea, and inquired all 
about it. The neighbors there all knew him perfectly well, 



OUT OF THE SENATEu 385 

and showed me the house he lives in. He wasn't at home, or 
I should a seen him myself, and should got his promise to 
keep the Downingville Post-Office for you. But you needn't 
be afraid but what you'll have it, for I sent a telegraph to 
him from Baltimore, as soon as he was nominated, to keep it 
for you." 

Here I see by the looks of Uncle Joshua's eyes that he begun 
to get hold of some new ideas. Says he, " Well, Major, it 
is a fact, then, is it, that he was nominated in real earnest, 
and 'twasn't no joke ? " 

" Upon my word and honor," says I, " there isn't a particle 
of joke about it — it was all done in real arnest." 

" Well, then, if you've really got a candidate," says Uncle 
Joshua, " I should like to know something about him. Does 
he belong to the Old Fogy class or Young America class ? " 

" I guess about half and half," says I, " and he'll be ail the 
stronger for that, because he can draw votes on both sides." 

" After all," says he, *' I'm afraid it's a bad nomination. 
Them old pillars of the Democratic party, Gineral Cass, and 
Mr. Buchanan, and Governor Marcy, and Gineral Houston, 
and the rest, will feel so insulted and mortified at being 
pushed aside for strangers to take the lead, that they'll all 
be agin the nomination, and their friends, too, and that'll up- 
set the whole kettle of fish." 

" Don't you never fear that, Uncle Joshua," says I ; '' them 
old pillars that you speak of are all very much tickled with 
the nomination. Ye see, it broke the nose of Young America, 
and they was delighted with it. As soon as the nomination 
was out of the mould, before it had time to cool, they all tele- 
graphed right to Baltimore that nothin' in the world could 
have happened to suit 'em better ; it was a most excellent 
nomination, and they felt under everlasting obligations to the 
Baltimore Convention. You needn't have no fears that they'll 



386 MY THIRTY YEARS 

feel any cokluess towards the nomiuation. They'll turn to 
and work for it like beavers." 

" Well, how is it," said Uncle Joshua, " about that boy can- 
didate for the Presidency that they call Young America ? If 
his nose is knocked out of joint he'll of course oppose the 
nomination, tooth and nail." 

*' There's where you are mistaken again, Uncle Joshua," 
says I. " On the contrary, he goes for it hotter than any of 
'era ; and he telegraphed back to Baltimore, as quick as 
lightning could carry it, that the nomination was jest the 
thing ; it couldn't be no better. Ye see, he looks upon it in 
the light that it chokes off all the Old Fogies, and leaves the 
field clear for him next time. He thinks so highly of the 
nomination, and feels so patriotic about it, the}"" say he is 
going to stump it through all the States, and make speeches 
in favor of Gineral Pierce's election. You may depend upon 
it, Uncle Joshua, we've got a very strong nomination — one 
that'll carry all afore it — and everybody is delighted with it, 
and everybody's going to go for it. I didn't expect you to 
hold back a moment. I thought you would have things all 
cut and dried for a rousin' ratification meeting by the time I 
got home " 

" Well, you know, Major," said Uncle Joshua, " I always 
follow Colonel Crockett's rule, and never go ahead till I know 
I'm right. How foolish we should look to call a ratification 
meeting here in Downingville, and be voted right plump 
down. You know the Free-Soilers are very strong among us ; 
they are strong in all the Northern States. And you know 
the Baltimore Convention fixed up a platform to stand on, 
that's all in favor of the Compromise and the Fugitive law, 
and is dead set agin the Free-Soilers. Now, Major, you must 
have more understanding than to think the Free-Soilers will 
ever swallow that platform ; and if they don't, we are dished." 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 387 

"You are wrong again, Uncle Joshua," says I, " for the 
biggest Free-Soiler in all America swallowed it right down, 
and didn't make a wry face about it." 

" Who do you mean ?" says he. 

** I mean Mr. John Van Buren," says I. 

" But you don't mean," says Uncle Joshua, " that Mr. John 
Van Buren accepts this platform, and is willing to stand 
on it." 

" Yes I do, exactly so," says I, " for he got right up in 
Tammany Hall and made a speech about it ; and he said he 
would go the nomination, and he'd stand the platform ; at all 
events, he'd stand the platform for this election, anyhow. You 
needn't be at all afraid of the Free-Soilers, Uncle ; they ain't 
so stiff as you think for, and they are as anxious to get the 
offices as anybody, and will work as hard for 'em. Now let 
us go to work and get up our ratification, and blow it out 
straight. The Democracy of the country expects Downing- 
ville to do its duty." 

" Well, Major," says Uncle Joshua, " you've made out a 
better case than I thought ^ou could. I'm willing to take 
hold and see what we can do. But I declare I can't help 
laughing when I think it's Gineral Franklin Pierce, of New 
Hampshire, that we've got to ratify. I wish we knew some- 
thing about him ; something that we could make a little flus- 
teration about, and wake up the Democracy." 

" Good gracious. Uncle Joshua," says I, " have you been 
Postmaster of Downingville this twenty years, and always 
reading the papers, and don't know that Gineral Pierce was 
one of the heroes of the Mexican war ?" 

At that. Uncle Joshua hopped out of his chair like a boy, 
and says he, " Major, is that a fact ?" 

" Yes," says I, " 'tis a fact. You know Mr. Polk sent me 
out there as a private ambassador to look after Gineral Scott 



388 MY THIRTY YEARS 

and Mr. Trist. And Gineral Pierca was out there ; I knew all 
about it, and about his getting wounded." 

" Good !" says Uncle Joshua, snapping his fingers ; " that's 
lucky, then we've got something to go upon ; something 
that the boys can hoorah about. And if we don't have too 
strong a team agin us we may carry the day yet. Who do 
you think the other party will put up ?" 

" Well," says I, " it's pretty likely to be Mr. Webster or 
Mr. Fillmore, and they can't either of 'em hold a candle to 
Gineral Pierce." 

" Of course not," says Uncle Joshua, " if he was the hero of 
the Mexican war. I s'pose it was Gineral Scott's part of the 
war that he was in, because that's where you was. Which 
of the battles did he fight the bravest in, and mow down 
most of the Mexicans ? Did he help storm that Gibralta 
castle at Vera Cruz ?" 

" No," says I, " that little matter was all over before Gin- 
eral Pierce got to Mexico." 

" Well, the great battle of Cerro Gordo come next," said 
Uncle Joshua ; " I dare say Gineral Pierce was foremost in 
marching up that bloody Bunker Hill and driving off Santa 
Anna and his fifteen thousand troops." 

" Vm sure he would a been foremost, if he'd been there," 
says I, " but he hadn't got into the country yet, and Gineral 
Scott wouldn't wait for him. It seems as if Gineral Scott is 
always in a hurry when there is any fightin' to do, and won't 
wait for nobody." 

" Well, the next great battle, if I remember the newspapers 
right," said Uncle Joshua, " was Contreras ; and after that 
came the bloody and hot times of Cherubusco, and the King's 
Mill, and Chepultepec, and marching into the City of Mexico. 
These was the battles, T s'pose, where Gineral Pierce fit like 
a lion, and became the hero of the Mexican war. But which 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 389 

battle did he shine the brightest in, and cut down most of the 
enemy ?" 

*' The truth is," says I, " he got wounded at Contreras, and 
so wasn't able to take a part in them bloody affairs of Cheru- 
busco, King's Mill, and Chepultepec." 

" Then he was in the battle of Contreras," said Uncle Joshua, 
" and that can't be disputed ?" 

" yes," says I, " he certainly was in the first part of it, 
when they was getting the battle ready, for there's where he 
got wounded." 

" Good," said Uncle Joshua, " he was in one battle, and got 
wounded ; that's enough to mak a handle of, anyhow. Where- 
abouts was his wound ?" 

" Well, he had several hurts," said I ; "I believe in his 
foot and ancle, and other parts." 

" Rifle balls ?" said Uncle Joshua, very earnest. 

" no, nothing of that kind," says I. 

" What then ; sword cuts ? Or did the Mexicans stick 
their bayonets into him ?" 

" No, no ; nothin' of that kind, nother," says I. 

" Then it must be grape or bombshells," said Uncle Joshua, 
" how was it ?" 

" No, no, 'twasn't none of them things," says I. " The fact 
was, when they was skirmishing round, getting ready for the 
battle, his horse fell down with him and lamed him very bad.'^ 

Uncle Joshua colored a little, and sot and thought. At 
last he put on one of his knowing looks, and says he, " Well, 
Major, a wound is a wound, and we can make a handle of 
it without being such fools as to go into all the particulars 
of how ho came b}^ it. I say let's go ahead and ratify Gin- 
eral Pierce, and who knows but what we can make something 
out of this Mexican business ?" 

Well, Mr. Gales and Scaton, the thing was done. We rati- 



390 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



ficd on the 21st of June, in the evening-, and it was a tall 
piece of business. When I begun, I meant to give you a full 
account of it, with some of the speeches and resolutions ; but 
I've made my preamble so long that I can't do it in this 




THE DOWNINGVILLE TORCH-LIGHT PROCESSION-. 



letter. We had a tnrch-light procession. Cousin Ephraira took 
his cart and oxen, and went into the woods and got a whole 
load of birch-bark and pitch-pine knots, and all the boys in 
Downingville turned out and carried torches. The school- 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 391 

house was illuminated with fifty candles. Uncle Joshua pre- 
sided, as usual. Banners were hung round the room, with 
large letters, giving the names of all the great battles in 
Mexico ; and the enthusiasm was immense. When we'd got 
about through, and was just winding up with three tremen- 
dous cheers for the " Hero of Mexico," a message came up to 
Uncle Joshua from the Post-OflSce, stating that the telegraph 
had just brought news that the Whig Convention at Balti- 
more had nominated Gineral Scott for President. It gin the 
whole Convention the cold shuggers in a minute. Uncle 
Joshua looked very serious, and says he, *' Feller-Democrats, 
to prevent any mistakes, I think you had better give them 
three last cheers over again, and put in the name of Gineral 
Pierce." So we did, and gin three rousin cheers for Gineral 
Franklin Pierce, of New Hampshire, the Hero of Mexico. 

Downingville is wide awake, and will do her duty in 
^November. 

So I remain your old friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LXXII. 

SHOWING HOW UNCLE JOSHUA AND THE MAJOR STUCK TO GENERAL 
PIERCE, AND HOW SARGENT JOEl's HURRAHS FOR GENERAL SCOTT 
CAME NEAR LOSING THE ELECTION. 

Downingville, State of Maine, Sept. 18, 1852. 
Mr. Gales & Seaton — 

My Dear Old Friends : — I wish I had better news to write 
to you. I'm pesky afraid Gineral Scott is coming in. And, 
arter all, I don't know why I should feel so much afraid of it, 
especially on my own account, for I don't s'pose he's a very 



392 MY THIRTY YEARS ^^hI 

bad man. But I feel bad for Uncle Joshua. His whole heart 
is bouud up in the Post-Office, and if he should lose it, I'm 
afraid it would almost be the death of him. He's had it now 
more than twenty years, and he's more fond of it because it 
was give to him by dear old Gineral Jackson. He loves it 
now like one of his own family ; and I think it would be about 
the hardest one of the family for him to part with, unless 'tis 
Aunt Keziah. If he should lose ary one of 'em, that is, Aunt 
Keziah or the Post-Office, I know it would break his heart. 
And that's what makes me feel so bad at the turn things has 
took down this way in favor of Gineral Scott. If any way 
could be contrived to keep Uncle Joshua in the Post-Office, I 
wouldn't care a snap if Gineral Scott did come in. And I 
guess there's a good deal of the same sort of feelin' amongst 
a good many of the Democracy. I'll just give you a sample 
of it : 

There's Cousin Sargent Joel, he can't live without hurrahing 
for somebody as much as two or three times a day. He got 
in a habit of it in Old Hickory's time, and he couldn't leave it 
off since. Two or three weeks ago Uncle Joshua and I was 
in the barn, planning a little about getting out the voters to 
the election, when all at once we heard somebody back of the 
barn holler, with all his might, " Hurrah for Gineral Scott." 
We both started and run round the corner of the barn as fast 
as we could, and who should we see there but Cousin Sargent 
Joel, standing on a stump, swinging his hat all alone, and 
hollering, at the very top of his voice, " Hurrah for Gineral 
Scott." Uncle Joshua looked as cross as thunder, and Cousin 
Joel colored a little as soon as he see us, but he swung his 
hat again, and sung out, once more, " Hurrah for Gineral 
Scott, and I don't care who hears it." 

" What's that you say ? " said Uncle Joshua. 

" I say, hurrah for Gineral Scott, and I don't care who hears 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



393 



it," says Cousin Joel, putting on his hat, and jumping off the 
stump. 

" Well, this is a pretty piece of business," said Uncle 
Joshua, "setting such examples as this to the neighbors. 




SARGENT JOEL HURRAHS FOR GENERAL SCOTT. 



There's many a word spoke in jest that's turned into arncst 
before it's done with ; and you ought to be careful hoAv you 
set such hurrahs agoin. If you once get 'em started there's 



no knowing what'U be the end on't." 

n 



394 MY THIRTY YEARS 

" I don't much care what'll be the end on't," said Cousin Joel. 

" Why, Joel, what do you mean?" said Uncle Joshua ; "if 
you are going to turn Whig, say so, and let us put you out 
of the synagogue at once, and be done with it. I want a 
plain, right up and down answer, are you going for Gineral 
Pierce or not ? " 

" I s'pose I shall," said Cousin Joel. 

" Then, why in the name of common sense don't you hurrah 
for him?" said Uncle Joshua, "and try and get up some 
enthusiasm. You ought to be ashamed to throw your hurrahs 
away on t'other side." 

" Now, Uncle Joshua, I'll tell you what 'tis," said Sargent 
Joel, straightening himself up jest as he used to at the head 
of the company in Nullification times, says he, " I'll tell you 
what 'tis, Uncle Joshua, I'm willing to vote for Gineral 
Pierce to help you to keep the Post-Office, and I mean to ; but 
you needn't ask me to hurrah for him, for I can't stand no such 
tom-foolery as that. I've tried it, and it won't go, no how. It 
makes me feel so much like digging small potatoes and few 
in a hill. But when I get right hungry for a hurrah, I give it 
to Gineral Scott, and I find there's refreshment and nourish- 
ment in that, something like real meat ; it makes me feel as 
it used to when we gin the loudest ^hurrahs for Gineral 
Jackson." 

Uncle Joshua turned away, looking rather down in the 
mouth, and saying, " he didn't know what the world was 
coming to." 

As near as I can find out, there's a great many Dimocrats 
in this State, and other places too, that's in the same fix as 
Cousin Sargent Joel Downing ; they've tried to hurrah for 
Gineral Pierce, and can't. Over to the raisin of Squire 
Jones' barn, 'tother day, arter they all got through. Squire 
Jones, who is a great Democrat, called out, " Now let us give 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 395 

three cheers for Gineral Pierce." As quick as a look, they 
all swung their hats, and about three-quarters of 'em sung as 
loud as they could holler, " Hurrah for Gineral Cass." At that, 
Squire Jones flew in a rage, and told 'em they was traitors to 
the party, and no true Democrat would hurrah for anybody but 
Gineral Pierce. That touched the dander of the rest of 'em, 
and about twenty swung their hats and cried out lustily, 
" Hurrah for Gineral Scott," and asked Squire Jones if he 
liked that any better. 

These things has kept Uncle Joshua very uneasy along 
back, and before our State election, which came along last 
Monday, he got quite narvous : and he aint no better yet. 
We've been in quite a state of conboberation all the week, 
trying to find out how the election's gone, but it's a hard sum 
to work out. I went over this morning to help Uncle Joshua 
figure up. He was setting to the table with his spectacles 
on, and the papers spread all round him, and a pen in his hand, 
and a dark scowl on his brow. He was thinking so hard he 
didn't seem to know when I come in. Says Aunt Keziah, says 
she, " Pm dreadful glad you've come in. Major ; your uncle 
will make himself sick working over them figures." 

Says I, " Well, Uncle Joshua, how are we coming out ?" 

" Pm afraid we are coming out at the little end of the horn. 
Major," said Uncle Joshua, and he looked up over his specta- 
cles so pale and melancholy it made me feel bad. Says he, 
" I don't like the looks of it a bit ; the State is on the back 
track again towards Whiggery, jest as 'twas when Harrison 
came in." 

" Oh, I guess not," says I, for I wanted to cheer him up as 
much as I could. " The liquor law has played the mischief 
this election all round, and got things badly mixed up ; but 
if we sift 'em out carefully we shall find the Democrats as 
strong as ever." Uncle Joshua shook his head. Says I, 



396 MY THIRTY YEARS 

" Let us see the figures. Here's the returns from three hundred 
towns, all the State except some of the outskirts. Mr. Hub- 
bard and Mr. Chandler, the two Democratic candidats for 
Governor, has together more than fifty-eight thousand votes, 
and Mr. Crosby, the Whig candidate, has a little more than 
twenty-seven thousand. The Democratic vote is more than 
double the Whig vote. This don't look as though the State 
was going back to Whiggery." 

" That don't amount to nothin' at all," said Uncle Joshua ; 
" a good many thousand of temperance Whigs voted for Hub- 
bard, and a good many rum Whigs voted for Chandler ; and 
when the Legislature comes to meet Crosby will stand jest as 
good a chance to be chose Governor as any one of 'em, and 
better too if the State goes over the dam, the 2d of Novem- 
ber, and you may depend it's drifting that way, or else I've 
forgot how to cipher. Jest look at the Legislature. Last 
year in the Senate there was about five Democrats to one 
Whig, and now the Whigs have elected fourteen Senators and 
the Democrats only seven, leaving nine or ten no choice, or 
doubtful. And then the House aint much better. Last year 
we had a clear majority of more than thirty, and now it don't 
look as though we should have more than ten majority. And 
if the State goes for Scott, I believe the Legislature will go 
that way too, Governor and all." 

"But, may be, Uncle Joshua," says I, "the Whigs havn't 
gained so much as you think for, after all. It looks bad in 
the Legislature, I see, but it may be all owing to the rum 
business, as you say about the Governor." 

" No, no, it isn't that," said Uncle Joshua, with a heavy 
sigh ; " you may depend upon it the State has got a Whig 
drift. The Congressmen tells the story, and there the rum 
business has nothing to do with it. In the last Congress we 
had five Democratic Representatives and the Whigs tvv^o. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 39 1 

Well, now how is it ? In the next Congress this State has 
six Representatives, and the Democrats have made out to 
elect three and the Whigs three. It's jest an even balance, 
and a few more of them foolish hurrahs for Gineral Scott will 
tip the State agin us." 

•'' Well, we must stir round," says I, " and try to stop this 
hurrah business, and may be we can save the State yet. If I 
ketch Sargent Joel at it again, I'll cashier him. If Democrats 
can't hurrah for Pierce they musn't be allowed to hurrah for 
nobody. But, after all. Uncle, suppose we should lose this 
State, the nation is safe for the Democracy. You must 
remember we have a large majority of the States, and nigh 
two-thirds of the members of the last Congress." 

" Well," says he, " that don't prove whether we shall have 
two-thirds or one-third in the next Congress. If the States go 
on as they have begun, it will be pretty likely to be one-third. 
There's only three States that has elected their Represnta- 
tives to the next Congress yet, and that is Maine, and Mis- 
souri, and Iowa. And only jest look at 'em. Three years ago 
they stood twelve Democrats and two Whigs, and now they 
stand seven Democrats and six Whigs. How long will it 
take at that rate, to turn our two-thirds into one-third ? I'm 
afraid there's a Whigh drift going over the country that'll 
swamp us. Sailors tell about the big tenth wave that rolls 
up and carries everything afore it, and I'm thinking it seems 
te be a good deal so in politics. There was a big tenth wave 
in 1840, and you remember what work it made. It looks a 
good deal as if there is another big tenth wave rolling up 
now, to swamp the Democracy and upset Congress. We've 
got to have trying times, Major. I don't know what'U become 
of the country if the Whigs get the upper hand." He said 
this with such a mournful expression that I see the tears come 
into Aunt Kcziah's eyes. She's a good christian woman, and 



398 MY THIRTY YEARS 

she laid her hand upon his shoulder, and says she, "Oh, Mr. 
Downing, pray don't be so worried, but trust in Providence." 
And now, Mr. Gales and Seaton, if you can say anything 
to encourage us, or to relieve Uncle Joshua's anxious mind, 
you would do a great kindness to your old friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LXXIII. 
DowNiNGViLLE, State of Maine, Nov. 15, 1852. 
Mr. Gales & Seaton — 

My Dear Old Friends : — I am as happy as happy can be, 
and Uncle Joshua is a great deal happier. And as for Aunt 
Keziah, about the second day arter the election, when New 
York, Pennsylvania, and Ohio, came rolling on for Pierce and 
King, she was so completely overflowed with oceans of hap- 
piness, that she fell into conniption fits, and has had 'em, 
more or less, every day since. And as for Cousin Sargent 
Joel Downing, he don't hurrah for Gineral Scott no more ; but 
ever since the election he hurrahs for Gineral Pierce, day and 
night, till he's got so hoarse he can't speak above a whisper. 
You remember I told you in my last letter how Uncle Joshua 
and I found Sargent Joel, some time before the election, out 
behind the barn, standing on a stump, and swinging his hat 
and hollerin', " Hurrah for Gineral Scott," with all his might. 
Arter that he did it openly, and said he didn't care who heard 
it. And he kept it up till the day arter the election, when 
the telegraph wires brought in the thunder and lightnin' news 
that all creation had gone for Gineral Pierce, and then Cousin 
Joel chopt round quicker than you ever see a nor-wester set in 
arter a south-east storm. Cousin Joel is a cunning dog ; he 
knows on which side his bread is buttered, and you may de- 



OUT OF THE SENATE. ^^^ 



pend ho will be on hand in Washington next winter ; and if 
Pennsylvania Avenue don't ring from one end to t'other with 
his hurrahs for Gineral Pierce, I won't guess agin. I don t 
know what Gineral Pierce will do for Cousin Joel when the 
time comes, but he will be bound to do something pretty 
handsome for him, for no man has hurrah'd louder and heartier 
for him than Cousin Joel has, especially since the election. 

And as for Uncle Joshua, he seems to be in kingdom-come. 
It docs my heart good to look at him, he seems to be so satis- 
fied He says the good old Jackson times is coming back 
agin, and the Bank, and the Tariff, and Internal Improve- 
ments has got to stand from under, or else be swamped 

"But" says I, "Uncle Joshua, we haint got no Bank now, 
so it can't stand from under, nor be swamped nothcr." 

" Well, that ain't nothing at all to the argument," says he. 
■' Supposin' we had a Bank, it would have to stand from under, 

■wouldn't it ?" 1- > „ 

"Well, Uncle Joshua," says I, "you ask me as puzzlm a 

question 'as Bill Johnson did t'other day." 
" What was that ?" says he. 

" Well " says I, "you know Bill is always bantering every 
one he m'eets to swap watches. So he comes up to me t'other 
day, and says he, ' Major, how'll ye swap vvatches ? Says I 
. M;, Johnson. I haint got no watch ' Says he. No mattei for 
that • supposin' you had one, how would you swap ? >ow 
UncHifThad only had a watch, I could a told Bill how 
would swap. And so if we only had a Bank, may be I could 
answer your question, too. For if it was a Whig Bank, I 
hLd say, pU decidedly, it would ^-e to stan froin 
under or be upset. But Gineral Jackson killed the Bank, and 
Tow Gineral Pierce has killed the Whig party. It has always 
been your doctrine, that the Democratic principle is to fight 
agin the Whigs. But now there ain't no Whig party, nor no 



400 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Bank, I don't know, for my part, what Gineral Pierce is going 
to do ; for of all the hard things in this world there ain't 
nothin' harder than to kick agin nothin'. And, Uncle, I 
shouldn't be at all surprised if Gineral Pierce should go to 
work now and build up a new Bank ; and I don't know but I 
almost wish he would." 

Uncle Joshua rolled up his eyes, and says he, " Major, you 
aught to be the last man to say that arter working as hard as 
you did to help Gineral Jackson kill the old Bank monster." 

" I know that," says I, " but circumstances alters cases. 
It is being a Whig Bank that makes a Bank bad, and does all 
the mischief. A Democratic Bank might be a very good 
thing, and I hope Gineral Pierce will try the experiment. 
The Bank of England has worked well for more than a hun- 
dred years, and why shouldn't the Bank of America, if there 
wasn't no Whiggery mixed up with it ? I hope Gineral 
Pierce will go in for a true Democratic National Bank." 

" Well, Major," said Uncle Joshua, " I s'pose you see deeper 
into statesmanship than I do, and I don't know but you're 
about right. I think Gineral Pierce aught to take you for 
one of his Cabinet, if he wants to get along safe ; and I think 
if you would sit down and write a letter to the Gineral, giving 
him some of your notions about things, it might be a help to 
him ; and I think. Major, it's your duty to do it." 

I couldn't help thinking about this last remark of Uncle 
Joshua all day, and finally I begun to feel as though Hwas my 
duty to write to the Gineral. But I see something in the 
papers about his going to Virginia, or somewhere off South, 
and I don't know where my letter would find him. But I 
s'pose, Mr. Gales & Seaton, you keep the run of him, so I will 
inclose the letter to you, and get you to send it on. By so 
doing you will much oblige your old friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 401 



LETTER LXXIV 

PRIVATE LETTER TO GENERAL PIERCE. 

DowNiNGviLLE, State of Maine, Nov. 16, 1852. 

Dear Gineral : — I guess you little thought when we was 
having that scratch in Mexico, that it was going to make a 
President of you. But time and chance happens to all men, 
and why shouldn't luck come to you as well as anybody else ? 
I didn't expect, when I lost dear old Gineral Jackson, that I 
should ever have a chance to write to another Gineral in the 
President's chair President Polk was only a Colonel, and 
somehow it didn't seem half so natural for me to say " dear 
Colonel," as it did to say " dear Gineral," I had been so used 
to it in Old Hickory's time. And I can't help thinking that 
nobody lower than Gineral ever aught to be President. But 
that's neither here nor there ; you are President, and have got 
to go ahead and make the best of it. And as I had a good 
deal of experience in Gineral Jackson's time, and you are 
kind of young in Government matters, I felt it my duty to 
write to you and try to encourage you along, for I don't ex- 
pect you know what very darksome and trying times there is 
in going through the Presidency. The first thing that is 
necessary is to keep a stiff upper lip. It was keepin' a stiff 
upper lip that carried Gineral Jackson through a great many 
hard trials. There was so many hands to the bellows that 
blowed you into the Presidency that I'm afraid when they 
come to settle up accounts there'll be a squabble that will 
make more trouble for you than ever old Hickory had. When 
the old line Dimocrats, North and South, and the Hunkers, 
and the Barnburners, and the Free-Soilers, and the States 
17* 



402 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Rights Dimocrats, and the Union Whigs, and the Seces- 
sionists, and the Carolina Nullifiers, and the Old Fogies, and 
Young America, all get you by the throat, and every one 
crying out " pay me that thou owest," I almost tremble to 
think what will become of you, unless you have a good deal 
of the true old Hickory grit. You must put on the stiffest 
kind of upper lip and take the responsibility, or it'll be gone 
goose with you. You had better shake them all off, and 
advertise that you won't pay no debts of their contracting. 

You must remember that the Whig party is dead and 
buried, and you haven't got to fight agin that no more. And 
you must remember, too, that the Whig party has left con- 
siderable valuable property, and that the Dimocratic party is 
the natural heir to it. So you can take up the Bank, and the 
Tariff, and Internal Improvements, and such kind of notions, 
and use 'em quietly for the benefit of the great Dimocratic 
party, and say nothin' about it. Only you must take care to 
fix 'era over into Dimocratic Bank, and Dimocratic Tariff, and 
Dimocratic Internal Improvements, and then nobody won't 
say a word agin 'em. 

Well, now, about the Cabinet. That is a ticklish kind of 
business, and I feel uneasy to know how you'll get along 
with it. Uncle Joshua thinks you'd better take one out of 
each party that went for you, and give 'em all a fair chance. 
But you can't have but seven members in the Cabinet, unless 
you conclude to have a Kitchen Cabinet too, and I don't 
suppose you'll do that, for they ain't apt to work very well. 
Old Hickory himself got rather tired of his before 'twas over. 
So if you haven't but seven members, there won't be enough 
to give one to each party, and them that's left to suck their 
fingers will always be biting their thumbs at you. And then 
you know the rule is, that the Cabinet should always be a 
unit. But I'm afraid if you get one in from each party it 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 403 

will be a very qiiaiTelsome kind of unit, and you will have no 
comfort of your life. And then, if you was to give the whole 
to one or two parties, you would of course have about a 
dozen parties up in arms agin you, and squalls and harry- 
canes blowing from all quarters. Jest see bow it would work. 
If you should pick out a sound, wise Old Fogy to take hold 
with you to help cook matters up, tlie Dimocratic Review 
would be down upon you like a thousand of brick, and black- 
guard you like a pick-pocket for trying to hobble along on 
the " mere beaten horse." And then, if you was to look t'other 
way and set Young America to the helm, the Old Fogies 
would be afraid some of the mad-caps would run us on to the 
breakers and send us all to the bottom. In that case, pretty 
likely there'd be a greater unit out of the Cabinet than there 
was in it, and there would be danger of mutiny all round. So 
there you are. You seem to be in a snarl, any way you can 
fix it. 

Now, if you will take my advice, Gineral, you will shet 
your eyes, and stop your ears, and take the responsibility, 
and when they come pulling ani hauling round you, jest say 
to the Dimocrats, and the Old Fogies, and Young America, 
and the Hunkers, and the Barnburners, and the Abolitionists, 
and the Secessionists, and the NuUifiers, that you don't know 
none of 'em, and that you ain't their President, but you are the 
President of these thirty-one United States, and you mean " to 
go for the whole or none." That is, I mean the whole of the 
United States that is fairly ours, and not the whole of crea- 
tion, for this last business is one that needs to bo looked at 
and thought on considerable before going into it. I know 
some folks say there is to be a great deal annexin' done 
during your administration. Now I don't know what your 
notions is on this subject, but if annexin' is to be the main 
business of your term, the next question is, whq,t is the best 



404 MY THIRTY YEARS 

way to do it ? Uncle Joshua always says, in nine cases out 
of ten it costs more to rob an orchard than it would to buy 
the apples. If that's true, maybe that fiUisbusterin' wouldn't 
be the cheapest way to annex. But some folks have a great 
fancy for fillibusterin', let it cost what 'twill. If you should 
think of branching out strong that way, I don't s'pose you 
could do better than to take Kossuth for Secretary of State, 
for he is Governor of Hungary, you know, and could hitch 
that fine country right on to our team, without the trouble of 
any fillibusterin' about it. It could be done so quick the 
Russian Bear wouldn't hardly have time to growl. And then 
a small fillibusterin' army could bring in Cuba and Canada, 
and Mexico, and the rest as fast as we should know what to 
do with ^em. 

Good by, Gineral ; go ahead, and keep a stiff upper lip, and 
anything I can do for you jest let me know. 
So I remain your true friend, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LXXV. 

PRIVATE DISPATCH, TO GO THROUGH THE ORGAN TO GENERAL PIERCE. 

DowNiNGViLLE, State of Maine, July 22, 1853. 

Mr. Gales & Seaton — 

My Dear Old Friends : — When I am in a dilemma I always 
feel sure I shall be safe if I throw myself into your hands. 
And I am in a dilemma now, 'cause I've got to send a little 
private official dispatch to Gineral Pierce, and I can't find out 
what paper is the organ to send it through. I've been hunt- 
ing and hunting over the papers, from all parts of the country, 
that come to Uncle Joshua's Post-Office, to try to find out 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 405 

what paper is Glneral Pierce's org-an ; but the more I hunt 
the worse I am off, and the darker and more puzzlin' the 
question grows. Some of the papers says the Washington 
Union is the organ, and some says 'tisn't. 

Sometimes the Union comes out with a fust-rate Dimocratic 
leader, loaded down with true, solid Dimocratic principles, 
that goes into the ground clear up to the hub. Wal, then 
the papers says, " that's by authority ; the Union is the organ 
of the Administration, and no mistake ; it's jest as clear as 
preachin'.'' Then the next thing, may be, it comes out with 
another Dimocratic leader, puffing the Dimocratic Government 
of Russia sky-high. Wal, then the papers goes into a flutter- 
ation about it, and says the Union isn't the organ of the 
Government, any more than a toad wants a tail, every bit 
and grain. 

But the Union says 'lis the organ, and the New York 
Evenin' Post, and some of the rest of 'em, eenamost swears, 
up hill and down, that 'HsnH the organ. So there they have 
it ; and how are we, away down East here, to tell which is 
what ? And then some of the papers said the Republic was 
to be the organ, and was cut down near about one-half in 
size to suit the times ; and some said a true-blue Dimocratic 
organ was going to be moved up from New Hampshire ; and 
some said a bran new organ was going to be made right up 
out of whole cloth, and an editor was going to be brought up 
from New Hampshire to edit it. So what the upshot of the 
business is I can't find out. 

Vm most afraid the Gineral hasn't appointed any organ 
yet ; and if he hasn't, that's very bad ; for the organ aught 
to be the very first appointment made. But I know the 
Gineral has had a very hard time about some of his appoint- 
ments, so I can't so much blame him. So here you see was 
my bother that I was in ; I had to send to the Gineral some- 



406 MY THIRTY YEARS 

thing that aught to go through the organ, and I can't find the 
organ. Finally, arter consulting Uncle Joshua about it, he 
said I'd better write to you, for you would know as much 
about it as anybody, and if there was an organ you could 
send my dispatch to it, and if there wasn't, you could put it 
in the Intelligencer — and for his part, he always thought the 
Intelligencer was about as good as an organ to put anything 
into. 

So now, Mr. Gales & Seaton, if there isn't no organ in 
Washington nor nowhere else in America, I shall have to 
depend on you to get my dispatch along to the Government 
the best way you can, and I'll try and do as much for you 
any time. 

To Gineral Pierce, President of America, and agoing to be {that 
is, if Gineral Cushing isnH mistaken) the founder of ^^ Modern 
PomeP 

Dear Gineral : — I'm afraid you've thought strange of it 
that I haint writ to you afore now, for so long time past ; but 
I couldn't, I've been so busy cruising round among the fisher- 
men down to New Brunswick, and Nova Scotia, and the Gulf 
of St. Lawrence, that I couldn't get no time to write, nor 
couldn't find no Post-OflSce to send it. Ye see, Gineral, I didn't 
accept your invitation to take a seat in your Cabinet, 'cause 
I'm one of them sort that can't bear setting a great deal. I 
can't Stan' it without I'm up and knocking about pretty much 
eveiy day ; and I understood the Cabinet had to set nigh 
about half the time, so I told you I should a good deal rather 
have some foreign appointment, where I could stir myself. 
And you told me the foreign appointments was pretty much 
all spoken for, twenty times over, but you would give me a 
commission as Minister-Gineral, and I might go round and 
look after the interests of the country wherever I thought 




MAJOR DOWNING's VISIT TO THE FISHING SMACKS. 
(See next page.) 



(407) 



408 MY THIRTY YEARS 

best. Now that was jest what I liked ; you couldn't a gin 
me no appointment that would suit me better. 

Wal, my first cruise, Gineral, has been away Down East, 
and a little beyond ; for I thought 'twas high time them fish- 
ermen of ourn down there was looked arter ; I heard they 
was getting wrathy, and the Britishers was flockin' in there 
with their armed vessels agin, and there was pretty likely to 
be a muss if 'twan't seen to ; and I knew it would be a good 
cool place in this hot summer weather, so I sculled off. I 
went all along the coast, and boarded the fishermen, and 
talked with the skippers, and give 'em good advice. I'm 
sorry to say their backs is up pretty round. They swear 
they'll never stan' that straight line "from headland to head- 
land," no way you can fix it. They say the codfish and the 
mackerel are a good deal thicker inside the line than they are 
out, and they are bound to go where there's the best fishin', 
let who will Stan' in the way. Wal, Gineral, since most 
all our politicians and office-seekers is doing the same thing, 
and setting of 'em the same example, I couldn't find it in my 
heart to blame 'em much, for who is there among 'em all, 
politicians and office-seekers, that stans much about any 
straight line from headland to headland when they think 
there is any better fishing t'other side of it ? 

Howsever, I guess 3^ou may calculate the fishermen will 
remain quiet this summer, if they are allowed to fish where 
they are a mind to, and the British vessels don't crowd 'em 
too hard. But if they do, you must look out for a regular 
row, that'll stir the whole camp of Young America. I got 
home last week, and have been overhauling the newspapers, 
and having talks with Uncle Joshua, and larning how things 
is gitting on. I see that you and some of the Cabinet have 
been on to New York to see the openin' of the Crystil Palace, 
and had a good time. I'm glad to find your Administration 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 409 

is g-etting on so swiininly, and that you've got such a fust-rate 
Cabinet round you. I like Mr. Marcy better and better ; he's 
sucli a prudent man and a fust-rate Dimocrat. I always heard 
he was prudent and savin', and wasn't ashamed to liavc his 
clothes mended as long as they was decent, before he would 
go into any extravagance to get new ones. And I'm riglit 
glad he's agoing to set sich a good example to the country by 
making our foreign Ministers and Consuls follow his prudent 
ways. His circular of the first of June has been worth a 
hundred dollars to me right off, to begin with. When I got 
home I says to Uncle Joshua, says I, "Uncle, I want you to 
lend me a hundred dollars, and I'll give 3^ou an order on the 
President for it, to take it out of my salary ; for I'm agoing to 
take a tower to Europe with my commission of Minister-Gin- 
cral, to see that England and France puts a stop to that Rus- 
sian war, and I've got to get a bran new rig for a court dress." 
Uncle Joshua laughed, and says he, " Major, you can save 
yourself all that trouble and expense. I guess you hain't 
seen Mr. Marcy's circular. Our foreign Ministers and Con- 
suls now have all got to wear the plainest home-spun clothes, 
jest as Dr. Franklin did when he was a Minister in the 
beginning of the government. The circular says, ' It is to be 
regretted that there was ever any departure in this respect 
from the example of Dr. Franklin.' And it goes on and lays 
down the rules about plain clothes in a most thorough Dimo- 
cratic manner. And the Union newspaper — I don't know 
whether it's an organ or not, but it puts on airs and speaks 
as though it was talking by authority — and it says the Admin- 
istration is determined to ' exhibit the same progressive 
American spirit' in the clothing business that it does in its 
other foreign relations ; and that * it is time to restore the 
strongl^'-marked republicanism ' of Dr. Franklin's clothes. So, 
Major, your clothes is all good enough now, and jest the right 



410 



ilY THIRTY YEAKS 



sort. Only may be you better take with you ray long drab 
surtout and my broad-brim hat, for perhaps they'd look a little 
more like Dr. Franklin than yourn does." And then Cousin 
Nabby spoke up, and says she, " Yes, Cousin Jack, and I've 




DEMOCRATIC COSTUME CARRIED TO THE EXTREME. 

got half a dozen pair of blue woolen stockins already knit for 
you ; so you'll be all fixed up nice and warm." 

Wal, now, Gineral, I feel a great deal relieved about this 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 411 

dress business ; it will save so much expense, and, besides, I 
shan't feel afraid now to go to any royal Court in Europe, and 
face the iinest on 'em. The fact is, Gineral, since Mr. Marcy's 
circular has sot me to thinkin' on this matter of dressin' for 
our Ministers, I don't know but it would be more Dimocratic 
and American to go a step beyond Dr. Franklin, and take the 
real aborigin style. There aint, to my mind, nothin' more 
becomin than a buffalo-robe or a handsome blanket, with the 
fine worked Indian leggins and moccasins ; and then an 
American Minister would be kuowed everywhere as soon as 
he was seed. They might paint or not, as they pleased, but it 
would be real American, and beat the Turks in pictureskness, 
and besides look Roman like too. Give my respects to Mr. 
Marcy, and hint this Indian notion to him. I am sure it 
would take like wild-fire. 

And, Gineral, you've got another real whaler in your Cab- 
inet, and that is Gineral Gushing. It seems to me, if that 
man lives, he's agoing to outstrip Gineral Jackson. I had no 
idea there was so much grit in him till he made that speech 
t'other day at Newark, in the Jersies. Since I've read that 
speech I feel all over like an old Roman. It seems as if I can 
see our country marching right up to the very tip -top of the 
world's mountain and kicking all the rest of the nations down 
to the bottom of the heep. That old Greke, that folks tell so 
much about, never poured out sich a grist of oratory in all his 
born days. I can't help copying a little piece of it out of the 
newspapers into my dispatch. Here 'tis : 

" There is a destiny to a Republic. There is a law of its 
existence as clearly and undeniably as there is a law of the 
existence of a human being, that he shall begin in youth, that 
he shall grow in juvenescence, that he shall harden into man- 
hood, that in the plenitude of his manful strength he shall 
overtop the nations around him. [Applause.] We are now 



412 MY THIRTY YEARS 

the men of the modern Rome. How was it with the old 
Rome. She conquered. She went on annexin' according to 
the law of her existence [applase], and so long as she pro- 
ceeded in the application of that law of her existence, no 
earthly power could withstand her progress. [Applause.] 
I say that was the destiny of ancient Rome, and it is the 
destiny of modern Rome. There can be no pause in our 
progress, except the pause of decay ; when we cease to 
grow we shall begin to perish. [Applause.] I say, when 
we cease to grow we shall begin to perish ; for upon us as a 
republic is impressed, not a curse, (though it was a curse to 
him who thrust from his door the thirsting Saviour on his way 
to Calvary ;) it was his curse that vengeance of God should 
pronounce over him as the perpetual sentence of his sin — 
march, march, march ; for him there was no pause. I say, as 
on him was pronounced the curse, on us has been poured 
down tha benediction, [applause ;] for us that same Divine 
voice has said, March, march, march — onward, upward, so 
long as there remains a celestial hight in the infinite regions 
of greatness which it is possible for human power to scale." 

That speech came over Cousin Sargent Joel like a steak of 
lightning. He went right to work and scoured up his old 
fire-lock as bright as a pewter-platter. And now, from 
mornin' till night, with his fire-lock on his shoulder, he marches 
about the house and round the barn in a military step, sayin' 
to himself as he goes, " March, march, march ; we are the 
men of modern Rome I March, march, march ; annexin' day 
is close at hand ! March, march, march I" 

But, Gineral, I must be in a hurry, and be off on my tower 
before the countries is all annexed. So I subscribe myself 
in haste, your faithful friend and well wisher, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. / 413 



LETTER LXXVI. 

PRIVATE DISPATCH TO GINERAL PIERCE, TO GO THROUGH CNE OF THE 
ORGANS — THE UNION OR THE SENTINEL, OR THE STAR, OR ONE OF 
THE OTHER ORGANS — IF THEY'vE GOT AGOING YET. ^ 

DowNiNGviLLE, State of Maine, Nov. 8, 1853. 

Dear Gineral : — I got back from my tower in Europe yes- 
terday, and found Uncle Joshua and Aunt Keziah, and Cousin 
Nabb}^, and Cousin Sargent Joel, all well ; and I hope these 
few lines will find you enjoying the same blessing. I'm glad 
of one thing, and that is, that you ain't troubled so much 
about organs as you was when I went away. There wasn't 
any organ then, only the Union, and that was a disputed one, 
so I had to send my last dispatch to my old friends, Mr. Gales 
and Seaton, and get them to forward it to you the best way 
they could. But I understand now that organs is getting to 
be as plenty as blackberries, and that seems to be lucky 
about this time ; for, if what Uncle Joshua tells me is all 
true, it will need a good many of 'em to play tunes to suit all 
parties. If you could manage to have an organ for each 
member of the Cabinet, it would be a great help ; for then 
each one could play his own tune and no jarring, and harmony 
is what we need all round. Mr. Marcy needs an organ all to 
himself, to fire off his forty-four pounders at Austria and the 
rest of Europe, to keep matters straight over there. And Mr. 
Guthrie, I'm sure, needs an organ all to himself to manage his 
New York correspondence. And there's Gineral Gushing, he 
aught to have a nice organ all to himself, that would play 
military tunes, so that everybody, as soon as they heard it, 
would feel as if they wanted to march. And Gineral Davis 



414 MY THIRTY YEARS 

aught to have a military organ, too ; but some say be and 
Gineral Gushing might get along very well with one organ 
between 'em, and that Gineral Davis could play his variations 
on Mr. Guthrie's organ. 

And then the different "sections" of the party needs different 
organs, too. I never believed that the same tune would 
satisfy' the "Hards" and the "Softs" of New York : and 
from what Uncle Joshua tells me, it's jest so. He says the 
organ has been pouring out delightful strains of harmony all 
summer ; but the more it poured 'em out, the greater was the 
discord between the Hards and the Softs, till finally it worked 
them to a pitch of phrenzy, and he says they are now fighting 
and pullin' caps like mad. That shows clearly to my mind 
that the different " sections" ought to all have their own 
organs, and I don't think there'll be any peace till they have. 

But about my tower in Europe I've a good deal to say, 
more than I can get into this dispatch, and some of it, I 
think, would work well into your message to Congress next 
month, if I can get time to bring it, or send it on to you in 
time. Ye sec, as I had your commission of Minister-Gineral 
to go on my own hook wherever I pleased, and look after 
matters jest as I thought best, it gin me a capital chance to 
work to advantage. And Mr. Marcy's rules, too, about dress 
worked first-rate ; for when I thought it best to go it a little 
on the sly, I could jest put on my drab surtout and broad- 
brim hat, and sagaciate round among the whole biling of 'em, 
and they wouldn't mistrust who I was. So when I found 
which way the cat was going to jump, and thouglit it was 
Lest to head 'em and bring 'em to a pint, I had nothing to do 
but to pull my commission out of my pocket, and show it to 
'em, and that did the business. Tie fact is, Europe's afraid 
of us. I think we are fast getting the upper hand. There 
ain't another nation in all creation, without 'tis Russia, that 



OUT OF THE SEXATE. 



415 



hardly dares to say her soul's her own, for fear we shall be 
down upon her, and take her soul away from her. And even 
Russia feels a little ticklish, for fear that, when she gets into 
her highfalutin with Turkey, and the rest of Europe goes to 
take sides, we shall turn tu and lick the whole scrape, and 
annex 'em to our modern Rome. I see somebody has put out 




THE MAJOR IN COURT DRESS. 



a book that proves, as clear as preachin', that the United 
States is a modern Rome ; so when Gineral Gushing said in 
his speech we must march, march, march, and do as old Rome 
did, he was talking by the book. 

About this war business in Europe, if there's anything to 
be larnt in diplomatic circles, and I've sifted the wliole of 'em, 



416 MY THIRTY YEARS 

there's to be a tight scratch all round before it is over. The 
truth is, Russia is in real arnest after Turkey as ever a bear 
was to get into a corn-field. She clambered over into the 
field, like a great bear as she is, jest for the purpose of 
eating her way through from one end to t'other. But she 
intended to do it all in a peaceable, friendly way, march- 
ing cooly and slowly along, step by step, till she got down 
to the lower end of the field, and then she would swallow 
Constantinople just as quick as a cat could lick her ear, 
and poor Turkey never would know what become of her. 
The Czar intended to do all this in a very friendly, quiet 
way, nibbling along at his leisure, and not have any fuss 
at all about it. But the foolish Sultan got frightened, 
and worked himself into a tantrum, and declared war, and 
told Mr. Bear to clear out of his corn-field in fifteen da^^s, or 
he'd set the dogs arter him. Well, that made the Czar mad ; 
and now he says clear the track, for he's agoing down to 
Constantinople, whether or no, let who will stand in the way, 
and there shan't be a Turk's head left anywhere, clear from 
Dan to Beersheba — that is, if the other nations will jest form 
a ring and see fair play, and not interfere. But the Czar is a 
good deal afraid that England and France will be for having a 
finger in the pie ; so he has agreed with Austria and Prussia, 
who are on his side, to keep quiet and declare themselves 
neutral, and not stir an inch as long as England and France 
will keep quiet. But if they begin to meddle, then all hands 
to fall to, and have a regular scratch, and pulling caps all 
round . 

Well, now, England and France don't mean to keep quiet. 
They are watching Russia jest as narrow as ever a cat 
watched a mouse, and before Russia gets half way down to 
Constantinople, there'll be a terrible fuss. The French rooster 
will crow, and the British lion will growl and shake his 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 4lt 

mane ; and if the Russian bear don't get licked or scared, and 
turn tail to and run, but holds on and eats up one end of 
Turkey, then England and France will clap their heads 
together and eat up t'other end, just to keep it from spiling. 

Now, when all this rumpus gets to its highest pitch in 
Europe, and all the nations get at it pell-mell, it'll be jest the 
time for us to strike, and go to annexin', and carry out our 
manifest destiny in a handsome manner. What's the use of 
our nibbling about among small fry near home, and annexin' 
little patches here and there, such as Cuba, and little slices 
off of Mexico, when we might jest as well branch out and do 
somethin' splendid — somethin' that old Rome couldn't hold a 
candle to ; somethin' that Gineral Gushing himself could say 
was quite " up to the occasion ?" Who wants to wait for our 
manifest destiny till one-half the present generation has died 
off? I say no ; now's the time ; we must strike when the 
iron's hot. So, when the Czar and all his troops are away 
down South, peppering Turkey, let us whip round into the 
Baltic and annex St. Petersburg, and put a navy and an army 
there that will command all Northern Europe. By that time 
England and France will get to quarreling with each other to 
see which will have Constantinople, and that will be the time 
for us to be down upon them like a thousand of brick. Take 
London, and then we shall have John Bull by the horns ; 
take Paris, and that'll give us all the jining countries. Then 
sail up the Mediterranean, drive the English and French fleets 
all afore us, force our way through the Darnin-needles, and 
get possession of that " golden horn " they tell about. Then, 
if I understand geography right, we shall have full sweep all 
over creation. 

What's to be done on t'other side, over the Pacific way, 
ain't much Commodore Perry has fairly got his wedge into 
the oyster-shell of Japan, and that's half the battle. Just 
1» 



418 MY THIRTY YEARS 

send word to him to annex China on his way round, and on his 
route home pick up the islands along on the Pacific, which 
will be jest as easy as to pick up so many bird's eggs. And 
after we get through our manifest destiny, I don't see what 
there need to be to hinder our enjoying peace and quietness 
at home, and having a good time of it. We shall certainly 
then have enough for all hands, and no mistake ; offices 
enough for all them that wants offices, and spoils enough for 
all them that's hungry for spoils. And then let every man of 
us " set his face like a flint as well against right-handed 
back-slidings as against left-handed defections, which may 
prejudice or embarrass the onward progress of the Kepublic." 
Then there needn't be no more quarreling between the Hards 
and the Softs about which gets the most, for there'll be 
enough for the whole biling lot of 'em. 

We aught to be going ahead with this business as fast as 
possible, for Uncle Joshua says the party has got into a ter- 
rible snarl, and nothing but a grand coop-da-tat can get 'em 
out of it. He says Collector Bronson, of New York, has lost 
his head, owing to a little misunderstanding between him and 
Mr. Guthrie. They both tried to see which could stand up 
the straightest on the Baltimore platform, and they both 
agreed that the platform was the rule, and everything aught 
to be squared up to it. Mr, Bronson was quite impartial, 
and Mr. Guthrie was a good deal more so. When Mr. Bron- 
son took his seat at the head of the Custom-House table, and 
all " sections" of the party come crowding and shuffling round 
to get the best places at the table and alongside the best 
dishes, he tried to give 'em all a fair chance ; but somehow he 
thought it was no more than right to help round first them 
that had always stood fair and square on the platform ; and 
if some of them that used to spit on it had to wait a little, it 
might do 'em good. But the spitters made a terrible fuss 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 419 

about it, and kept up such a din in Mr. Guthrie's ears that he 
turned round and told Mr. Bronson, right up and down, that 
he musn't show no partiality. If a spitter wasn't catched 
spitting on the platform now, give him his regular meal. Tiiis 
touched Mr. Bronson a little, and he said he was able to do the 
honors of his own table, and he would attend to the duties of 
his oflBce if Mr. Guthrie would his. Mr. Guthrie said that 
was rebellion, so he brought him to the block, and chopped his 
head off. 

Uncle Joshua says it is a very misfortunate business, and 
has thrown the whole party into a high fever. The fever 
rages the hardest in the " section " of the New York Hards, 
and looks as though it might prove fatal. But Gineral Gush- 
ing, who is very skillful in such matters, has put a blister 
plaster to the Massachusetts Softs, in hopes of drawing out 
the inflammation from the New York Hards. But Uncle 
Joshua says he don't think the party is out of danger yet. 
But as long as there's life there's hope ; so let us all keep a 
stiff upper lip and go ahead. 

Your faithful friend and Minister- Gineral, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



LETTER LXXVII. 

THE OSTEND CONGRESS — ^THE THREE s's, SOULE, SICKLES, AND SAUN- 
DERS — PEABODY's fourth of JULY DINNER IN LONDON — DEMOCRACY 
IN ENGLAND, FRANCE, AND SPAIN. 

Letter of Instructions to President Pierce and Cabinet. 

OsTEND, October 28, 1854. 
Dear Gineral : — We are all prowlin' round here, and duing 
the best we can, though we haint made out to fetch matters 
to a head yet ; but I guess we are in a pretty fair way for it. 



420 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Our team's got grit enough, and, by jingo, they'll haul the 
load they hitch on to, or else somethin's got to give way. Mr. 
Buchanan and Mr. Mason isn't quite spry enough ; they are a 
little on the old fogy fashion, and not always ready to come 
up to the scratch ; but with Mr. Sickles spurrin' up on one 
Bide, and Mr. Sanders spurrin' on t'other ride, and Mr. Souley 
3rivin' up behind, we make out to get a pretty good pull out of 
Ihem sometimes. We've got things so far ahead here that 
Mr. Sickles and Mr. Sanders thinks I better write a dispatch 
to you and the Cabinet to home and give you some instruc- 
tions how to go on. 

I'll tell you what 'tis, Gineral, (when I call you Gineral, I 
sometimes eenamost feel as if I was writin' to Gineral 
Jackson again ;) I say, Gineral, I'll tell you what 'tis, them 
"three S's (Sickles, Sanders, and Souley) are the three 
smartest chaps that ever growed in North America. They 
make Europe stan' round, and no mistake. Mr. Souley holds 
old Spain between his thumb and finger, and whisks her 
about jest as he's a mind to. Queen and all ; Mr. Sanders lays 
down the Democratic law to France, and stans a pretty fair 
chance to be chose President of the new French Republic after 
Napoleon goes out ; and as for old John Bull, I'll be licked if 
I think the critter dares to stir an inch while Sickles holds him 
by the horns. 

I suppose you've seen them letters — how Mr. Sickles 
snubbed Peabody, the great merchant banker, about the 4th 
of July dinner. Capital, wasn't it ? Ye see, Mr. Peabody gin 
a 4th of July dinner. He's always doing sich things or giving 
money away for somethin or other ; for they say he's got 
money enough to buy a kingdom. Wall, he invited Mr. 
Sickles to come and jine the rest of us and have a good set 
down. But, ye see, Mr. Peabody didn't know how much 
patriotism and real Democratic grit there was stowed away 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



421 



in Mr. Sickles' breast ; he had no idea o'nt ; and that was 
the rock he split on. You'll hardly believe me, Gineral, vvhen 
I say it, but it's a fact, Mr. Peabody had Englishmen there to 
help eat that dinner 1 It's a melancholy fact, but it's true. 
If he had had half a table full of cannibals we could all a 
stood it, and fit our way through ; but Mr. Sickles couldn't 
stand Englishmen. He had too much Democratic blood in him 
for that. To mix up Democrats and Englishmen at the same 
table was awful. But that wasn't the worst of it. When Mr. 
Sickles got there he couldn't hardly believe his own eyes ; for 
there was a portrait of the Queen hung right up in the same 
room with Gineral Washington ! Wasn't that a stumper ? 
No wonder Mr. Sickles' Democratic blood biled over. But 
that wasn't the worst of it. When they come to give the 
toasts, they toasted the Queen I The rest of the folks stood 
up to drink the toast, but Mr. Sickles grit his teeth and sot 
down as hard as a thousand of brick ; and he felt so disgusted 
he couldn't eat another mouthful. And when the music, to 
increase the insult, struck up " God save the Queen," Mr. 
Sickles took his hat and marched out. There was spunk that 
Young America aught to be proud of 1 That Mr. Buchanan 
didn't take his hat and march out too only shows that he's an 
Old Fogy. 

We've held our Congress, and got things in a middling good 
train, though, as I said before, we haint brought matters 
quite to a head yet. We managed better than your Congress 
does. We didn't stop to make so many long-winded speeches, 
but talked right to the pint, and got through in a few days. 
The members chose me President of the Congress the first 
thing ; for they said I was nearest akin to Gineral Jackson 
of any of 'em, and the honor belonged to me ; so I had to take 
the cheer. I returned thanks for the honor, of course, and 
then proceeded to business. I beginned by callin for the re- 



422 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



ports of the committees that had the business in hand afore 
we met. 

I called for the report on England first, out of respect to 
her being our venerable old mother. Mr. Sickles, who was 
the head of that committee, reported that John Bull was an 
obstinate Old Fogy, and he had found it very hard to make 
any impression upon him. The people all seemed to be tied 
to the Queen's apron strings, and didn't appear to care no 




MR. SICKLES WHIPPING DEMOCRACY INTO JOHX BULL. 



more about Democracy than a horse does about his grand- 
father. Still he had faith to believe that they could be made 
lo take it, and when the time comes he was ready to off coat 
and roll up his sleeves and whip it into 'em. [Cheers.] 

Upon the question of accepting Mr. Sickles' report, Mr. 
Buchanan rose and said he objected to the term Old Fogy ; 
he never did like the term, and he thought it would do more 
hurt than good in the report, and he moved that it be struck 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 423 

out. Mr. Sanders said no ; that was the very cream of the 
report, and he objected to its being struck out. It was then 
put to vote, and Mr. Buchanan and Mr. Mason voted unani- 
mously to strike it out, and the rest of us all voted to keep 
it in ; so " Old Fogy " stands in the report by a strong 
majority. 

I then called for the report on France. 

Mr. Sanders made a long report ; but the substance was, 
that the Democratic crop in France wasn't quite ripe enough 
to harvest. Napoleon had filled the people's heads so full of 
the Eastern war and glory that they couldn't think of nothin' 
else but raising troops to go to the Black Sea, and give the 
Russians an all-fired thrashin', and storm the Malakoff, and 
blow all Sebastapol down about their ears. So it was no 
use, jest now, to try to light the fires of Democracy in 
France. "But," said Mr. Sanders, "there's a good time 
comin', boys — wait a little longer," [Cheers.] 

Mr. Sanders' report was unanimously accepted, with a pro- 
viso that, while we had to wait a little longer, we shouldn't 
stop working, but keep stirrin' round and trying to get up a 
muss somehow as soon as possible. 

I then called for the report on Spain. And here we all felt 
quite sure we should get something pretty nice. 

Mr. Souley rose, with fire in his eye and honey and thunder 
on his tongue. He reported that if there was any sich thing 
as getting sunbeams out of a cowcumber he could do it ; and 
he had come pesky near kindlin' the flame of Democracy from 
one end of Spain to t'other. He had churned the cream of 
Spanish Democracy, and churned it well, and the butter begun 
to come and swim on the top of the buttermilk, and he thought 
for awhile the bisness was done ; but when he looked into 
the churn again, to his amazement, the witchcraft of despot- 
ism had got the upper hand, and the butter was all meltin' 



424 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



back again into the buttermilk. " But,'' says Le, " as true as 
Jackson flogged the British at New Orleans, I'll have a red- 
hot horse-shoe before long to put into that churn, and then 
butter must come." [Cheers.] 




m 



MR. SOULE CHURNIXG THE DEMOCRACY OF OLD SPAIN. 



So you see, Gineral, how things is over here. We can't do 
much jest yet, but you may depend on it there is great times 
ahead. You and Mr. Marcy, and the rest, must hold on and 
try to keep things snug and tight at home, till we get our 
Government under way over here, and we'll cut out some 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 425 

work for you to do before long ; and them matters and things 
that we don't send over any particular directions about, you 
and the Cabinet must try to get along with and manage 
accordin' to your best discretion. But you better be gettin' 
your forces ready as fast as possible, for we may call for 'em 
at any moment. You better enlist the old Downingville com- 
pany, and get Cousin Sargent Joel to take command of it. 
Get Mr. Marcy to plan out the right sort of uniform, and get 
my friend Cushing to address 'em and fill 'em full of grit and 
ginger, so they can't be held back, but will be ready, at a 
moment's warning, to " march," and carry Democracy all 
over Eurup, and Asha, and Afraky, and America. 

Postscript. — I don't know but the muss is begun, and we 
may have to send over by the next steamer for Sargent Joel 
and his company to come on. The French Emperor has got 
frightened or mad about matters, I don't know which, and 
has snubbed Mr. Souley, and forbid his settin' a foot on his 
land. He turned him right out of the doors of France, and 
told him to go about his business somewhere else. This was 
when Mr. Souley was on his way home to Spain from our 
Congress, which we held at Ostend ; for we was very careful 
not to hold it in France, nor Spain, nor England, so as not to 
stir up a muss with the Governments before it was time. 
But Napoleon has been foolish enough to put his foot in it, 
and now we've all agreed that he has got to knock under and 
back out, or smell thunder. 

In haste and some agitation, I remain your old friend and 
Minister-Gineral at large, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



18* 



426 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER LXXVIII. 

private dispatches to gineral pierce not to be give up to con- 
gress if they call for it. 

Aboard the Fillibuster Schooner Two Follies, ^ 

Off the " Hole in the Wall," near the middle of V 

March, I forget the day of the Month, 1855. ) 

Dear Gineral : — We are skuddin' round here, and holding 
on to the slack, waitin' for more help to come up, and you 
may depend on't Cuba's got to take it. We don't never give 
up the ship. A fast little clipper jest come along, going to 
Baltimore, and the skipper said he'd take my dispatches to 
you in three days. And you can send to me by the skipper, 
your notions about things ; for he's only going to stop long 
enough to wood up, and then he's coming right strait back to 
jine us. He made me promise to hold on and not take Cuba 
till he comes, for he was very earnest to be in at the death. 

That Cuba's a fine country. We've been having a glimpse 
at it once in awhile with our spy-glasses, through the " Hole 
in the Wall," and round the corners, and it's raly a fine 
country ; 'twould do your heart good to look at it. And you 
shall have a chance before long, for it's got to come down ; 
it's got to 'nuckle, and no mistake. Fve got my commis- 
sion to go ahead from Mr. Buchanan, and Mr. Mason, and Mr. 
Souley. And the nub of the whole thing is, we've got to take 
Cuba, " if we have the power ;" and I know we have, as Sally 
Giles said to her sweetheart. Says Sally, says she, " you 
shan't kiss me unless you are stronger than I am, and I 
know you be." 




THE SCHOONER *' TWO FOLLIES" SCUDDING ROLTNii CUBA. 



(42t) 



428 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Just before we come out, I see by the papers that Louis 
Napoleon was a notion of goin' to the Crimea to see Sevastopol 
fall, and so I thought maybe you might like to come out here 
and see us take Cuba. Now, if you du, jest say the word, 
and tell me in your letter what day you will be down on the 
pint of Florida, and I'll bear up with the Two Follies and take 
you off. 

You mustn't feel hurt because I didn't come to Washington 
to see you before starting on this cruise ; but the fact was, I 
hadn't time. Our country was in so much danger it wouldn't 
do to wait. Our Congress in Ostend went over the whole 
ground, and examined it carefully, and come to the conclusion 
that it was neck or nothing with us. We must have Cuba or 
our whole country would go to rack and ruin, and we agreed 
that " the Union can never enjoy respose nor possess reliable 
security as long as Cuba is not embraced within its 
boundaries." 

I sent you a dispatch last fall about the duins of our Con- 
gress at Ostend, where we took up the affairs of England, and 
France, and Spain ; but finally concluded we couldn't make 
anything out of that business yet, and should have to wait a 
little longer. Well, then them three S's — Souley, Sickles, and 
Sanders — said there was one thing we could du ; we could 
take hold of that Cuba business and finish it up brown. And, 
for fear that Louis Napoleon might have spies round us there 
at Ostend, we concluded it was best to hitch a little further 
off. So we went over to Ax-le-Shapple and finished up the 
business. 

The upshot was, we concluded we would have Cuba by 
hook or by crook ; and that Mr. Souley should go right back 
to old Spain and tell the Queen so. If she'd a mind to give 
it up quietly and make no fuss about it, he might promise to 
give her somcthin' pretty handsome in the way of money ; we 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 429 

didn't care nothih' about that, as we've got plenty of money 
to home. If she refused, and told Mr. Souley to mind his own 
business, and we shouldn't have Cuba no how, then we told 
him he mustn't be mealy-mouthed, nor mince matters, but pick 
a quarrel the best way he could and clear out. 

Well, Mr. Souley went back to Madrid with a stiff upper 
lip, and begun to try to dicker with the Queen's spokesman 
for a bargain, somethin' in this way : 

Souley. " Oh, now I think of it, there's the little Island of 
Cuba over there near our coast ; we'd like to have that little 
island, if it's all the same to you. I s'pose you've no 
objections ; it isn't the least use in the world to you, and it 
might be some little account to us. So, if you say so, we'll 
jest mark Cuba down on the map of the United States." 

Spokesman. " Not by a jug full, Mr. Souley ; Cuba is the 
most valuable patch of ground we've got. Can't spare it 
no how." 

Souley. " Oh, nonsense ; it's no income at all to you, and 
nothin' but a bill of expense. It's so near to us we might 
look after it, and maybe make somethin' out of it ; but it's no 
more use to you than the fifth wheel to a coach. I guess 
we'll consider it ours." 

Spokesma7i. ** I guess you won't. I tell you we can't spare 
Cuba no how. It's the pride of the Spanish kingdom, and the 
gem of the Queen's crown." 

Souley. " Well, but, my dear sir, we wouldn't mind paying 
you quite a handsome sum for it ; a hundred millions, if you 
say so. We won't scrimp about the price." 

Spokesman. "There is no price to it. Carry your hundred 
millions to some other market if you want to buy honor with 
it. I tell you the honor of old Spain has no price." 

Souley. " But, my dear sir, you don't consider what a 
wonderful deal of help a million would be to you. You must 



430 MY THIRTY YEARS 

remember you are getting a good deal behind hand. YouVe 
no income hardly, and you are a good deal in debt. Only look 
at it ; a hundred millions will enable you to pay off your 
debts, and make internal improvements, and build railroads 
and telegraphs all over your country, so that you can spruce 
up and live comfortable, and get ahead in the world. Say the 
word, and the hundred millions is yours." 

Spokesman. " Offer your hundred millions to some beggar 
who wants it. The ancient and proud kingdom of Spain is 
no beggar, sir. I'll thank you, sir, not to insult me." 

Souley. " I don't intend any insult, sir ; but I'll be frank 
and plain with you. The fact is, we must have that island. 
It is absolutely necessary for the safety and welfare of the 
United States. Our country can't get along without it." 

Spokesman. " That's your look out, not mine.'^ 

Souley. " Well, now, Mr. Spokesman, you know your 
people out there in Cuba have for a long time been insulting 
our folks, searching their vessels, and firing into their 
steamers, and sometimes ketching our people and shooting 'em, 
or putting 'em in dungeons. There's a long account of these 
things that you must settle right up, pint plank, or suffer the 
consequences. There's three hundred thousand dollars you've 
got to pay for stopping the steamer Black Warrior, and a great 
many other things as bad as that. These matters have got to 
be settled right up, or Cuba's got to stand in the gap." 

Spokesman. "Can't help that. If you've got any accounts 
to settle, we'll leave it out to a third party to say how we 
shall settle. We don't owe you a cent for the Black Warrior. 
She broke our laws, and we fined her six thousand dollars ; 
and then we give back the fine after all, when we might a 
kept the vessel. And you are so ungrateful as not to thank 
us for it." 

So^ihy. " I won't stan' this foolery no longer. Leave it 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 431 

out ! No, we know how to settle our own business best. 
Now, sir, you've got to settle all our accounts right up, and 
fix things about Cuba, so we shan't never have any more 
trouble, or else give us up the island to manage in our own 
way. Now, I'm agoin' to give you jest two weeks to think 
of this business, and give me your answer ; and if it isn't 
settled by that time, I shall clear out and go home, and th^n 
youHl hear thunder ! Good-by, sir." 

That Souley's a smart feller, Gineral. He talked right up 
to 'em, and wasn't afeared. Well, he waited till the two 
weeks was out, and no answer didn't come ; and then he slat 
round and picked up his clothes, and locked up his trunks, 
and cleared out. Then he come over where we had been wait- 
ing for him, and told us how the business stood. He said old 
Spain refused to give up Cuba, and refused to settle, and he 
had got the quarrel in such a shape now, that we would carry 
it on any way to suit ourselves. "And now,'- said Mr. 
Souley, " what's to be done next ? " 

Wal, says I, Mr Souley, you've only jest got to look at 
the instructions drawn up by our Congress, at Ax-le-Shapple, 
and signed by you, and Mr. Buchanan, and Mr. Mason, and 
you'll see the course is marked out as plain as A, B, C. Jest 
open the dockyment and read. It says : 

" Cuba is as necessary to the North American Eepublic as 
any of its present members." 

" The Union can never enjoy repose, nor possess reliable se- 
curity as long as Cuba is not embraced within its boundaries." 

" But if Spain, deaf to the voice of her own interest, and 
actuated by stubborn pride and a false sense of honor, should 
refuse to sell Cuba to the United States " — what then ? 

" Self-preservation is the first law of nature with States as 
well as with individuals." 

Matters and things being thus and so, " then, by every 



432 MY THIRTY YEARS 

law, human and divine, we shall be justified in wresting Cula 
from Spain, if we possess the power." 

There, says I, there's your chart, as plain as the nose 
on a man's face ; and all we've got to do is to go ahead. So 
we all put our heads together to draw up a plan of the cam- 
paign, and we wasn't long about it. It was finally concluded 
that Sanders should go and stir up the Southern division, 
head-quarters at New Orleans ; Sickles should take charge of 
the center wing, head-quarters at Washington, and a branch 
at New York ; and I should go as fast as possible " Down 
East," head-quarters at Downingville, and fit out a naval force 
that would put Cuba through. And here I am, Gineral, and 
you may depend on't the work's got to be done. 

But now I must ask you, Gineral, what in thunder Mr. 
Marcy means by backin' and fillin' so. I have jest got some 
of the latest New York papers by an outer-bound vessel, and 
one of the first things I see is Mr. Marcy's letter to Mr. Souley 
dated 13th of November, and it is so full of milk and water it 
makes me fairly sick. I was always a little afraid Marcy was 
an Old Fogy, but I did think he had a little more back-bone 
than he shows in this letter. He's no Christian, and he's vio- 
lated the Scripter, for he has put his hand to the plough and 
looked back. He seems now to be for smoothing over matters ; 
thinks maybe our country could manage some how or other to 
get along without Cuba ; don't know but what old Spain 
means to do the thing that's about right after all ; better 
dicker with her a little longer in a friendly kind of a way ; 
better not do anything to afront her ; keep things quiet till 
Spain gets in the right mood, and tlien, if she won't sell us 
Cuba, perhaps she'll settle and pay up. 

Now, I tell you what 'tis, Gineral, our Eurup Cabinet don't 
swallow no sich milk and water stuff as that. What's got into 
Mr. Marcy ? Last year he told Mr. Souley to demand three 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 433 

hundred tbousaDd dollars for the Black Warrior, right down 
on the nail, and not stop to parley about it. But now he 
quivers and shakes one way and t'other, like a leaf in the wind. 
I'm afraid Mr. Marcy is getting old. And there's poor old 
Uncle Joshua, Postmaster of Bowningville, I find he's getting 
old and timersum too. When I got home to Downingville 
and told the family I w^as going to fit out the Two Follies, 
and be off the next day to take Cuba, Uuncle Joshua was 
struck all of a heap. 

Says he, " Major, I beg of you not to go into any of that 
fiUibustering business ; it's next akin to piracy ; and there's 
the neutrality laws dead agin you, too." 

" Oh, no," says I, " Uncle Joshua, I aint going to undertake 
any of your low fiUibusterin' ; I'm only jest going out to 
take Cuba man-fashion, because our country can't get along 
without it, and self-preservation, you know, is the first law of 
nater, and because old Spain keeps insulting of us and won't 
pay up." 

" But don't you see. Major," says Uncle Joshua, " if you go 
to take Cuba, you are making war upon Spain ; and you can't 
do that according to the Constitution. Nobody in this 
country has any power to make war but Congress." 

" But you're mistaken there, Uncle Joshua," says I. " Didn't 
Mr. Polk make war upon Mexico ?" 

" No, by no means," said Uncle Joshua. ** If you look 
back and read the dockyments of them days, you will 
find it reads, * Whereas war axists between this country and 
Mexico.' You see that war come itself But you have no 
right lo make war upon Spain or Cuba unless you get your 
authority liom Congress. That is according to the Consti- 
tution." 

*' Wal, uncle, I have got my authority from Congress," says 
I ; " what more do you want ?" 



434 MY THIRTY YEARS 

" Oh, no," says he ; " Congress haint declared war, because 
it would be in the papers, and I should a seen it." 

" But I don't mean your lazy Old Fogy Congress to Wash- 
ington," says I ; " I mean our Eurup Congress." 

And then I took the dockyment out of my pocket and 
showed it to him, signed by Mr. Buchanan, and Mr. Mason, 
and Mr. Souley. At first he was thunder-struck, and couldn't 
say nothin'. Then he fell back on the Constitution agin, jest 
as he always does, and said he didn't believe our Congress 
over there in Eurup was constitutional. Then he reached up 
to the shelf and took down the old Constitution, covered with 
morocco leather, that Gineral Jackson sent him more than 
twenty years ago, and he put on his spectacles and looked it 
all over from beginning to end, and said he couldn't find 
nothin' about any Congress in Eurup. 

"But if you call your meeting over there in Eurup a 
Congress," says he, " I should like to know where you find 
your authority in the Constitution to make war upon Spain 
or to go fiUibusterin' about Cuba." 

*' Why, Uncle Joshua," says I, " we find it in that clause 
where it says ' / take the responsibility.^ " 

'* There I" said Cousin Sargent Joel, who had been listening 
all the time without saying a word ; " there, father," says he, 
" I knew you would find the authority in the Constitution some- 
where. That's one of the amendments to the Constitution that 
was added by Gineral Jackson, you know, and therefore it 
must be right." 

Then Sargent Joel turned to me, and says he, " Major, I've 
been round and notified the whole company of the Downingville 
militia, and they are all ready, armed and equipped as the law 
directs, and will be aboard to-morrow at ten o'clock. They 
are full of grit, and ready to swallow Cuba alive." 

I haint got near through my story, Gineral, for I wanted to 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



435 



tell you more about fitting out the Two Follies^ and about the 
crew, and the sogers, and the marines, and the hoss-marines, 
and the vige, but I shan't have room in this dispatch, and the 
little clipper that's waitin' for me to finish writing, has got a 
smart wind and wants to be ofi". If I don't see you standing 
on the pint of Floriday as we go by, I shall take it for granted 




PRESIDENT PIERCE ON THE POINT OF FLOFJDA, HAILING THE "TWO 

FOLLIES." 



that you have concluded not to go out to see us take Cuba ; 
but if I see a man standing there, and swinging his hat, I 
shall know it's you, and we'll bear right up with the Two 
Follies and take you ofi*. 

I remain your old friend, and Minister-Gineral at large, 
and Rear Commodore of the fillibuster fleet, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



436 MY THIRTY YEARS 



LETTER LXXIX. 

Aboard the Schooner Two Follies, 
Sailin' round Cuba and up the Gulf, September, 1855 



i 



Dear Gineral Jackson : — (There, what an awful mistake 
I've made I I meant Dear Gineral Pierce ; but my poor old 
brains has been runnin' a good deal to-day on that old and 
true friend of mine, Gineral Jackson, and I s'pose that made 
the word slip off my pen before I thought of it.) 

The truth is, Gineral Pierce, I don't feel satisfied with my 
treatment, to be left here alone all summer to bear the whole 
brunt of this fillibuster war, sailin' about in these hot climates, 
where we light our pipes by the sun without matches, and 
exposin' our lives all the time ; and two out of our men has 
died with the yaller fever, and not a soul sent out to back me 
up, and help me take Cuba — not a single war-vessel, nor a 
steamer, nor a private fillibuster, nor even so much as Bill 
Johnson on a pine-log with a fowlin'-piece. 

What did you expect me to do ? Was I to pitch into the 
Moro Castle alone ? The whole English fleet — the greatest 
fleet in the world — was afraid to pitch into Cronstadt, up there 
in the Baltic. The Two PoUies is brave and sure fire, but I 
don't think it's hardly reasonable to match her alone agin the 
Moro, though I've sometimes almost swore I would do it, hit 
or miss, getting so out of patience waitin' all summer for re- 
enforcements. And sometimes I'd have a real time thinkin' 
of Gineral Jackson, and saying to myself, if Old Hickory was 
only at the helm — I don't mean the helm of the Two Pollies, 
but the helm of Government — I guess things wouldn't go on 
at this rate. There wouldn't be no backin' and fiUin' then ; it 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 431 

would be plain sailin^, straight ahead, and everybody would 
know where they was goin' to fetch up. If Old Hickory put 
his foot down on fifty-four forty, it would be there, and you 
needn't look for it on forty-nine. If the Spanish folks had a 
took the Black Warrior steamer under his Administration, 
and he had demanded three hundred thousand dollars to pay 
the damages and wipe out the insult, the money would have 
to be planked right down on the nail, or the hair would fly 
somewhere. And if he had fairly made up his mind, as our 
Congress did at Ostend and Ax-le-Shapple, that Cuba was as 
necessary to our Government as ary one of the States, and 
that we couldn't get along without it, and, therefore, "by 
every law, human and divine, we had the right to take it if 
we possessed the power," the whole business would a been 
done in three weeks, and Cuba marked down on the map of 
the United States. But a backin' and fiUin' and wrigglin' 
policy never will fetch anything about ; and I don't raily be- 
lieve we are so near having Cuba now as we was six months 
ago. 

If Mr. Buchanan had only been at home, I know he wouldn't 
have left the whole business on my hands alone so long with- 
out sending me help ; but you have kept his hands tied all 
this time in London, so he couldn't do nothin'. And poor 
Mr. Mason, he's been sick at Paris, and he couldn't do nothin'. 
And Mr. Souley has had so many other fish to fry, he 
wouldn't do nothin'. And as for Sanders and Sickles, I 
hear they have gone off to Russia, to see about setting 
up a new Democratic Republic there, or else annexin' 
Russia to the United States. They say there is no reason 
in the world why Russia shouldn't belong to us — there 
is such a good chance to run a telegraph wire across 
Beering's Straits. So there wasn't nobody left to back me 
up in this Cuba business but you and the Cabinet. And how 



438 MY THIRTY YEARS 

have you and they done it ? Yes, Mr. President, how have 
you done it ? I must speak plain, for I have had my feelings 
a good many times badly worked up. I hope there hasn't 
been any treachery in your Cabinet, and no pullin' the rope 
over the roof of the house at both ends. But things has 
looked very dark and foggy to me sometimes. You haint 
sent me no dispatches, and I've had to keep the run of things 
by the newspapers that I picked up here and there from 
vessels goin' back and forth. And when I see Commodore 
McCauley was coming out with a " force " sufficient to blow 
every Spanish cruiser to thunder, and knock the Moro into 
a cocked hat, we had a jolly time aboard the Two PoUies, I 
tell ye. We threw up our hats and hoorah'd about an hour 
right out strait. 

Wal, arter a week or two, when we got most tired of 
waitin', the fleet come along. I bore up under the Com- 
modore's lea and hailed him, and asked him where the Two 
PoUies should hitch on. As soon as he see it was me he was 
very polite ; but he said the Two Pollies better keep dark, and 
lay low a little while, till he went into Havana and recon- 
noitered round, and then he should know exactly what to do. 
So we waited patiently a week or two longer ; and then I 
hailed a Penobscot sloop, Captain Gilman, an old acquaint- 
ance, who had been into Havan.a with a load of lumber, and 
was homeward bound with a cargo of molasses and sugar. 

Says I, " Grilman, did you see anything of Commodore 
McCauley ?" 

" See him ? Yes, I see him every day." 

" Wal, what's he about all this time ? Has he took the 
Moro, and the city, and the war vessels, without giving me a 
chance ?" 

" No, I don't think he has took anything," said Gilman, 
" but the Captain-Gineral has took him." 




(439) 



440 MY THIRTY YEARS 

My dander was right up, I tell ye. Says I, " you don't 
mean to say he has took our Commodore and shut him up in 
the Moro ? If he has I'll go right in with the Two Follies and 
blow the old thunder-jug into the ocean." 

" Oh, no," said Oilman, with a little puckery laff creeping 
round his eyes and mouth; "he's only took the Commodore 
into his great fine carriage, and I see them most every day 
riding together, cheek by jowl, and having a jolly time of it." 

" Thunder !" says I. " Then somebody's been pulling at the 
wrong end of the rope, and I won't lay low any longer." 

So we up stakes and sot sail agin on our own hook, keeping 
an eye well to the windward. I felt cross, and told the hands 
to crack on all sail. I meant to be out of sight and hearing 
when the Commodore's fleet come out again, for I didn't know 
but he might take it into his head to enforce the neutrality 
laws, and I had no idea of being ketched in that trap. I felt 
sure there was a screw loose somewhere in the Cabinet, and 
I thought if I could only be in Washington half an hour I 
could find oyt where 'twas. But, as things was, there was no 
other way for me but to take the responsibility, and if I 
couldn't take Cuba, jest hold on to the slack till something 
turned up. 

Wal, it wasn't a great while before something did turn up 
that carried our hopes right up to the tip-top rung of the 
ladder. After scaddin' about a few weeks to keep out of 
sight of Commodore McCauley, for I had serious suspicions of 
him, I come back again along the northern side of Cuba, to 
see if I could pick up any more news. As good luck would 
have it, a Kennebec brig soon came along, homeward bound. 
I hailed her, and as soon as the Captain came on deck I see 
at once it was Captain Drummond, a first rate prying feller, 
and I knew in a moment if he had been in Cuba a week he 
would know everything that was going on upon the island. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 441 

So I asked him to back his main topsail, and I'd come aboard. 
We went into the cabin, and he brought on a bottle of old 
Jamaky. We are both Maine-law folks at home, but out here 
we sometimes take a drop to keep off the yaller fever. 

" Now, Captain Drummond," says I, " how does things 
stand in Cuba ? I hear Commodore McCauley has turned 
traitor to the cause. Is liberty going to be crushed out there 
or not ? Or is there any chance yet for them poor fellers 
that have been trying so long and so hard to get their 
freedom ?" 

•' Any chance, my dear Major ?" says he. " Why, the chance 
never was better ; nor half so good before. The whole thing 
18 cut and dried, and almost ready to blaze out with a bright- 
ness that will enable us to spear fish at midnight along the 
whole coast, from the Kennebec to the Mississippi." 

" Good ! Give us your hand, old boy," says I. " Now prove 
that, and Til be your humble servant forever." 

" Well, it's true as preachin'," says he. " Our Government 
has got a first-rate agent on the island, overhauling the whole 
business, to see that everything is in the right train, so there 
shan't be no mistake and no chance to miss fire again. He 
keeps dark, and goes round among the leading patriots, and 
consults about the whole campaign. After he showed his 
dockyments, proving that he was an agent from our Govern- 
ment, they didn't keep anything back, but told him the whole 
business — how the patriots were all ready to set up a free 
Government, and would very soon have everything necessary 
for that purpose. They told him they had sent over more than 
half a million of dollars to their friends — the exiled patriots 
in the United States — to purchase such things as they might 
need in setting up their free Government, and a number of 
large steamers and other vessels were already chartered and 

paid for to bring tlicm over ; and more than all that, if they 
19 



442 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



should want any help, there was a great Gineral stood ready, 
with a brave little army all enlisted, to come right over and 
put his shoulder to the wheel. That's the way the thing 




THE CREW OF THE TWO FOLLIES CUTTING ON AND DOING JUST AS THEY 

PLEASE. 

stands now. The patriots are all right, and our Govern- 
ment's secret agent has been round and seen that they are all 
right. And now the Government at Washington is going to 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 443 

look toother way, over the left shoulder, while the business is 
doing, so they shan't sec anybody violating the neutrality 
laws." 

" That's capital," says I, " Captain Drummond, that's capi- 
tal, if that agent is all right. Who is he ? " 

" Oh, he's a fine fellow ; he's got the Government docky- 
ments in his pocket. His name, I think, is Davis. I don't 
know what Davis, but I believe he's from Mississippi." 

At that I hopt right up, and slapt my hands together so 
hard that Captain Drummond jumped half way across the 
cabin, for he thought I was going to pitch into him ; and says 
he, " What in nature, Major Downing, is the matter ? " 

" Matter enough," says I. " I verily believe that agent is 
my old friend, Jeff. Davis, for he's from that part of the 
country, and he's jest the boy for it. He was out in Mexico 
with us, and was clear grit. If Jeff. Davis is in Cuba, the 
thing is done, and no mistake about it." 

Upon that we took another drop of Jamak}^ and Captain 
Drummond histed sail, and I went aboard the Two Follies 
and told the boys they might crack on and hoorah as loud as 
they'd a mind to, for the business was all right, and the egg 
was most ready to be hatched. Finally, I felt so happy, I 
told all hands they might have a holiday, and cut on and do 
jest what they liked. And they had a jolly time, I tell ye. 
I gave them an extra good dinner ; and after dinner they 
sung songs most of the afternoon, and some of 'em scoured 
the deck by cutting down double shuffle. They sung " Cap- 
tain Robb," Cousin Sargent Joel's favorite song, five times, 
in the tune of Yankee Doodle ; and every one aboaid that 
could sing Yankee Doodle — soldiers, sailors, marines, and 
hoss-marines — all jined in and roared it out well. Cousin 
Joel declared afterwards that before they got through he saw 
more than fifty dolphins shying round the vessel and listening. 



444 MY THIRTY YEARS 

If you haven't seen that song-, Mr. President, it is raily worth 
your readin'. So I think I'll send it to you, and here 'tis : 

CAPTAIN ROBB. 

Air — Yankee Doodle. * 

Says Captain Robb to Farmer Cobb, 
" Your farm is very fine, sir ; 
Please give me up your title-deeds, 

I claim it all as mine, sir." 
*• Pray, how can it be thine ? " says Cobb, 
'• I'm sure I never sold it ; 
'Twas left me by my father, sir, 

I only aught to hold it."' 

" Nay, Cobb, the march of destiny — 
'Tis strange you can't perceive it — 
Is sure to make it mine some day ; 
I solemnly believe it.*' 
•* But have you not already got 

More land than you can till, sir ? 
More rocks than ever you can blast, 
More weeds than you can kill, sir?" 

*' Aye, Cobb, but something whispers me — 

A sort of inspiration — 
That I've a right to every farm 

Not under cultivation. 
I'm of the ' Anglo-Saxon race,' 

A people known to fame, sir ; 
But you, what right have you to land ? 

Who ever heard your name, sir ? 

" I deem you, Cobb, a lazy lout. 

Poor, trodden down, and blind, sir, 
And if I take your useless land 

You aught to think it kind, sir ! 
And, with my scientific skill, 

I set it down as true, sir. 
That I can gather from the farm 

Full twice as much as you, sir. 

" To be explicit : 'Tis an age 

Of freedom and progression ; ■ 



OUT OF THE SEKATE. 44.5 

No longer, dog-in-manger like, 

Can you retain possession. 
The farm long since you forfeited, 

Because you failed to iill it ; 
To rae it clearly now belongs, 

Simply because — I icill it. 

" My logic if you disapprove,' 

Or fail of comprehending, 
Or do not feel convinced that I 

Your welfare am attending, 
I've plenty more of arguments 

To which I can resort, sir — 
Six-shooters, rifles, bowie-knives, 

Will indicate the sort, sir. 

" So prithee, Cobb, take my advice, 

Make over your domains, sir : 
Or, sure as I am Captain Robb, 

Will I blow out your brains, sir ! " 
Poor Cobb can only grind his teeth 

And grumble protestations, 
That viight should be the rule of right 

Among enlightened nations. 

But now, Mr. President, I must come to the bitter end of my 
dispatches, and bitter enough it is. This business needs 
some explanation between you and me ; and the sooner I git 
it the better. That glorious day aboard the Two Follies we 
was all swimmin' in happiness mast-head high. But a few 
weeks afterward, when we got the next batch of news from 
home, we was like bein' all down in the dark hold of the 
vessel, wallowing in bilge-water. Thunder and black snakes ! 
if ever I could swear, it was then. That Davis had turned 
out to be a very different chap from my old friend Jeff, and 
somehow or other everything had gone wrong-end foremost. 
The Cuban patriot cause was all smashed up ; their half 
million of dollars was all scattered to the winds ; Gineral 
Quitman had backed out, and Government was seizing 



446 MY THIRTY YEARS 

steamers and vesselt? all along the coast, and making them 
sufier the delay and expense of lawsuits to prove that they 
had jxo notion of going to Cuba. And, more than all this, 
some of the best patriots in Cuba, men who had opened their 
whole heart to Davis, men worthy enough to be President of 
the United States or to command the Two Follies, had been 
arrested in Cuba and executed like dogs. Now, Mr. President, 
where has the blood of them patriots left the heaviest marks ? 
Is it in Havana, New York, or Washington ? But how could 
all this terrible change come about ? Was there any awful 
accident the cause of it, like switching a train of cars on to 
the wrong track and making a terrible smash-up ? I puzzled 
upon that pint a good deal, and finally come to the conclusion 
that possibly it was all an accident, and nobody to blame. 
And the most likely way I could think of that sich a terrible 
accident could happen was, that Mr. Davis received his secret 
commission from one end of your Cabinet, and, somehow or 
other, accidentally made his report to f other end of it. But I 
may be wrong, and shall wait anxiously for your explanation. 

Let me hear from you soon, for I don't think I shall hold ou 
here much longer, as things now is, unless I get new orders. 
I see things is thickening up all round you, and with the 
troubles in Mexico, and Denmark, and Kansas, and the melting 
down and mixing up about fifteen political parties all over the 
country and running them into thirty new moukh, you must 
have your hands full, and will need all your friends to stick 
by you ; and I assure you I am not a man to desert an 
Administration so long as I hold an oflSce under it. 

So I remain your old friend and Minister at Large, and 
Captain of the Two Pollies, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SEN ATS. 44 t 



LETTER LXXX. 

To Unde Joshua Downing, Postmaster at Doumivgville, Down 
East, in the State of Maine. 



Aboard the Schooner Two Follies, 
At anker inside of Sandy Hook, January 21, 1S5G 



} 



Dear Uncle Joshua : — I have jest got back from Washington, 
■where I have been for the last fortnight watchin' the old ship 
of State layin' tu in a sort of three-cornered gale of wind. This 
gale struck her on the 3d of December, and threw her all 
aback, and the gale holds on yet tight as ever, and there she 
has been layin' now seven weeks, head to the wind, rolling and 
pitchin', and hasn't gained ahead a rod. I've seen rough 
times in the Two Follies, and long gales of wind, and hurry- 
kanes and whirlpools, and all sorts of weather, but this is the 
first time Pve seen a craft layin' to agin a three-cornered gale 
for two months upon a stretch, in a choppin sea, worse than 
the Gulf Stream in a thunder-storm. But don't you be 
frightened, Uncle Joshua ; she won't go down, but will live 
through it, and go on her voyage by-and-by all right. Our 
old ship of State is a stanch craft ; she is built of the very 
best stuff, and put together in the strongest manner, and there 
isn't a spar, nor a plank, nor a timber-he.?.d in her but what 
is as sound as a nut. She's the best ship in the world, and 
the Two Follies is next. So you needn't be afeerd that any 
sea will ever swamp her ; and if ever she should be in danger 
of running ashore, or on the breakers, by the squabbles and 
foolin' of her officers, she's got a crew that will take care 
of her. 

Yon know, Uncle, Fve been sailin' round Cuba and up the 



448 MY THIRTY YEARS 

Gulf a good while, tryin' to carry out the plans of our Con- 
gress at Ostend and Ax-le-Shappel, to take Cuba, because our 
country couldn't get along without it ; and self-preservation, 
you know, is the first law of nater. We should got through 
with that job long ago if our Cabinet hadn't backed out about 
it. I never understood the home difficulty, but I'm sure there 
was some hard shuffling somewhere. We .was all right 
abroad ; but this backin' and fillin' in the Home Department 
was what bothered us, and pretty likely has upset the business. 
First the Home Department told us to go ahead and fix up our 
Ostend matter the best way we could. But as soon as I and 
Mr. Bukanan and Mr. Sooley, and the rest of us in the foreign 
Government, had got things well under way, and was about 
ready to take Cuba, the Home Department turned right round 
and fit agin us tooth and nail. As I said afore, I couldn't 
account for this home difficulty, and the sudden turn-about of 
the Home Department, unless they was afeard we should get 
the most of the credit of taking Cuba, and maybe I, or Mr. 
Bukanan, or Mr. Sooley, or Mr. Mason, or Mr. Sickles, or Mr. 
Sanders might get to be President by it. But such a thought 
never entered my head, and I can pledge myself the same for 
all the rest. We was to work entirely for the country's 
good, and nothin else. And for the Home Department to get 
jealous of us and turn agin us in that way was cruel and on- 
kind. It grieves me every time I think of it ; for I think like 
the good Dr. Watts, when he says : 

" How pleasant 'tis to see, 
Brethren and friends agree." 

I sent dispatches to Gineral Pierce about it more than three 
months ago, but never got any answer. And finally I got 
tired holdin' on out there alone, and hearing all the time that 
the Home Department kept stopping all the re-enforcenients 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 449 

from coming out to help me, so I up helm and headed the 
Two Follies for Downingville. When we got along in the 
latitude of New York that terrible 5th of January storm over- 
took us, and we jest made out to weather the gale, and get 
inside of Sandy Hook and come to anker. The pilots come 
aboard and treated us very kind. 

Them New Jork pilots are clever fellows. They brought 
us lots of newspapers, from which I learnt what had been 
going on for two months past. When they see the Downing- 
ville militia was aboard, and Sargent Joel at the head of 'em, 
dressed up in his uniform, one of the pilots took me one side 
and whispered to me that he would advise me, as a friend, not 
to go up to New York, for if we did the Two Follies was a 
gone goose. 

" How so ?" says I, ** what do you mean ?" 

"I mean," says he, "that Mr. McKeon, the District 
Attorney, will nab her in less than no time, and condemn her 
for a fillibuster vessel, and you'll all be put in prison and tried 
for violating the neutrality laws." 

" Let him do it," says I, " if he dares. We are at work for 
the Government. Our cruise has all been under the direction 
and advice of Congress." 

" If I remember right," says he, " Congress wasn't in 
session when the Two Follies sailed for the West India 
station. How, then, could you be under the direction of 
Congress ?" 

'*I mean the Ostend Congress," says I, "and it makes no 
difference which, one's as good as t'other." 

*' Well," says he, you'll find it makes a difference which 
when you get up to New York. The District Attorney i^ 
death on every vessel that has the least smell of gun-powder, 
or has anything aboard that bears any likeness to a musket. 
He has a master keen scent for gun-ponder ; he ofteu smells 
19* 



450 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



it aboard vessels where there isn't a bit nor grain, and it 
all turns out to be only bilge-water." 

"If tluit's tlie case," says I, "I'll leave the Two Follies at 
anker here, and I'll be off to Washington and see how the 
land lays." 

So I called up Captain Jumper, tlic sailing master, and told 
him to keep things all snug and tight while I was gone, and 



''iiiyii!!ii>ii'M 1, \ 




THE MAJOR IN THE GALLERY OF THE HOUSE. 



I told Sargent Joel to take good care of the men, and I'd try, 
if possible, to be back in a fortnight. 

When I got to Washinghton I thought I would jest run in 
a few minutes and see how Congress was getting along 
first. I had let my beard grow pretty long, and was dressed 
so different from what I used to, that I didn't feel afeard of 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 451 

anybody's knowing me ; so I went into the Representatives 
chamber and took a seat in the gallery. Business seemed to 
be going on brisk and lively. A man was standing up in 
front, and reading off, in a good loud voice, Banks, 105 ; 
Richardson, 73; Fuller, 31; Pennington, 5; scattering, 4. 
Then I went out and went into the Senate. But there business 
seemed to be very dull. I couldn't find out as anything was 
doing. Some was reading the newspapers, and some was 
talking a little, and some was setting as calm and quiet as so 
many bears in their winter den, with nothin' to do but suck 
their paws. I soon got tired of this, and went back into the 
House again. I had but jest got seated in the gallery when 
the man in front got up and read off agin : Banks, 105 j 
Richardson, "13 ; Fuller, 31 ; Pennington, 5 ; scattering, 4. 

I turned round and whispered to tho man who sot next to 
me, and says I, " That's just the same tune they had when I 
was in here half an hour ago." 

" Exactly," says he ; " they don't play but one tune, and 
that hasn't no variations." 

" Well, what upon airth are they doing?" says I. 

" Oh, they are choosing a Speaker," says he. 

" Choosing a Speaker !" says I. " For gracious sake, how 
long does it take 'em to do that ?" 

" I can't have the slightest idea how long," say he. 
*• They've been at it now about six weeks, and if they continue 
to gain as fast as they have since they begun, I guess it 
might take 'em pretty near from July to etarnity." 

" If that's the case," says I, " I'll clear out, for I can't wait 
so long as that." So I hurried out and made tracks straight 
for the White House. I rung to the door, and the servant let 
me in. I told him I wanted to see the President. He said 
very well, the President was in his private room, and he 
would take my card to him. I told him he might go and teU 



452 MV THIRTY YEARS 

Gineral Pierce that an old friend of his and a fellow-soldier 
in the Mexican war wanted to see him. Presently he come 
back and asked me to walk up. I found the President alone, 
walking back and forth across the room, and looking kind of 
riled and very resolute. It made me think of Old Hickory 
when he used to get his dander up about Biddle's Bank, and 
walked the floor all day, and lay awake all night, planning 
how he could upset it. The Gineral knew me as soon as I 
went into the room, in spite of my beard, and shook hands 
with me, and said he was ver^^ glad to see me. 

"Well, now, Gineral," says I, "1 want to come right to 
the pint the first thing. Pve left the Two Pollies at anker 
down to Sandy Hook, and 1 want to know, right up and 
down, if she's to be nabbed or not. You know how 'tis, 
Gineral ; you know we went out in good faith under the 
orders of the Ostend Congress ; and you know the Home 
Government backed us up in the beginning of it ; but now 
you've turned agin us, and I understand you've been seizing 
and overhauling every vessel all along shore that had its 
bowsprit pointed towards Cuba or Central America ; and I 
was told if the Two Pollies went up to York she'd be served 
the same sass. Now, I want to know how we stand, that's 
all. If you don't want the help of the Two Pollies there's; 
enough that does ; and if you don't give her a clear passport 
out and in, she'll be off pretty quick where she can find better 
friends." 

" Why, my dear Major," said the President, and the tears 
almost come into his eyes, " my dear Major," says he, " you 
misunderstand me entirely. You and the Two Pollies haven't 
got a better friend in the world than I am. The fact is, I've 
been very much tried ever since that Ostend Congress 
business. It made a good deal of hard feeling in my Cabinet, 
and as things worked we was obliged to come out agin it. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 453 

And then we had to make a show of sticking up very strong 
for the neutrality laws ; and that's why we seized so many 
vessels. But you needn't give jiourself the least uneasiness 
about the Two Follies. I pledge you the honor of the Execu- 
tive that she shan't be touched. And, besides, I'm in a good 
deal of trouble all round, and I want you and the Two 
Follies to stick by me ; for, if you don't, I don't know who 
will." 

" Agreed," says I, " nufif said ; that's talking right up to 
the mark. Give us your hand, Gineral ; I'll stick by you as 
close as I did by my old friend Gineral Jackson. Now, what 
do you want me to do ? " 

" Well, Major," says he, " I've got a good many ticklish 
jobs on hand that I don't hardly know what to do with, nor 
which to take hold on first. You know there's a Democratic 
Convention to meet at Cincinnati to make the nominations 
for the next term." (Here the Fresident got up and locked 
the door, and sot down close to me and talked low.) ''The 
main question is, how to bring things to bear on that Con- 
vention so as to make the nomination go right. Marcy wants 
it, and Buchanan wants it, and Wise wants it, and Dickinson 
wants it, and perhaps Cass too, though he says he don't, and 
I don't know how many others, all good Democrats, you 
know ; but we can't all have it ; so you see I've got a hard 
team to pull against. As for Douglas, I think he'll go for 
me, if I'll go for him afterwards. The Cabinet and I have 
been tryin' to get things ready before the nomination to give 
the Administration the credit of being the smartest and 
spunkiest Administration we ever had. We want, if possible, 
to go a little ahead of Jackson. You know we've already 
blowed Gray Town to atoms. We've struck a heavy blow to 
knock off the Danish Sound dues, and shall be ready for a 
splendid rumpus there in the spring. We've got a rousin' 



454 MY THIRTY YEARS 

artliquake kindlin' up between us and England, which will be 
jest the thing if w^e can touch it off at the right time. But 
you know these things sometimes take fire too soon, and do 
mischief both sides. I feel a little oneasy about this, and 
wish that stupid Congress would ever get organized so as to 
take part of the respcyisibility. Then we've got a quarrel 
brewin', too, with Colonel Walker, out there in Nicaragua, 
and have refused to receive Colonel French as his Minister. 
If Walker chooses to resent it as a national insult, we are 
ready for him. We shan't give back a hair. Now, Major, 
what do you think of the chances for the nomination ?" 

" Wal, Gineral," says I, " I think if you manage right you'll 
get it. I'll do what I can for you anyhow." 

Tiie Gineral shook my hand, and got up and walked the 
floor. Says he, '* The greatest diflBculty now is w4th this 
confounded stiff-necked, stupid Congress. They won't organ- 
ize — that is, the House won't — and they seem determined to 
throw a damper on the Administration somehow or other. 
Here they've been foolin' away their time six weeks, and let- 
tin' the whole country hang by the eye-lids — war and all. I 
had to keep my message on hand a month, and let it almost 
spile, jest because the House wasn't organized. At last I 
happened to think it was a good chance for me to take the 
responsibility. So I let drive, and fired my message right in 
among 'era. Some was quite wrathy ; but I didn't care for 
that. I meant to let 'em know I'd show 'em a touch of Old 
Hickory if they didn't mind how they carried sail. But here 
'tis now goin' on two months, and everything is at a dead 
stand, because the House won't choose a Speaker. We can't 
have any certainty of getting enough money to keep the 
Government agoin' till we get a Speaker, and all our plans is 
in danger of being knocked in the head. .Now, Major, I wish 
you would shy round among the members a day or two, and 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



455 



see if you can't bring matters to a pint. I don't care much 
who is Speaker, if they'll only organize." 

So I went round among the members two or _ three days, 
and did my best. I found 'em all very stiff, and the lobby 
members were stiffcst of any. The third day I went back to 
the President agin, and says he, " Well, Major, how does it 
stand now? Does things look any more encouraging ?" 

" A leetle grain," says I, " but not much." 

"Well, how is it ?" says he. 

Says I, " It is Banks, 105 ; Richardson, "13 ; Fuller, 31 ; 
Pennington, 5 ; scattering, 3." 

" But that's the same old tune," says he ; jest the same 
that's been for the last six weeks." 

" No," says I, "you mistake. Don't you see the scattering 
has fell of^ one? Isn't that a leetle encouraging ?" 

The President looked disappointed. Said he, "That's a 
very small straw for a drowniu' man to catch at. But how 
do they talk ? Do they grow any more pliable ? " 

" Well, the Fuller men seemed to be the most pliable," says 
I, " of any of 'em. They said tkey was perfectly willing and 
ready to organize at any time, and the only diflSculty was, 
the Banks men and Richardson men standing out so stubborn." 

" What do our true Democratic friends, the Richardson men, 
say ? " said the President. 

Says I, " They say they'll stand there and fight till the 
crack of doom before they'll allow the Black Republicans to 
get the upper hand." 

" Well, that's good spunk," said the President ; " but the 
worst of it is, this business will crack my Administration 
sometime before the crack of doom. Well, how do the Banks 
men talk? Is there any hope from that quarter ?" 

" They say they are in no hurry," says I. " They had as 
leave vote as do anything else. They've got money enough, 



456 MY THIRTY YEARS 

and can stand it, and they'll stick where they are till they 
starve the Administration out." 

The President jumped up, and I must say he looked more 
like Old Hickory than I ever see him before. Says he, 
** Major Downing, this will never do ; we must have a 
Speaker, by hook or by crook. Can't you contrive any way 
to bring this business about ? " 

" Well," says I, " there is one way, I think, the business 
may be done — and I don't know but it's the last chance — and 
that is, for rae to go and bring the Two PoUies round here, 
and bring her guns to bear on the Capitol. Tiien send in 
word, and give them one hour to organize. If they don't do 
it, then batter down the house about their ears, or march in 
the Downingville melitia and drive 'em out, as old Cromwell 
did the Rump Parliament." 

The President stood a minute in a deep study. At last he 
said, " Well, Major, a desperate disease sometimes needs a 
desperate remedy. If you think you are right go ahead." 

So here I am. Uncle Joshua, aboard the Two PoUies. I jest 
stopt to write this account to you, and if I don't get better 
news from Washington in a day or two, I shall up anker and 
make all sail for the Potomac. And if things is no better 
when I get there you may expect to hear thunder. 
I remain your loving nephew, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 



OUT OF THE SENATE. 



457 



A POSTSCRIPT. 

I have wound up My Thirty Years Out of the Senate, and left the Two Follies 
at anker down to Sandy Hook, with Sargent Joel and a few Downingville 
melitia on board to keep guard till we get orders from the Government, or 
Mr. Bukanan, or somebody else, to do something. If Kansas has got through 
" bleeding," so Mr. Bukanan can get time to look after something else, and 
thinks it Is time to take Cuba, " if we have the power," we are on hand, and 
all ready to give a lift. Or, if we are to take care of Mexico, and are going 
to fix up that '' protectorate " that they talk about, the Two Follies will 
undertake to go out and take care of the castle at Vera Cruz, for her part of 
the protectorate. She wasn't afraid to pour into the Moro, and I guess she'll 
have grit enough to handle Vera Cruz. Or if Government hasn't got the 
Central American question settled yet, and finds it necessary to send out a 
force there, the Two Follies is the craft to take charge of the business and 
keep the road open across the Isthmus. Or if the Government should think 
it best to take in the Society Islands and the Sandwich Islands, away round 
there in the Facific Ocean and hitch 'em on to the United States, the Two 
Follies would make a first-rate squadron to be stationed round there among 
'cm, for there aint another vessel in the whole navy that can hold a candle to 
her in sailin' round Islands-she's been tried, and wasn't found wanting. 
Or if there should need to be any reenforcement sent to the army that's gone 
to Utah to whip them beastly Mormons that's got so many wives, Sargent 
Joel and the Downingville company would be force enough to set things all 
right there, and the marines and hoss-marines could be kept aboard to navigate 
the Two Follies. And I want Mr. Buchanan and the Government to under- 
stand that we are ready to take hold and help 'em out of their difficulties 
at any time and in all weathers. 

Although I've got through '' My Thirty Years Out of the Senate," I aint 
agoing to sit down and do nothin'— I aint one of that nater ; and as it's 
pretty likely I shall be out of the Senate some time longer, if I live, I shall 
keep sturrin' round, writin' for the good of the country, or fightin' for the 
good of the country, as long as I can hold out. My old friend, Colonel 
Benton, did jest the same thing. When he got through his Thirty Years in 
the Senate he didn't fold his hands and set down and do nothin', but kept 
on writin' for his country till the last moment, and finally the brave old man 
" died in harness," as they say, almost with the pen in his hand. I think 
that's better than to rust out. So when I aint wanted by the Government 



458 



MY THIRTY YEARS 



to go on foreign expeditions, I shall pretty likely keep figorin' away with my 
pen in sometbin' or other. Maybe I can do as much good to the country ia 
that way as any, for I have a kind of a sneaking taste for literature as well 
as war, after all. And if my name shouldn't appear In the list of contribu- 
tors to the new Magazine called the " Great Republic " Monthly, I guess, if the 
reader looks sharp, he'll see I am at work in it somewhere in an under- 
handed kind of a way. And if I should happen to go off on a cruise any- 
where, I shall, of course, make my reports to the Government and the 
public through that Magazine. 

With the best good wishes for everybody, i remain, 

MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 




SVED,"^ "^ 



'^ i-j im A 'T-\K/ 



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